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When should kids get a smartphone? Backed by science, concerned parents now have the answer.

Parents don't want their kids "left out." But what are they really signing up for?

wait until 8th, smartphones and kids, parenting
via Yan Krukau/Pexels

Four kids in school staring at their smartphones.

If you ask 20 parents the best age for a child to get a smartphone, you’ll probably get 20 different answers. That’s because we have yet to come to a consensus on when children are ready to have 24-hour-a-day contact with their friends and be subject to a brain-altering deluge of information algorithmically distributed to them by big tech companies.

Smartphones also expose users to all the harmful material available online and make them more vulnerable to bullying.

According to Common Sense Media, 42 percent of 10-year-olds report having smartphones. By age 12, that number increases to 71 percent; by age 14, it’s 91 percent. But what is the best age to give a child a smartphone so that they can stay in touch with their friends while also protecting their mental health?

When should parents give their child a smartphone?

An organization started by Brooke Shannon, a mother of 3, aims to set a new standard for parents everywhere. Wait Until 8th draws a line in the sand by saying the earliest a child should have a smartphone is after they've completed the 8th grade. “That is a reasonable time for parents to wait, and everyone will make a different decision for their family. Of course, the longer you can wait, the better," Mark SooHoo, a parent volunteer for the Wait Until 8th movement, told Upworthy.

SooHoo says social scientist Jonathan Haidt’s recent landmark book, “The Anxious Generation: How the Rewriting of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness,” lays a strong foundation for delaying smartphone use as long as possible.

In the book, Haidt cites research that shows how, right around 2010, the U.S. and other developed nations saw an astronomical spike in mental health problems among young people, including self-harm, suicide, psychological distress, anxiety and depression. The spike perfectly coincides with the adaptation of smartphone technology and the subsequent decline in time spent with friends.

Or, as Haidt would write, the dawn of the phone-based childhood era.



Sapien Labs performed a study on nearly 28,000 young adults that found the age at which they were given smartphones or tablet technology “strongly correlates” with their mental health status. “The later the age at which these young adults first got a phone or tablet that they could carry with them in childhood, the better their mental well-being as adults,” the study states. "That's the core of what we're saying,” SooHoo told Upworthy. “This is all about the mental health of our children."

To help parents and children commit to the timeframe, Wait Until 8th created an online tool that makes it easy for parents to support each other in the decision. When you sign the Wait Until 8th pledge, you will be notified after at least 10 families from your child’s school and grade sign up, too. This gives parents strength in numbers to push back against their child’s requests for a smartphone. It also reduces the social pressure on kids without smartphones so they don’t feel left out.

wait until 8th, smartphones and kids, parentingWon't my child be left out without a smartphone?via Wait Until 8th/Instagram


SooHoo says community involvement gives parents more confidence in their decisions.

But what about parents who give their kids smartphones so they never lose touch with them? SooHoo says smartphones aren’t the only way to stay connected to your child. "This pledge is for smartphones only,” he told Upworthy. “Get them a smartwatch, get them a flip phone. Even something as simple as an AirTag can tell you where your child is."

Do children without smartphones feel left out?

Many parents eventually cave in and get their kids phones because they don’t want them to feel left out. "Yes, I understand it's a valid concern,” SooHoo told Upworthy, but he has a different view of what being “left out” means. “But I do want my child to be left out of bullying. I do want my child to be left out of negative body issues. I do want my child left out of the harmful effects of social media."

"These smartphones are designed by some of the world's most brilliant user interface experts who design them just like you would a Vegas casino to keep you hooked. To keep your attention. To keep those dopamine hits coming,” SooHoo continued. “So, yes, I do want my child left out of that."

What’s worse? For a child to be left out of a Snapchat conversation with friends or brought into a world where they can be easily bullied and develop a severe mental health problem?

parents and smartphones, kids and smartphones, kids and technology.Boys sitting down and staring at their phones.via Pixabay/Pexels

Katie Degen, another Wait Until 8th volunteer, noticed a massive change in her son after giving him a smartphone.

