upworthy

photographs

Angelo Merendino

Angelo Merendino with his late wife Jennifer

When I saw these incredible photos Angelo Merendino took of his wife, Jennifer, as she battled breast cancer, I felt that I shouldn't be seeing this snapshot of their intimate, private lives. The photos humanize the face of cancer and capture the difficulty, fear, and pain that they experienced during the difficult time.

But as Angelo commented: "These photographs do not define us, but they are us."

In his photo exhibition, Angelo wrote:

"Jennifer was diagnosed with breast cancer five months after our wedding. She passed less than four years later. During our journey we realized that many people are unaware of the reality of day to day life with cancer. After Jen’s cancer metastasized we decided to share our life through photographs."

All images by Angelo Merendino, published here with permission.


cancer, cancer treatment, marriage, love, love storiesAngelo and Jennifer drink beersassets.rebelmouse.io

On his website, Angelo writes:

"With each challenge we grew closer. Words became less important. One night Jen had just been admitted to the hospital, her pain was out of control. She grabbed my arm, her eyes watering, 'You have to look in my eyes, that’s the only way I can handle this pain.' We loved each other with every bit of our souls. Jen taught me to love, to listen, to give and to believe in others and myself. I’ve never been as happy as I was during this time."

cancer, cancer treatment, marriage, love, love storiesJennifer holds Angeloassets.rebelmouse.io



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"People assume that treatment makes you better, that things become OK, that life goes back to 'normal,' Angelo wrote. "There is no normal in cancer-land. Cancer survivors have to define a new sense of normal, often daily. And how can others understand what we had to live with everyday?"

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This article originally appeared thirteen years ago.

Identity

Here’s why you look better in mirrors than you do in pictures

A scientific breakdown that explains why it's so hard to take a good selfie.

SOURCE: iSTOCK

Usually the greatest fear after a wild night of partying isn't what you said that you might regret, but how you'll look in your friends' tagged photos. Although you left the house looking like a 10, those awkward group selfies make you feel more like a 5, prompting you to wonder, "Why do I look different in pictures?"

It's a weird phenomenon that, thanks to selfies, is making people question their own mirrors. Are pictures the "real" you or is it your reflection? Have mirrors been lying to us this whole time??


The answer to that is a bit tricky. The good news is that there's a big chance that Quasimodo-looking creature that stares back at you in your selfies isn't an accurate depiction of the real you. But your mirror isn't completely truthful either.

Below, a scientific breakdown that might explain those embarrassing tagged photos of you:

The mirror is a reflection. It's not the real you.

Although we're the most comfortable and familiar with the face staring back at us while we brush our teeth in the morning, the mirror isn't really the real us. It's a reflection, so it shows how we look like in reverse. Because we're so used to seeing the reverse version of ourselves, seeing how we look in pictures can be jarring. And unless you're blessed with a perfectly symmetrical face, the photo version of yourself can be even more wonky.

"We see ourselves in the mirror all the time—you brush your teeth, you shave, you put on makeup," Pamela Rutledge, director of the Media Psychology Center, told The Atlantic. "Looking at yourself in the mirror becomes a firm impression. You have that familiarity. Familiarity breeds liking. You've established a preference for that look of your face."

Scientists call this the "mere-exposure" effect. Basically, it's a behavior concocted by psychologist Robert Zajonc that says people react favorably to things they're most familiar with. So, when you see a flipped version of yourself, you immediately hate it or even find it grotesque because it's the opposite of what you're used to.

So although we think we look better in a mirror, we're more psychologically inclined to feel that way even if we truthfully look better in photos. Weird, huh?

The camera lens also plays a part.

So if your reflection isn't the real you, does that mean your ugly selfies are your "true self"? Although mirrors show a flipped version of yourself that tones down the harshness of your asymmetries, the myth that "pictures never lie" isn't true either. After all, most people take more than one selfie before they find their most flattering one, and usually it takes a combination of angles, lighting, and duck lips before landing one that's Instagram-worthy.

