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maternity leave

Apparently, losing your job without notice is an American phenomenon.

When you live in one country your whole life, it's easy to form ideas about what's "normal" and what's not. Cultural standards and accepted norms vary country by country, though, sometimes in dramatic ways that we wouldn't even think of.

That's why when someone asked, "What’s a very American problem that Americans don’t realize isn’t normal in other countries?" the answers were eye-opening. Seeing major aspects of American life that are not realities in other countries, especially other wealthy, developed nations, is wild. It's also a good reminder that we all have things to learn from one another and the things we might think of as impossible actually aren't.

from AskReddit

Lots to think about here as we ponder our quality of life and what's worth trying harder to change:

The cost of healthcare and medical bankruptcy

"Was in Germany with food poisoning. Drove myself to the ER. They were SHOOK when I told them I did. They then quietly told me you don't pay for ambulances there."

"I’ve never understood why police and firefighters get covered but we get a bill for ambulances. You'd think anything related to 911 is covered by our taxes."

ambulance ride, er visit, emergency room, medical costs. emergencyAmbulance rides can cost a pretty penny in the U.S.Photo credit: Canva

"First time I was living in Japan (didn’t understand the healthcare yet) and took a cab to the ER. They were so concerned and confused why I would do that. I was seen immediately, given IV, six medications on my way out: it only cost my like 60$USD. My friend apologized for how I had to pay so much as a non-citizen. I was shocked it was so cheap."

"I had a cancer diagnosis in 2019 and I joined an online support group. Americans were worried about the costs or losing their job because of missed days for treatment and doctors appointments. I'm Canadian. None of that stuff was any part of my worries. FYI, we got it all. I'm good."

"Yea the amount of GoFundMe’s for just like routine life medical s__t is wild."

"Breaking Bad would not have happened anywhere else but the US."

Prescription drug commercials

"I can’t even afford to go to the doctor. What makes you think I would book an appointment to see a doctor and ask for a drug that could give me 'blindness, or even death.'"

list of side effects, gif, America, drugs, problemsSide effects from drugs, GIF by Eternal FamilyGiphy

"I really love the ones that can give you 'potentially fatal disintegration of the perineum.'"

"This sports game brought to you by a prescription drug with a long list of horrifying side effects!"

Losing your job without notice

"That you can lose your job without warning. No notice period where you can get paid while looking for something else. Just getting thrown out of a workplace you've been at for years, with your belongings. And that this can lead to losing your right to proper health care because of insurance. Basically, no rights and no safety net. Only the rich seem to get severance packages."

"In my first job in Europe, I and the university screwed up majorly with my visa and I ended up stranded in Canada for a couple of weeks waiting to fix it. When I wrote to my boss to tell him what happened, I reassured him that I knew I'd probably lose my job over this etc. He was shocked that I even thought it was a possibility."

being fired, losing job, lay off, America, being laid off with no noticeOther countries have policies that prevent being let go with no notice.Photo credit: Canva

"Here in Ireland, there's been multiple instances where American-run companies think they can fire/lay off employees just like in America, and end up getting legal proceedings taken against them as a result."

"In Norway 3 months notice with pay is the standard."

No guaranteed maternity leave

"I still can't believe paid maternity leave is not a standard thing. And shit like women going back to work two weeks after giving birth. What is going on?"

"I know of a company that was bought out by an American company. They tried to enforce American rules on maternity leave. It did not work out well for them."

Pregnant woman, maternity leave, pregnancy, America, american parental leave policiesPaid parental leave is not guaranteed in the U.S.Photo credit: Canva

"The company I worked for denied my maternity leave and then approved it and then fired me for a system error that I begged them to fix for month. One that I didn’t cause. The maternity leave wasn’t even paid, it was just so I could return to work."

"I'm sorry, not an American. How are people meant to deal with raising a child without a maternity leave?"

