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Stop blaming the 'Karens.' The people who complain the most have a different name.

The stereotype has been wrong all along.

via Rickey123/Pixabay

A woman giving a stern warning.

Over the past few years, women named Karen have taken a lot of heat in the media. The term "Karen" has been used to describe a specific type of entitled, privileged and often middle-aged white woman. Typically, "Karen” is depicted as demanding, self-important and constantly seeking to escalate minor inconveniences to authority figures, like demanding to "speak to the manager."

Identifying the folks who create unnecessary drama in our world is important. But calling them a “Karen” isn’t the best way to solve the problem. There are many reasons to have an issue with the “Karen” stereotype. First, it’s terrible for people named Karen, and it’s also a connotation that many feel is racist, sexist and ageist.

Further, according to a new study by Trustpilot, the stereotype isn’t accurate. A recent survey by the online media site found that the people who leave the most one-star reviews aren’t female, and the women who do it the most aren’t named Karen.

Trustpilot is a site where people can review a business from which they’ve purchased a product or contacted customer service. According to TrustPilot, the number one biggest one-star reviewers are named John, not Karen.

“The name John is top for [one-star] reviews in the US, with the rest of the top five positions filled by David, Michael, Chris and James,” the site wrote in a press release. “Looking at specific categories, John is also first for negative reviews in Business Services, Electronics and Technology, Shopping and Fashion, and Money and Insurance. Meanwhile, Lisa left the most [one-star] reviews in our Beauty and Wellbeing category.”

So, if your name is Karen, keep this story in your back pocket next time someone stereotypes you as an entitled complainer. The real complainers are the Johns and, for the women, Lisas.

Why do people go online and write negative reviews? Psychologist William Berry writes in Psychology Today that people get many positive benefits from complaining, although they may annoy everyone around them.

The first big reason is an ego boost. When people complain, they feel validated. It also makes them feel superior to others. Complaining can also bring like-minded people together. If you and a significant other have ever been mistreated in a restaurant or car dealership, having a mutual enemy can work wonders for your relationship.

There are also entire groups of people who bond over a common gripe.

People who habitually complain may do so because of the brain’s negativity bias. “The human brain, geared for survival, focuses on negatives (as they appear more threatening to survival) than on positives (which enhance life but are less vital for survival),” Berry writes. “As the brain perceives negatives at an approximated ratio of five to one, there is simply more to complain about than there is to be grateful for. Additionally, this may lead to less general happiness.”

Here are the top 15 names of consumers who leave the most one-star reviews on Trustpilot. (Also known as the folks that owe the Karens out there an apology.)

1. John

2. David

3. Michael

4. Chris

5. James

6. Mike

7. Mark

8. Robert

9. Alex

10. Paul

11. Lisa

12. Sarah

13. Steve

14. Sam

15. Daniel


This article originally appeared on 9.7.23

From Your Site Articles
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Well Being

SNL's 'Man Park' skit has sparked an important conversation about how men handle loneliness

YouTube

"Man Park" on YouTube

“It’s not their fault masculinity makes intimacy so hard.”

This was a line from a recent "Saturday Night Live" sketch, aptly titled “Man Park.” The premise: A girlfriend is so concerned that her male partner has no friends, that she takes him to the “Man Park” to socialize. ”It’s like a dog park, but for guys in relationships.” Like a cute clumsy puppy, the boyfriend (Pete Davidson) plays with other “breeds” as the women cheer from the sidelines. Finally, the boyfriend gets to bond with his fellow males over Dave Matthews, Marvel, and Rick and Morty. You know … guy stuff.

That sketch might be hilarious, but it is touching on the very real loneliness that men experience. If you have any doubts, just take a look at some of the comments to the video:

“I feel personally attacked but also kind of disappointed this isn’t a thing. How do you make new friends as an adult? … my girlfriend is also my only friend lmao.”

“This really hits home. It’s incredible how men fall into this state of loneliness of friendships apart from their partners. I had lots of friends when I was young and have a lot of old time friends, but as an adult it’s been pretty hard forming these new bonds. It’s a mix of a lack of time, social events and COVID has kept us isolated and at home.”

“Jesus's biggest miracle was he had 12 close male friends at age 30.”

Loneliness. A problem...

