+
“A balm for the soul”
  review on Goodreads
GOOD PEOPLE Book
upworthy
More

This anti-bullying PSA acts out online comments in real life. It's an uncomfortable watch.

It's not "just the internet." Online harassment is serious business.

Bullying is just as wrong when it happens online as it is in person. So why does one seem to be so much more acceptable than the other?

A new anti-bullying campaign and PSA called "In Real Life," spearheaded by Monica Lewinsky, takes actual insults people have said online and brings them into the physical world. While actors portray the bullies and their victims in the video, the reactions of unsuspecting onlookers are genuine.

[rebelmouse-image 19530351 dam="1" original_size="750x384" caption="A collection of actual insults people posted online that were acted out in person as part of the In Real Life PSA. Screenshot from In Real Life/YouTube." expand=1]A collection of actual insults people posted online that were acted out in person as part of the In Real Life PSA. Screenshot from In Real Life/YouTube.

The PSA opens with a pleasant scene that quickly turns jarring. Two men are sitting together in a coffee shop, when a stranger walks up to their table. "Gay people are sick, and you should just kill yourselves!" he tells them.

This kind of interaction is not something you see that often in the real world (though it does happen). On the internet, however, that type of comment from a stranger isn't just normal, it's actually kind of tame.

Later in the video, a woman gets screamed at for being a "fat bitch" and a Muslim woman gets called a "terrorist." In all of the scenarios, bystanders — who were not involved in the social experiment — look on with horror.

[rebelmouse-image 19530352 dam="1" original_size="1265x663" caption="Screenshot from In Real Life/YouTube." expand=1]Screenshot from In Real Life/YouTube.

A number of studies show why people who wouldn't bully someone to their face feel emboldened to do it online.

Anonymity, the ability to say or do whatever you want with little or no consequence for your actions, plays a role, but it's far from the only reason people engage in cyberbullying. The performative nature of online harassment also encourages others to pile on the target, whether they have a stake in the conversation or not. Mob mentality dictates that the more people go in on the target, the less any single person might feel responsible for negative outcomes. More than anything else, though, the barrier of the internet between bully and victim creates an empathy gap.

On the internet, regular people — your neighbors, coworkers, friends, acquaintances, and even family members — are all susceptible to becoming bullies, making it that much more important to think critically about the effects of our actions and behaviors online.

[rebelmouse-image 19530353 dam="1" original_size="750x417" caption="Screenshot from In Real Life/YouTube." expand=1]Screenshot from In Real Life/YouTube.

Online harassment is so much more than being "just the way the internet is."

"One thing people don’t necessarily realize about being threatened or dog-piled online is how much it can undermine your real-world sense of safety," author Sady Doyle explains in a Twitter direct message. Doyle has experienced escalating bullying and harassment online for years, especially during the 2016 election season, in response to her writing on Hillary Clinton's campaign.

Threats of physical violence and stalking across online platforms became normal to Doyle. Once an influential Twitter user took aim at her, to win that account's approval, their followers would engage in a game of one-upmanship harassment. Doyle began to worry more and more about how it would end. Scheduled book readings brought on a new sort of anxiety, as she feared that any of her online tormentors would be able to easily confront her in person. Thankfully, it never happened.

"I think that lost sense of safety is really what the impact is," she writes. "There’s mental health stuff, obviously — anyone with a tendency to depression, which I have, will internalize certain mean comments and play them back in a low moment — but it’s mostly the realization that there are people out there that want to hurt you, or your loved ones, and that you can’t necessarily recognize those people on sight, that is so damaging."

People shouldn't have to live in fear, and that's why campaigns like "In Real Life" are so important.

"It’s a stark and shocking mirror to people to rethink how we behave online versus the ways that we would behave in person," Lewinsky told People magazine about the project.

Saying that while "there are probably hundreds of thousands, if not millions" of insults that have been written about her online and in print, personal confrontations were much, much less common. "When you are with someone, when you see someone face to face, you are reminded of their humanity."