Vacation time is seen as a luxury

"Getting time off. 2 weeks here feels like a lot. You work a bunch to get some more time off after x number of years. Other countries can get a month off no issue it seems like."

"I'm in the UK, I get 6 weeks plus bank holidays. I want more, asked for more, so my manager checked with HR. He now can approve another 3 weeks unpaid every year without needing further approval.

Also my American colleagues get the same benefits including 6 months paternity leave (full pay). He used it and he said his family genuinely questioned if he'd been fired and was trying to hide it. 😂"

"The law in France forces me to take 2 consecutive weeks between May and October of each year. After that I still have almost 6 weeks of vacation left on top of public holidays. You can take 3 weeks in a row without issue, but 4+ requires some negotiation, but it really depends on your job and company, for some it's a non-issue."

vacation time, time off from work, sitting by the pool, relaxingVacation time is seen as a given, not a luxury, in Europe and Australia.Photo credit: Canva

"I get 4 weeks Annual Leave a year + 2 weeks sick leave [in Australia]. They accrue and the annual leave must be paid out when you leave the company. I also get Long Service Leave (13 weeks at 10 years of service and 1.3 weeks every year after that.)"

"A friend of mine has like 5-6 weeks vacation per year in the US. Hasn't taken more than a week off within a year for years now. And I don't even think it's a full week as a block. He just takes 5 days max within the year."

Gun violence

"Guns. So many guns. So much gun violence. Just not an issue in other countries."

"Active shooter drills for kids in school. Bullet proof backpacks."

"One of the things that may surprise Americans, is that over in Europe and other places in the world, we don't do gun drills at schools or other places. We don't simply need to, because firearms offences are so low."

Protesters, holding signs, advocating unity, action, anti-gun sentimentsGun violence and active shooter drills are not the norm in other developed nations.Photo credit: Canva

"There are a lot of developed countries with a lot of guns. Canada, Switzerland, Finland, for example. Heck, even the UK has a lot of shot guns in the countryside.

The American culture of gun violence is unmatched in the developed world. It's not quite as bad as some Central America or under developed countries, but it's definitely an outlier in developed countries...I guess that is just America in general."

There are lots of wonderful things about the United States, but that doesn't mean there aren't places we could improve. Sure, some of these things are enormous, systemic things that are difficult to change, but knowing they're not "normal," only normal for Americans, might give us an extra push to advocate for what we really want as a people.

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Taking time off after having a baby is full of paradoxes. It can be strange, and a little boring and monotonous. It's jarring, especially for a busy career-oriented person, to suddenly be at home all the time doing laundry, dishes, and taking the occasional stroller walk. There's a part of you that gets restless and can't wait for it to be over. And that's why it's weird when dread kicks in the moment you realize your leave is almost up.

For many mothers, it can be hard to let go of that time with your baby — time you never really get back. Or, in some cases, babies.

One new mom of twins recently discussed the complicated emotions she was feeling on her very last day of maternity leave.


person's hand holding baby feet Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

TikTok user Marissa Jeanne couldn't hold back her tears as she held her babies and tried to describe the emotional toll she was facing on the eve of her return to work.

“Today is my last day of maternity leave, and I go back to work tomorrow. And I just feel like I haven't had enough time with them," she began bluntly.

“I know I got longer than a lot of women get with three months, but I just don't feel ready physically and mentally. I feel like there's so much that you think that you are going to do on maternity leave. I think you're going to accomplish so many things and do so many things with your babies. And then here I am at the end and I'm like, ‘I didn't do any of that,' but I feel like I did do a lot of this and that's one of the most important things,” she says of cuddling her sleeping babies.

“I think the hardest part is it's just like such an abrupt change that you're with your babies all the time, and then you pick them up from daycare and you might just get a few hours with them. So that's just such an abrupt change, and it's really hard.”

Moms often get pigeonholed once their babies come into the world. People assure them that their priorities will shift and they'll probably stop caring about their career (a bias sometimes called the 'maternal wall' that causes all kinds of problems when it comes to hindering moms in their work). Marissa perfectly explained how it's possible, and quite common, to want both things at once — even if it's hard.

