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phone addiction

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Why so many people say they'd ditch modern day tech to go back to life in the 1980’s

More technology doesn’t equal happiness.

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A person stares longingly at a 1980s cassette caps

Technology is great. It’s wonderful to have infinite information (though not necessarily wisdom) at our fingertips. Our lives are exponentially more convenient, productive, and efficient compared to the ol’ analog days. And not for nothing—I for one love being able to take a thousand photos to get an angle I actually like, versus, clumsily mishandling a disposable camera and forever being haunted by the results.

But has it truly made our lives…better? For everything technology has given us, it has also taken away just as much. And many would consider opting for the simplicity of a bygone era.

In fact, when a viral X post asked, “would you give up your cell phone, internet, and all of the inventions of the past 35 years to live in the 1980s again?” an overwhelming amount of people came back with a resounding “yes.”

 

“In a heartbeat,” one person wrote, while another said, in call caps, “YES, YES, & HELL YES!”

Or course, some of this yearning might have more to do with nostalgia. The past often feels more appealing than the present because our brains filter out the bad stuff due to a process called “rosy retrospection.” So the good ol’ days seem good because of how we’re currently processing a precious memory.

You can even see a bit of this playing out in some of the comments. One person wrote, “Yes, I would have a chance to see my Dad again and tell him - that I loved him,” while another said, “Absolutely. Ditch the Iphone, give me a Walkman, and a pantry full of Pizza Rolls. I’ll be slow dancing to Phil Collins in a power suit while my VCR eats a Blockbuster rental.”

 

Neither of these examples truly indicate that the minimal tech era was indeed better for the whole of humanity (or even for the individual). But it does contain moments the commenters found positive. Bringing back the concept of photos, it’s akin to seeing a picture you took years ago, that you thought you looked fat in, only to now bask in how young and vibrant you were.

Still, as many experts and everyday folks can agree, the rise of technology in the age of capitalism is nonetheless a nasty combo.

As Dan Demers wrote in Forbes, “instead of streamlining and simplifying, technology has become a constant game of one-upmanship. Companies are always trying to outdo one another by cramming in more and more, without really thinking about what is absolutely essential.”

Similarly, in his online blog business strategist and author Chris Skinner noted how the prevalent presence of technology keeps up “working nonstop” and “consuming the planet.”

So, the obvious, most honest answer is, of course: technology has made our lives better…and also worse. But one could argue that it’s mainly unregulated technology + unregulated consumerism that’s the culprit. Technology is, after all, merely a tool.

This is where digital detoxes come in. Since, barring a Matrix-style takedown of all robot lifeforms, technology isn’t going anywhere, all we can really do is take control of our own consumption. Luckily, in terms of mental health, it really works.

According to the Newport Institute, there are 8 effective ways to take a break from your digital devices:

1. Dedicate chunk of your day to going offline, even if you can't commit to a full day

Most of us simply can’t completely disconnect due to work, school, or other obligations. But even an hour before bed each night can be effective.

2. Start small and work your way up

First 15 minutes each morning, then 30, then so on. Maybe you can work your way up to a full day, but no need to pressure yourself.

3. Turn off notifications

This is a big one. You can either test your restraint every time you get a little ding on phone, or you can eliminate the temptation.

4. Delete apps

Like step 3, on steroids. As the Newport Institute article notes, you can always get these apps back if you find that you do in fact need them.

4. Physically separate yourself from your phone

Leave it in another room, in a box that automatically puts it in airplane mode, or, if you’re brave enough, at home completely.

6. Start an accountability group

Odds are there are other folds in your social circle that would love to digital detox as well. Have a no-phones dinner or hike with friends. You could even start a money pool for those who end up braking to keep things interesting

7. Invest in a cold school alarm clock

This automatically sets up to at least not wake up with your device.

8. Make tech-free plans

There are plenty of activities—a beach day, a bike ride, a nature walk—that don’t requite a phone, and are far more fun without them.

