Dr. Becky, aka "the millennial parent whisperer," shares a great way to make morning a little less hectic.
Dr. Becky, also known as the "millennial parent whisperer," provides all kinds of practical parenting advice through her podcast, bestselling book, and online community.
Recently she shared a simple, yet brilliant way to make mornings—which we all know tend to get chaotic very quickly—run a little smoother. It all begins with breakfast. Guess it really is the most important meal of the day.
In a video posted to Instagram, Dr. Becky, holds a notebook and explains, “I make a menu for my kids the night before, where they have to pick their breakfast options. Watch this—I literally just take out a pad, I write ‘Menu.’ Then down the side, I write three options that they can have for breakfast. So it might be ‘Bagel,’ ‘Yogurt,’ and ‘Eggs,’ or something like that. So simple.”
Who doesn't want a little magic in the morning? media1.giphy.com
Each night she’ll have her kiddos place their initials next to the meal they want. For little ones, she’d put their hand on the pen and say, ‘Let’s make a check mark next to what you want.’”
Either way, kids get to feel “like they have agency and they feel in control,” which “ takes breakfast battles out of the equation,” she says. Plus, doing it the night before evades having to make decisions during the morning rush, so it's a win-win.
Of course, there is no one-size-fits-all-solution when it comes to morning schedules and picky eaters, but several parents chimed in saying that they tried Dr. Becky’s strategy and found success.
“Okay I was our first day of school today and it went well! It worked perfectly and I am crossing my fingers that it will continue to work. The morning went much more smoothly because of it!” wrote one mom.
Another echoed, “This has been working like magic, getting us through the last few weeks of camp. Thank you!!”
Other parents shared similar ways of taking breakfast decisions out of the equation.
“It sounds crazy but we have a set breakfast schedule for every day. Mon is toast morning. Tues is cereal. Wed is Choose Your Own. Thursday is Toast. Fri is Oatmeal or yogurt. Takes the guesswork out and kids know what to do.”
All this talk of breakfast, and now I want pancakes. media4.giphy.com
“My 9 year old and my 6 year old create a breakfast, lunch, and dinner menu for the week on Sundays and we follow it strictly. No more arguments. They’re in charge of it. We are gluten-free and dairy-free.”
Hopefully with this hack, the only thing scrambled about your morning will be the eggs. But even if this particular modality doesn’t work for your household, the concept of taking the guesswork out of certain rituals can eliminate a ton of stress for virtually every family. And if you can gamify it somehow…even better. Cause why not have fun while making things less hectic?
For even more tips just like this one, be sure to give Dr. Becky a follow on Instagram.
Dad shares bonding technique that brought him closer to his daughter.
Building a strong parental bond between father and daughter is all about spending intentional time together. And for dads who work or have limited time during the days to spend with their daughters, the good news is that a strong relationship can be achieved in less than half an hour.
An enthusiastic dad shared about how a 20-minute bonding technique "made a huge difference" with his daughter on the Reddit thread, r/daddit. "I never really felt bonding and I even felt my child was a bit scared of me or just had a preferred parent. (Still does)," he explained. "But consciously doing this and being purposeful has been a game changer there's last 2 months when she turned 3."
The bonding technique comes from psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen, MD. Called "Special Time," the dad describes it as 20-30 minutes of engagement with a simple purpose: "To foster a stronger connection with children by providing undivided attention and positive interaction."
"This is probably one of the most effective parenting strategies I've given parents, is spend 20 minutes a day with your child. Do something with them they wanna do," Dr. Amen explained in a video on "Special Time." "And during that time, no commands, no questions, no directions. It's just time."
Dr. Amen also adds that the benefits are endless. They include: increased closeness, improved communication, and a more positive relationship with the child.
Fellow dads weighed in on how it's helped their relationships with their kids thrive. "That kinda explains why my kiddos bonded so well with me over their mother. It's not something I've consciously done, just enjoyed doing. Usually after dinner we'll have a good 30 mins of dedicated playtime before bed," he wrote. "I mostly just used it as a way to get those last bits of energy on the day out. My daughter will just come up to me and say what she wants to do. 'Dada, chase' and we'll chase each other around the house, or 'Dada hide' obv is hide and seek. Which is hilarious with a 3 yo. Her idea of hiding at one point was laying as still as possible on the floor with her head in a diaper box."
