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History (Education)

The Swedish resistance to feeding guests may not actually be as rude as it seems

A viral post about Swedish households excluding guests from meals created a flurry of debate over cultural norms.

Photo by Gabriella Clare Marino on Unsplash, @SamQari/Twitter

Sweden's cultural norm of not feeding unexpected guests resulted in a flurry of debate over hospitality.

Growing up, I was taught that it was rude to slurp food at the dinner table. In most American households, if you ate a bowl of soup and audibly slurped the noodles out of your bowl, people would assume you never learned proper table manners.

As an adult, though, I lived in Japan for a year, where it is not only acceptable to slurp your noodles loudly around others, but it's actually considered good manners. Noodle slurping is an integral part of Japanese food culture, a norm that feels strange or even wrong to people from most other cultures.

This difference was the first thing that came to mind when I saw a flurry of debate recently about a Swedish cultural food norm that some people find downright appalling.

It all started with a viral Reddit post asking about the weirdest thing people have had to do in someone's home due to their culture or religion. One responder described being made to wait in a Swedish friend's bedroom while the friend had dinner with their family.

"While we were playing in his room, his mom yelled that dinner was ready. And check this. He told me to WAIT in his room while they ate," the person wrote.

Another comment followed describing a similar instance: "I slept over at a friend's house. When we woke up, he said he's going downstairs for a few minutes. After about 15 minutes I go on the stairs to see wtf is happening and they're eating breakfast. They see me and tell me he's almost done and will be up there soon."

\u201cNot here to judge but I don\u2019t understand this. How\u2019re you going to eat without inviting your friend?\u201d
— Seeker (@Seeker) 1653584083

Fast and furious responses followed, screenshots of the posts went viral on various social media platforms and the entire nation of Sweden took a beating as people berated their rude habits and lack of basic hospitality. The hashtag #Swedengate trended on Twitter for days as people shared all manner of negative impressions of (and in some cases, direct experiences from) Swedish culture.

I'm not here to defend Sweden wholesale, as I'm sure there are plenty of legitimate criticisms, as there are for every culture. However, when it comes to something like not feeding guests in your own home, it seems likely that there's some kind of explanation beyond "these people are just rude." Much like noodle slurping in Japan, one culture's rude can be another culture's polite.

As it turns out, there are a few explanations for it.

Part of Sweden's food culture is a combo of its long winters and culture of independence.

Professor Hakan Jonsson, a food studies professor at Lund University in Sweden, told The New York Times that some of the resistance to feeding guests stems from the days when food harvests had to be stored for many months during the long Nordic winter. Spontaneous dinners were traditionally not part of the culture, as families had to carefully plan and ration their food stores.

Independence is also a strong cultural value in Sweden, and rather than seen as generosity, feeding another person's child could be seen as a criticism of that family's ability to provide for their children.

“There has been a very strong urge of independence, to not rely on others’ good will for having a good and independent life,” Professor Jonsson told The Times.

(Hmm, now the entire IKEA model makes sense. Careful precision in design, but then, "Here, you're on your own to actually build it. Good luck.")

\u201c@savehansson @WallySierk Nordic/Germanic/Celt ancestry here. My mother, horrified at my neighbor's attempts to feed me, safety-pinned a note to my clothes saying "please do not feed _______, she gets enough food at home." Their (weird) assumption was that neighbors were throwing shade.\n\nNow I get it.\u201d
— Incompent Beneficiary of Nepotism (@Incompent Beneficiary of Nepotism) 1653843493

Others have shared similar explanations, saying that feeding someone else's child is in some ways considered rude, either because it's viewed as a judgment on the parents' ability to feed their children or as interfering with a family's own dinner.

"Swedes cook for the people they expect (family). Precise portions. We don't mind guests, just tell us in advance and we'll add one more. And in Sweden, it's understood, you don't eat at a friend's house unannounced. No big deal here," wrote one Twitter user.

Those explanations didn't stop people from cultures that place a high value on hospitality from criticizing the practice, of course. Not feeding a guest in your home is the peak of rudeness in certain cultures, so how could this practice be seen as OK in any way?

Part of Sweden's not-feeding-guests culture may be rooted in a history of shame for 'owing' people.

