upworthy

police

A woman upset she's not talking to her friend.

A woman’s social media post begs the big question: How far should someone go to put themselves out for a friend after they experience a traumatizing situation together? It all began when a woman made friends with her neighbors, Eli and Leo, a same-sex married couple. However, she began to distance herself from Eli after a while because he was “selfish” and “not a very good friend.”

One day, as she was leaving the house to go shopping, she received multiple calls from Eli that she didn’t pick up. He then texted her, “Leo just passed. Please answer.” She rushed home and saw an ambulance in front of the apartment building. When she got to Eli’s apartment, she saw Leo lying dead on the floor with Eli hugging him, sobbing inconsolably.

“They were watching TV when Leo suddenly got up and said he has pain in his chest, then collapsed. Paramedics came and pronounced him dead. They said we now have to wait for the police,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “We were waiting like this on the floor—Eli sobbing and hugging Leo’s body, and me hugging Eli—for almost 2 hrs. Then police came, and we sat on the couch right in front of Leo for another few hours. I did my best to stay calm and collected and help Eli. Many hours later, they took Leo away.”

ambulkance, heart attack, health care, emergency, ambulance driverThe back doors of an ambulance.via Canva/Photos

Eli asked the woman to call and tell Leo’s parents, who didn’t know that he was gay or married. They didn’t believe her. Eli’s cousins came over for a while and then left. “I stayed till late night, ordered food, cleaned, etc. We watched TV under the same blanket I used to cover Leo’s body. I didn’t sleep that night,” the woman continued.

Over the next few days, Eli kept calling the woman, asking her to come over, but she told him she was “sick” because “the thought of entering that apartment makes me shake.” The incident was so traumatic for the woman that she has made an appointment to see a therapist. “I feel deeply affected by what happened. I keep seeing flashbacks. I’m afraid to leave my apartment because I’m afraid to run into Eli. I was already depressed and I’m so so lonely,” she wrote. “I feel so guilty for ghosting Eli in this horrible situation when his whole world collapsed.”

upset woman, sad woman, trauma, woman staring at floor, brunette, woman on couchAn upset woman with her thoughts.via Liza Summer/Pexels

She asked the online forum if she was in the wrong for ghosting Eli, and just about everyone supported her choice.

“No, dear, [it’s not your fault]. This was a catastrophe, and you are in crisis and need help. What happened to you was very traumatic, and you are traumatized; you need to find help from your loved ones (or professionals, if those resources are available to you) to heal from this. You can't draw water from an empty well, and in my opinion, you should only consider assisting Eli in ways that contribute to or at least don't completely derail your recovery. You've already been more help to them than anybody else has. You can't keep anybody warm by setting yourself on fire. I'm so sorry this happened to both of you, what a horrible, tragic experience and loss,” the most popular commenter wrote.

“His husband just died, and you were kind enough to help him through the immediate aftermath. It does suck that he doesn't have a support system he needs, but you don't either,” another commenter wrote.

via Canva/Photos

The only person with a problem with how the woman handled it believes that she needs to give Eli a reason why she isn’t responding to him. “[You’re in the wrong] for ghosting him without explanation. That only makes things worse. You are emotionally drained and do not have the bandwidth to support him. That is completely fine. You just need to communicate that fact to him,” they wrote.

Ultimately, the commenters believe the woman did the right thing to stand by Leo’s side, even in the most disturbing situations, and she deserves praise for her kindness. In the comments, the woman wrote that she has no support, so the positive response, even by a Reddit forum of strangers, has to have made her feel some relief at a time when she is so traumatized.

officerarsenault/TikTok & Paul Downey/Flickr

Ask anyone Millennial and younger what the scariest sound in the world is, and you'll get some interesting answers. Your phone buzzing with an actual, honest-to-God phone call would be one. Someone unexpectedly knocking on your door would be the other. For many of us, when we look out the window and see someone we don't recognize approaching our house, the instinct is to pretend we're not home.

Door-to-door salesmen and solicitors are still shockingly common, and the only thing worse than an unexpected knock from a stranger is that same stranger being a pushy and aggressive salesman who won't take No for an answer! So staying quiet and waiting for them to leave seems like a reasonable strategy to avoid anxiety and conflict.

A police officer on TikTok just issued a word of caution for us introverts who like to hide out from knocking strangers: "Don't do that."

Officer Randall Arsenault, a former policeman from Canada and a super popular TikTok creator, shared the warning in a recently reposted video.

