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Democracy

American who moved to Italy shares the 5 things she'll never do again

Europe changes people.

via Eggmergency/Flickr

A tourist visiting Italy. (Representative image)

Americans pride themselves on living in the “best country in the world.” However, the American way of life isn’t for everyone and some prefer the more laid-back approach to life that people enjoy in Europe.

Four years ago, a writer named Roze left her tiny apartment in Los Angeles, booked a one-way flight to Turn, Italy and never looked back. Now, she documents her new life in Europe on TikTok to inspire others to pursue their dreams.

Recently, she posted a video in which she counts down 5 things that she’ll never do now that she lives in Italy. These are examples of the relief some Americans feel when they move to Europe and settle into their new, stress-free lifestyle.

1. Rush

"One of the first things that attracted me to Italian culture is the fact that people don't seem to be in a rush. There are no drive-thrus. People don't walk and eat. If you need a coffee, you sit down and drink a cup of coffee. There's always time for that."

2. Own a car

"I don't plan on ever living in a place where you need a car to get around. I don’t like the expense of a car and it’s just bad for the environment.”

3. Live for work

“I’ll never obsess about work as much as I used to do in the U.S. Now, I'm not saying that people don't work here. People work very hard, but there's not as many people who make working hard their whole personality."

@rozeinitaly

A few ways my perspective has changed since moving abroad, maybe some other American immigrants can relate? #fivethingschallenge #5thingsiwouldneverdo #5thingschallenge #americanimmigrant #movingabroadtips #expatsinitaly #italylifestyle #lifeinitaly🇮🇹

4. Trust the internet for business hours

"If you look it up on Google Maps, it says that it's open from 10 am to, I think, 7 or 7:30 pm. Does that mean I can go there at like 2:30 3 o'clock? No. What is not listed on there is that they are closed from 1 to 4 for lunch."

5. Worry about medical bills

“I just don’t plan on living anywhere where there is not some kind of universal healthcare.”

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italy
Family

Concerning study details how perfectionism affects college students

For years, we've told our kids that they have to be perfect to succeed. Turns out, they might have been listening.

Canva

Chasing perfection leads to nowhere but exhaustion

For years, we've told our kids that they have to be perfect to succeed. Turns out, they might have been listening.

If you feel anxiety about slipping up — like, the tiniest mistake is irrefutable evidence that you're secretly a failure — you might not be alone.

A study suggests that, compared to young people 30 years ago, more college students are, or feel expected to be, perfectionists — and that might be a problem.

Two scientists from the United Kingdom analyzed personality tests from over 41,000 American, Canadian, and British college students, dating from 2016 back to the late 1980s, comparing three different kinds of perfectionism and how much they've gone up or down over time.Overall, the data showed:

  • A 33% increase in young people feeling judged by society for not being perfect (for example, "My parents will be mad if I get less than an A").
  • A 16% increase in young people judging others ("I have no patience for my partner's mistakes").
  • And a 10% increase in self-judgment ("I am upset that I didn't get 100% on that test"). Americans seemed especially self-judgey.

This incessant drive to be perfect might be stressing us out to a sickening degree.

Being a perfectionist may seem OK at first. It seems like nearly every single job posting these days specifically asks for someone detail-oriented. ("I'm a perfectionist" is a go-to answer to the classic biggest-weakness interview question for a reason.)

Yet perfectionism has been linked to mental health problems like depression and anxiety, which young people seem to be especially vulnerable to these days.

One problem appears to be how society defines — and demands — success.

The authors weren't able to test the exact cause for this, but they have some ideas. One contributing factor might be our increasingly success-obsessed society. Since the '80s, we've taken the idea of meritocracy and mythologized it.

"Meritocracy places a strong need for young people to strive, perform and achieve in modern life," said author Dr. Thomas Curran in a press release. "Young people are responding by reporting increasingly unrealistic educational and professional expectations for themselves.”

Other possible causes might be parents demanding more out of their children than they did in the 1980s and/or the panopticon of social media.

If perfectionism really is both problematic and on the rise, it's not going to be an easy problem to solve. But there are potential solutions.

Curran and his co-author, Dr. Andrew Hill, did not address specific solutions in the current paper, but, when asked, Curran said:

"We (my group) typically advocate balanced working lives, regular breaks from the social evaluation of social media, a focus [on] one’s own accomplishments (not others'), and depressurized environments that do not hold excessive expectations or perfection as criteria for success."

(By the way, if you need help with this, psychologist Tamar Chansky wrote a list eight personal strategies over at HuffPost. Alternatively, this might be something to unpack with a therapist.)

perfectionism, habits, changes, reality

8 Strategies For Making A Better Life

www.huffpost.com

In addition, Curran suggested that it might be time for schools, universities, and other organizations to teach the importance of compassion over competition. He and his co-author have previously praised Google's program of rewarding both successes and failures.

So while it might be admirable to aim for that gold star, it's important to remember that mistakes happen. It's OK not to be perfect.

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kids
Well Being

Using just a glass of water, a professor teaches a powerful lesson about letting go

Photo by Nicolas Ruiz on Unsplash

The weight of a glass with water used as an analogy for stress.

"How heavy is this glass of water?"

That was a simple question posed by a professor to his students. This video initially came out in 2019, but recently was reposted by @thementorhouse on TikTok and has gone viral yet again.

The students began to guess. 8 oz? 12? 16?

Their answers all received a shake of the professor's head, because the lesson wasn't about physics. It was about stress.

With a gentle sincerity, he tells the class, "The absolute weight of the glass doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold onto it. If I hold it for a minute, nothing happens. If I hold it for an hour, my arm will begin to ache. If I hold it all day long, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. While the weight of the glass hasn't changed, the longer I hold onto it the heavier it becomes."

Nods of agreement fill the room, and the professor continues.

"The stresses and the worries of life are like this glass of water. If you think about them for a little while, there's no problem. You think about it for a little bit longer … it begins to hurt. You think about them all day long and you'll feel paralyzed, incapable of doing anything."

Placing the glass on his desk, the professor concludes, "Always remember: put the glass down."

@thementorhouse

POWERFUL story on stress.

♬ original sound - The Mentor House

This video seems to be a staged reenactment of a lesson originally taught by a female psychologist (or at least, that seems to be how the story goes). However, the moral stays the same: Carrying the burden of the past memories—or fears about the future—causes unnecessary pain. Find a way to lighten the emotional load, otherwise you'll be weighed down and unable to move freely.

Letting go sounds easy in theory. But it's often easier said than done. PTSD, chaotic homes and unfair systems make stress next to inescapable. There are some proven ideas for "putting the glass down" though, even when it's difficult. Things like:

  • Writing out your negative thoughts
  • Calling a supportive person
  • Taking a walk in nature
  • Cuddling with a furry friend
  • Listening to empowering, uplifting music

No matter what glass of water you're holding onto at the moment, setting it aside, even momentarily, whenever possible might be the best way to overcome it. After all, everyone deserves a lighter load these days.

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