\u201cThis is blowing people\u2019s minds, so as an amateur historian and sociologist I\u2019m going to try to explain this development/ cultural artifact.\u201d
— Incompent Beneficiary of Nepotism (@Incompent Beneficiary of Nepotism) 1653843493

Another explanation shared on Twitter from an "amateur historian and sociologist" provides more historical context for the practice. It's a bit lengthy, but the gist is that this not-feeding norm isn't unique to Sweden, but common to Norse cultures in general and even somewhat common in Norman England and France. According to this explanation, it has to do with the historical "honor/shame economy" of Viking culture being a source of violent conflict.

"In Norse culture, hospitality (providing food, drink, lodging) was a duty of higher status individuals towards people of lower status, but the act of receiving hospitality created an obligation or debt on the part of the recipient," @WallySierk wrote. "So, hospitality not only brought honor to the giver, it had the potential to bring shame to the recipient. Norse culture, and as it progressed through the Middle Ages, was incredibly personally violent. People fought duels, violently extracted debts and squeezed renters."

"One of the challenges of the Protestant church in Scandinavia post-30 years war was to create a culture that tamped down on personal violence and civic unrest," they continued. "Since the root of a lot of the interpersonal violence was competition for status and extraction of payment, the Church, with the framing of early Protestant Humanists, began to promote the ideal of the free member of society, owing no one and owed nothing. If the culture could get rid of the interactions that caused friction, people could live more peaceful lives."

The thread explains that inequality and industrialization in the 1700s and early 1800s pushed Scandinavians to emigrate to America and other colonies, leading some people in power to manipulate debts, which created a lot of pain.

"When people were able to escape debt, they felt a lot better. So, for the sake of egalitarianism and reduction of conflict, they created a society that minimized the creation of debt and obligation, and maximized the ability of the individual/family to be self-sufficient. This 'not feeding the neighbor kids' weirdness Is about maintaining peace in the community."

\u201cInterpersonal conflict and maintaining civic peace. I personally think it needs to be moderated in order for people to live healthy complete lives, but I hope that the revulsion that many people were expressing will be tempered by understanding the source of it.\u201d
— Incompent Beneficiary of Nepotism (@Incompent Beneficiary of Nepotism) 1653843493

From reading replies from Swedes, it appears this practice is common, but not necessarily universal. It also appears to be primarily about guests who are not planned for in advance, not a blanket "we don't do hospitality" norm. Still, it is a stark contrast to cultures in which offering food to any guest in your home is simply par for the course. The idea that you would not only not offer, but actively not serve a guest food is a complete anathema in many countries and cultures around the world.

But when you dig into the roots of why those norms exist, it's not quite as blatantly rude as it seems. Cultural norms rooted in historical struggle take a long time to change, even when those struggles are no longer front and center.

All I'm saying is let's give the Swedes a teensy bit of grace on the food front. They may come across as stingy to many of us, but in the context of their own history, it makes some sense. Plus those IKEA Swedish meatballs are hard to beat.

This article originally appeared on 6.3.22

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Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption

Family

Joe grew up without stability. Now, he’s giving 10 adopted sons the home he never had.

“I want my boys to know that no matter what, they have a place to belong.”

True

Like many children who are placed in foster care across the United States, Joe’s childhood was marked by chaos and a struggle to survive.

Joe still remembers neglect and abuse being part of his daily reality. Often left to care for his younger siblings alone, Joe grew up far too quickly.

He and his brothers were placed in the New York foster care system at an early age. And when he aged out of foster care at 21, he had no family to turn to for support.

“Statistically, I should be in jail, or I could be dead,” Joe said. “But that’s not my destiny.”

Today, Joe is determined to change the trajectory for young people lingering in foster care … as an adoptive parent and as an advocate, raising awareness along with organizations like the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

A complex problem with an evidence-based solution

More than 100,000 children in the U.S. foster care system are waiting for a safe, permanent home. But the sad reality is that thousands will “age out” of the system between 18 and 21, stepping into adulthood without support, guidance or a safety net.

The consequences of this can be devastating. Youth who leave foster care without the support of a forever family are much more likely to experience negative outcomes, including homelessness, unemployment, substance abuse and early, unplanned parenthood.

