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Robert De Niro's supportive words for his trans daughter are simply perfect

He told the world exactly what he thought.

Georges Biard/Wikipedia, Canva

This is how you love your kids unconditionally.

Robert De Niro’s 29-year-old daughter Airyn recently came out as trans in an interview with Them…which was a bit of a forced coming out, considering it followed the Daily Mail posting paparazzi photos of her with long pink braids along with the headline: “Robert De Niro's nepo baby son shows off shock transformation with heels and pink hair in rare sighting.”

Following Airyn’s interview, De Niro sent a statement to Variety that leaves no confusion as to where he stands with his kid.

“I loved and supported Aaron as my son, and now I love and support Airyn as my daughter. I don’t know what the big deal is. I love all my children.”

Yep. Love your children for who they are. It really is that simple. And yet, we all know that sadly, for a lot of trans kids, being accepted unconditionally by their parents (or their community at large) does not come this easily, if at all. Which makes every time it does happen still feel noteworthy. Hence why so many celebrated in the comments across multi social media platforms.

“How is this a hard concept? You don't have to like or understand everything your children do, but support and love them.”

“This is the way it should be. Love your children unconditionally.”

“❤️❤️🔥🔥 this is what good parenting looks like.”

“That my friends is how you keep the love in your heart for your children, and the love for you in theirs. 🙌”

“Unconditional love actually has one simple condition: that your children are happy and thriving. ❤️ As a parent, I love my children. Period. There are no caveats or contingencies, no requirements.”

“I love that she has a great support system.”

If you follow the Goodfellas star outside of his acting career, you’ll know he makes his left-leaning stance on most social issues very, very strongly.

So it’s probably no surprise that he would be blunt and outspoken in his support for his daughter’s identity. But it’s his “what’s the big deal” bluntness that folks are really responding to. Because, well, in these times…it’s refreshing.

In the aforementioned interview with Them, Airyn shared how her family’s acceptance of her made the other challenges while growing up—“I was always told I was too much of something or not enough of something growing up: Too big, not skinny enough. Not Black enough, not white enough. Too feminine, not masculine enough.”—more manageable.

And even though she’s dealt with some fears of still being seen as the person she was before transitioning and taking hormone therapy, that support has helped fortify her mission to provide mental health advocacy and support to fellow POCs and queer folks.

“I’d want to hopefully be an inspiration for at least one other person like me who is Black, who is queer, who’s not a size extra small,” she told Them.

In a time when the trans community is under seemingly constant threat, little moments like these feel like huge victories.

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Identity

Simple ways to support your trans friends when they come out.

If someone trusts you with news that they're trans, there are a few key do's and don'ts you should follow.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Some tools to help us stand beside people we love and support.

For many gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender people, one of the most personal (and sometimes scary) experiences they'll go through is the "coming out" process.

Coming out means telling others of your status as an LGBTQ person. As society is becoming more accepting of people's sexual orientation and gender identity, coming out is getting easier all the time. Even so, for many, it's still a carefully calculated process that involves planning who, how, and when to tell people in their lives.

In 2016, writer and director Lilly Wachowski — known as co-creator of "The Matrix" series of films, "Jupiter Ascending," and "Sense8" — came out publicly as transgender.

It's so great that Lilly came to that realization about herself and started living more authentically. In 2012, her sister Lana also came out as trans. What's not cool about this is the fact that Lilly was forced to out herself, in a letter she chose to share with The Windy City Times, after a reporter from The Daily Mail threatened to do it without her permission.

Lilly Wachowski, transgender, The Matrix, LGBTQ

Lilly Wachowski came out as transgender in 2016.

t.co

If someone trusts you with news that they're trans, there are a few key do's and don'ts you should follow — and telling a journalist definitely falls under "don't."

As a transgender person, one of the most common questions I get from strangers is: "My friend or family member recently told me that they're transgender. How can I support them?"

Below are five tips I give people who are thoughtful enough to ask.

1. Let them know they have your support.

If you're asking this question (or taking the time to look up an article on the subject), you're already on the right path. It's important to make sure your friend knows you're in their corner, as they're probably afraid of how others in their lives will react. A simple "If you need anything, I'm here for you" can go a long way.

2. Respect their identity, name, and pronouns.

Ask questions like "What are your pronouns?" and "How would you like me to refer to you in private and when we're around people who may not know you're transitioning?"

If somebody is just starting to come out to others, odds are that there are still some people who don't know and might still use old names and pronouns. Asking how you should react in those situations will help you avoid outing your friend to others who don't yet know.

3. Educate yourself — don't rely on your friend to educate you.

There are so many great resources on how to understand trans issues. While your friend may be happy to answer those initial personal questions about things like names and pronouns, they might become overwhelmed if you start treating them as a walking encyclopedia of all things trans.

I recommend PFLAG's amazing resource "Our Trans Loved Ones: Questions and Answers for Parents, Families, and Friends of People who are Transgender and Gender Expansive." The 102-page guide is a comprehensive piece of "Trans 101" literature that's bound to answer some of your questions (complete with some more thorough do's and don'ts).

4. Don't gossip about them or "out" them to others.

The only people you should be discussing your friend's gender with are people they've given you explicit permission to do so with. Going behind their back and outing them to someone they may not yet be ready to tell is not only a huge betrayal of their trust, but it could even put them in physical danger.

On top of that, when someone is hearing this news from a secondhand source (that is, you), some of the important details may get lost in translation, which get further garbled if this person tells someone else — it eventually turns into a game of telephone, and no one wants that.

A vigil for slain transgender woman Islan Nettles at Jackie Robinson Park in Harlem in 2013. Nettles was severely beaten after being approached on the street by a group of men and later died of her injuries.