“We gave him one when he was in fifth grade and we saw a difference right away,” she told The Record North Shore. “When we took it away for any reason, we would see our old kid again, the one who was engaged with the world. Then we’d give the phone back and see the difference again.”

Since then, she has replaced her son’s phone with a smartwatch. “It’s been a real game changer,” she added. “He’s talking more with his friends, and it’s actually changed for the rest of the family. We all use our phones less and interact more.”

Understandably, parents have different views on when or why to give their child a smartphone. But it’s becoming impossible to deny the impact they have on a child’s mental health. Smartphones are tools that connect people so it’s essential to have a collective answer to this collective problem. Wait Until 8th is one of the first organizations to promote a healthy way for kids to adapt to technology while empowering parents to make it happen together.

Visit Wait Until 8th's website for more information and to join the 60,000 parents in 50 states who have pledged to wait until at least 8th grade to give their child a smartphone.

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Family

Millennial mom asks her own mom about raising a kid in the 80s and is mortified

"What did you do without Google?!"

@thedailytay/TikTok

"My anxiety could not have handled the 80s."

Raising kids is tough no matter what generation you fall into, but it’s hard to deny that there was something much simpler about the childrearing days of yesteryear, before the internet offered a million and one ways that parents could be—and probably are—doing it all very, very wrong.

Taylor Wolfe, a millennial mom, exemplifies this as she asks her own mother a series of rapid-fire questions about raising her during the 80s and the stark contrast in attitudes becomes blatantly apparent.

First off, Wolfe can’t comprehend how her mom survived without being able to Google everything. (Not even a parent, but I feel this.)

“What did we have to Google?” her mom asks while shaking her head incredulously.

“Everything! For starters, poop!” Wolfe says. “Cause you have to know if the color is an okay color, if it's healthy!”

“I was a nursing mom, so if the poop came out green, it was because I ate broccoli,” her mom responds.

…Okay, fair point. But what about handy gadgets like baby monitors? How did Wolfe’s mom keep her kid alive without one?

“I was the monitor, going in and feeling you,” she says.

@thedailytay My anxiety would have hated the 80s. Or maybe loved it? IDK! #fyp #millennialsontiktok #parenttok #momsoftiktok #comedyvid ♬ original sound - TaylorWolfe

Could it really be that easy? It was for Wolfe’s mom, apparently. Rather than relying on technology, she simply felt her child and adjusted accordingly.

“If you were hot, you slept in a diaper. If you were cold, you had a blanket around you.” Done and done.

Wolfe then got into more existential questions, asking her mom if she ever felt the stress of “only having 18 summers” with her child, and how to make the most of it.

Without missing a beat, Wolfe's mother says, “It's summer, I still have you.”

Going by Wolfe’s mom, the 80s seems like a time with much less pressure.

From feeding her kids McDonald’s fries guilt-free to being spared the judgment of internet trolls, she just sort of did the thing without worrying so much if she was doing it correctly.

That’s nearly impossible in today’s world, as many viewers commented.

“Google just gives us too much information and it scares us,” one person quipped.

Another seconded, “I swear social media has made me wayyyy more of an anxious mom."

Even a professional noted: “As someone who has worked in pediatrics since the 80s, the parents are way more anxious now.”

I don’t think anyone truly wants to go back in time, per se. But many of us are yearning to bring more of this bygone mindset into the modern day. And the big takeaway here: No matter how many improvements we make to life, if the cost is our mental state, then perhaps it’s time to swing the pendulum back a bit.


This article originally appeared on 8.24.23

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Parenting

Woman on plane says she was asked to take iPad away from 3-year-old to 'shield' other kids

Is she responsible for the screen time rules of other parents?

Photo credit: Canva

Woman on flight confronts parent over 3-year-old using iPad

It's no secret that everyone parents their children differently. Heck, even within the same house children are parented differently based on their individual personalities and social–emotional needs. So most parents understand that every family operates differently than their own but that doesn't stop some people from expecting their rules to be followed by other people outside of their family.

