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Grandma offers wake-up call for grandparents who can't stop buying the grandkids presents

She's got the perfect solution for what to do when you just can't pass up a great deal at the store.

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Gift giving should feel good for the giver and the receiver. But around the holidays, it can be a major cause of stress.

Parents and grandparents find themselves at odds frequently. It could be a disagreement over how much screen time the kids get, battles over grandma giving them too many sweets, or arguments around how often grandma and grandpa should be babysitting. Conflict in their relationships is almost a given, and navigating disagreements in a healthy, productive way is key for the relationship to evolve and grow.

One huge source of that conflict comes in the form of... stuff! All parents can relate to the sense of dread they feel at the sight of the grandparents arriving for a visit with a trunk-full of of presents. Toys, furniture, costumes, decor, you name it. And that's just on a regular Tuesday. Around the holidays, it can get even worse. It's not that they don't want their kids getting gifts, it's just all too much, especially when you live in a home with a finite amount of storage.

DeeDee Moore, a grandma behind the website More Than Grand, recently shared on the her TikTok account that “too much stuff” given from grandparents to their grandkids is one of the main sources of holiday frustration for parents.


gift guide for grandparents, christmas gifts, in law at christmas, grandparents, parents, kids, family, love Moore says experience gifts, and spending quality time, are better options than trunk-loads of presents. Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash

“75% of the parents that we surveyed wished grandparents would respect their wishes about gifts,” she explained, noting that while there are myriad reasons why this would be the case, the most common one (and incidentally the one most "waved off” by the grandparents) is the lack of physical space to accommodate.

Now, you might be thinking: How much harm can it really do to give a kid a new card game or a baby doll? Certainly those don't take up that much room. But when Moore breaks down the math, it’s a bit hard to deny.

“Say your grandson has four other grandparents and four aunts and uncles. Each of these people get him one gift for a second birthday. That’s already nine gifts plus something for mom and dad. We’re up to 10,” she said.

“If all of those grandparents buy him three things, and two of the aunts get him a little extra something, that’s 22 presents for a 2 year old who would be just as happy with a box.”

Add in gifts from friends, and random gift-dumps from grandma when she's been on a hot-streak at the thrift store, and you've got a serious storage problem on your hands.

@morethangrand

Gifts should be a joy for both the giver and recipient, but at this time of year, they can end up being a source of conflict. Watch for a tip on how to channel your grandparent generosity! For more ways to navigate hotspots during upcoming holidays, make sure you are on our email list! Go to my bio to sign up! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma#newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting

Yikes, gotta admit that’s a lot. And that’s not counting the additional problems too much gift-giving can incite listed on the More Than Grand website, which included:

  • Undermining the parent’s values that they are trying to instill to their children
  • Damaging a child’s ability to use their imagination
  • Normalizing overconsumption
  • Teaching children to associate seeing grandma or grandpa with getting a gift, rather than focusing on the actual relationship
(Here's another one: Too many gifts steals Mom and Dad's thunder! Parents often put a lot of thought into picking out presents they know their kids will love, only for them to get buried in the avalanche of surprise presents.)

These are all good points, and yet, what to do with all those good intentions and a desire to spoil some precious little nugget? Luckily, Moore has the perfect fix.

“While your grandchildren are faced with getting too many gifts, many children are in the opposite situation. Take some of the things you bought to Toys for Tots or another organization that provides gifts for less fortunate families.”

This allows folks to step into the “true spirit of giving,” Moore concluded.

Viewers by and large seemed to agree, though many also noted how powerful experiential or future-building gifts could be, even if they're not as cute as toys or as fun to open.


@morethangrand

How often do we hear "it takes a village to raise a child'? Grandparents can be that village, but it can be hard to show up the way today's parents need. We created a digital grandparenting course that will teach you everything you need to know to be the village for your grandchild's parents. It's called New Grandparent Essentials, and you can find a link in my profile! It's the best investment you can make in your family as you become a grandparent! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting

“My in-laws opened up a college fund for both my kids. Instead of stuff they put more money in the account. I’m so grateful!” one person wrote.

