upworthy

bullying

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A child looks really upset on a playground.

Robbie Pierce, his husband, Neal Broverman are no strangers to bigotry. The men and their two young children were traveling on an Amtrak train in California in 2022 when they were harassed by a fellow passenger at a stop in San Jose; an incident that made headlines.

"All of a sudden, there was a man standing there next to me," Pierce told The Advocate. The man told their son, "Remember what I told you earlier. They stole you and they're pedophiles," Pierce recounts. The man also said that gay people are abominations. (Broverman is the editorial director for print media at Pride, The Advocate's parent company.)

The police were called and the man was thrown off the train, but the incident was a frightening reminder that gay families could be the target of bigots any time and anywhere, even in liberal Northern California. "It's a new level of homophobia out there," Pierce added.

Seven months later, Pierce’s son was the victim of harassment, this time from a child at a park.


lgbtq families, religious trauma, indoctrination, gay, lgbtq, bullying, hate, advocacy, parenting, lgbtq parentingA day at the park turned hateful and confrontation for Roobie Pierce and his son.Dakota Lim/Unsplash

"A random unattended 7-year-old at the park told me and my son that gay people are the devil,” he recounted in a viral X thread. "My son scoffed, but the boy said it was true because God said so."

Maybe it was the incident months prior. Maybe it was a lifetime of harassment and judgment. But whatever it was, in that moment, Pierce had had enough. He reacted to the boy’s hatred — which he probably learned at home — with his own lesson.

“I told him parents made up God to make their Kids do what they want. His eyes got so big,” he wrote on X.

It's worth wondering: Did God really 'say so'? Biblical scholars are split on the Bible's true message around homosexuality. It appears open to interpretation, and it's clear that many people choose to interpret the words in a hateful and negative way, going so far as to show their children that it's OK to approach and confront gay people over their identities.

Addressing complex issues like religion and sexuality with a young child, who’s a stranger, is a tricky needle to thread, so Pierce admits he had some reservations about his response. But he stands by his decision.

“I'm sorry but if you teach your kids to hate I'm going to teach them to disobey you," he wrote on X.

As someone who has been harassed by religious, homophobic people in the past, Pierce took the opportunity to help steer a young child away from hatred. At the age of 7, most children believe whatever their parents tell them. However, Pierce planted a seed in the child’s mind that may one day encourage him to challenge his indoctrination when he gets older. The kid will likely remember that interaction for many years to come, and may look back at it with shame one day. That shame could be the much-needed catalyst for change.

"I was shocked at first and then...well...you may have planted a seed to grow a fine human out of the little homophobic bigot he was being trained up as. I can't argue with that," one user wrote on X.

The vast majority of commenters on X agreed with Pierce’s response to the child’s comment.

However, some people thought Pierce’s response to the child was inappropriate.

Bigoted words or not, it was still a child, and many people thought there may have been a more tactful way to teach the kid a lesson rather than invalidating his entire faith. Or perhaps Pierce could have tracked down the boy's parents and given them an earful instead.

One thing is clear: Something in our culture is definitely broken when we're more intent on policing people's responses to bigotry and hate versus addressing the root cause of these divides. The boy's parents should be the one on trial in the court of public opinion for teaching their son that this kind of behavior is acceptable.

No matter how one feels about Pierce’s reaction, what’s clear is that there is something very inappropriate about a 7-year-old child openly harassing LGBTQ families. The unfortunate problem is that this type of hyper-religious upbringing can cause lasting emotional and psychological trauma to a child. And it’s a common problem. A recent study in the growing field of religious trauma found that 1 in 3 Americans suffer from trauma related to religion at some point in their life.

While we might be quick to dismiss the child’s behavior as innocent or simply as a symptom of growing up in a religious household, the more we learn about religious trauma, the more these children appear to be the victims of abuse. Hopefully Pierce's words will help the boy rethink his relationship with his faith, and his parents, down the road.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Michael B. Jordan speaking at the 2017 San Diego Comic Con International, for "Black Panther", at the San Diego Convention Center in San Diego, California.

As long as humans have endeavored to do anything great, there have been those who have tried to take them down. These are the opposite of the creators in life: the bullies, haters, and naysayers who only want to bring people down to their level. But when you have a dream and desire, its possible to tune out the voices of negativity.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better,” Theodore Roosevelt once said. “The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena." Some folks use the naysayers as fuel to push them to work even harder. Basketball legend Michael Jordan was infamous for letting his thirst for revenge drive him to even greater heights on the court.

Another Michael Jordan, Black Panther star, Michael B. Jordan, came face to face with someone who doubted that he could reach his dreams, and he wasn’t shy about letting her know that he remembered. What's Upworthy about the encounter is that he did so with class and confidence.

In 2023, Jordan was on the red carpet for the premiere of Creed III, a film he starred in and directed. He was interviewed by The Morning Hustle radio show host Lore’l, who had recently admitted on the Undressing Room podcast that she used to make fun of him in school.

