Culture
Dad’s 5-year-old daughter's hilarious answers to his questions have the internet screaming
“Do I have to change my name if I get married? Call me Shredder.”
01.14.25

via James Breakwell / Twitter
Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Comedy writer James Breakwell has four daughters under the age of eight and shares their hilarious conversations on Twitter. And, from Breakwell's tweets, it looks like his five year old has a future in comedy. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.
1.
Me: What did you do at school today?\n\n5-year-old: Learned about dragons.\n\nMe: Your class learned about dragons?\n\n5: I learned about dragons. I don't know what everybody else was doing.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1524164098
2.
5-year-old: *stares off into space*\n\nMe: What's wrong?\n\n5: What happens if a kangaroo jumps on a trampoline?\n\nMe: *stares off into space, too*— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512655067
3.
5-year-old daughter: Why does Mom wear makeup?\n\nMe: To look pretty.\n\n5: But she's already pretty.\n\nMe: Aww.\n\n5: Dad, you should wear makeup.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1434719335
4.
3-year-old: Do boys like Frozen?\n\n5-year-old: Nobody cares what boys like.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522195727
5.
5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars\n\nMe: That\u2019d wreck the economy\n\n5: I just-\n\nMe: Go to your room until you understand inflation— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1441628973
6.
5-year-old daughter: I think a boy likes me. He drew me a dinosaur.\n\nMe: That could mean anything.\n\n5: The dinosaur had a hat.\n\nOh shit.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1435237545
7.
[watching a guy on TV do CPR]\n\n5-year-old daughter: Why is he kissing her?\n\nMe: He's not. He's saving her life.\n\n5: I'd rather die.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1458752016
8.
Me: Who ate all the cookies?\n\n5-year-old: Ninjas.\n\nMe: I didn\u2019t see them.\n\n5-year-old: No one ever does.\n\nCheckmate.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1433627847
9.
5 y.o.: Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?\n\nMe: I helped\n\n5: How?\n\nMe:\n\n5:\n\nMe: I read her the instructions— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1446746149
10.
Me: You can't like Kylo Ren. He killed his dad.\n\n5-year-old: Maybe he deserved it.\n\nI'm never sleeping again.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1460388284
11.
Me: What happened on the coffee table?\n\n5-year-old daughter: Elsa killed all the stormtroopers.pic.twitter.com/36hCfd1z5s— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1432591871
12.
13.
5-year-old: I'm writing a book.\n\nMe: What's it called?\n\n5: I Ate Too Many Cupcakes.\n\nMe: Oh.\n\n5: It's just pretend because you can never eat too many cupcakes.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523975066
14.
5-year-old: *eats a cupcake for breakfast*\n\nMe: Cupcakes aren't a breakfast food.\n\n5: I know. They're an all-day food.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523364754
15.
Me: It snowed last night.\n\n5-year-old: *flops on the floor* We already did winter.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523279528
16.
Me: You're still in your pajamas.\n\n5-year-old: I'll get dressed soon.\n\nMe: It's 4 in the afternoon.\n\n5: Don't rush me.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523131531
17.
[spring break]\n\n5-year-old: When do we have to go back to school?\n\nMe: Monday.\n\n5: *slides me a penny* When now?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522870699
18.
Me: Wake up. Time to get dressed.\n\n5-year-old: Not again.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522158012
19.
5-year-old: *won't get out of bed*\n\nMe: I don't want to fight you every morning.\n\n5: Then let me win.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522847748
20.
Me: Why are you being mean?\n\n5-year-old: I ran out of nice.\n\nIt's going to be a long night.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522786515
21.
[lightning strike super close to our house]\n\n5-year-old: Missed me.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522762976
22.
5-year-old: Can we have pizza?\n\nMe: We just had pizza yesterday.\n\n5: The pizza doesn't know that.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522096312
23.
Me: Hurry.\n\n5-year-old: I am.\n\nMe: You're still in bed.\n\n5: I'm sleeping faster.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521811809
24.
5-year-old: Leprechauns are fairies.\n\nMe: They are?\n\n5: I thought you went to college.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521326336
25.
5-year-old: Do I have to change my name if I get married?\n\nMe: Only if you want to.\n\n5: Call me Shredder.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521585950
His 5-year-old isn't the only (often unintentionally) hilarious child in the house; the 7-year-old and 3-year-old turn up from time to time. There's also a 2-year-old, but she hasn't been the subject of many tweets yet.
26.
Me: *gets burned by bacon grease* Ow!\n\n7-year-old: Love hurts.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512230800
27.
Me: What are you doing?\n\n7-year-old: Counting the presents under the tree.\n\nMe: There aren't any presents under the tree.\n\n7: I know.\n\nPassive aggressive level 9000.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1511896968
28.
3-year-old: *holds up a baby doll* What's her name?\n\nMe: She doesn't have one. You can name her.\n\n3: *kissing baby* I love you, Stupid Face.\n\nShe'll make a great mother.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1511877311
29.
7-year-old: I'm glad I'm not a boy.\n\nMe: Why?\n\n7: I like being smart.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512136729
30.
3-year-old: Mommy married you.\n\nMe: Yeah.\n\n3: Why?\n\nWife: Nobody knows.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522527335
31.
2-year-old: *touches my beard* It's soft like a kitty.\n\nMe: You mean rugged and manly.\n\n2: Purrrr.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1493775467
32.
4-year-old: What happens when you die?\n\nMe: You go to heaven.\n\n4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1412245842
33.
4-year-old: Why do you go to work?\n\nMe: They pay me a salary.\n\n4-year-old:\n\nMe:\n\n4-year-old: I don\u2019t even like celery.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1425155143
34.
3-year-old daughter: Will I have a baby in my belly someday?\n\nMe: If you want to.\n\n3: No thanks. That's where I put my candy.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1459859421
35.
7-year-old: Why do we have to dress up?\n\nMe: It's Easter.\n\n7: Jesus just wore robes.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522592817
36.
Me: Do you know why they call it Good Friday?\n\n7-year-old: There's no school.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522427812
37.
7-year-old: Why does my teacher keep testing what I know?\n\nMe: What should she do?\n\n7: Trust me.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522246883
38.
7-year-old: You should let me eat more candy.\n\nMe: Why?\n\n7: Then you won't eat it.\n\nShe's my new diet plan.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522092561
This article originally appeared four years ago.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."