"Somebody comes to your home during the day, knocks on the door, rings the doorbell, and you don't answer because you don't want to be bothered? Don't do that, OK?"

"Two minutes later, they kick in your door, it's a daytime break and enter, happens all the time. ... They get inside your house, they panic, not expect anybody to be there, bad things can happen."

It's sound advice. Most home intruders, believe it or not, aren't looking to hurt anyone and would rather avoid a potentially violent confrontation. They'd much prefer an easy chance to walk around and take what they want. So by pretending to not be home, you actually make yourself a perfect target.

@officerarsenault

WARNING! Extremely important message. #onthisday

Which... is a total bummer if you get knock-anxiety.

"Ugh this is an introverts worst fear. Having to interact with people when they don’t want to," wrote one commenter.

So what should you do instead?

"Yell through, wave them off through the window, act like you're on your cell phone already," Officer Arsenault says.

In other words, alert them to your presence in any way that you can! That doesn't mean you fling the door open and invite them in. But making noise or even speaking to them through the closed and locked door are good ideas. Some people who are home alone will even pretend to speak (loudly) with a spouse, partner, or friend who's not actually there. Call for your "dad" or "husband" to come over, and that's often enough to spook low-level burglars.

Chances are, the person knocking is just a salesman or doing some political canvassing. But handling those unexpected knocks the right way could be a legitimate lifesaver.

A recent survey by YouGov found that less than half of Americans are willing to answer the door when a stranger knocks. Over a third will ignore them, and another 17% aren't sure.

man's eye looking through peepholeMario Heller/Unsplash

The dividing lines among generations were fascinating in the study.

Less than 10% of Baby Boomers reported feeling afraid when receiving unexpected knocks (though they were high on annoyance, to no one's surprise — I'm pretty sure they invented the No Soliciting sign).

15% of Millennials said they felt afraid when someone knocked on the door, and over 20% of Gen Z said the same. Younger generations also reported much higher rates of feeling confused at IRL knocks.

On the plus side, younger generations also feel more excited when people knock on their doors. It's unique and novel, so there's an immediate sense of possibility that's always fun — a bit like getting actual mail in your mailbox that's not a bill or an advertisement.

You can point to the rise of social media and texting, plus the COVID-19 pandemic, as a big reason for a dropoff in in-person interactions. Millennials and Gen-Z are less comfortable with unexpected encounters because they're so much more rare. Our friends and family almost always call or text before they come over, so it makes sense that a random knock might give us a scare.

Officer Arsenault's safety advice is more pertinent than ever as the generations that hate answering the door become apartment-renters and homeowners.

Our anxiety at dealing with annoying solicitors and potential evil-doers is totally justified, but our usual coping method of ignoring isn't a good solution. Screening calls and sitting on texts is all well and good, but when it comes to our homes, we have to proudly announce our presence for our own safety!

How to speak to a police officer.

Whether it's a traffic stop that turns into "We smell something in your car" or a "driving while black" situation, you have rights when you're pulled over, and it's for the best if you actually use them.

So how does this work, anyway?

Well, you have rights when you're pulled over. These have been established via case law, and ultimately, some stem from the Constitution itself. In order, here are the magic phrases, along with some graphics to help you remember.


1. "Am I free to go?”

In any situation involving the police, you can ask this question. Some people ask it slightly differently: "Am I being detained?"—which is a version of the same question. Basically, if they've got nothing on you, they have to let you go. If they answer no to that question, you are in fact not free to go. In that case, you are suspected of doing something, and it's their job to try to get you to admit to it or to say a bit too much and incriminate yourself.

2. "I do not consent to any searches.”

One of the trickiest things that some law enforcement folks try is to talk you into letting them search your vehicle—or house, for that matter. "So if you haven't done anything, then you're ok with us searching your car … right? I mean, if you're innocent. We'll go easier on you if you let us." Do NOT give up your rights that easily. Are you certain your buddy didn't leave a bag of weed in the glove box? Are you sure your boyfriend took his target pistol out of the trunk after he went to practice shooting the other day? Are you absolutely certain that the body in your trunk was removed and buried in that farm fiel … whoops. Did I say that last one out loud?! The point is, don't give up your rights easily. And believe me, cops are gooooood at trying to play psychological games. Which leads to #3.

3. "I want to remain silent.”