Another dad added, "Yeah, being mindful of this and making time for it helps so much. I'm out of the house 55+ hours per week with work and my wife is SAHM, so he's way more attached to her than to me. But this morning I lay under a table in his room for like 30 minutes being the 'cupboard troll,' demanding he pays tolls to receive items from the cupboard."
Dr. Amen's "Special Time" technique is "deceptively easy," parenting coach Keesha Scott, MS, tells Upworthy. "It works because kids don’t just want attention, they want attuned attention. When a parent sets everything else aside, the child feels deeply seen, and that sense of connection becomes the foundation of trust."
"Special Time" also lays a great foundation to build a secure attachment. "A secure attachment allows individuals to move forward in the world feeling safe, empowered, and confident," Reesa Morala, LMFT, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of Embrace Renewal Therapy, tells Upworthy. "When you know that someone is in your corner with unconditional positive regard, your body is more willing to try new things and expand themselves because they know someone will be there to support and champion them."
For parents looking to try out "Special Time," it doesn't take much forethought. "That could mean playing a game, telling a story, or just sitting together in a way that feels relaxed. Some of the best moments don’t come from a planned 'session' at all," says Scott.
Morala adds, "Let them teach you a skill or a game. Get silly. Get creative. If you can involve movement, that will naturally get the endorphins (hormones that help with attachment bonds) flowing."
Experiment of boys and girls left unsupervised return eyeopening results
What would kids do if left completely to their own devices without any adult intervention? If you've never wondered that, well, you don't have to wonder anymore.
In 2016, Boys Alone (Social Experiment Documentary) took 10 boys ages 11-12 and left them unsupervised in a house for five days. Before the boys were left alone they were given cooking classes and other life skills lessons to give them all a more even starting ground.
They repeated the social experiment with girls in Girls Alone (Social Experiment Documentary). The girls are given the same life skills lessons as the boys before being left to their own devices for the better part of a week. Both groups of children were left with cameras watching their every move as adults monitored from outside of the home. But there was no interference and when the camera crew was present they did not interact or attempt to parent the children in any way.
Recently clips of these experiments resurfaced on social media when a guy with the username Mr. Cult Daddy uploaded it to share with his 508k followers.
His condensed version of the clips along with his commentary gave viewers a quick overview of the vastly different results.
Replying to @mrcultdaddy In contrast, the girls displayed more responsibility and cooperation. They created a chore chart, divided up tasks, and took turns cooking meals. They even organized a DIY beauty salon to cheer up a girl who was feeling down. While the girls had some disagreements, they handled them more maturely and left the house in a clean and orderly state. The experiment showcased a sense of teamwork and care, unlike the boys' experience #boysvsgirls #patriarchy #psychologyfacts #greenscreenvideo
"Imagine this, 10 boys all from the ages of 11 and 12 were put into a house with no adult supervision for five days. And if you heard me say that and thought to yourself that sounds like a total 'Lord of the Flies' situation, you're not wrong because it did not take long for them to completely descend into chaos," the creator shares.
He explains that the boys essentially destroyed the house by drawing on the walls, flipping furniture and "trashing everything." The boys didn't use their new cooking skills, relying solely on snacks and sodas. Eventually the chaotic fun turned into power struggles, breaking into different groups fighting each other, even tying someone to a chair.
"But what's interesting about this whole thing is just how quickly their social structure that they developed just completely fell apart. What started out as excitement turned into isolation depression," the man says.
The TikTok creator jumps into sharing the commentary from others around the societal expectations of boys being able to get away with more which people feel had an impact on the way these boys behaved.
On the flip side, the girls experiment had wildly different results. The girls were the same age as the boys but instead of immediately descending into chaos, they actually worked together.
One commenter writes about the boys, "Grown men live like this too. It’s not an age thing," with another person saying, "That’s the least shocking outcome ever."
"As we know the boys descended into chaos relatively quickly so you might say to yourself, 'oh we can expect the same things from these girls,' no. From the start the girls organize themselves. They made a freaking chore chart, took turns cooking, cleaning. meals were planned, they didn't just survive off the snacks like the boys did. They really created this team," he shares.