[rebelmouse-image 19530354 dam="1" original_size="750x392" caption="Lewinsky's powerful 2015 TED Talk on "The Price of Shame" helped establish her as a major voice in anti-bullying activism. Photo by Adrian Sanchez-Gonzalez/AFP/Getty Images." expand=1]Lewinsky's powerful 2015 TED Talk on "The Price of Shame" helped establish her as a major voice in anti-bullying activism. Photo by Adrian Sanchez-Gonzalez/AFP/Getty Images.

Unlike Doyle, you probably don't have to worry about online harassers showing up at scheduled appearances, and unlike Lewinsky, you probably aren't an internationally known political lightning rod of the late '90s. Even so, the lessons contained in this video — not to say things online that you wouldn't say to someone's face, to remember that real people are on the receiving end of every online comment, and more — are applicable to all of us. Online bullying isn't the exact same thing as the physical playground-style bullying we've heard about all of our lives, but its effects on the target's sense of well-being is every bit as real.

Whether you've been the bully, the bullied, or just a bystander, there are lessons we can learn from this powerful PSA, which you can watch below.

From Your Site Articles
Parenting

When a Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting her male VP's response was a masterclass in workplace values

Talk about a "family-friendly workplace."

Holly Morissette/LinkedIn

Years after it happened, Patagonia's approach to the "family-friendly workplace" is a whole new level that still deserves our attention - and praise.

The outdoor clothing and gear company has made a name for itself by putting its money where its mouth is. From creating backpacks out of 100% recycled materials to donating their $10 million tax cut to fight climate change to refusing to sell to clients who harm the environment, Patagonia leads by example.

That dedication to principle is clear in its policies for parents who work for them, as evidenced by a 2019 viral post from Holly Morisette, a recruiter at Patagonia.

Morisette wrote on LinkedIn:

"While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said...'There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge.'

It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a 'call to action'. A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families.

That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass.

It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. "


Holly Morissette on LinkedIn: "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said..."There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge." It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a “call to action". A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families. That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass. It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. " www.linkedin.com


Just the first eight words of Morisette's post are extraordinary. "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting..."

As if that's totally normal. As if everyone understands that working moms can be much more engaged and efficient in their jobs if they can feed their baby while they go over sales figures. As if the long-held belief that life and work must be completely separate is a construct that deserves to be challenged.

And then the comment from her male colleague about the ROI (Return on Investment) of breastfeeding—witty, considering the time and place, and yet so supportive.

On-site childcare so that parents don't have to choose between leaving their jobs or leaving their babies. Letting life integrate with work so that working families don't have to constantly feel torn in two different directions. Flexibility in meetings and schedules. Allowing for the natural rhythms and needs of breastfeeders. Making childcare as easy and accessible as possible so that employees can be more effective in their jobs.

All of this seems so profoundly logical, it's a wonder that more companies have not figured this out sooner. Clearly, it works. I mean, who has ever heard of a 100% retention rate for mothers?

Patagonia's got it goin' on. Let's hope more companies take their lead.


This article originally appeared on 8.16.19

From Your Site Articles
breastfeeding
Family

Anxious mom-to-be asked what parents 'love about having children' and the responses were beautiful

"I think the reason it seems like parenthood is all bad is it’s easy to describe the bad parts and impossible to describe the good parts because they are so good they are other-worldly."

via PixaBay

Twitter users agree that parenting is more joy than work.

The thought of having children can be overwhelming for a lot of people. People who have kids often warn those without them that their kid is going to take over their entire life. They complain that children are extremely expensive and that you’ll never get a good night’s sleep until the child has turned 4.

Now, I have a 5-year-old and the only thing that’s really true is that children cost a lot of money. A big chunk of the cash you spend on a kid is for food. Mine never stops eating. He eats as much as I do and I’m a 45-year-old man.

I hear him say, “Dad, I’m hungry. Can I have some food?” at least six times a day.