But the problem might not be your angles, it could be lens distortion. Because of the proximity of your face to the camera, the lens can distort certain features, making them look larger than they are in real life. Pictures also only provide a 2-D version of ourselves. Depending on your features, if you have a soft, round face, photos can flatten your features and further distort the "real" you.

For example, just changing the focal length of a camera can even change the width of your head. As Gizmodo writer John Herrman pens, the fancier the camera, the better you'll look in the picture:

"Telephoto lenses are usually seen as more flattering, giving the impression that the subject is flattened, and slightly compressing the width of your foremost features, like your nose or breasts. So you might want to think twice before fleeing the pesky paparazzi and their fancy zoom lenses; it's the tourist with the pocket cam whose snaps will make you look fat on the Internet."

And because cameras don't show the 3-D version of you, it's easy to "trick" cameras to present a reality that's not even true. Professional models have perfected this, which is why people can do photo sorcery like this by merely tweaking their angles:

It's also the camera flash.

istock

Although good lighting is the key to all flattering photos, a harsh flash from your iPhone can actually make you look a lot worse, especially if it's taken in a dark room. In fact, according to OKCupid, harsh camera flashes add seven years to your face.

In addition to making you look shiny and greasy, cameras can't adjust to lightness and darkness the ways our eyes naturally can. Cameras can only focus on highlights or shadows, and sometimes that can result in lighting that can be less than flattering. A good rule of thumb is to stick to natural or outdoor lighting instead.

Your smile could also be the culprit.

iStock

Everyone knows what it's like to pose for an awkward photo, like a driver's license or a passport. The photos never turn out looking nice, and they hardly look like our natural smiles. When you're looking at yourself in the mirror, you're relaxed, confident, and more likely to smile and act naturally.

If someone shouting "Say cheese!" at you makes you feel self-conscious about your unphotogenic reputation, obviously you're going to tense up and have a photo that looks different and foreign from the version you see in the mirror. It's best to relax when taking pictures and try to focus on something else. That tense, forced awkwardness will always translate to a bad photo.

It's possible you're less attractive than you think.

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But no matter how many factors you want to blame for your crappy pictures, it all boils down to psychology. Perhaps the reason you look different in pictures is because the version of yourself you like best is a figment of your imagination.

According to a 2008 study, people tend to think they're more attractive than they really are. In the experiment, researchers photoshopped pictures of participants to make them look more attractive and then mixed those with photos of strangers. Next, they asked the subjects to pick their picture out of a line-up. People were quicker at picking photos where they looked more attractive, concluding that "attractiveness" was the version of themselves they were most familiar with.

However, other experts have also said the opposite, that people tend to think they're less attractive than they really are. Whatever the case, if you're beating yourself up about why you look different in mirrors and pictures, there's a good chance that all your fear and anxiety is just in your head. It's sort of similar to how people hate the sound of their own voice. Perhaps the key to looking better in pictures is taking as many selfies as you can to help familiarize yourself with both the "mirror" and "camera" version of yourself.

"People who take a lot of selfies end up feeling a lot more comfortable in their own skin because they have a continuum of images of themselves, and they're more in control of the image," Pamela said. "Flipped or not flipped, the ability to see themselves in all these different ways will just make them generally more comfortable."

Or, you know, just download FaceTune. Might as well fight science with science.


This article originally appeared on 7.21.21


Gretchen Kelly (left), Annie Reneau (right)
True

When I was a kid, we had an entire living room shelf full of photo albums to pore through when we wanted to relive family memories. Now, several decades later, we flip through digital albums, instead. But the feelings that family photographs invoke are still the same. Every photo tells a story, and some photos hold tales and truths that are particularly dear to our hearts.

I was visiting with my friend Paula recently when she pulled up a sweet old photo of our sons together.