Through its signature program, Wendy’s Wonderful Kids®, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is working to be a part of the solution across the U.S. and Canada. Through this program, the Foundation supports the hiring of adoption professionals — known as recruiters — who serve children most at risk of aging out of foster care, including older children, children with special needs and siblings.

Wendy’s Wonderful Kids recruiters use an evidence-based, child-focused model, identifying trusted adults in the child’s network who may be open to adoption — and research shows that it works. A five-year, national evaluation showed that children referred to the program are up to three times more likely to be adopted.

Changing the journey for a new generation

Xavier was 18 and at risk of aging out of foster care without family support when he met Joe.

“My biggest fear was that I was going to age out and not know how to be sufficient on my own,” Xavier said. But Joe adopted Xavier just weeks before he was set to age out of the system. In the years that followed, Joe adopted from foster care again. And again.

Today, Joe is a father to 10 sons, seven of whom were adopted with help from the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

“Meeting my boys has put them on a different path,” Joe said. “Wendy’s Wonderful Kids was a real support and guide to being able to do what I try to do: making sure they have the tools to survive.”

“For me, it’s been beautiful to see that [my brothers are] spreading out to go live their own lives,” Xavier said. “It’s something [Joe] has prepared us for. He gave us the mentality that we could do whatever we want.”

Writing a new ending

After aging out of foster care, Joe managed to defy the odds, graduating from college and becoming a school counselor. Still, despite his own success story, he knows that many children who spend time in foster care aren’t as fortunate.

Joe hopes providing a “home base” for his sons means a brighter future for them.

“Here, we have people you can call your family — your brothers, your father,” Joe said. “Everybody, no matter where they are, knows that they can come home.”

Learn more about the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and how you can help find forever families for more children lingering in foster care right now.

Family

Boomer grandma challenges family norms by asking why she has to do the traveling for visits

"Should grandmas be the ones on the road, or should families pick everything up and drive to her?"

baby boomers, grandparents, travel, airport, senior woman traveling, luggage

via Canva/Photos

An older woman holding a suitcase.

When the holidays roll around, it’s time for families to decide where they will meet to celebrate. For the most part, parents with younger kids dread packing their bags and traveling to a family member’s house where things aren’t set up for young children. You fumble around setting up the pack ‘n plays, can’t find your bottle brush, and freak out because the electrical sockets aren’t child-proof.

However, many grandparents aren’t keen on enduring the mental and physical strain of traveling at an older age. So, who’s right? Grandma Jan, founder of Grandma Camp and a TikTok influencer who shares fun ideas for grandparents and grandkids, argued that parents should pack up their kids and visit Grandma.

@grandmacampplanner
Is it Grandma’s job to travel to the kids, or should the family come to her? 👀 Let’s hear it—#GrandmaCamp #FamilyDebate #momsoftiktok #GrandmaLife #HolidayTravel

“Okay, so, here's the debate: families say, ‘Grandma, why don't you come visit us?’ But let's be honest, Grandma's house is where the traditions are, the cookies are, and all of the toys are,” Grandma Jan begins. “But if grandma is driving, flying, hauling all the gifts, and packing up her car to come see you, maybe it's time to flip the script. When did it become normal for Grandma to pack up all her stuff and come see you? Should the kids pile into the car, bring all their toys, and just go visit grandma? Bring all that love and chaos to her?”

So she asked her followers: “Should grandmas be the one on the road or should families pick everything up and drive to her?” Just about everyone in the comments said that grandparents should have to travel to see their grandchildren.

“Nope. I want Christmas morning in pajamas with my family. I want my traditions. My parents and in-laws (the grandparents) got all of this how they wanted. It’s my turn now,” Maggie wrote. “Gramma is retired and now has a shit ton of time. Kids and parents have a very finite amount of time off in the holidays that they do not want to spend on the road,” Mrs. Wright added.

Some grandparents also checked in to disagree with Grandma Jan. “Why would I put that on my kids and grandkids? It’s so hard traveling with kids, not to mention expensive to fly for more than one person,” Populustultus wrote. “What a weird way to think about that. Why wouldn’t you help your kids create magic in their home? Signed a grandma,” LifestylebyKat added.