I also don’t think that children take over your entire life unless you let them. It’s a sliding scale. When they’re a newborn, they own 90% of your life and you only have the remaining 10%. But, by the time they’re 5, you get about half your life back. While that still seems pretty sad, it’s not a huge problem. Having kids teaches you to be a lot better at time management and to take advantage of free time when it’s available.

When it comes to sleep, smart parents sleep train their kids at a young age so that everyone in the family can get a good night’s rest. It’s not easy, but it pays huge dividends.

Rose Stokes, an award-winning freelance columnist in London, recently learned that she is pregnant and was very anxious about having a kid because of all the things she’s heard from people with kids. So she took to Twitter to ask parents to tell her what they “love about having children” to give her a more positive perspective.

Stokes received a ton of incredibly positive responses from people who truly love having children. They eased her mind by telling her that she would experience the greatest love of her life after having children. They told her that being a parent is one of the funniest experiences she’ll ever have.

The parents of Twitter also made an important point: Children make you a better person. I always think about parenting as a stress test on your personality. If you want to know what’s wrong with you, have a kid. You’ll quickly figure out all of your weaknesses. The good thing is that once we know our weaknesses we can fix them.

Here are some of the best responses to Stoke's question: “Parents of Twitter, what big or small things do you love about having children?”

It's hard to describe what it's like to have a child.

There are a lot of joyous moments.

Children change your perspective.

It's hard but worthwhile.

It's not as hard as people say.

They make you a better person.

They're fun and funny.

The great thing about asking a wide swath of humanity about a common experience is that you get so many great perspectives on the matter. Some parents shared the emotional experiences that come with having children. While others focused on how kids can fundamentally change your life. After reading through most of the responses, I think that Stokes probably got a clear idea about what having a child is like.

Well done, Twitter.


This article originally appeared on 2.4.22

















From Your Site Articles
parenting
Internet

Woman's rare antique turned away from 'Antique Roadshow' for beautiful heart-wrenching reason

"I just love you for bringing it in and thank you so much for making me so sad."

Photos by Murat Rahim Caglak and Antoni Shkraba via Canva

Woman's antique turned away from 'Antique Roadshow'

People come by things in all sorts of ways. Sometimes you find something while at a garage sale and sometimes it's because a family member passed away and it was left to them. After coming into possession of the item, the owner may be tempted to see how much it's worth so it can be documented for insurance purposes or sold.

On a recent episode of BBC One's Antique Roadshow, a woman brought an ivory bracelet to be appraised. Interestingly enough, the expert didn't meet this rare find with excitement, but appeared somber. The antique expert, Ronnie Archer-Morgan carefully explains the purpose of the bracelet in what appears to be a tense emotional exchange.

There would be no appraisal of this antique ivory bracelet adorned with beautiful script around the circumference. Archer-Morgan gives a brief disclaimer that he and the Antique Roadshow disapprove of the trade of ivory, though that was not his reason for refusing the ivory bangle.

"This ivory bangle here is not about trading in ivory, it’s about trading in human life, and it’s probably one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever had to talk about. But talk about it we must," Archer-Morgan says.

Turns out the woman had no idea what she had in her possession as she purchased it from an estate sale over 30 years before. One of the elderly residents she cared for passed away and the woman found the ivory bracelet among the things being sold. Finding the bangle particularly intriguing with the fancy inscription around it, she decided to purchase the unique piece of jewelry.

After explaining that his great-grandmother was once enslaved in Nova Scotia, Canada before being returned to Sierra Leone, Archer-Morgan concluded he could not price the item.

"I just don’t want to value it. I do not want to put a price on something that signifies such an awful business. But the value is in the lessons that this can tell people," he tells the woman.

In the end the woman leaves without knowing the monetary value of the item but with a wealth of knowledge she didn't have before visiting. Now she can continue to share the significance of the antique with others. Watch the full explanation below.

This article originally appeared on 4.3.24

From Your Site Articles
antique roadshow ivory bracelet
Science

Incredible video shows a baby hawk nearly becoming eagle food. It becomes family instead.

Being adorable is a fantastic defense mechanism.