One mom found herself feeling a bit confused and likely frustrated after a recent flight with her preschooler. She and her 3-year-old were on a two hour flight enjoying some in flight entertainment in the form of an iPad. This seemed to be a problem for another family on board the same flight who also happened to have a preschool aged little boy with them.

The other family's child noticed the little girl's iPad and decided that he too needed to have his iPad. The only problem was, the boy's family decided he could not use his device while traveling which left him crying for the girl's tablet.

Instead of the parents of the little boy giving him his tablet, they requested that the other mom take the tablet away from her child and put it away.

The mom of the little girl refused to take the tablet from her child to accommodate the other family causing the little boy to cry most of the flight according to the frazzled mom on Reddit. Of course screen time is a hot button for parents with some parents demanding to be screen free until a certain age and others appreciating the time screens provide parents to get things done around the house.

woman carrying baby while sitting on gray seat Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash

Experts weigh in on screen time

According to the Mayo Clinic, screen time for children younger than 18 months old should be avoided unless video chatting with relatives or friends. Otherwise, there should be no screens until after that age when high quality shows and such can be introduced with supervision up to 24 months. But for preschool aged children the recommendation is to leave screen time to one hour or less of high quality programs with parental supervision.

Two psychologists who are also moms discussed screen time when traveling on the podcast "Securely Attached." They both agreed that each kid is different but one mom, Dr. Emily says, "I think you really have to adapt to what the needs are. If you have a really long flight, your kids are zoning out." Before adding, "I’m okay with them watching movies. I’m less with them doing a video game for hours and hours and hours that again, I might just be old and I think that’s more analog."

girl sitting on chair Photo by Patricia Prudente on Unsplash

While the two children whose parents were in this mile high standoff over screen time both fall into the one hour or less category, these children are not from the same family. Every parent has different rules around screen time for their children and some see traveling as a place to bend their own household rules a little to make sure their children are as occupied as possible in an effort to not inconvenience other passengers.

People chime in to support mom's choice

Since the mom who originally asked if she was wrong for refusing to take away her child's iPad was starting to second guess her choice after noting the other family giving her dirty looks, Reddit users emphatically supported her decision.

High Five Sesame Street GIF by MoonbugGiphy

"If they don't want their kid to use a tablet on their vacation, they need to be prepared for meltdowns like this while he develops the ability to understand that other people will have different rules and experiences than he will. I feel for them, I know how hard it is to travel with a cranky toddler, but that's simply not a reasonable request to make of a stranger," someone shares with the mom.

"I think the big benefit to iPads on flights is that you can download near unlimited activities and don’t have to bring anything else that takes up space! I own a Kindle and while I do prefer reading physical books, when I travel I don’t have to worry about reading my books too quickly because I can just download another! Like bringing a puzzle and a book and a game and markers and paper vs bringing one device that has all of those things can absolutely be beneficial for a flight/trip especially if you have young children and also need to pack snacks and diapers and sippy cups and all the extra stuff adults don’t need," another adds.

Happy Dance GIF by XboxGiphy

"It's different before kids can read, I think. At 3 they can't just sit and read or do a puzzle, you have to actively do it with them and their attention span is short. Which might be fine for a 2 hour flight but isn't going to work for 5 or 7 or 12. Breaking it up with a few episodes of Bluey on your phone isn't going to hurt anyone and is considerate to your fellow passengers who don't want to deal with a toddler bouncing off the walls with boredom," one person writes.

boy sitting on chair beside table using tablet computer Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Overwhelmingly parents and non-parents alike agree that this mom did nothing wrong by refusing to take away her daughter's iPad. Others suggesting that the parents who chose not to use screens should have been more prepared with activities, "Exactly. It's fine to not want your toddler to use a tablet but you have to give them other activities. When we traveled as small children, we had lots of books, coloring books, little games, snacks, etc. planes are boring for all of us, especially children."