“You know what’s so crazy? I went to school with Michael B. Jordan at a point in life,” Lore’l said. “And to be honest with you, we teased him all the damn time because his name was Michael Jordan. Let’s start there, and he was no Michael Jordan.”

“He also would come to school with a headshot,” she added. “We lived in Newark. That’s the hood. We would make fun of him like, ‘What you gonna do with your stupid headshot?’ And now look at him!”

In addition, her co-host, Eva Marcille, referred to Jordan as “corny.”

- YouTubeyoutu.be

Jordan had no problem discussing their past on the red carpet. “We go way back, all the way back to Chad Science [Academy] in Newark,” Lore’l told the actor. Oh yeah, I was the corny kid, right?” Jordan responded with a smirk.

“No, you did not hear me say that! I said we used to make fun of the name,” Lore’l said.

“I heard it,” Jordan said. “I heard it. It’s all good. What’s up?” he responded. “But yeah, [you are] obviously killing things out here…you’re not corny anymore,” Lore’l clarified.

After the exchange went viral, Lore’l admitted that she teased Jordan in school, but they were only classmates for one year.

“So, the narrative that I bullied him all throughout high school—this was 7th grade. We were like 12 years old, and everyone made fun of each other,” Lore’l told TMZ after facing backlash from fans of Jordan. "The whole bully narrative is crazy... That was school, you know. That was one year. And, again, I’ve never bullied him. That just sounds so outrageous to me.”

Whether qualified as bullying or not, teasing someone for things they can't control like their name, appearance, or personality is extremely harmful. Usually, teasing is more lighthearted and the person being teased is in on the joke; it's not done with the intent to hurt or belittle the person. In an article for Understood—a nonprofit dedicated to providing resources and support to people around the world "who learn and think differently" in school, at work, and throughout life—editor and attorney Andrew M.I. Lee, JD writes that teasing is "a form of communication," usually between friends or even (potential) romantic partners (i.e. flirting). However, Lee notes that because some bullying begins as teasing and some teasing is indeed done with negative intent, the whole thing is complicated. In short, teasing could be experienced as bullying depending on the context and, according to Psychology Today, bullying physically harms the brain and can lead to mental health issues such as chronic anxiety and depression.

bullying, bullies, bully, social media, cyberbullyTeasing and bullying can be harmful. Canva photos.

Jordan later shared some advice on how to deal with bullies.

"Just stay focused, just stay locked in,” he told a reporter from Complex. “You know, just follow your heart, try to block out the noise and distractions as much as possible and run your race. Don't compare yourself to anybody else. Just keep going."

Sounds like good advice from someone who truly knows what he's talking about.

But remember: bullying can go both ways. In an attempt to defend Jordan, many fans of the star in turn bullied (and threatened) Lore'l pretty mercilessly. The unfortunate bottom line is that bullying is likely going to keep happening in this world, especially thanks to the Internet and social media. But when it does, we can all take a page from Jordan's book and handle it with class and truth. Who knows? If we stand up to bullies, call out bad behavior, and defend those being bullied around us, we just might be able to nip bullying in the bud.

be kind, kindness, anti-bullying, bully, kindBe Nice GIF by Microsoft StoreGiphy

This article originally appeared last year.

Unsplash

Humility and grace go a long way.

We all agree that bullying is bad, yes? I think most adults would agree, at least in theory, that we should treat people with kindness and not with cruelty. But that doesn't change the fact that bullying happens every day in all walks of life. Schools, for example, are rife with it. And that's because a lot of children are still learning crucial skills like empathy, humility, and basic human decency.

When parents catch their own kids being bullies, they usually go down one of two different roads. They may refuse to believe that it's true. My child would never! There must be some kind of misunderstanding! This opens the door for the behavior to continue. On the other hand, other well-meaning parents may bring the hammer down. Yelling, punishments, you name it. It's preferable to ignoring the problem, that's for sure, but it may still miss the mark in terms of teaching a lasting lesson.

A TikTok user, Steph, recently shared her own story of being a former bully, and the exceptional job her mother did handling it when she found out.

gif of Marty McFly confronting bully BifFThere are tons of reasons why people bully others, but it's never a good thing. Giphy

Steph admits in the video that she had been saying cruel things on the school bus to a neighbor girl named Lisa when they were about nine years old. One day, Steph was surprised to find Lisa's mom at her house telling her own mom all about it. Steph's mom was shocked and disappointed.

She says her parents weren't big on yelling or even punishments. They preferred that their kids learn from natural consequences, so what followed was a natural fit: Steph was going to have to apologize to Lisa.

It sounds obvious, but it's a step a lot of parents skip when it comes to bullying. And it's really one of the most important and empathetic parts of the whole process. When you do something wrong or you hurt someone, the right thing to do is apologize.

But Steph's mom wasn't content with an eyes-down, mumbled, "I'm sorry." After making Steph "march" to Lisa's house and face Lisa's family, Steph said, "Lisa, I'm really sorry for the things I've been saying to you." But that wasn't good enough for mom.