Paula Fitzgibbons

Paula and I met in a parenting group 15 years ago. Our oldest daughters were nearly identical in age and we both had newborn babies, so we started planning regular play dates together.

Soon those play dates became a lifeline to our own sanity, and our friendship blossomed. We got together several times a week for years, essentially raising our kids together. Paula didn't have any family living nearby — no grandparents to gush over her children, no cousins to bond with — so our family became their extended family.

"I entered parenting without having been parented well myself," says Paula, adding that our marathon playdates gave us a chance to parent in a community. "Sometimes I'd even call and say, 'I can't parent today. How about if I do all the cooking and you do all the parenting?' So we did. In that way, I learned how to be the parent I never had."

While our girls were same-aged peers, our sons were seven years apart. Paula says that her son Sevvy had always wanted a brother, and when my Isaac was born, it was like Sevvy's wish was fulfilled. Indeed, our boys grew an incredibly sweet bond, less like friendship and more like brotherhood. Isaac followed Sevvy around like a puppy, and Sevvy doted on Isaac with a mixture of mentorship and protectiveness.

Life happened and we eventually ended up moving to different parts of the country. Our boys are now 18 and 11, but we still get together and reminisce about how those formative years meant so much to both of our families. This photo encapsulates the joy and care that defined our families' relationship.

Annie Reneau

Gretchen Kelly also has a precious sibling photo, but hers holds beautiful, bittersweet memories of her beloved baby brother, Todd.

At 16, Todd was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma, a rare type of bone tumor that generally hits people at a young age. He was eight years younger than Gretchen and 11 years younger than their older sister. "He was the baby of the family and spoiled rotten by all of us," Gretchen says. He passed away in 1999 at age 18.

"There's a photo of he and I that tugs at my heart because he has his arm casually draped over my shoulder and it perfectly captures our relationship and dynamic," says Gretchen.

Gretchen Kelly

"I don't remember what he said when we took this picture, but I know he said something to make me laugh while he stayed casual and cool for the photo. That was his way. He could keep a straight face and make you laugh in spite of yourself. And he could ALWAYS make you laugh."

"This is the picture that always leaves a lump in my throat," she adds. "It makes me smile—it is exactly how we were together. He was the baby brother who I adored, but at times, as he matured, it was as if he was the older sibling. Protective and wise beyond his years. But mischievous. Always mischievous."

Gretchen keeps another photo of Todd on her "inspiration wall" in her office, this one during his cancer journey.

Gretchen Kelly

"Obviously cancer was already taking something from him at this point," she Gretchen. "But not his smile. He somehow made all of us laugh and smile even when we were terrified of everything he was going through. I keep this picture on the wall in my office. His smile is what I will always cling to, his determination to not let cancer steal his joy or his humor. This serves as a reminder of determination and grit. When things get hard, as they tend to do, I look at this picture and he reminds me we can do hard things, and sometimes we can smile through it."

Photos aren't just snippets of our lives — they are images of joy and love, of family and community that can move us and inspire us. But these days our photos frequently get lost in the digital deluge of modern life. They end up archived on a hard drive somewhere or buried deep in social media.

Google Nest is trying to make it easier to keep treasured photos front and center with the Google Nest Hub — a device that serves as a digital photo frame and personal assistant. You can choose any album from Google Photos, such as "Family" or "Favorites," and the Nest Hub will display them on rotation. The Live Albums feature takes the work out of updating the photos by letting you create an album that automatically adds photos of the people who matter to you most. You can share a Live Album with anyone you want, just like any other album in Google Photos. The Nest Hub even adjusts to the lighting in the room so your photos look less like images on a screen and more like real photos.

Here's to the snapshots that remind us of our loved ones at all stages of life. They truly are among our most precious belongings.

Google is providing Nest Hubs to USO families to help them feel closer this holiday season. Join us in supporting the USO at uso.org/googlenest.

