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British people and Americans are debating studies that claim it's healthy to tease your friends

"The British have been doing this for millennia."

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A kid gets teased by classmates. Union Jack and American flags.

According to a meme making the rounds on social media, if you playfully mock your friends, you're "300 percent" more likely to be honest, loyal and have deeper bonds with them. But here's the catch. That number seems to have been pulled from thin air, as no one can find an actual source for that statistic.

What IS true, however, is that some researchers do believe that playful teasing can be a good thing. In his article for Psychology Today, Dr. Peter Gray Ph.D cites psychologist Dacher Keltner who claims teasing is "an intentional provocation accompanied by playful off-record markers that together comment on something relevant to the target."

Gray suggests that teasing amongst the people closest to you can take the form of showing someone you accept them despite their flaws. It can also serve as means to humble one another, encourage positive change and even test the boundaries of the relationship. "Teasing can be a sign of affection, a constructive form of criticism, or a cruel put-down. It can also be a semi-competitive verbal game, in which the players are testing one another’s abilities to keep cool in response to provocation and provide clever responses."

 teasing, playful, joking, friendships An animated girl teases someone.  Giphy  

It's also noted how vital it is that the person on the receiving end of the "tease" understands the assignment. If their perception of the "jokes" is negative, or they're feeling sensitive, (particularly if there are third-party witnesses) the teasing slips quickly into bullying. In the study, "The Role of a Bystander in Targets’ Perceptions of Teasing Among Friends: Are You Really Teasing Me?" researchers Ildo Kim and Nicholas A. Palomares note, "Given the provocation goals involved in teasing, being teased in the presence of a third party could be undesirable to a target. The target’s response can differ depending on who the third party is (e.g., another close friend, an acquaintance, a stranger)."

But what was especially interesting about this false data making the rounds was how differently people responded to it. In particular, Americans and Brits/Aussies seemed to have very different points-of-view, at least on this Instagram thread.

After posting two women citing this stat on the @longevityxlab, the comment section was off to the races.

A handful of people pushed back against the notion, some simply writing, "No." One, (and we can't completely confirm that this person is American) writes, "I really doubt this in most cases. I have a doctorate in clinical psychology that I earned 4 decades ago. Saying hurtful things to one another is just hurtful. I think men pretend to be comfortable with it because it seems 'manly.' There are so many positive things to say to people we love. Maybe these friends are LOYAL to the friends who passively allow them to poke fun at them. I’d like to see the research."

Referring to the naysayers, one writes, "I’m assuming most of the comments are from Americans. In Britain we know this to be true. You only rip the piss out of your closest friends."

This commenter concurs. "Indeed I’m a Brit who lives in Australia. If I’m nice to you we have a problem."

This one gets more specific. "If mates don’t call you a K--b-head or a B-----d at least once when you are in their company, are they even friends?"

Of course, it's not just Brits and Aussies. People from all over the world including those from France, Brazil and Ireland commented that they essentially see playful teasing as their love language, as well. Obviously not ALL, and plenty of Americans take part in ribbing one another.

  Ricky Gervais discusses American vs. British humor.   www.youtube.com  

But what can be confirmed is that many Brits truly enjoy the "insult" play. It's just a thing they often do. In the op-ed "The Difference Between American and British Humour" for Time Magazine, comedian Ricky Gervais writes of his fellow Brits, "We tease our friends. We use sarcasm as a shield and a weapon. We avoid sincerity until it’s absolutely necessary. We mercilessly take the piss out of people we like or dislike basically. And ourselves. This is very important. Our brashness and swagger is laden with equal portions of self-deprecation. This is our license to hand it out."

He further assures Americans, "This can sometimes be perceived as nasty if the recipients aren’t used to it. It isn’t. It’s play fighting. It’s almost a sign of affection if we like you, and ego bursting if we don’t. You just have to know which one it is."

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Parenting

Former bully reveals her mom's brutal 'lesson in humility' that made her change her ways

Two simple words made all the difference.

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Humility and grace go a long way.

We all agree that bullying is bad, yes? I think most adults would agree, at least in theory, that we should treat people with kindness and not with cruelty. But that doesn't change the fact that bullying happens every day in all walks of life. Schools, for example, are rife with it. And that's because a lot of children are still learning crucial skills like empathy, humility, and basic human decency.

When parents catch their own kids being bullies, they usually go down one of two different roads. They may refuse to believe that it's true. My child would never! There must be some kind of misunderstanding! This opens the door for the behavior to continue. On the other hand, other well-meaning parents may bring the hammer down. Yelling, punishments, you name it. It's preferable to ignoring the problem, that's for sure, but it may still miss the mark in terms of teaching a lasting lesson.

