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psychology today

Pop Culture

15 nightmare situations, according to introverts

Does anyone actually like networking events?

Photo by Ryan Snaadt on Unsplash

The only thing worse than a party—the afterparty.

The concept of being an introvert versus an extrovert is a fairly new one. Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung first came up with both terms in the early 1900s, and from the get-go, it was understood that people’s personalities generally fell somewhere between the two extremes.

Nowadays introverts are often mislabeled as being antisocial, which isn’t necessarily true. Going off of the Jung definition, introverted people simply orient toward their “internal private world of inner thoughts and feelings”—unlike extroverts, who “engage more with the outside world of objects, sensory perception, and action.”

Most introverts will tell you, it’s not that we hate people. We just find them … draining. What we tend to detest are things like trivial small talk and the cacophony of large groups. But even that, many introverts can turn on for, enjoy even … so long as we can promptly go home afterwards and veg out.


Being introverted is certainly not unique—up to half of the entire population is estimated to be introverted. Heck, it’s even a trait for animals. And it’s certainly not a weakness. Many notable leaders were known for being reserved. However, the world is often made to favor extroversion, making it hard for introverts to be understood, let alone valued.

Reddit user Sarayka81 asked for introverts to share their “nightmare situations.” The answers are an eye-opening (and pretty hilarious) glimpse into how one person’s idea of normal, or even fun, can be another person’s torture.

Enjoy 15 of the best responses. Introverts, beware.

1. Public marriage proposals

"I've told every partner so far, if you propose in public I will turn it down." – @AngelaTheRipper

“All those youtube videos of these big proposals, like a whole dance routine pop up…everyone is like ‘omg what a great gesture!’ No. no. no.” – fearme101

2. Afterparties

“You mean there's more stuff to do after the stuff we planned on doing? I only have so much energy to deal with people and it was already used up.” – @Nyctomancer

3. Being picked out of the crowd to speak

“People who just raise their hand to be chosen are true heroes." – @Chogolatine

ask reddit, psychology

Give hand-raisers a trophy.

Giphy

4. Unexpected visitors

"As a child my worst nightmare was when my parents got visitors and I'm stuck upstairs hungry and thirsty because I can't access the kitchen." – @mikasott

"Ask them nicely, 'would you kindly REMOVE yourself from my personal space.'" – @GDog507

"But that requires talking to them." – @StinkyKittyBreath

5. Introducing yourself

"I get locked jaw when this happens. Along with sweaty palms and cold sweat." – @ellisonjune

6. Multiple conversations at once

“I was at a conference where everyone is doing the circle thing and I was chatting with some people about some interesting, but pretty dry, industry topics. All of the sudden I hear someone in another conversation circle say something along the lines of: ‘Yeah man, gorillas will rip your head off.’

All of the sudden, I can't concentrate on my current conversation and my brain tunes into the gorilla conversation instead. I could not for the life of me tune back into my main conversation.” – @reAchilles

psychology today

Who could pay attention after gorillas are mentioned?

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7. Running into someone you know in a public place

"All you want to do is read your book, but there's no way out and you decide to put up a brave front. Already you can hear the office gossip in your head: ‘Oh my God, guess who I was stuck on the train with…’Nightmare fuel. Work from home was a blessing in this regard." – @jew_bisquits

8. Singing “Happy Birthday” at a restaurant

“This shouldn't be legal” – @Chogolatine

9. Surprise parties

“I’m essentially the 49th wheel at my own party. Kill me now.” – @Anneboleyn33

askreddit reddit

Yay....

Giphy

10. Being talked over

“Especially when the only thing the person interjects with is filler or exclamatory flurry that adds nothing to the conversation while stifling any other contribution. Things like 'yes girl yes!' or 'I can’t believe that!' or …even loud forced laughter - really any noise interjected in that space to make it seem like they’re contributing or listening instead of actually participating." – @torn_anteater

anti social social club

Repeat back what I just said. I dare you.

Giphy

11. Networking events

"Don’t forget to come up with a fun fact!" – @sub_surfer

12. Extroverts who just don’t get it

"'Wanna hang out this Saturday?'

'Sure!'

... Saturday arrives, 10 minutes before hangout time ...

'Oh also I invited my friend you have never met before to join us.'" – @drflanigan

13. Phone calls

“Receiving and twice as bad having to make one." – @Isand0

reddit

Phones are meant for texts, emails and games, not calls!

Giphy

14. Impromptu work presentations

"I need like a couple days to prepare myself for any speaking engagement lol." – @koriroo

15. Party games that involve small talk

"'Who's up for two truths and a lie?'

Thinks … Can they all be lies? No … What are the most boring truths I can think of so no one comes up to talk to me after this?'" – @littlewittlediddle


This article originally appeared on 09.16.22

From Your Site Articles
funny
Wellness

SNL's 'Man Park' skit has sparked an important conversation about how men handle loneliness

YouTube

"Man Park" on YouTube

“It’s not their fault masculinity makes intimacy so hard.”