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On March 24, 2018, people around the world took to the streets to protest gun violence with the March for Our Lives.

Scheduled in response to the Feb. 14 school shooting in Parkland, Florida, the March for Our Lives descended on the nation's capital — in addition to smaller marches around the country — with people voicing support for gun safety measures like universal background checks and a ban on certain semi-automatic rifles.

From the signs to the sheer number of people in attendance, the demonstrations were simply stunning on a visual level.


Washington, D.C.

Sign-holding marchers fill the streets in Washington, D.C. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

People bear messages on uprisen hands in Washington, D.C. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

There were performances by artists like Common, Demi Lovato, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Ben Platt, Vic Mensa, Miley Cyrus, and Ariana Grande.

[rebelmouse-image 19531725 dam="1" original_size="750x500" caption="Common performs "Stand Up for Something" with members of the Cardinal Shehan School choir. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images." expand=1]Common performs "Stand Up for Something" with members of the Cardinal Shehan School choir. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

Demi Lovato sings in Washington, D.C. Photo by Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images.

Lin-Manuel Miranda and Ben Platt take the mics at the Washington D.C. March for Our Lives rally. Photo by Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images.

Rapper Vic Mensa performs at the rally in D.C. Photo by Jim Watson/AFP/Getty Images.

[rebelmouse-image 19531729 dam="1" original_size="750x500" caption="Miley Cyrus belts out "The Climb" during the March for Our Lives rally. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images." expand=1]Miley Cyrus belts out "The Climb" during the March for Our Lives rally. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

Ariana Grande sings at the D.C. rally. Photo by Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images.

The crowd was absolutely massive.

Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images.

Photo by Nicholas Kamm/AFP/Getty Images.

Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images.

Of course, students from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, and others from around the country, delivered impassioned speeches to a roaring crowd.

Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School student Delaney Tarr speaks. Photo by Nicholas Kamm/AFP/Getty Images.

Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School Student Cameron Kasky addresses the crowd. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School student David Hogg raises a fist at the rally. Photo by Jim Watson/AFP/Getty Images.

Alexandria, Virginia, student Naomi Wadler speaks during the D.C. rally. Photo by Jim Watson/AFP/Getty Images.

The demonstration weren't only in D.C. Marches and rallies popped up around the world in support of the March for Our Lives.

In the U.S., there were more than 800 rallies scheduled with a simple goal: to care more about our children than we care about our guns.

New York City, New York

[rebelmouse-image 19531739 dam="1" original_size="750x500" caption="A crowd unites with signs such as "Are our kids' lives worth your guns?" Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images." expand=1]A crowd unites with signs such as "Are our kids' lives worth your guns?" Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images.

[rebelmouse-image 19531740 dam="1" original_size="750x500" caption="Paul McCartney joins the New York march wearing a shirt that says "We Can End Gun Violence." Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images." expand=1]Paul McCartney joins the New York march wearing a shirt that says "We Can End Gun Violence." Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images.

Protesters demand gun regulations in N.Y. Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Photo by Jessica Kourkounis/Getty Images.

Photo by Jessica Kourkounis/Getty Images.

Photo by Jessica Kourkounis/Getty Images.

Los Angeles, California

Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images.

Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images.

Pflugerville, Texas

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

Berlin, Germany

Photo by Adam Berry/Getty Images.

Photo by Adam Berry/Getty Images.

Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images.

London, England

Photo by Tolga Akmen/AFP/Getty Images.

Photo by Tolga Akmen/AFP/Getty Images.

Amsterdam, Netherlands

Photo by Koen Van Weel/AFP/Getty Images.

Read more on the March for Our Lives with stories on Parkland student Emma Gonzalez’s emotional silence, D.C. student Zion Kelly’s speech on losing his twin to gun violence, outstanding protest signs, and moving words from little kids.

And if you want to support the anti-gun-violence movement, we have a quiz for the best way you can help.