Another added, “I am giving experiences and putting money in an account for future needs (college, 1st house, starting business, etc).”

In the vein, here are two other tips grandparents can use for intentional gift-giving…

First and foremost: open up a discussion with the parents. See if they need help with a big ticket item, find out which hobby or sport the child is interested in, ask what’s a definite “no.” this can save a lot of headaches for everyone.

"The gifts should surprise the grandkids, not their parents," as one commenter wrote on the video.

Second: prioritize memories over stuff. A trip to the zoo, an education membership, a ticket for two to the movies…these are often the gifts that truly keep on giving.

And grandparents, don’t forget: just because you’re honoring boundaries, it doesn't mean you have to pass up that sweet little something you see in the aisles. After all, shopping is fun, and it's even better when you find a great deal or a cool discovery. But it can easily go to a little one who could really use it.

For even more tip on all things grandparenting, give More Than Grand a follow here.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.


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Xennial parents share how they're healing generational parenting wounds with their own kids

"I tell my son 'I love you' more times in a day than my father said that to me my entire life."

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Xennial parents discuss how they parent differently than their Boomer and Gen X parents.

Xennials are those born from 1977 to 1983, and sandwiched between Gen X and Millennials. Xennials grew up with Boomer or older Gen X parents who they claim may have led with harshness (and some toxic parenting traits) that they are trying to correct.

In a Reddit Xennial forum, member @Montawked shared: "My 8 [year-old] didn't brush her teeth last night, so there was no dessert tonight. I warned her yesterday, natural consequences and all, but she made her choice. Tonight she is bawling about it," she wrote.

She continued to share, "I said, 'I know you're upset, but is this something to cry about?' My inner voice said, 'I'll give you something to cry about' WHOA. HOLD UP. Subconscious messaging from my boomer parents popping in! I would NEVER say this to my kids. Wtf were they thinking? Shared with my hubby, and he said his folks said that and 'I brought you into this world....' Cheers to us breaking the cycle."

The poignant moment touched other Xennial parents who resonated with her on how they are healing generational parenting wounds in their own families, and inspired conversation between them about their experiences. These are 15 of the most compelling responses from Xennial parents.

kids, hug, hugging, hugging kids, parents hug kids Happy Sound Of Music GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein Organization Giphy

"My kids recently saw spanking of children in a movie and were really confused, I had to explain it and they thought it was a wild concept." —@miuzzo

"I tell my son 'I love you' more times in a day than my father said that to me my entire life." —@andy_nony_mouse

"My kids KNOW they’re safe with me, they know I’ll always have their back. I can’t recall ever having that feeling of safety as a child." —@HeslopDC

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"My mom said both. When my dad used the 'I brought you into this world line', you would think he drop kicked a puppy. Suddenly she was quizzing him on our birthdays and how long every delivery took and trying to get him to even be able to say what hospital we were born in. My dad was at all of our births. He drove. He was there the whole time. He’s him, and he couldn’t even remember what planet it was on, let alone what hospital. After he ran away because he couldn’t answer even what order we were born in, she looked at us and said 'never let anyone take your story from you. It’s yours. You’re mine. You’re my story. You’re part of his story, you ARE my Story.' And that was it. Every time someone says their father said it, I remember that moment. I can’t imagine any other father having the audacity to say they brought anyone into the world — they didn’t. The woman did." —@TangledUpPuppeteer

"My dad never said that but he did say 'your mother should have eaten you while your bones were still soft.' Which I always found hilarious." —@geriatric_tatertot

"I definitely got the 'something to cry about' bit from my dad, which usually did include the ass whooping it implied. My mom would occasionally go for wordplay, like if I was asking for a pop she might raise a fist and say 'give you a pop alright!' but with her it was always just a joke." —@Fackrid

cry, something to cry about, parent, parenting, tough parenting Spanish Latina GIF by BuzzFeed Giphy

"I think 'something to cry about' was my dad too, and mom would say 'wait til your dad gets home' although she also spanked us if she had a paddle for it. She used her hand sometimes too but “couldn’t do it hard enough” then." —@PrismInTheDark