“I also love my career. I am proud of what I do, but there's always that mom guilt of you're not giving enough time to your kids, but you can't do it all. You can't give 100% to everything. I think that's something important to remember,” she says.

“I just feel so honored to be their mom and to have gotten the past three months with them. So I'm really grateful for that. For all the working moms out there, you're amazing. Yeah, you can't do it all, but you're doing the best that you can for your kids and that's all that matters.”

Watch the whole video from Marissa's TikTok here:

@marissa_jeanne

Last day of maternity leave and I am a mess. There’s nothing that prepares you for this day in your postpartum journey. #maternityleave #maternityleaveover #postpartumjourney #pospartum #3monthspostpartum #backtowork #workingmom #workingmoms #workingmomstruggles #twinmom

People in the comments were quick to point out: It doesn't have to be this way.

"Maternity leave in the US is way too short," one user wrote.

"Our instincts want us to say with the babies," said another.

"This breaks my heart! It's so unnatural for a mom to be separated from her tiny babies," added another user.

One person noted that since Marissa had twins, she should technically get double the time off. Hard to argue that one!

Other users were quick to share examples of how parental leave in other countries puts the US to shame.

In Germany, parents can take up to three years of leave without losing their jobs! It's unpaid, but parents may apply for an allowance from the government during that time, even if they had no prior income.

In Romania, parents are entitled to 126 days of leave at 85% of their prior pay.

Maternity leave in the UK can be up to a whopping 52 weeks, with 39 of those weeks being paid (starting at 90% of their average earnings and decreasing after 6 weeks). Canada? 15 weeks of paid leave (at only 55% pay, but still!) and an additional unpaid 35 weeks after that.

When you list it out like that, 3 months of unpaid leave is absolutely pathetic. But as Marissa's reaction points out, it's not just the pay.

First, there's the physical toll. Recovering from giving birth could take 6-8 weeks at a minimum, but probably much, much longer. So we're sending moms back to work when they've just barely gotten back on their feet.

And then, even worse, there's the emotional. When your babies are just a few weeks old, you're still deep in the bonding phase, and it's unimaginably jarring to have to cut it so short and drop them off at daycare so you can go back to work so soon. Plus, about 15% of moms will have postpartum depression, which can last for several years. And a whopping 85% will deal with the "baby blues" — hormonal fluctuations that occur after giving birth for several weeks and cause anxiety, crying, and temporary depression.

Most people would agree that 3 months is just really fast to be separated from brand new babies.

It's just sad that moms who work don't get a choice. If you're not ready to go back in 3 months, there's no guarantee that you could extend your leave and keep your job. Even if your family could handle the financial strain of a longer unpaid leave period, it's just not an option for most people. It makes new parents feel cornered and scared, and frustrated by a system that's setting them up to fail.

Luckily, things are steadily getting a little bit better, with more states adopting paid leave policies and more individual employers getting on board. Let's keep the momentum going, because we've got a long way to go.

Photo by Andrew Seaman on Unsplash

Curious second graders ask questions about pregnancy.

Whoa, baby! Fielding questions about where babies come from can be a full-time job, especially when you’ve got a classroom full of curious kids. Most times, this big question is left to the parents, who sometimes give elaborate answers that they invariably need to correct when the child is older. I’ve heard parents tell kids that babies come from watermelon seeds that get accidentally swallowed or that a stork drops babies off on doorsteps (I’ve yet to hear where the stork gets this unsuspecting child). People can spin some tall tales in an effort to avoid answering the question of where babies come from and how they get out.

In 2022, A K-5 science teacher in North Carolina decided she was going to answer questions from her curious second grade class with age-appropriate truthful answers. Nancy Bullard was preparing for maternity leave with her first child and realized she would need to inform her class that she would be out for a few months so they wouldn’t be concerned.