This was a line from a recent "Saturday Night Live" sketch, aptly titled “Man Park.” The premise: A girlfriend is so concerned that her male partner has no friends, that she takes him to the “Man Park” to socialize. ”It’s like a dog park, but for guys in relationships.” Like a cute clumsy puppy, the boyfriend (Pete Davidson) plays with other “breeds” as the women cheer from the sidelines. Finally, the boyfriend gets to bond with his fellow males over Dave Matthews, Marvel, and Rick and Morty. You know … guy stuff.

That sketch might be hilarious, but it is touching on the very real loneliness that men experience. If you have any doubts, just take a look at some of the comments to the video:

“I feel personally attacked but also kind of disappointed this isn’t a thing. How do you make new friends as an adult? … my girlfriend is also my only friend lmao.”

“This really hits home. It’s incredible how men fall into this state of loneliness of friendships apart from their partners. I had lots of friends when I was young and have a lot of old time friends, but as an adult it’s been pretty hard forming these new bonds. It’s a mix of a lack of time, social events and COVID has kept us isolated and at home.”

“Jesus's biggest miracle was he had 12 close male friends at age 30.”

Loneliness. A problem...

Avrum Weiss, Ph.D., wrote a brilliant article on the subject in Psychology Today (it even references the SNL sketch). In it, he pointed out how in heterosexual relationships, men often rely on their female partners to maintain friendships. And that boys start out with as many close relationships as girls do, but often start to neglect their personal relationships to “pursue external success.” Basically, the skill of making friends is not like a bicycle. You do forget if you don’t keep at it.

Add to that a culturally taught association between vulnerability and weakness, and it’s no wonder that so many men find themselves lost.

Though SNL makes light of it, Weiss notes the serious toll isolation takes, stating that “loneliness is not only an unpleasant feeling; it is an interpersonal impairment that causes significant harm.” This includes less satisfaction in their intimate relationships, and even extends to a steep decline in physical health.

...and a solution

Billy Baker, author of We Need to Hang Out, has become a bit of an expert in overcoming loneliness. His now famous article for The Boston Globe retells him getting asked to write a piece about being middle aged and having no friends. Which is, as Baker shares, quite typical.

Baker eventually solved the puzzle of the elusive male companionship with a simple, yet radically effective strategy: He made engagement a regular activity. Wednesday nights were, and still are, planned friend nights.

Meeting new people could be as simple as taking a class or even volunteering (doesn’t hurt that the last one also appeals to a masculine drive for service and purpose). The real challenge, however, is maintaining those connections once they’re established.

Though regular social interaction is important for anyone, sociologist Rebecca G. Adams notes that regular activities might be particularly important to men, who tend to use friendship to escape reality, while women tend to use friends to face reality.

...and an invitation

Perhaps the biggest takeaway though, was that Baker reframed his outlook on masculinity. As his article expresses, he learned that admitting loneliness does not make you a loser. Nor does showing affection—even to another man—imply a lack of strength. Circling back to the SNL sketch, it’s not men’s fault that many of them have been taught to think that emotion = burden. The only way to change this belief, however, is to put themselves out there and move through the discomfort of potential awkwardness or rejection.

Sounds like a pretty classically labeled male trait when you think about it: a willingness to persevere through a difficult circumstance, in order for something better. That inherent determination serves to create emotional well-being, too.

Though finding friends might not be as easy as a walk through the “Man Park,” the results are well worth the effort. And men deserve to experience the type of emotional fortitude that comes from knowing people are out there when times are hard.

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Wellness

'What makes someone boring?' These are the best answers from a great discussion on Reddit.

via Pixabay

The great Oscar Wilde had a perfect way of determining whether he liked someone or not. "It is absurd to divide people into good and bad," Wilde said. "People are either charming or tedious."

Everyone we know falls somewhere on the charming to tedious spectrum. They're either fun or boring.

So what makes a person fun?

Glenn Geher Ph.D. from Psychology Today breaks it down into seven qualities. They are extroverted, emotionally stable, open-minded, conscientious, and agreeable. They also have a great sense of humor — they make good jokes and laugh at yours — and are creative.

via PixaBay

But what about the other end of the spectrum, those who are boring? Obviously, they have a lot of the traits that are the opposite of a fun person. They are introverted, closed-minded, argumentative, and can't take a joke.

Reddit user u/miss wanted to get down to the bottom of why people are boring so they asked the online forum "What makes someone boring?" and received some fantastic responses. The most common response is someone who isn't curious or passionate.

RELATED: Someone asked Millennials why they always joke about dying and the answers were pretty serious

People don't want to be around those who are disengaged or don't care much about the world around them. They are also bored by people who only have one interest whether it's their job, relationship or hobby.

People want to be around those who are well-rounded.

Here is a run down of the most popular and thoughtful responses to the question: "What makes someone boring?

The number one answer: Boring people have no curiosity or passion.


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Some people just can't tell a story.

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Super serious people are super boring.


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Being pedantic is really boring.


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They make everything about themselves.



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All they talk about is getting f'd up.


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They are stuck in their ways.


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People who make everything political.


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While the conversation on Reddit was a great way for people to vent about the people and personality types that bore them to tears it's also an invitation for all of us to reflect on our own personalities.

As we grow older, we can get stuck in our ways. We may become hyper-focused on just our jobs or families. Chances are that if we're boring other people then we probably aren't enjoying our own lives to the fullest.


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