Avrum Weiss, Ph.D., wrote a brilliant article on the subject in Psychology Today (it even references the SNL sketch). In it, he pointed out how in heterosexual relationships, men often rely on their female partners to maintain friendships. And that boys start out with as many close relationships as girls do, but often start to neglect their personal relationships to “pursue external success.” Basically, the skill of making friends is not like a bicycle. You do forget if you don’t keep at it.

Add to that a culturally taught association between vulnerability and weakness, and it’s no wonder that so many men find themselves lost.

Though SNL makes light of it, Weiss notes the serious toll isolation takes, stating that “loneliness is not only an unpleasant feeling; it is an interpersonal impairment that causes significant harm.” This includes less satisfaction in their intimate relationships, and even extends to a steep decline in physical health.

...and a solution

Billy Baker, author of We Need to Hang Out, has become a bit of an expert in overcoming loneliness. His now famous article for The Boston Globe retells him getting asked to write a piece about being middle aged and having no friends. Which is, as Baker shares, quite typical.

Baker eventually solved the puzzle of the elusive male companionship with a simple, yet radically effective strategy: He made engagement a regular activity. Wednesday nights were, and still are, planned friend nights.

Meeting new people could be as simple as taking a class or even volunteering (doesn’t hurt that the last one also appeals to a masculine drive for service and purpose). The real challenge, however, is maintaining those connections once they’re established.

Though regular social interaction is important for anyone, sociologist Rebecca G. Adams notes that regular activities might be particularly important to men, who tend to use friendship to escape reality, while women tend to use friends to face reality.

...and an invitation

Perhaps the biggest takeaway though, was that Baker reframed his outlook on masculinity. As his article expresses, he learned that admitting loneliness does not make you a loser. Nor does showing affection—even to another man—imply a lack of strength. Circling back to the SNL sketch, it’s not men’s fault that many of them have been taught to think that emotion = burden. The only way to change this belief, however, is to put themselves out there and move through the discomfort of potential awkwardness or rejection.

Sounds like a pretty classically labeled male trait when you think about it: a willingness to persevere through a difficult circumstance, in order for something better. That inherent determination serves to create emotional well-being, too.

Though finding friends might not be as easy as a walk through the “Man Park,” the results are well worth the effort. And men deserve to experience the type of emotional fortitude that comes from knowing people are out there when times are hard.

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Well Being

'What makes someone boring?' These are the best answers from a great discussion on Reddit.

via Pixabay

The great Oscar Wilde had a perfect way of determining whether he liked someone or not. "It is absurd to divide people into good and bad," Wilde said. "People are either charming or tedious."

Everyone we know falls somewhere on the charming to tedious spectrum. They're either fun or boring.

So what makes a person fun?

Glenn Geher Ph.D. from Psychology Today breaks it down into seven qualities. They are extroverted, emotionally stable, open-minded, conscientious, and agreeable. They also have a great sense of humor — they make good jokes and laugh at yours — and are creative.

via PixaBay

But what about the other end of the spectrum, those who are boring? Obviously, they have a lot of the traits that are the opposite of a fun person. They are introverted, closed-minded, argumentative, and can't take a joke.

Reddit user u/miss wanted to get down to the bottom of why people are boring so they asked the online forum "What makes someone boring?" and received some fantastic responses. The most common response is someone who isn't curious or passionate.

RELATED: Someone asked Millennials why they always joke about dying and the answers were pretty serious

People don't want to be around those who are disengaged or don't care much about the world around them. They are also bored by people who only have one interest whether it's their job, relationship or hobby.

People want to be around those who are well-rounded.

Here is a run down of the most popular and thoughtful responses to the question: "What makes someone boring?

The number one answer: Boring people have no curiosity or passion.


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Some people just can't tell a story.

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Super serious people are super boring.


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Being pedantic is really boring.


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They make everything about themselves.



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All they talk about is getting f'd up.


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They are stuck in their ways.


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People who make everything political.


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While the conversation on Reddit was a great way for people to vent about the people and personality types that bore them to tears it's also an invitation for all of us to reflect on our own personalities.

As we grow older, we can get stuck in our ways. We may become hyper-focused on just our jobs or families. Chances are that if we're boring other people then we probably aren't enjoying our own lives to the fullest.


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