Bottom line: we might never agree on whether or not technology is the savior or doom of civilization, or whether the pre-tech 80s were in fact the better time to be alive. But we can all say that we are here, now, and there are ways to make the best out of life, no matter what era we’re in.

We can also all agree that nobody needs to go back to 80s hair bands, right?

80s tech, technology, 80s nostalgia, life before cell phones, life before the internet, big techNobody wants this. media3.giphy.com

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Drew Barrymore makes 'vulnerable' post about taking away her tween daughter's phone

"Within three months, I gathered the data of the texts and behavior. I was shocked by the results."

Photo credit: Canva, www.GlynLowe.com/Wikipedia

"I am going to become the parent I needed, the adult I needed."

As far as modern parenting goes, there’s no tough love quandary quite so universal as setting phone boundaries.

It can be difficult for parents to find the balance between being overly strict, potentially setting their kid’s up to be left out from friends groups, and being far too lax, exposing their still-developing minds to technology’s more harmful characteristics.

Making it even more tricky is the fact that it’s still pretty much the Wild West when it comes to setting said phone boundaries. A parent might think their kid is ready to have a phone, only to realize after the fact that they should have waited.

Then there’s the uncomfortable scenario of taking the phone away and being the bad guy. No parent loves that moment, even if they’re ultimately doing what’s best for their child.

This is a situation experienced by regular parents and celebrity ones alike, apparently.

Recently Drew Barrymore reflected on her own decision to take away her daughter's phone in a "vulnerable" message, captioned “Phone Home,” shared to her Instagram account on Aug 30.

In the lengthy note the "E.T." star noted how the choice was influenced by her own rebellious childhood of "too much access and excess.”

"I wished many times when I was a kid that someone would tell me no," she wrote. "I wanted so badly to rebel all the time, and it was because I had no guardrails."

Barrymore has frequently gotten candid about how being thrust into stardom as a child left her vulnerable to very adult situations and in desperate need of parental guidance. Going to rehabilitation for two years luckily was a “blessing” that gave her a “hard reset.”

And now that she’s a parent herself to two girls, Olive, 12 and Frankie, 10, she sees how phones are a repeat of this "too much access and excess” pattern. Understandably, she wants to be “protective” of her kids to go down the same path she once did.

"Now that I am a mother, I cannot believe I live in a world that I know correlates to my own personal pitfalls and many of my peers who got into too much, too soon,” she wrote.

In regards to her daughter Olive, Barrymore gave her a phone for her 11th birthday because “all her friends had one.” However, the phone was "only to be used on weekends and for a limited time with no social media."

Even with those well intentioned restrictions, Barrymore made troubling discoveries.

"Within three months, I gathered the data of the texts and behavior. I was shocked by the results. Life depended on the phone. Happiness was embedded in it. Life source came from this mini digital box. Moods were dependent on the device."

Wanting to “put a stop to these high stakes emotions flying around,” Barrymore printed out every single text onto paper and handed Olive "a stack of pages,” reminding her that "they're permanent somewhere where we don't see it, so we don't believe in its retraceable and damning nature if we fail digitally to act with decency.”

Barrymore then took the phone away, but made sure to let Olive know that it was not a “punishment on her character." It simply “was not time yet.”

"I want to let parents know that we can live with our children's discomfort in having to wait. We can be vilified and know we are doing what we now know to be a safer, slower and scaffolded approach," she concluded. "I am going to become the parent I needed, the adult I needed."

Barrymore did add that the current relationship most adults have to their phones only sets an example for kids, saying, “we are living in an á la carte system as caretakers, in a modern, fast-moving world where tiny little computers are in every adult’s hands, modeling that it is OK to be attached to a device that is a portal to literally everything.”

But she argues that our own challenges with setting phone boundaries can actually be a point of connection, writing, “we can admit we’re learning, too, especially in tech, and things have to pivot from time to time.”

