A woman worrying about the world and a woman who feels liberated.
In a world of 8 billion people, a septillion stars, and 17 different ways to stub your toe while walking through your bedroom, there are infinite things that we can all spend our time and emotional energy worrying about. The problem is that many important things, whether it’s politics, the environment, or the economy, are realistically beyond our control.
Yes, we can vote, make sound choices with our money, and recycle, but our actions will have little effect on these issues no matter how much energy we spend worrying about them.
So what do we do? From the ancient Stoics to modern-day psychologists, great thinkers believe that if we refocus on what we can control or influence, we’ll be much happier and empowered to make real changes in the world.
What is the Circle of Influence?
The theory is known as the circle of influence and it can be explained with a simple graphic with 3 circles:
via The Open University Creative Commons
Circle of control:
“There are actually very few things we control. We control what we do with our bodies (hopefully); how we act, what we think (easier said than done, I know), and how we react to events or people (again, not necessarily easy, but doable!),” Diane N. Solomon Ph.D., The Narrative Nurse Practitioner writes at Psychology Today. “Pretty much everything else lies outside our circle of control. No matter how hard we try, we won’t be able to control those things.”
The ancient Stoics defined this area as our “opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing.”
This is where we should focus the vast majority of our attention because our energies are best used helping ourselves, our families, friends and those in our community. In many ways, that makes more sense than spending our time and energy hoping that someone in Washington will do the right thing or that people in a country across the globe will reduce their carbon emissions.
Circle of influence:
“What’s in our circle of influence? Maybe what the teacher or principal does after our child gets called out for sprinkling glitter on the seat of the teacher’s chair—or maybe not. We influence our communities or even our state by volunteering for a neighborhood watch or committee, writing letters to the editor, protesting for cleaner water, human rights, or acting on any passion of ours,” Dr. Solomon continues.
But, in most circumstances, our influence over these areas is minor and they are definitely beyond our control. So we should spend less time worrying about areas of influence than those within our circle of control.
Circle of concern:
This is an area that we focus on at our own peril. When we spend time on things we have no influence or control over, we squander a lot of our precious resources, one of the biggest being time. Because we can’t control these things, they make us feel more anxious than the things we have power over. “Most people spend a lot of time focused on things in their circle of concern,” Dr. Solomon writes. “If that’s you, the more time and energy you spend worrying about your circle of concern, the worse you probably feel, because it's almost totally outside your control.”
She says the most important thing to do when we're feeling anxious is to ask ourselves, “Am I thinking of things in my circle of concern?” If so, it’s time to refocus our attention.
Focusing only on the things we control may make us feel like we're neglecting important problems that need our attention. Can a good person go through life without worrying about wars overseas, the plastic island in the ocean the size of Texas, or women’s rights in Afghanistan?
William B. Irvine, a philosophy professor and author of “A Guide to the Good Life,” says it’s more about being honest with ourselves about where we can be helpful. “The circle of control is not a prescription for detachment or indifference. It is a way of focusing our attention and energy on what really matters, so that we can live more fully and authentically,” Irvine writes.
Beaver in water. Photo by 
An actual beaver dam on the now-thriving Price River
Behold, the Rye Riptides miniboat. 
A man sweating in his car.via
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."