The girls also painted on the walls but it was productive paintings like murals and not painting to make a mess. Evidently the girls all worked together and provided each other emotional support according to the creator. They even cleaned the house before they left. It would seem that people in the comments were not at all surprised by the stark contrast between the girls and boys experiment.
One woman tells the creator, "by 12 I could have run a whole household."
"I think it's probably 15-20% prefrontal cortex and 75-80% conditioning. I was expected to wash the dishes every night by myself from a young age while my male sibling went to bed. I was made to do his homework, even tho I was 2y younger, so he'd have free time to "be a typical boy." I'm the reason he passed elementary school, but I refused after that and his grades crashed," another woman reveals.
"I think it shows the difference in raising. Girls are taught to behave, be smart. Boys tend to be spoiled by moms and dads. They don’t usually receive the learning of being nice, cordial," someone else shares.
"It's conditioning (at least 80%) my brother is 9 years older and I had to teach him how to do his own laundry when I was 14 (he was ripe ol' age of 23) bc my mom taught me from a young age and didn't," one commenter explains.
While many people agree that the culprit is social conditioning combined with brain development while others pointed out that it may simply be American culture. That also likely plays a large role in the outcome of these experiments, but what do you think? If the experiment was completed again today, would the results be the same?
Boomer grandparents are excessively gifting their grandkids, and Millennial parents have had enough.
Millennial parents and Boomer grandparents don't always see eye to eye on parenting and grandparenting. Now, Millennial parents are uniting on a nightmare Boomer grandparenting trend that sees them "excessively gifting" their grandkids with tons of both new and old *unwanted* stuff during visits.
Ohio mom Rose Grady (@nps.in.a.pod) shared her "Boomer grandparent" experience in a funny and relatable video. "Just a millennial mom watching her boomer parents bring three full loads of 'treasures' into her home," she wrote in the overlay.
Grady can be seen looking out the window of her home at her Boomer mom and dad carrying bags and boxes up her driveway after several visits. The distressed and contemplative look on Grady's is speaking to plenty of Millennial moms.
Today's "treasure" highlight was the mobile that hung in my nursery... #boomerparents #boomers #boomersbelike #millennialsoftiktok #millenialmom #motherdaughter
Grady captioned the video, "Today's 'treasure' highlight was the mobile that hung in my nursery..."
The humorous video resonated with with fellow Millennial parents. "Straight to the trash when they leave," one viewer commented. Another added, "I always say 'if you don’t want it in yours, we don’t want it in ours' 😂."
Even more Millennial parents have shared and discussed their situations with Boomer grandparents buying their kids too much stuff on Reddit. "Both my mother and my MIL love buying and sending toys, books, clothes, etc. I don't want to be ungrateful but we just don't need it and don't have the space. I have brought this up politely in 'we are all out of drawers for that' but it hasn't slowed things down," one explained. "I think part of the issue is that the grandparents live in different cities and vacation a lot. They don't get to see our daughter much so they buy stuff instead."
Another Millennial parent shared, "While the intention is very kind behind these, all the grandparents are very aware that we do not need, nor wish to receive these gifts in such an excessive volume - as it creates a daily struggle to store and accommodate in our home. I struggle to keep on top of tidying as it is, and this is a massive added challenge."
Millennial mom struggles to organize her son's room.Image via Canva/fotostorm
How to talk to Boomer grandparents about gifts
So, why are Boomer grandparents excessively gifting? "Boomer grandparents may be the first grandparent generation to have accumulated the substantial discretionary funds that enables them to spend money on their grandchildren," Sari Goodman, a Certified Parent Educator and founder of Parental Edge, tells Upworthy. "These grandparents probably grew up with grandparents who didn’t have that kind of money and so they may be excited to give their grandchildren the things they didn’t get."
Goodman suggests that Millennial parents first discuss with them the "why" behind the gifting. "What comes before setting a boundary to limit over-the-top gift-giving is delving into the reasons grandparents are buying so much," she explains. "Coming from a place of compassion and understanding makes it possible to come up with mutually beneficial solutions."
She recommends that Millennial parents sit down with their Boomer parents to learn more. "Did they grow up without many toys and clothes and are fulfilling a dream? Ask them about the values they learned as children (hard work, perseverance, the power of delayed gratification) and how they can pass on these lessons to the grandchildren," she suggests.