A TikTok user, Steph, recently shared her own story of being a former bully, and the exceptional job her mother did handling it when she found out.

gif of Marty McFly confronting bully BifFThere are tons of reasons why people bully others, but it's never a good thing. Giphy

Steph admits in the video that she had been saying cruel things on the school bus to a neighbor girl named Lisa when they were about nine years old. One day, Steph was surprised to find Lisa's mom at her house telling her own mom all about it. Steph's mom was shocked and disappointed.

She says her parents weren't big on yelling or even punishments. They preferred that their kids learn from natural consequences, so what followed was a natural fit: Steph was going to have to apologize to Lisa.

It sounds obvious, but it's a step a lot of parents skip when it comes to bullying. And it's really one of the most important and empathetic parts of the whole process. When you do something wrong or you hurt someone, the right thing to do is apologize.

But Steph's mom wasn't content with an eyes-down, mumbled, "I'm sorry." After making Steph "march" to Lisa's house and face Lisa's family, Steph said, "Lisa, I'm really sorry for the things I've been saying to you." But that wasn't good enough for mom.

"Such as?" Steph's mom said. She then made Steph repeat the horrible things she'd been saying in front of her, in front of Lisa, and in front of Lisa's mom. There was no sidestepping or glossing over her behavior. It was all out in the open for everyone to see in all of its ugliness. The shame and dread Steph felt in that moment has stayed with her forever, but she learned an important lesson in humility and how to take accountability for her actions that day.

"I never bullied anyone again after that."

Watch Steph's whole story here:


@absurdoblivion

In elementary school I bullied a neighbour on the bus ride home over a period of several weeks. Here is the story of how my gentle parent mom dealt with it. …. I still feel ashamed of my behaviour to this DAY!!!!! #bullying

People loved Steph's mom's amazing approach to a difficult situation.

Over a million viewers on TikTok watched Steph's video, with many chiming in with support or stories of their own:

"Appropriate shame is so important in human social path development. Your mom is a queen for doing this"

"My mom sat me down and said 'where did you learn to be mean because I did not raise a mean girl and that’s what you are' her words still ring in my head 17 years later"

"i had second hand shame listening to this. wow. thank you for sharing. ill be implementing this in our family"

"Making you repeat everything in front of her mom is the ultimate consequence"

"Saying out loud specifically what you did is a HUGE part of taking accountability. Great work mom."

One study from a surprising place — trains! — showed that when 'apology messages' were more specific, they were accompanied with more forgiveness. It's much easier to be vague, i.e. "I'm sorry for what I did." Being specific forces us to admit our mistakes on a deeper level and ultimately connect better with the people we've hurt.

Experts agree that an apology is in order when one kid bullies another. Teaching empathy, setting clear expectations for behavior changes you want to see, and being supportive in helping your child make those changes are also key. Consequences for bullying behavior can work, but it's best not to let your temper flare too much. Kids who bully may be being mistreated by an adult or older kid in their own life, so handling the situation with love and empathy is preferable to anger.

Steph's mother's technique is good inspiration. A genuine, specific, and heartfelt apology can go a long way in changing the lives of a bullied kid and the bully.

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Friendship

Woman reconnects with her high school bully and finds out people aren't always who they once seemed

Almost everyone has been bullied. Not even gets to have a surprising reunion.

Photo by Obie Fernandez on Unsplash
girl in blue sleeveless dress

Bullies. So many of us had them. Whether it was the subtle "Mean Girls" digs or full-on being shoved into a locker, there was usually that ONE (or three) person in your younger years who made your stomach drop the moment you saw them. They seemed to live to make your life miserable, and all too often, they succeeded.


i know right mean girls GIFGiphy

A woman took to Reddit and asked, "Who got bullied in school/college? Where are your bullies now?"

Great question. As someone who Insta-stalks every single crush I've had since kindergarten, it never occurred to me to look up the people who hadn’t always been so pleasant.

After the OP posed the question, she told her own story. "There was a group of girls, particularly one girl who'd pick on me. Basically, her boyfriend had broken up with her because he had started to like me. So yeah, she'd bully me a lot, and I never had a good relationship with her in school."

But things took a surprising turn somewhat recently! She adds, "…until a year ago, our best friends from school basically cheated on us with each other. (I don't have a better way to explain this, but yeah, we both got abandoned by our best friends.) This left us dealing with a lot of mental issues. During this time, we both connected with each other online and became each other's emotional support."

