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Mom shares how her first grader's homework on the second day of school broke his spirit

"It's breaking their spirit and it robs them of what little fun and family time they have when they come home after a long day of school."

Photo credit: Cassi Nelson/Facebook

How much homework is too much homework?

Debates about homework are nothing new, but the ability of parents to find support for homework woes from thousands of other parents is a fairly recent phenomenon. A mom named Cassi Nelson shared a post about her first grader's homework and it quickly went viral. Nelson shared that her son had come home from his second day of school with four pages of homework, which she showed him tearfully working on at their kitchen counter.

"He already doesn’t get home from school until 4pm," she wrote. "Then he had to sit still for another hour plus to complete more work. I had to clear out the kitchen so he could focus. His little legs kept bouncing up and down, he was bursting with so much energy just wanting to go play. Then he broke my heart when he looked up at me with his big teary doe eyes and asked…. 'Mommy when you were little did you get distracted a lot too?!' Yes sweet baby, mommy sure did too! I don’t know how ppl expect little children to sit at school all day long and then ALSO come home to sit and do MORE work too…."

Nelson tells Upworthy that she was "shocked" that kindergarteners and first graders have homework, much less the amount they were expected to do. "We didn't have homework like this when we were in these younger grades."

Expert opinion and research is somewhat mixed on the homework front, but there isn't any conclusive evidence that homework is universally beneficial for students and too much homework can actually be harmful. As a standard, the National Education Association (NEA) and the National Parent Teacher Association (NPTA) support a limit on homework of “10 minutes of homework per grade level."

With that as a guide, a first grader shouldn't have more than 10 minutes of homework on any given school day, but it's not unusual for young kids to have two or three times the recommended limit of homework. That can be stressful for both kids and parents, cutting into valuable family time and limiting kids' time to decompress, play and freely engage in imaginative activity.

As Nelson concluded, "It’s breaking their spirit and it robs them of what little fun and family time they have when they come home after a long day of school."

Most parents and even most teachers in the comments agreed with her that four pages of homework is too much for a first grader, especially on only the second day of school:

"Poor little man. Children below a certain grade should not be given homework! Small children have a hard time sitting still for a long period of time yet alone expected to sit and do hours of homework, for what??? They are SMALL CHILDREN! Let them snack, play, laugh and all the other fun things when they get home. You are only a child once, they don't need that taken away from them. Let them embrace their inner creativity, imagination, recipes, etc."

"This breaks my spirit. Our schools are huge scams. You're exactly right Cassi. Homework is ridiculous. Kids til the age of 10 primarily learn through real life situations and play scenarios."

"I hate that for him! My little one has ADHD and doing homework after sitting in class all day is very stressful to him and makes him hate school. They are in school for 7 hours they shouldn’t have homework. That definitely takes away any kind of family time and that’s why kids never spend time with parents anymore because they have all this homework to do after being gone all day.I feel that if it can’t be done in the 7 hours they have the kids then it should wait until the next school day."

"I don’t make them do homework at home when they are that little. It’s not fair!They are at school allllll day! And it’s already sooooo much for their little bodies and brains! I’ve never had a teacher upset about it either.. and even if I did oh well!"

"That breaks my heart. 4 pages is absolutely ridiculous for young kids. My daughter is going into 2nd grade next month, the 2 years in school it was always 1 page of homework sometimes back and front if it was math. And to read."

This article originally appeared in August "I was in this boat with my son…conversation with the principal and teachers helped dramatically!! It’s too much and we have to advocate for them."

Nelson was blown away by the response to her post, which has been shared on Facebook over 89,000 times. "I NEVER thought me sharing my thoughts openly about how my heart hurt watching my little guy struggle would connect to so many others worldwide going through the same thing," she says.

Many parents shared that excessive homework is one of the reasons they decided to homeschool their children, which Nelson took to heart. The week after sharing her viral homework post, she shared that they had had their first day of homeschooling. It was "A HUGE SUCCESS!!!!" she wrote, with her son getting far more work done in a far shorter amount of time, sitting for classes for just 1 hour and 45 minutes total.

Nelson tells Upworthy she was totally intimidated to try homeschooling. "I seriously thought there was no way," she says. "But I knew I had to set my fear aside and just take the leap for my kids. I told myself I'd figure it out one way or another. And here we are three days in and it's been the easiest and best choice I've ever made."

Homeschooling is not going to the right solution for every family, however, so the question of homework remains an important issue for kids, parents, teachers and schools to work out.


This article originally appeared in August

There are many aspects of my more than decade-long career as a teacher that I'm proud of.

My reputation for giving lots and lots of homework is not one of them.

For most of my teaching career, I taught fifth or sixth grade. Sometimes I gave more than two hours of homework. Kids complained a lot, though parents rarely did — at least not to my face. I think parents mostly felt the same way I did: that homework was the best way to practice new skills, learn responsibility, develop a strong work ethic, and reflect on new learning.