"My mom said both to me along with telling me that's what she had me for when I complained about having to empty her ashtray. It's amazing she doesn't understand why we aren't close." —@SuspiciousCranberry6

"I was going to knocked into next week. We actually played a game where my older sister knocked me into next week and I would pretend to be all confused." —@idontknowhowaboutyou

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"My mom used to say 'you’re cruisin for a bruisin'." —@Holmes221bBSt

"My kid is being raised very very differently than how I was." —@sidvictorious

"Having kids, that whole line 'this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you.' Oh that is so not true, that’s not how anger works. I get wound up too. Time out is as much for them as it is for me." —@gnrlgumby

because i said so, that's why, mad parent, angry parent, frustrated parent kaitlin olson mickey GIF by The Mick Giphy

"Don’t forget 'because I said so!' I’m staying away from that one and actually explaining the 'why.' Works so much better." —@esmerelda_b

"My brain still recites the stuff I heard as a child but I would never say it to my own kids. I’m revolted at even hearing my inner voice say it. I heard that the first thought you have is based on your conditioning and the follow up thought is who you really are. This resonates with me. The conditioning is hard core." —@HeslopDC

"I struggle with this too. My youngest also has some emotional reactions that my wife and I find to be extreme relative to their stimulus. Crying over Fortnite. Crying over being asked some questions. Crying over every little thing. It is exhausting as a parent. I try to to carefully say, 'it's okay to cry, but is this really something that we need to be this upset about'? I hope I am finding the right balance compared the belt-to-ass up ringing I got." —@Rockdad37

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Parents on TikTok are embracing the 'Type C' parenting style and its 'messy' everyday life

Type C parents are a mashup of Type A and Type B parents.

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The Type C parenting style was coined by TikTokker Ashleigh Surratt.

There are two types of parents in the world: Type A and Type B. Type A parents can be defined as highly organized, structured, and punctual. While Type B parents tend to be more relaxed, spontaneous, and flexible, per ABC News. But a new parenting style has entered the chat: the Type C parent.

Type C parenting was coined by mom and TikToker Ashleigh Surratt (@ashleigh.surratt). She identifies Type C parents as those with the ability to maintain structure while fully embracing spontaneity and the messy realities of everyday life.

"I just figured that if Type A are the moms who have the labeled bins and the beautiful snacky packs and Type B are the moms that let their kids play in the splash pad in their clothes, and maybe forgot shoes and their car's a wreck...then maybe A + B = C?" she says in the video explaining how she came up with the term.

@ashleigh.surratt

so here’s the thing about the “type c mom”— she’s completely made up. I just figured a+b=c!? Although Google has various opinions on what being type c actually means, to me it’s a joke about being really type A about something’s and type B about others. It’s planners & piles of laundry. It’s color coding and cluttered counters. It’s me! And I’ve learned it’s you too 🩵 So if you’ve ever felt like a walking contradiction (like loving motherhood and loosing your mind) then welcome to the club. Literally. I started one— link is in bio 🫶🏻

She continued, "I was just sitting in my car one day and I was like, wow, I'm really Type A about some things and really Type B about other things and I kinda feel like I don't belong. I kinda feel like I'm this strange anomaly."

Turns out, she wasn't. The term resonated with moms everywhere who could relate to being a combination of both parenting types.

"I coined the term 'Type C' mom," Surratt went on to explain. "She's the one with the planners and the pile of laundry. She's the one with the organized shoe bucket but you can never find socks, whatever. She's the combination of really Type A in some things and really Type B in other things."

@ashleigh.surratt

when you’re not fully type A or fully type B #momcontent #millennailmom #momhumor #toddlermomsoftiktok

Surratt hopes to encourage other moms struggling with guilt to fully embrace the label. “You're not a bad mom. You’re not a mess. You’re not failing. You’re actually in really, really great company," she added. "I think a strength of ours is we’ve learned to hold what’s important and kind of let go of the things that don’t matter."

