Woman can't understand why her last name is preventing her ex-husband from remarrying
He's gone. Why does it matter?

A woman thinking about her problems.
Should two women be able to share the same man’s last name if one just divorced him and the other is looking to marry him? Well, at first glance, of course, especially if that man’s last name is common. If his last name is Smith or Jackson, and you marry him, you surely are not the only Mrs. Smith or Jackson on the planet. Even if his last name is uncommon, there is still very little chance that you are the only person with that last name, unless it’s Mxyzptlk.
A woman who divorced her husband three years ago is unsure what is going on after his girlfriend thinks that only she should have his last name. Is the first wife overreacting? She believes this behavior is a bit unusual.
“I was married to my ex-husband for 4 years. I didn't change my name when I first got married because neither of us cared much,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “I only changed it after our daughter was born because I wanted us to share a last name. We divorced in early 2022, and I kept the last name because my daughter still has it, and again, neither of us cared much.”
A woman holds up her hands in exasperation.via Canva/Photos
The ex's girlfriend seems a bit jealous
Recently, the ex-husband's new girlfriend confronted her when she came to pick up her daughter and said that she needed to change her name because it was "the only thing standing in the way" of them getting married. The girlfriend added that it was “very weird” that she hadn’t changed her name back to her maiden name yet.
Evidently, the girlfriend thinks that she’s the only one who can be known as Mrs. X.
However, the woman doesn’t want to change her last name because it holds more significance for her than her previous marriage. “Aside from the connection to my child, I have a career, and I am involved professionally in the community, so my name carries some weight beyond my marriage and divorce. It doesn't seem fair to me to change it just to appease someone else,” she wrote. To add further insult, the couple said they’d pay for her to have her name changed while, at the same time, they owed her $20,000 in back child support.
A woman talking on the phone.via Canva/Photos
Is she overreacting?
The woman asked if she was overreacting to be upset about being pressured to change her name, and the commenters overwhelmingly supported her. "You are absolutely not overreacting. It's bizarre and odd that they would even bring this up to you, in my opinion. I kept my name after my divorce so that I would have the same name as my children. They have no right to make you feel any way about this, and I agree with you that their priorities are completely out of whack," one of the top commenters wrote. "Once you changed your name, it became YOUR name, not his. That’s really the end of the story if you want it to be! And if you want to have the same name as your child, that’s fair, but the reason doesn’t matter as it’s your name, not theirs."
Many of the commenters also noted that she should make an ultimatum, pay me the back child support, and I’ll change my name.
A woman and her daughter.via Canva/Photos
Women have a lot of reasons for keeping their ex's last name
The story raises a very personal issue affecting many women. Should I go back to my maiden name after a divorce? A group of women shared why they kept their ex’s last name after a divorce, and the reasons were varied. Many kept their maiden name so they wouldn’t have a different last name from their children. While others said that professional reasons were the reason they kept their previous name, whether they were a writer and it was what they were published under, or a teacher who didn’t want to confuse her students. Other women kept their spouse's last name for a simple reason: they liked it better than their maiden name.
Ultimately, what it comes down to is that people’s names are very personal to them, and it’s not anyone else’s business what they call themselves. Even if their ex’s new beau thinks they should be the sole owners of their ex-husband’s surname. In this story, the woman wasn’t interested in changing her name, not because of a connection to her ex, but because of a much more important relationship, her child.