You have that right, and if things start getting thick, you need to use it. "We clocked you going 60 in a 50, but when you opened your window to give us your license, we smelled marijuana." The correct answer to something like this is, "I want to remain silent." The temptation is to say, "Yeah, my buddy and I smoked in my car this morning but I wasn't driving, blah blah blah"—but then you're already nailed. Time for them to get the dogs and search. Congratulations, you're on your way to the pokey for the night.

4. "I want a lawyer.”

If you've reach this particular point, then you're in deep doodoo anyway, so go ahead and ask for one, and say nothing until he or she arrives. Remember these four things. It will be hard in the moment, with your adrenaline pumping, your freedom in question, and when you're possibly in physical danger, depending on the cops involved and your skin color.

"Am I free to go?"

"I do not consent to any searches."

"I want to remain silent."

"I want a lawyer."

Perhaps a word involving the first letter of the four statements will help you remember: FoSSiL (Free, Searches, Silent, Lawyer)

Or maybe a mnemonic:

— Fiscal Suns Scramble Lives

— Fresh Sushi Smell Lemons

— Flexible Straws Sell Lobsters

— Free Subjects Steam Lobsters

The clip below is a shortened version of a much longer one that explains your rights, detailing what you can and cannot do in these situations.

This article was written by Brandon Weber and originally appeared on 09.12.17


Joy

Officer holds back tears hearing his K-9 partner's retirement announcement over the radio

Indy has been Sergeant Sullivan's partner in crime-fighting for the past 9 years.

@bgsully/TikTok (used with permission)

Indy has served his community faithfully.

It's remarkable that canines have co-evolved with humans to the point where dogs not only serve as our beloved pets but also, sometimes, as our professional companions.

Dogs can be trained to guard, protect and sniff out everything from drugs to bombs to specific suspects. Many police departments have a K-9 unit for this purpose, using specially trained dogs—most often shepherds and retrievers, but other breeds as well—to aid in police work.

One of those dogs, a German shepherd named Indy, has spent the past nine years working alongside his handler, Sergeant Barry Sullivan, in Trophy Club, Texas. Indy retired on March 26, 2024, and a video of Sullivan's reaction to his official end of service announcement has brought millions to tears.


It's natural—necessary, even—for a handler to bond with a K-9 partner, and Sullivan and Indy have made a strong team.

"He has been the most amazing partner and I was blessed to have him with me," Sullivan tells Upworthy. "Always had my back and there was always a strong sense of comfort knowing he was there."

Hearing Indy's long list of accomplishments during his K-9 tenure is impressive. Not only has he assisted in drug busts and apprehensions, but he's also served as an ambassador to the community. It's clear from the dispatcher's voice and Sullivan holding back tears that Indy is a beloved member of his local community, both within law enforcement and without.

Watch the emotional announcement on Sullivan's TikTok page:

@bgsully

After 9 amazing years with this handsome fella, he gets to enjoy retirement at home with me and my family! Thank you all for your love and support! #k9 #k9unit #policek9 #policek9unit #k9handler #policek9handler #k9softiktok #gsdoftiktok #k9retirement #k9retiredlife

Indy has become part of Sullivan's family and will continue to live with them in his retirement. But going to work every day just won't be the same for Sullivan.

"Indy has been my steadfast partner, a member of my family, and the heart of many of our community initiatives," Sullivan shared before the retirement. "Every day with him has been an adventure, from his very first patrol to his spirited kitchen escapades."

However, Sullivan knows it's time for Indy to enjoy his leisure time after a long-for-a-dog career helping humans.

"I'm not just losing a colleague; I'm gaining more time with a friend whose bravery and companionship have been constant," said Sullivan. "Indy is more than ready for his retirement, and I am honored to ensure that his golden years are as rewarding as his service years have been for us all."

People were moved by Sullivan's tender reaction and impressed to hear Indy's stellar record of service, which includes the apprehension of numerous suspects and the seizure of over 4 tons of narcotics.

"This pup did more in his life than most people," wrote one commenter, to which Sullivan replied, "You're not wrong."

"May he get to nap on the softest couch, eating the best treats and lots of belly rubs in his retirement!" wrote another.

"I couldn't be that dispatcher I'm over here bawling my eyes out," wrote another.

"This is crazy.....why am I crying at this? the dog didn't die its just retiring from a long dedicated service, so what is it that's breaking me so hard!?" shared another.

"I'm crying here in the UK," shared another. "Thank you K9 Indy for your service. Hope you enjoy a rest now."

We all love a good doggo, and Indy is clearly one of the good ones. You can follow Indy's story on Sergeant Sullivan's TikTok page.