She adds that another reason may be that Boomer grandparents live far away and want their grandchildren to feel a connection with them. "Set up a regular FaceTime or Zoom meeting. Rehearse with the kids so they have something to say and suggest a topic for the grandparents," says Goodman. "Or send snail mail. Kids love getting mail. The grandparents can send postcards from where they live and explain some of the special sites."
Boomer grandparents have a video call with grandkids.Image via Canva/Tima Miroshnichenko
Finally, Goodman adds that for some grandparents, this may be is the only way they know how to show their love. Millennial parents could ask if they would be open to other ideas. "Parents can set up an activity for grandparents and kids to do when they come over—a jigsaw puzzle, art activity, board game, magic tricks," she says. "Arrange for the grandchildren to teach the grandparents something their phones can do or introduce them to an app they might like."
Before we proceed, I'd like to ease your mind. As a therapist who has spent more than a decade working with teens, I can tell you: they're listening. It may not seem like it, especially if you have a boundary tester, but they hear what you tell them and know that you're trying to protect them. But there is a common theme to their complaints: they don't feel heard, they feel like their parents talk at them instead of to them, and a big one is that they fear being judged, subsequently disappointing their parents.
Teenagers are in a unique stage in not only brain development but also social, emotional, and biological development as well. There are a lot of things going on inside their brains and bodies that need to be acknowledged. From the ages of 12-18 kids experience a psychosocial developmental stage called "Identity vs Role Confusion," according to famed psychoanalyst Erick Erikson. During this stage of development, teens are figuring out who they are and what they believe in, independent of their parents.
This is also a time when they pull away from their parents to seek more advice and validation from their peers, which is generally where the breakdown happens. "Fine" becomes the standard answer to nearly any question a curious parent hoping for a glimmer of communication can think to ask. If you want to avoid the dreaded "fine," here are some things you could try to get your teen to open up.
Kidding. Don't actually "trap" them in the car, but if you want to get a few extra words out of your teen, the car is a great place to dig a little deeper. We still want to approach topics with care and thoughtfulness, but I've found that when the teen isn't pressured to have eye contact or see their parent's expression to something they've said, they tend to tell you more. But it's on you to know what to ask. Instead of, "How was school?" ask a more probing question.
Sometimes, asking them to tell you about something exciting, funny or interesting that happened will result in them spilling a lot more details about their day. If you know they've been struggling with a class or teacher, feel free to ask them if the teacher is still being a turd. It may sound silly, but little things like that let them know you're on their side and frees the air for them to voice grievances.
Try not to make talks into a production
This well-intentioned method of having big conversations can really stifle communication with teenagers. Sitting them down at the kitchen table across from both of their parents to talk about sex or drugs can feel a lot like getting called into the principal's office. Important talks don't need to be formal; they can happen just about anywhere. And if you didn't start off having chats like that early and often, you can start now.
If there's a way for you both to be busy while talking, it will help dissipate any nervous energy that might come up. This means chatting while cooking dinner together, putting together a puzzle, or pulling weeds takes the formality out of the conversation and you might even be surprised with their own questions.
Put your tool belt away, you're not Bob the Builder
When your teen finally opens up about an issue, they don't always want you to fix it. In fact, jumping right into "fix-it" mode can be a quick way to get your teen to clam up, especially if fixing it means having some harsh words with the person you feel hurt your child. Believe it or not, teenagers are capable of problem-solving! They've been watching you do it all their lives.
A great way to build on the trust that comes with open communication is by asking your child how they want to be supported. You can do this by asking, "Do you want my advice or do you just want me to listen?" This question goes a long way because it's showing them that you trust them to not only know what they need in the moment but to fix their own problem. It will also help build their confidence when interacting with peers outside of the home.
Mother and daughter enjoying a tablet together on a cozy bed.Photo credit: Canva
You were once a teenager—but you're not now
Parents all over are guilty of this, myself included. It's natural to see someone going through something similar to what you experienced and automatically pull on your imaginary suspenders, breathe deeply and say, "Back in my day." Yes, the anecdote might be relevant. It might even be helpful, but if they didn't ask or expressly give permission after you've asked, it's not a bad idea to keep it to yourself.