There you have it, planes are boring for everyone, so being prepared with boredom busters if you're avoiding screens can be beneficial for all involved.

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Culture

Guy starts singing a Sam Cooke song at the barbershop and blows everyone away

With 7 million views on TikTok alone, Shawn Louisiana's incredible viral video is a must-see.

Shawn Louisiana/YouTube

Sometimes a person opens their mouth to sing, and magic happens. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what qualities make a voice transcend the average and transfix an audience, but we know it when we hear it.

Enter Shawn Louisiana.

A video of him singing in a barbershop has gone viral and it's definitely worth a watch. He wrote on YouTube, "The older guy didn't think I could pull off a Sam Cooke song," but when he started singing "A Change is Gonna Come," he definitely proved that he could. Really well. Like, whoa.

Watch:

The older guy didn't think I could pull off a Sam Cooke song #achangegonnacomewww.youtube.com

There's a reason that video has gotten nearly 7 million views on TikTok alone.

Louisiana frequently shares videos of himself just singing casually for the camera, and I don't understand why this man's talent is not more well known yet.

I mean, just listen to this "Stand By Me" cover. Like butter. Sing me to sleep, sir.

Stand By Me - Ben E. King cover #tiktokwww.youtube.com

His Instagram account says he's available to book for weddings. That's nice, but someone please get this man a record deal so we can listen to him croon all day.

For more from Shawn Louisiana, follow him on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube.


This article originally appeared on 9.1.21

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culture

Married couples are blending their last names to stick it to the patriarchy

7 real couples share their made-up new names

Photo by Skye Studios on Unsplash

Brangelina. Kimye. "Combined names" are a key step in becoming a celebrity "it" couple. But regular people all over the U.S. are doing the same thing. And making it legal.

I recently read about the phenomenon of married couples legally taking a smushed-together — or otherwise completely invented — version of their last names.

Smith and Johnson become the Smithsons, for example. It's sometimes called name blending or name-meshing.

I started asking around: Had anyone else heard of this?

Turns out, a ton of people had. Almost everyone I asked knew a couple who had done it officially, done it unofficially, or at least thought about it.

It might sound kind of odd, but there are a lot of great reasons modern couples choose to do something like this — everything from gender equality (FTW!) to giving the kids a fresh family identity to make their own.

Here are seven forward-thinking, creative, and diverse couples who chose to use a combined name, and why they did it.

1. Carla Cole + Brian Martin = the Latimers

These two turned to an unlikely tool when they decided to combine names: an anagram generator.

"We wanted a family name to share with the kids," Carla says.

She says they almost had guests at their wedding vote on their top five favorite names. Instead, they wound up choosing on their own.

"We dropped our middle birth names, moved our maiden names to our middle names, and added the new last name," she says.

And lived happily ever after.

a newly married couple walking through a field Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

2. Blair Eckenrode + Megan Christensen = the Eckensens

When Eckenrode and Christensen got married, they had some understandably complicated feelings about the institution.

Questioning the long upheld standards of marriage gave the couple a lot of freedom to define their own union how they saw fit. The first thing to go? The historic coverture laws that originated today's commonplace tradition of a woman relinquishing a part of her identity, her name, and assuming her husband's.

"We are a family, and we share every part of our lives with each other, and we also desired to share a name," Blair says. "So we got creative and here we are — a nontraditionally created name for a 'nontraditional' marriage."

3. Sally and Ryan Stauffer = the Elainskas

When these two first got married, they did what Sally calls "the normal thing," and went with her husband's last name of Stauffer. A few years later, Ryan had a confession to make — he wished they'd gone another route.

"In the end we decided to combine Gaelic to represent his ancestry and Polish to represent mine," Sally says. They chose words that loosely translated to "people of art," plus a few tweaks to make it easy to spell and pronounce, and suddenly they were the Elainskas.