"Such as?" Steph's mom said. She then made Steph repeat the horrible things she'd been saying in front of her, in front of Lisa, and in front of Lisa's mom. There was no sidestepping or glossing over her behavior. It was all out in the open for everyone to see in all of its ugliness. The shame and dread Steph felt in that moment has stayed with her forever, but she learned an important lesson in humility and how to take accountability for her actions that day.

"I never bullied anyone again after that."

Watch Steph's whole story here:


@absurdoblivion

In elementary school I bullied a neighbour on the bus ride home over a period of several weeks. Here is the story of how my gentle parent mom dealt with it. …. I still feel ashamed of my behaviour to this DAY!!!!! #bullying

People loved Steph's mom's amazing approach to a difficult situation.

Over a million viewers on TikTok watched Steph's video, with many chiming in with support or stories of their own:

"Appropriate shame is so important in human social path development. Your mom is a queen for doing this"

"My mom sat me down and said 'where did you learn to be mean because I did not raise a mean girl and that’s what you are' her words still ring in my head 17 years later"

"i had second hand shame listening to this. wow. thank you for sharing. ill be implementing this in our family"

"Making you repeat everything in front of her mom is the ultimate consequence"

"Saying out loud specifically what you did is a HUGE part of taking accountability. Great work mom."

One study from a surprising place — trains! — showed that when 'apology messages' were more specific, they were accompanied with more forgiveness. It's much easier to be vague, i.e. "I'm sorry for what I did." Being specific forces us to admit our mistakes on a deeper level and ultimately connect better with the people we've hurt.

Experts agree that an apology is in order when one kid bullies another. Teaching empathy, setting clear expectations for behavior changes you want to see, and being supportive in helping your child make those changes are also key. Consequences for bullying behavior can work, but it's best not to let your temper flare too much. Kids who bully may be being mistreated by an adult or older kid in their own life, so handling the situation with love and empathy is preferable to anger.

Steph's mother's technique is good inspiration. A genuine, specific, and heartfelt apology can go a long way in changing the lives of a bullied kid and the bully.

Friendship

Woman reconnects with her high school bully and finds out people aren't always who they once seemed

Almost everyone has been bullied. Not even gets to have a surprising reunion.

girl in blue sleeveless dress

Bullies. So many of us had them. Whether it was the subtle "Mean Girls" digs or full-on being shoved into a locker, there was usually that ONE (or three) person in your younger years who made your stomach drop the moment you saw them. They seemed to live to make your life miserable, and all too often, they succeeded.


i know right mean girls GIFGiphy

A woman took to Reddit and asked, "Who got bullied in school/college? Where are your bullies now?"

Great question. As someone who Insta-stalks every single crush I've had since kindergarten, it never occurred to me to look up the people who hadn’t always been so pleasant.

After the OP posed the question, she told her own story. "There was a group of girls, particularly one girl who'd pick on me. Basically, her boyfriend had broken up with her because he had started to like me. So yeah, she'd bully me a lot, and I never had a good relationship with her in school."

But things took a surprising turn somewhat recently! She adds, "…until a year ago, our best friends from school basically cheated on us with each other. (I don't have a better way to explain this, but yeah, we both got abandoned by our best friends.) This left us dealing with a lot of mental issues. During this time, we both connected with each other online and became each other's emotional support."

It gets even better. "She apologized to me for everything she'd done, and I genuinely forgave her. We've become really, really close now, and it makes me happy to think that things turned out this way."

Many Reddit users chimed in to tell their own tales of bullying and updates on their whereabouts. Said bullies' lives reportedly ranged from fabulous and successful (one runs a Fortune 500 company) to not-so-great and possibly current cult members. One person adds a funny observation about hypocrisy: "A lot of them are now 'life coaches' and 'influencers' who talk about loving yourself and being kind. F-ing irony."

woman in pink tank top and blue denim jeans sitting on yellow chair Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

Instead of befriending their bullies, many on the thread have learned to take their power back by simply ignoring them. One shares, "I get repeated follow requests on Instagram from one of them. He passively stalks me. Two years ago, he DM'd me, and I just saw it and screenshot it. Later, he would proceed to like my Instagram stories and photos, and as usual, I kept ignoring him. LMAO."

Looking Good Social Media GIF by TravisGiphy

She says it didn't even occur to her that this was some sort of victory: "I was so much into my own world that it took me a while to realize how some people can perceive this as a victorious/ 'revenge' moment."

And lastly, there's the perspective that comes with age. A Redditor shares that after attending her 25th high school reunion, she saw this group for what they really were:
"It was glaringly obvious. Once they ascertained my station in life, they grudgingly offered some polite greetings, but they couldn't hide their disdain on their faces. From time to time, they checked if they could get away with laughing at something about me. When they couldn't get any reaction, they looked disappointed."

romy and micheles high school reunion GIFGiphy