It can be a really healthy parenting style to adapt, according to marriage and family therapist Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC. Groskopf explained on ABC's Good Morning America, "You're choosing to loosen up in certain areas—maybe the house isn't spotless, maybe dinner's frozen—because you've realized that connection matters more than control," she said. "You still care. You're still showing up, just in a way that actually works for your real life."

@ashleigh.surratt

Replying to @Mary Moose Part 2 because apparently I’m not the only other type C mom out there 🫶🏻 #millennialmom #momhumor #momcontent #toddlermomsoftiktok

Surratt's Type C parenting videos have received a positive response from parents who can also identify as a mix of Type A and Type B parents.

"It may be made up, but I’ve never related more 😂 it’s called balance!" one commented.

"Ummmm no you didn’t make it up… you just helped us define it!!! NEVER FELT MORE SEEN! ✨♥️😂" added another.

"It’s hilarious and so accurate!! I laugh out loud at all of your videos. It’s literally me."

"Your type C mom videos are so relatable! I showed my partner and he loved them too, said I’m just like that ❤️😂 Thank you for helping other type C moms feel less alone!"

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Parents get wave of support for boldly allowing 7-year-old son camp outdoors by himself

It turns out the experiment only lasted for about 10 minutes.

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7-year-old boy ventures out for short-lived camping trip.

Taking in the great outdoors while camping as a kid is often that first taste of freedom and independence for kids (even if it's right in your backyard). So when blogger Rhyan Caminske (@rhyancaminske) and her husband Carl's seven-year-old son asked if he could camp out in a field all by himself, they fully supported him.

In a heartwarming video shared on Instagram, the couple (along with their daughter) escort him to the nearby field with his fully packed luggage in tow. The family does a supportive send off before hanging around in a nearby parking lot to watch him unpack and savor his freedom--before he ultimately calls it quits for the comforts of home minutes later.

"Our 7-year-old son wanted to 'camp in a field' by himself," she captioned the video, adding, "We found out he doesn’t travel light….. 🤣😂🤣."

As the start of the video, the family pulls up to the field and begin to unload the car. They share a family hug and Carl says, "See ya later, bud," before Rhyan adds, "Don't let anyone take you, okay?" Their son replies, "Got it!" before his sister also tells him, "And don't forget to use the bathroom," as she points to the nearby facilities.

As their son wheels his luggage into the field with his blanket over his shoulder, he gives his family an assuring, "You're good!" They tell him they love him, and they hop back in the car and drive off to a far corner of the parking lot to keep tabs on him.

freedom, independence, boyhood, boy, childhoodfree freedom GIFGiphy

His sister expresses concern over his safety, but they reassure her that he will be okay and not to worry. "We're not actually leaving," Carl tells her.

To their surprise, he fully leans into the experience: he lays out his blanket and unpacks his suitcase, which hilariously contains essentials like his Nintendo, his Pokémon card collection, and a night light. "Full unpack of all his stuff," Rhyan says while laughing.

And the cherry on top: he pees on a nearby tree, encompassing prime boyhood as his parents laugh hysterically. "He's truly camping. I thought he was getting nervous," Carl says. "Nope! He just had to take a piss," Rhyan adds. Once he's done doing his business, he 'shocks' his family by running over to the car and announcing: "I actually don't want to go camping," he tells them. "I want to go home." Carl walks with him into the field to pack up his stuff, and the video ends.

go home, home, leave, family, goGo Home Year GIFGiphy

The video got a rousing response from viewers, including some famous fans. Singer John Mayer commented, "That’s one special little dude who will go on to do great things in life," and Caminske replied, "@johnmayer thank you SO much 🥰 we are blown away by the positive response to this video and having others appreciate his awesomeness. 🥰"

Other commended them for the way they parented. ""Great parenting. They most likely knew he wasn’t ready for this but knew he wanted to try and they let him try. They let him make the choice. Gave him the freedom and security. And was there when he decided it wasn’t the time. Well done." Another added, "That was flawless parental execution." A final viewer wrote, "I just wanted to tell you that you guys are KILLIN it as parents!"

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