Barrymore, whose “actions to move forward” included speaking with Apple to “discuss creating a new device without all the trimmings,” isn’t the only adult looking to create more helpful regulations. Many parents are rallying behind causes like the Away for a Day (AFTD) movement, which aims to remove smartphones from the classroom, and the Wait Until 8th organization, which is trying to set 8th grade as the official starting point for kids to receive phones.

Technology is certainly not going away, nor would we want to give up the benefits that it bestows. But certainly, setting regulations, especially for kids, is something that everyone should be thinking of if we want to create a society that uses technology without being controlled by it.

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Woody Harrelson shares how he ditched his phone after failing to limit his screen time

Its addictive qualities are incredibly hard to shake.

David Shankbone/Wikipedia, Photo credit: Canva

Is this the only way to break phone addiction?

On a recent episode of his “Where Everybody Knows Your Name” podcast, Ted Danson noted that Woody Harrelson doesn’t have a phone. He even joked that the “Hunger Games” star was “one of those bullies in life that make other people carry his phone for him.”

Harrelson quickly clarified that Danson’s jape wasn’t “exactly true,” sharing what really led him to ditching his device three and a half years ago.

“Well, I just don’t like to have, you know, to be readily available to any human being at any time,” he told Danson. “I like to be in touch with people in a way, but I don’t like the appendage on my appendage.”

Harrelson’s sentiment is certainly a relatable one. But it’s his failed attempts to “limit” his screen time that really resonate.

“Back then I was like, ‘Okay, I’m going to set this limit. Two hours,’ ” Harrelson reflected. “It’s like 9:30. You know, I’ve already hit my limit at 9:30, so I woke up, and I’ve been on it two hours already because, cuz you know how it can just keep going and going.”

Goodness, how many of us have tried—and failed—to limit our screen time?

Even with little alerts that say “you have five more minutes'' on various apps, those alerts are easy to ignore once you do it a couple of times. Another strategy might be putting our phones on “Do Not Disturb” to ward off notifications, or setting it to “Night Mode” so that the screen is less bright and eye-catching. But anecdotally, all of these hacks seem to only do so much.

Harrelson also explained that he would find himself at dinner and and instantly reaching for his phone once there was a lull in the conversation. Who among us hasn’t been guilty of this modern day social faux pas? It even ignited the seemingly short-lived “phone stacking” movement, where friends going out to dinner would all stack their phones on the table, and whoever reached for their device first would have to cover the tab.

Lastly, Harrelson admitted he only ever used the phone to send texts, rather than make phone calls. According to Statista, texting is by far the most common phone activity, followed by emails, app usage, online shopping, internet, etc. Making phone calls didn’t even seem to make the list.

All this to say—phone addiction might not be on the same level as substance addiction, but its addictive qualities are incredibly hard to shake. And this is partially due to the fact that our society enables and encourages phone usage, much in the same way that alcohol is a fully ingrained aspect of our culture.

Paul Graham, famed Silicon Valley investor, notes that often society forms “antibodies” against addictive new things, coming first in the form of a change in public opinion, followed by a change in legislation. He uses the example of smoking, and how it went from being “totally normal” to something “seedy,” and eventually laws were created to match societal change. Even with alcohol we have seen this, with alcohol-free bars even becoming mainstream.

What makes “technology addiction” different, however, is how rapidly it evolves.

“Unless the rate at which social antibodies evolve can increase to match the accelerating rate at which technological progress throws off new addictions, we'll be increasingly unable to rely on customs to protect us. Unless we want to be canaries in the coal mine of each new addiction—the people whose sad example becomes a lesson to future generations—we'll have to figure out for ourselves what to avoid and how. It will actually become a reasonable strategy (or a more reasonable strategy) to suspect everything new,” he writes.

So, if our current world really doesn’t offer any buffers between us and our devices, Harrelson’s cold turkey approach does make some sense. Not that his approach is in any way feasible for 99% of us. But still, it offers some food for thought. Without agreed upon collective changes to our phone behavior, what chance does an individual really have of breaking free of this widely common habit? Is the only option to opt out entirely? These are questions thus far without answers. But what an important conversation to have moving forward.