If every time your teen comes to you with a problem you relive your glory days, they'll suddenly have far fewer problems that they need help addressing. They want to know about your life as a teenager, which lets them know a different side of you, but they don't want to know when they're actively struggling. They'll ask when they're ready for you to pull out those suspenders and a good piece of straw to chew on.
Practice your poker face
You know that high-pitched noise your ears sometimes make for seemingly no reason? There have been more than a few times that I've wished for that temporary break in hearing when my own teens overshared details about their personal lives. But when your teen is opening up about something important to them, it's not the time for judgment. That includes your face.
Instead of a wide-eyed gasp, practice with a friend or partner reacting to the most ridiculous information with a straight face and curiosity. This will help if your kid comes home from a sleepover with Ronald McDonald red hair or when they tell you that they snuck into the liquor cabinet and got sick from too much tequila. Learning to keep a neutral face will also help them feel safe if something more life-changing happens, like a teen pregnancy, drug use, or coming out as LGBTQ.
Two friends enjoying a heartfelt conversation on the couch.Photo credit: Canva
Learning to keep the judgment off of your face and out of your voice will go a long way. Following their confession by identifying and validating their feelings will help to disarm the defenses they likely put up before they spilled their secret. Not sure what to say? Something like, "That must've been scary. How are you feeling now?" works well because it allows them a chance to reflect. The point is for them to feel heard and supported. Of course, some of these revelations may require consequences if there's something egregious that occurred, but for the most part, this is unlocking a sacred sharing of trust and information.
Bonus: Your child's business is theirs to share, not yours
This is one that many parents are guilty of whether it's good news, bad news or embarrassing news. Some parents have a bad habit of sharing their teenager's information without their permission and, sometimes, without thought about how their child may feel. During my work with teens, this came up a lot. Teens were mortified that their great aunt knew they'd had their first kiss or started their period.
A good rule to follow to maintain trust in this area is to ask if you would want that information shared about you. If you're unsure, ask your child. If you are sure, ask your child. Basically, anything beyond them having a stellar report card should be a quick check in with your kid. Maybe they wanted to share the news first or maybe they don't want anyone to know the news at all. Keeping things under wraps until your teen gives the okay will preserve the trust and communication you've worked so hard to build.
This article was written by Jacalyn Wetzel, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and practicing therapist.
Ten months after a man’s wife passed away, he finally got the courage to read a letter she left him, which contained a devastating admission. The 4-year-old son they had together may not be his.
“My ‘darling’ wife passed away 10 months ago,” the man wrote on Reddit’s Off My Chest forum. “She wrote a letter for me before she died, but I couldn’t bring myself to read it until now. She told me how sorry she was that she didn’t have the guts to tell me this to my face when she was alive.”
In the letter, the wife revealed that there was a “good chance” that the son he thought was his wasn’t his biological child. A few weeks before their wedding day, the wife got drunk at her bachelorette party and had a one-night stand with another man. Soon after that night, she became pregnant but was unsure who the father was.
A man reads a lettterImage via Canva
The man was torn whether or not to have the paternity test done. The child had only one parent in this world, and he would have to take care of him regardless. He also thought it was cowardly that his former wife would wait until she was no longer around to share the truth with him.
“So she thought she’d rather drop this bomb on my life when I could no longer confront her about it,” the man wrote. “Now that my son would only have one parent looking out for him, and she’d have no idea how I would even react. Maybe I should not have got the paternity test done. Maybe it might be better to live in ignorance. But I just had to know.”
The man took the paternity test and learned he wasn’t the child’s biological father.
“I’m devastated. This doesn’t change how I feel about my son,” he wrote. “He’s my whole world and he’s innocent. But boy, does it hurt. There’s so much going on in my head right now. I haven’t stopped crying. Thank god my son is at my parents' place for the day. I’d hate for him to see me like this.”
Facing a pain nearly too much for him to bear, the only outlet he had at the moment was reaching out to Reddit to find some solace. “I just needed to let this all out. Don’t have it in me to tell anyone in my life about this right now,” he wrote.
A man holds his head in his handsImage via Canva
The commenters send him hundreds of messages of support to get him through the shock of first learning the truth about his family.
The most popular message was straightforward and honest.
"All your feelings are valid, a lot of people will react with some kind of toxic positivity to things like these. Your feelings are valid. Each and everyone," femunndsmarka wrote.