Their families have had mixed reactions, Sally says, but there's only one thing that really matters: "I couldn't be happier with the decision and with my perfect partner!"

two grooms run happily at a wedding Photo by Maico Pereira on Unsplash

4. Sonia Abrams + Stephen Moss = the Abramoss kids

When these two tied the knot, they both agreed it'd be best to keep their own last names. The kids? That was a different story.

"We both felt a little weird about not having a little bit of [both] our names in our kid," Sonia says. That's when they got the idea to combine, and Abramoss just felt like a winning combination.

"My dad did not like it at all, but I think he got over it," she says. "It feels neat to have our kid's' names be a combo of ours, since our kids are a perfect combo of the two of us."

5. Sara Kunitake + Jonah Horowitz = the Horotakes

"Sara has a very strong attachment to her family name. She’s the last Kunitake grandchild, and she hesitated to give the name up," Jonah says. "Also, she has invested a lot in building her brand professionally as Sara Kunitake and didn’t want to have to rebuild as Sara Horowitz."

So they merged to become the Horotakes. "We really like the sound of it and it merges our Japanese and Jewish heritage."

6. Jesse Rauch + Lissa McManus = the McRauchs

Feminism has been an important thread throughout Jesse and Lissa's relationship.

"As our relationship deepened, I felt it was important to be completely equal in our relationship," Jesse says. "We both wear engagement rings. I didn't get on one knee — so we looked each other in the eye."

Jesse says most people are really supportive, or even jealous they didn't think of it, but his parents keep asking, 'Are you really doing that?"

"They may need more time," he says.

7. Ash Russell + Crystal Fields = the Rocketships

That's right. Meet Mrs. and Mrs. Rocketship.

Ash says the couple talked a lot about "how neither of us were really attached to our family names and how it would be nice to share a name once we were married."

Her alternative? Pick something random, but meaningful. It got the couple talking about their shared love of outer space.

"We joked about Lightyear, after Buzz, and then one of us — probably me because I am nothing if not overjoyed at being obnoxious — said, 'We should just pick something random ... like, rocketship.' And it just stuck."

From there, the paperwork was a breeze, and the Rocketships became the coolest family in the solar system.


This article originally appeared on 8.11.17


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Dogs can recognize a liar and there’s science to prove it

Lesson: Don't lie to your dog.

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Can a dog really trust you?

Dogs can smell fear, but can they sniff out the truth? Your dog might actually be smarter than you're giving it credit for. It turns out, dogs are pretty good at picking up on human behavior. Science says so. A team led by Akiko Takaoka of Kyoto University in Japan conducted a study which found out that dogs actually know if you're to be believed or not.

The study involved tricking dogs in the name of science. Humans have known for a long time that if you point at an object, a dog will run to it. Researchers utilized this information in their study. During the experiment, they pointed at a container that was filled with hidden food. Sure enough, the dog ran towards the container. Then, they pointed at a container that was empty. The dogs ran towards it, but found that it had no food.

The third time the researchers pointed at a container with food, the dogs refused to go to the container. They knew the person pointing wasn't reliable based off their previous experience. 34 dogs were used in the experiment, and every single dog wouldn't go towards the container the third time. This experiment either proves that dogs can spot a liar or that dogs have major trust issues.

animals, trust, science

Puppy in a bowl.

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In other words, if you lie to your dog, your dog forms the opinion that your word isn't good and will behave accordingly. "Dogs have more sophisticated social intelligence than we thought. This social intelligence evolved selectively in their long life history with humans," said Takaoka, who was also surprised that dogs were quick when they "devalued the reliability of a human.”

John Bradshaw of the University of Bristol in the UK, who wasn't involved in this study, says that the results indicate that dogs prefer predictability. When gestures are inconsistent, dogs tend to become nervous and stressed.

The researchers have plans to repeat the experiment swapping out the dogs with wolves because wolves are closely related to dogs. The point of this isn't to get bitten by wolves, but rather, to see the "profound effects of domestication" on dogs.

This article originally appeared on 06.06.19.

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