Bullard told Today Parents, "I didn’t want them to get caught off guard when I stopped coming to school. Plus, I wanted to reassure them that my leave was temporary." Bullard has a rotating group of students that come through her science lab weekly and she decided to turn her expected absence into a lesson she titled “Baby Bonanza.” During the lesson, the kids were able to draw the baby and guess his birthday, weight and time of birth.

Bullard also said the students gave her very cute parenting advice and tips on how to be a good mom. Some of this included singing the baby a song to throwing a piece of cheese on its face. The cheese was inspired by a TikTok video, the child admitted, but other gems included feeding and changing the baby, while one child suggested running away if the baby started crying.

When Mrs. B. returned to work after welcoming her first child, Sam, a baby boy, the kids were ready to learn more, and Mrs. B did not disappoint. Bullard told Today Parents, "I wanted to take a few minutes to catch up with students, introduce them to my son, and let them ask questions. When I wrote my lesson plan for this day I planned to spend about five minutes answering questions, but ended up spending nearly 20 minutes doing so."

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The students were filled with curiosity when their teacher returned. One asked “Is it difficult to have a baby?” to which Mrs. B. responded, “Yeah, yeah it is. It’s pretty tough.” Another student asked if the baby slept with his mom and dad, while another wanted to know the big question. You know: Where do babies come from? Without missing a beat, Bullard answered like the science teacher she is, with “They come from an organ called your uterus,” while pointing to her lower belly.

Bullard explained to Today that she taught a lesson earlier in the year about organs and organ function to her kids in K-5. “Regardless of age, all my students understand the basic concept of pregnancy: There was a baby inside me, now that baby is out, and I spent maternity leave taking care of him … Students were interested, curious, and excited to get their questions answered," the new mom said. "As a science teacher, I welcome curiosity and always strive to answer questions factually."

The elementary science teacher shared the video on TikTok and Instagram, “Mrs. B TV,” where the video has racked up more than 7 million views across the two platforms.

May all children be so lucky as to have a Mrs. B. at some point in their school career.


This article originally appeared on 4.5.22

Parenting

New mom vents frustration over American maternity leave in comparison to the rest of the world

"The people who decided that it is okay to leave an infant at a daycare at 6 weeks old? Jail."

New mom vents over American maternity leave.

Have you ever tried giving birth? It's not for the weak. In fact, the entire process leading up to birthing an entire human out of your body isn't for the weak. Being pregnant changes and stretches parts of your body you didn't know existed. Even the volume of blood that pumps through your heart increases.

Your joints loosen, your hips spread and for some reason, your nose and lips can spread, too. And even though your nose looks big enough to stick your fist into, you can't breathe through it efficiently. Pregnancy is a lot. But birth, whether vaginally or via cesarean is like running a marathon with little to no training. Then come the hormones, sleep deprivation and healing.

But if you're working in America when you happen to go through that life-changing experience, you can hang up any thoughts of having adequate time to heal and bond with your baby. In many instances, you've got six weeks—and those weeks may or may not be paid. (The U.S. is one of the only countries that doesn't federally guarantee paid maternity leave, and most states don't mandate paid maternity leave, either.)


Anna Gantt uploaded a video to TikTok expressing her frustration at America's maternity leave policies. In her video, Gantt is walking her dog and her newborn child in disbelief that new moms generally get six weeks of paid maternity leave in the United States when other countries get up to 18 months.

"I live in Georgia, in the United States, and it's not legal to separate a puppy or a kitten from its mother until they are 8 weeks old," Gantt vents. "So how, how is it okay to leave a human at 6 weeks old? My body is not even healed. I just now can go on a walk with my dog and my infant."

She makes some pretty good points. Humans who birth babies aren't cleared to return to normal light activities until a minimum of six weeks but it can be longer if you have complications. Maybe it's time for the United States to address its maternity leave issue.

Watch her entire video below:

@annavgantt

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