I wasn't entirely wrong about all of that. But only for middle and high school students (and not hours of assignments). Not for elementary students, and certainly not for kindergarteners or preschoolers.

When I entered a doctoral program in education policy, I learned about the research that suggests that homework is not good for young kids.

Not only does it fail to improve the academic performance of elementary students, but it might actually be damaging to kids' attitudes toward school and to their physical health.

I became a parent during graduate school, and then I experienced for myself just how tired and overwhelmed kids can be after a full day at school. After hours spent sitting and engaging in mostly adult-directed activities, children's minds and bodies need other kinds of experiences when they get home — not more academics.

What are some of the things kids could be doing instead?

1. Jump rope.

An important part of how young kids' minds develop is through free, self-directed play.

"Through play," writes David Elkind, Ph.D., "children create new learning experiences, and those self-created experiences enable them to acquire social, emotional, and intellectual skills they could not acquire any other way."

2. Talk with parents.

Instead of nagging their overtired kids to do homework they're too young to do independently, parents should spend time talking together about their day. In fact, conversation is the best way for all of us —especially young children — to learn about our world and cultivate empathy.

3. Sleep.

The National Sleep Foundation estimates that between 25% and 30% of children aren't getting enough sleep. Lack of sleep can cause all sorts of problems in kids, including poor attention, behavior problems, academic difficulties, irritability, and weight gain.

4. Independent reading.

Most of us know that developing good habits (and hopefully a love of reading) is critical to doing well at school. Homework can actually interfere with the time kids can spend on reading for pleasure.

5. Listen to a book.

Studies show that kids who are read to aloud do better in school and have better vocabularies.

6. Go up a slide backwards.

"Risky" play is good for kids. Children need to explore their own limits, to be able to assess risks, and to learn how to negotiate their environments.

7. Help with dinner.

Kids who learn about new foods and how to prepare them may be more likely to choose more nutritious foods later on.

8. Walk the dog.

Kids who help take care of family pets may be less anxious, less likely to develop allergies and asthma, and more active.

9. Hang out at grandma's.

Multigenerational relationships can teach kids how other adult role models in their lives handle conflict, create and negotiate rules and routines, and embrace family traditions.

10. Participate in a community service project.

Through volunteering, kids can become more grateful, empathetic, and feel more connected to the wider community.

11. Do a science experiment.

Kids are naturally curious and want to know how things work. Scientific exploration outside the classroom may be particularly effective at teaching kids about scientific thinking.

12. Play dress up.

The significance of imaginative "pretend" or "fantasy" play for kids' creativity and future problem-solving skills is difficult to overstate.

When kids pretend they're superheroes or talk to stuffed animals, they're learning about social roles, setting the stage for later learning, and processing ideas from the world around them. In fact, some research suggests that kids who don't engage in fantasy play may actually struggle in the classroom later.

13. Wrestle with a sibling.

"Rough and tumble" play is not the same as aggression. It's vigorous, free-form, whole-body, energetic, happy play.  Kids learn decision-making skills, relieve stress, improve their ability to read social cues, and enhance their cardiovascular health.

14. Clean their room.

A University of Minnesota researcher, Marty Rossman, found that one of the best predictors of a kid's future success is whether they contributed to household chores as a young child.

15. Write a story.

By writing down stories, kids can express their feelings, stretch their imaginations, and practice their fine motor skills.

16. Zone out.

Just as important as play is down time.

Downtime is when kids are allowed to literally do not much of anything, like sit around and listen to music or stare at the ceiling. These moments allow children to reflect, rest, and reset their minds and bodies.

17. Meditate.

Studies have found that mindfulness and meditation can improve behavior, focus, and reduce impulsiveness.

18. Create a collage.

"Constructive play" — building a fort or making a snowman — is goal-oriented and involves kids building something using tools and materials. Constructive play also has an important role in developing children's communication, mathematical, and socio-emotional skills.

19. Listen to classical music.

One study found that that playing classical music to children can improve their listening and concentration skills as well as self-discipline.

20. Learn to knit.

Knitting, sewing, and crocheting are hobbies that can help enhance fine motor skills, improve coordination, and help in developing longer attention spans.

21. Take pictures.

"Photography can help develop a child's voice, vision and identity as it pertains to their family, friends and community," according to one photographer who teaches photography to children in Canada.

22. Ride a bike.

Kids who are physically active have stronger hearts, lungs, and bones. They are less likely to develop cancer or be overweight and more likely to feel good about themselves.

23. Listen to a long bedtime story.

Babies, children, and adult sleep better when they have a regular (not rushed) bedtime routine. Kids who don't have bedtime routines are more likely to have behavior problems, be hyperactive, and suffer from emotional difficulties.

When homework is assigned to young children, it doesn't improve academic learning.

In any case, the learning done in school is only one form of learning. Homework takes away from the time available to engage in endless other forms of learning, such as social, physical, and emotional — as well as rest.

Our kids deserve a chance to spend all their other hours outside of school doing their most important job of all: being a kid.

This article originally appeared on Motherwell and is reprinted here with permission.