Facebook

One of these things is not like the other.

Sometimes, life can unexpectedly snatch you away from safety and thrust you into imminent danger. Other times, life can just as quickly turn a dire circumstance into a heartwarming miracle.

Such was the case for a baby hawk who went from being dinner to being adopted by a family of bald eagles near the city of Nanaimo in British Columbia, Canada. The amazing moment was captured by a 24-hour livestream webcam run by GROWLS, a nonprofit organization that helps rescue and rehabilitate injured wildlife.

The video shows the seemingly doomed baby hawk being tossed into an eaglet’s nest. Pam McCartney, a GROWLS volunteer who had been watching the livestream at the time, braced herself.

"Usually when I watch, like, David Attenborough and his shows, I can close my eyes or fast forward or whatever, but this was live at the time, and I was just like, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh," she told CBC.

Much to her surprise, nature seemed to have something else in mind.

The baby hawk had inexplicably survived the eagle’s talons, which in itself was an extraordinary feat according to ornithologist and Professor Emeritus of Wildlife Biology at Montreal's McGill University, David Bird, who shared the story on a segment of the radio show “As It Happens.” Yes, a guy who studies birds has the last name Bird. It’s too perfect.

In an even rarer phenomenon, the hawkling was spared by both the mother and baby eagle once they realized it was alive and moving around. McCartney shared that by that evening both chicks were being cared for. Her guess is that it might have something to do with the eagle family having recently lost one of the two eaglets.

"In my mind of growing up on Disney, I'm seeing this eaglet think like, ‘was this another little sibling?'" she told CBC.

As mind boggling as it is, this is not the first hawk adoption story to hit the area. In 2017, a young red-tailed hawk, nicknamed Spunky, made headlines after being raised by a pair of bald eagles.

Bird told CBC that, while Spunky did require support from an extended family of scientists (primarily because hawks and eagles feed on different prey), it was still ultimately a success. Spunky is “alive and well,' which is a good omen for this new baby hawk.

So far, the birds are one big, happy family, McCartney reports, with plenty of “raptor kisses” for everyone.

hawk eagle nest, video hawk eagle adoption

Behold! A hawk-eagle!

Facebook

Families really do come in many different shapes and sizes, all across the food chain.


This article originally appeared on 6.23.22

From Your Site Articles
video
Pop Culture

Pianist uses every part of the instrument in this joyous performance of Toto's 'Africa'

"Not sure I can comprehend what just happened! Unbelievable."

via Peter Benace/YouTube

Peter Bence's piano cover of "Africa" by Toto

Peter Bence’s performance of “Africa” by Toto has over 17 million views on YouTube because of his creative reimagining of the song and, well, just about everyone loves “Africa.”

Bence is a Hungarian composer and producer who has become a viral sensation for his Michael Jackson, Queen, Sia, and Beatles covers. He has over 1.1 million followers on YouTube and has toured the globe, playing in more than 40 countries across four continents.

His performance of “Africa'' is unique because it opens with him creating a rhythm track and looping it by strategically tapping the piano and rubbing its strings to create the sound of shakers and congo drums.

The video eventually becomes rapturous, with Benace making the piano sound like an entire orchestra.

AFRICA - Toto x Peter Bence 

Released in 1982, “Africa” was Toto’s biggest hit, reaching number one 1 in the U.S., number 3 in the UK, and the top 10 globally. It’s a stirring piece of music that’s beautifully arranged with an anthemic chorus. However, the lyrics aren’t that accurate.

The song’s author, Toto keyboardist Jeff Pocaro, describes it as: “A white boy is trying to write a song on Africa, but since he's never been there, he can only tell what he's seen on TV or remembers in the past.”

Nevertheless, the song is an iconic tune that captures a specific spirit of the early ‘80s when the world turned its focus to Africa. Over 40 years later, the song’s wholesome sincerity has made it a piece of music that every few years captures the hearts of a new generation.


This article originally appeared on 11.30.23

From Your Site Articles
music
Trending Stories