It gets even better. "She apologized to me for everything she'd done, and I genuinely forgave her. We've become really, really close now, and it makes me happy to think that things turned out this way."

Many Reddit users chimed in to tell their own tales of bullying and updates on their whereabouts. Said bullies' lives reportedly ranged from fabulous and successful (one runs a Fortune 500 company) to not-so-great and possibly current cult members. One person adds a funny observation about hypocrisy: "A lot of them are now 'life coaches' and 'influencers' who talk about loving yourself and being kind. F-ing irony."

woman in pink tank top and blue denim jeans sitting on yellow chair Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

Instead of befriending their bullies, many on the thread have learned to take their power back by simply ignoring them. One shares, "I get repeated follow requests on Instagram from one of them. He passively stalks me. Two years ago, he DM'd me, and I just saw it and screenshot it. Later, he would proceed to like my Instagram stories and photos, and as usual, I kept ignoring him. LMAO."

Looking Good Social Media GIF by TravisGiphy

She says it didn't even occur to her that this was some sort of victory: "I was so much into my own world that it took me a while to realize how some people can perceive this as a victorious/ 'revenge' moment."

And lastly, there's the perspective that comes with age. A Redditor shares that after attending her 25th high school reunion, she saw this group for what they really were:
"It was glaringly obvious. Once they ascertained my station in life, they grudgingly offered some polite greetings, but they couldn't hide their disdain on their faces. From time to time, they checked if they could get away with laughing at something about me. When they couldn't get any reaction, they looked disappointed."

romy and micheles high school reunion GIFGiphy

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Celebrity

Michael B. Jordan runs into his middle-school bully on the red carpet and calls her out

He didn't forget.

via Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

Michael B. Jordan speaking at the 2017 San Diego Comic Con International, for "Black Panther", at the San Diego Convention Center in San Diego, California.

As long as humans have endeavored to do anything great, there have been those who have tried to take them down. These are the opposite of the creators in life: the bullies, haters and naysayers who only want to bring people down to their level. But when you have a dream and desire, its easy to tune out the voices of negativity.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better,” Theodore Roosevelt once said. “The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena." Some folks use the naysayers as fuel to push them to work even harder. Basketball legend Michael Jordan was infamous for letting his thirst for revenge drive him to even greater heights on the court.

Another Michael Jordan, "Black Panther" star, Michael B. Jordan, came face to face with someone who doubted that he could reach his dreams, and he wasn’t shy about letting her know that he remembered. What's Upworthy about the encounter is that he did so with class and confidence.

In 2023, Jordan was on the red carpet for the premiere of "Creed III," a film he starred in and directed. He was interviewed by “The Morning Hustle” radio show host Lore’l, who had recently admitted on the “Undressing Room” podcast that she used to make fun of him in school.

“You know what’s so crazy? I went to school with Michael B. Jordan at a point in life,” Lore’l said. “And to be honest with you, we teased him all the damn time because his name was Michael Jordan. Let’s start there, and he was no Michael Jordan.”

“He also would come to school with a headshot,” she added. “We lived in Newark. That’s the hood. We would make fun of him like, ‘What you gonna do with your stupid headshot?’ And now look at him!”

In addition, her co-host, Eva Marcille, referred to Jordan as “corny.”

Jordan had no problem discussing their past on the red carpet. “We go way back, all the way back to Chad Science [Academy] in Newark,” Lore’l told the actor. Oh yeah, I was the corny kid, right?” Jordan responded with a smirk.

“No, you did not hear me say that! I said we used to make fun of the name,” Lore’l said.

“I heard it,” Jordan said. “I heard it. It’s all good. What’s up?” he responded. “But yeah, [you are] obviously killing things out here…you’re not corny anymore,” Lore’l clarified.

After the exchange went viral, Lore’l admitted that she teased Jordan in school, but they were only classmates for one year.

“So the narrative that I bullied him all throughout high school—this was 7th grade. We were like 12 years old, and everyone made fun of each other,” Lore’l said. “That was school, you know. That was one year. And, again, I’ve never bullied him. That just sounds so outrageous to me.”

Jordan later shared some advice on how to deal with bullies.

"Just stay focused, just stay locked in,” he told a reporter from Complex. “You know, just follow your heart, try to block out the noise and distractions as much as possible and run your race. Don't compare yourself to anybody else. Just keep going."

This article originally appeared in April.

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