Another commenter added that someday, his son will appreciate how he stepped up and did what was right in a very trying circumstance.
“He is going to find out the truth one day. Imagine how much more he will love you knowing you didn’t leave him, even though he wasn’t yours,” ImNotGoodatThis6969.
Another commenter provided valuable insight from the son’s perspective.
"As an adopted child, I just want to thank you on behalf of your son. I deeply believe it changes nothing, family is not about blood, its about who you love, want to have by your side, and care for the most. Sending hugs, strength and gratitude," Mariuuq wrote.
The father at the heart of this story is understandably devastated because his life was upended almost overnight. But the hope in the story is that his trials also taught him a powerful truth—his love for his son goes much deeper than blood.
In a Reddit subfoforum of dads, member TrashPandasAndPizza shared with fellow dads the epic bedtime trick that helped him: "We’ve been struggling since January with our 3-year-old’s bedtime routine dragging out for more than an hour. Last month it was over 90 minutes, with all the bargaining and pleading for 'one more (insert random activity)' before saying goodnight."
It was clearly not working...until he found a brilliant solution. "A menu changed all of that. We created a card and drew little icons in the pages to represent all the different activities he has ever requested at bedtime - song from the phone, songs sung by mom or dad, a game of hide and seek, a story, you name it," he wrote. "We left space to add more options as he gets older. We also included an option for if he wanted his bedroom door open or closed."
He explained that the "menu" had truly changed bedtime from a nightmare into a manageable situation. "Now, he chooses 3 activities and the door option, and that’s it. No fuss," he shared. "We show him the menu if he forgets his options but otherwise we have been able to cut bedtime down to 15-20 min max. Fellow dads, hope this helps you."
Dads were ecstatic about the creative bedtime hack. "100% this. We just didn’t realize he needed the visual aid to 'remember' his choices and help limit the choices," one shared. Another also wrote, "Works with confused adults also, most of the time."
Another dad added, "'Make them believe it was their choice/idea'" was the first advise I got when I became a manger. Timeless advise in many ways." Some dads noted the strategy worked for them as well. "Yeah also my solution. Each day same bed time. Warn them you will set a timer. 5 minutes later timer goes off. We go to bed. No buts, no ifs. We go to bed."
Other shared their bedtime tricks that worked for them. "We haven’t implemented the exact same solution, but in general pivoting the conversation from 'I need you to do this' to 'do you want to do A, B, or C' has really helped us. When my son gets the power of choice, he feels much more empowered within the overall process and things run smoother. This also applies to all sorts of things outside of bed time," one commented.
Another dad chimed in with, "Yeah, my toddler likes to cuddle before bed, if they are being fussy or energetic at bedtime I just ask, 'Do you want to go in the crib or cuddle on dad’s shoulder?' She chooses shoulder every time, but that means she’ll be in her bed within 5 minutes. Rarely fights it anymore. In my limited experience. Asking them what they want to do works better than telling them!"
Another shared his successful bedtime experience with storytelling: "We've had success with having him help tell his own bedtime story about what he will dream about. What animal will you dream about? Oh an elephant? And where will you be, The beach?!, and what will you do on the beach? Build sandcastles, that sounds great! You'll dream of building sandcastles on the beach with an elephant. OK, I love you, Good night, dream of that elephant at the beach. For whatever reason, him making choices in a prompted story works for us."
Who doesn't want a little magic in the morning? media1.giphy.com 
All this talk of breakfast, and now I want pancakes. media4.giphy.com 
shallow focus photo of boy in red crew-neck T-shirt 
Teens playing table tennis 
two girl in pink and green shirts sitting on wall shelf 
Millennial mom struggles to organize her son's room.Image via Canva/fotostorm
Boomer grandparents have a video call with grandkids.Image via Canva/Tima Miroshnichenko
Heated conversation in the living room.
Carpooling with friends, enjoying the ride! 🚗📱😊
Mother and daughter enjoying a tablet together on a cozy bed.
Two friends enjoying a heartfelt conversation on the couch.
Sharing smiles and stories in the park. 📱😊
A man reads a lettterImage via Canva
A man holds his head in his handsImage via Canva
Ben Stiller Go To Bed GIF 
Tired Good Night GIF by Disney 
Tired Baby GIF