5. Understand that this is not about you and your feelings.

It's OK to feel confused, and it's OK to not immediately "get it." Those feelings are completely valid, but demanding to know why your friend didn't tell you sooner (they were probably wrestling with this themselves for quite some time) or saying you feel betrayed will only hurt them during an extremely vulnerable time in their life.

Nothing you did "made" your friend trans, and it's probably less that they were hiding something from you and more that they were hiding this reality from themselves.

Whether someone is a Hollywood director or a friend from high school, we should all have the right to come out at our own pace and in our own way.

Maybe years from now the aspect that makes this seem like such juicy gossip will fade and trans people won't have to worry about being forcibly outed. Maybe years from now trans people won't need to fear that coming out will be met with job loss, homelessness, or physical harm. Until then, it's important that those of us who care for our trans friends and family members do what we can do show we're there for them.

This article originally appeared on 03.09.16. It has been lightly edited.

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Want to be a good ally? Start accepting people as they are, pronouns included.

People wear name tags so others know their names. It only makes sense that pronoun tags are a thing as well.

At a Google Next cloud computing conference, journalist Nicole Henderson noticed a sign that said, "We care about your pronouns," offering attendees the option to add a sticker containing one of four options to their attendance badge. Two options, "He/Him" and "She/Her," are pretty standard. The other two options, "They/Them" and "Xe/Hir," are pronoun sets sometimes used by nonbinary individuals, or people who don't fit neatly into the categories of male or female.

And, apparently, this isn't a new thing — not even for Google, which offered attendees at its IO conference earlier this year the same option.

One helpful Twitter user informed me that the American Association of Physics Teachers has been offering pronoun stickers to attendees for several years. A quick search found that conferences like the annual IA Summit, the American Astronomical Society, the meeting of the Museum Computer Network, and many more give the option too. Pretty neat, right?!

Looking at the dismissive and even hostile replies to Henderson's tweet wasn't surprising — but it was disappointing.

This name tag move by conferences is something that has zero negative effect on anybody. It's completely optional and might make a few people who'd ordinarily feel left out actually feel welcomed. That sounds pretty win-win-win to me.

Web engineer and pronouns zine author Fen Slattery shared a great Twitter thread (which you can read in full by clicking here) that offered advice to attendees and organizers of conferences. In short, offering this option can make trans and nonbinary people feel safe, and it can save everyone from a bit of embarrassment.

You may say that you don't understand what it'd be like to have a nonbinary gender and that's totally OK.

There are a lot of things in life that we, as individuals, won't ever truly understand. That's why empathy is so important. Empathy is what tells us to be kind to others even though we don't know exactly how they feel, and empathy is what can drive us to realize that just because we feel something might be frivolous, it may really matter to others.

Now, of course, if you want to try to better understand what it's like to be nonbinary, we've written quite a bit on the subject. There are some simple things you can do to be an ally, such as simply being cool with the whole "pronouns" thing.

Dan Ozzi, a writer and co-author of rocker Laura Jane Grace's memoir about growing up and coming out as trans in the world of punk rock, shared a tip for other writers about pronouns: simply ask people. Seriously, it's that easy.

Being a good ally starts with accepting people for who they are.

At the core, that's all trans and nonbinary people really want: to exist and to be accepted. Small gestures, like advocating for pronoun stickers or being willing to use untraditional labels, can have a big effect on the world.

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Watch 4 trans actors audition for Scarlett Johansson's past roles. They make an important point.

You've probably heard that Scarlett Johansson is slated to portray a transgender man in an upcoming movie.

The movie in question is "Rub & Tug." It's based on the life of Dante "Tex" Gill, who operated a massage parlor and a prostitution ring in Pittsburgh around the 1970s and 1980s, and it's believed that he identified as a transgender man.

To the transgender community, this casting decision is insulting. Transgender actors in Hollywood rarely get the chance to play a cisgender character. But cisgender actors — like Jared Leto, Jeffrey Tambor, and Matt Bomer — have often taken up the few transgender character roles out there.

It came as no surprise that Johansson, a cisgender woman, would receive backlash for taking the role of a transgender man.

To further illustrate the problem, a group of trans actors responded with a hilariously clever video.

Into, a digital magazine operated by Grindr, released a video featuring four trans actors auditioning for Johansson's roles in past movies. The actors — Justin Chow, Scott Turner Schofield, D'Lo, and Rocco Kayiatos — read lines from Samantha in "Her," Charlotte in "Lost in Translation," Natasha Romanoff in "The Avengers," and Anna in "He's Just Not That Into You."

The video hit the nail on the head at the end. When Schofield ended up earning the role of Samantha in "Her," he rejected the casting offer.

His reason? He knew that cisgender women are marginalized in Hollywood and didn't want to take their voice away from them.

"Sorry, I’m just having trouble because cis women are actually really marginalized in Hollywood,” Schofield says in the video. “I mean, I know that there are people who have lived this experience and would bring a lot of authenticity to it, and I feel a little weird taking that from them.”

Although the video is short and tongue-in-cheek, their message still stands strong.

Transgender people are a marginalized community. They are often persecuted for their gender identities, but seldom have the opportunities to share their own stories on a prominent platform.

Fortunately, some great strides have been made for transgender representation in Hollywood. Transgender rights activist Janet Mock made history in July 2018 for becoming the first trans woman of color to write and direct a television episode for the FX show "Pose." Laverne Cox was nominated twice for the Emmys in the Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama Series category. Chaz Bono, the only child of Cher and Sonny Bono, has taken on television roles on "The Bold and the Beautiful" and "American Horror Story."

It should go without saying that they are just a select few out of a handful of talented transgender actors in Hollywood.

Perhaps it's time for Hollywood to take notice of them.

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