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Mom has a different take for the millennial parents 'always on their phone'

 It's pretty spot on.

@sheisapaigeturner/TikTok

Maybe there's more to it than "bad parenting."

Unless you've been living on a remote, deserted island, you’re probably addicted to your phone. We’ve all been guilty of ignoring someone right in front of us because of text or a notification. It’s so common we even have a word for it: “phubbing.”

But parental phubbing, while just as prevalent as ordinary phubbing, is often seen as more than just a social faux pas. And this perhaps isn’t totally without merit, since research has shown that kids do in fact feel the effects of being ignored in this way.

And yet, as one mom eloquently points out, we can’t just chalk it up to “bad parenting.”

“I was just at my son's Taekwondo practice, and I'd say 75% of the parents are on their phones, right?” Paige Turner, a mom of four, says in a clip posted to her TikTok.

She continues: “And I have seen a lot of commentary about how parents are always on their phones, right? Parents are always texting. They're not watching their kids. They're not seeing how great their kids doing during Taekwondo or baseball or gymnastics, whatever it is. They're just too busy on their phone and why can't they just take a break and look up?”

And this is where Turner offers her alternate, but so spot on take.

“I think the average parent is being asked to do a lot, right? They are working full-time. There's a lack of childcare, so oftentimes, these parents are not only on their phones, I sit next to parents who are on their laptops at Taekwondo practice because we are technically still working, right?” she says.

Since most parents are technically still on the clock by the time an afternoon practice rolls around, of course they’re “Slacking on their phone. They're answering emails. Sometimes, they're even listening to a call,” Turner explains.

So maybe it’s not just about being present with their kids but about parents having to be on call 24/7.

“In an ideal world, our kids would have practices and games at times that allowed us to be fully present,” Turner says. But in reality, “we are being asked to go in many different directions right now, and so many of us don’t have that luxury.”

Turner also points out that the obligation to be at every practice or game is a fairly new concept, parents used to simply drop kids off and pick them up once whichever activity was over.

“We are being asked not only to do more physically: be at every practice, be at every game, volunteer, work full-time, pick up your kids from the bus stop, all these things. We're also being asked to be fully present for all of it, which is impossible,” she notes.

 
 @sheisapaigeturner As parents, we need to be conscious of one and how we use our phones. However, a lot of the critique online specifically about parents being on their phone I could activities is likely missing the full picture. Many parents are multitasking. They are working while at basketball, they are ordering groceries while at dance practice. They are doing many things at one time and juggling all of it as soon as they can. #millennailmom #sportsmom #parentingadvice #socialmedia #workingmom #wfhmom #workingparent ♬ original sound - Paige 
 
 

Turner concludes by sharing that she posted this perspective to offer some grace against the common “ugly narrative” that parents are simply not paying attention to their kids when parents are most likely doing the very best that they can.

Several parents agreed with Turner and added their own takes on the issue.

“The idea that we have to be present every single second of our child’s life is just INSANE. Especially coming from the ‘go outside and don’t come back until dark’ generation,” one person wrote.

Another added, “also, my phone is where I schedule appointments, order groceries, order prescriptions, fill out forms for all the things, research therapists and camps and doctors and adhd, & I’m a grad student.”

A few even pointed out that even when they aren’t working, phone use during practice shouldn’t be considered taboo.

“Even if you AREN’T working or doing something productive on your phone. Why would I want to watch soccer drills for an hour? Let me play candy crush in peace lol,” one person quipped.

Another seconded, “I’m absolutely not working but I’m using the opportunity of my child being fully engaged with an activity to freaking relax a little. I don't have to just sit and watch them 24/7 to have a relationship.”

Bottom line: of course, it’s important for parents to be mindful of their phone usage, especially when around kids. But our world makes that nearly impossible, and passing judgment on the moms and dads who do find themselves scrolling isn’t of help to anyone. A little compassion can go a long way here.

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