@grandmacampplanner
Disclaimer: My last post was meant to spark conversation, not advice. It came from what I witnessed as an OT — older grandmas struggling to travel alone. Every family is different ❤️ #GrandmaCampByGrandmaJan #FamilyDecisions #GrandmaLife #OTperspective #momsoftiktok

The response inspired Grandma Jan to release a follow-up video clarifying her opinion. She admits she came up with the idea after seeing older people having a hard time getting through the airport. “[I saw] older grandparents struggling their way through airports carrying their own heavy bags while managing a walker or a plane or a wheelchair, struggling through all on their own with no one to assist,” Grandma Jan said. “And as an occupational therapist, that actually broke my heart. For younger, healthier grandparents, travel can be fun, but for the older generation, it can be quite a struggle."

Ultimately, Grandma Jan didn’t intend to put anyone out; she just wanted to have a conversation about what’s best for families as a whole. “And Grandma Camp by Grandma Jan is about having those conversations, not making rules. And at the end of the day, it's about connection, not distance,” she concluded her video.

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Family

Man's reaction to hearing his stepdaughter call him 'Dad' is an emotional masterpiece

"You just made my day the happiest ever."

stepparent, stepdad, bonus parent, blended family, father figure, parenting, parenting moment, viral video, heartwarming, wholesome, stepdaughter, calling dad, family love, gratitude, emotional reaction, car ride, social media clip, modern family, parenting win, feel good

Shane and Liana|YouTube

Man hears stepdaughter call him "Dad" for the first time.

Being a parent is often a thankless job, and being a stepparent is usually even more thankless. But most parents show up and do their best to make sure their kids have what they need and feel loved. So when our kids do or say something to show appreciation, it melts our hearts—but nothing melts it faster than a stepchild calling their bonus parent "Mom" or "Dad" for the first time.

A creator named Shane posted a clip from a video showing his reaction to hearing his stepdaughter call him "Dad" for the first time. The full video was first posted in 2021, but when it was reposted as a clip recently, it pulled on everyone's heartstrings.

Why this “Dad” moment mattered

Shane and his wife, Liana, run the social media page Shane and Liana where they post silly videos pranking each other. But this video wasn't a prank. His stepdaughter, London, wanted to surprise him after wanting to call him "Dad" for a long time.

parenting, parenting moment, viral video, heartwarming, wholesome, stepdaughter, calling dad, family love, gratitude, emotional reaction, car ride, social media clip, modern family, parenting win, feel good Representative Image: A father daughter moment. Photo credit: Canva

She can barely contain her excitement in the clip, squealing loudly when climbing into the back seat. When Shane gets in the car, London knows this is her chance.

"Hi Dad, how was your day?" she asks.

How Shane has shown up for London

Shane turns completely around in shock as the heartwarming realization of what she just called him sets in. "Did you just call me Dad? Just made my heart melt to know she called me Dad," Shane says full of emotion.

London and Liana explain earlier in the video that Shane has raised the little girl since she was 2 years old. She didn't meet her biological father until she was 5, and he was only in her life briefly before leaving, so this was a big moment. Viewers under the newly re-uploaded clip revealed that watching the interaction made them just as emotional as Shane.

parenting, parenting moment, viral video, heartwarming, wholesome, stepdaughter, calling dad, family love, gratitude, emotional reaction, car ride, social media clip, modern family, parenting win, feel good Readers were in their feels about the video. Photo credit: Canva

"Idk how the mom ain't crying!?! I'm crying," Mari Morales writes.

Viewers shared their own stories

"This video hits me right in the heart and soul," Sarah Douglas writes. "My 'step' dad raised me from 7 years old. I’ve never met the sperm donor once, but my REAL dad is the one that chose to love me regardless of biology. Forever grateful for the real men that 'step' up to be there for us."

"So true the first time my oldest daughter called me dad I cried she’s not blood but she is mine no matter what," Timothy Evans says.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Popular

15 old-school casserole recipes that feel like home for boomers and Gen Xers

Tried-and-true one-pan dinners from back in the day.

casserole, casseroles, casserole recipe, casserole recipes, gen x, boomers

Image via Reddit/MyDogGoldi

Vintage casserole recipes from Gen X and boomer childhoods.

Childhood dishes can take you straight back to your seat at the family dinner table. Comfort meals that were served there are uber nostalgic. And there is one dish represents the epitome of Gen X and baby boomer childhoods: casseroles.

These one-dish wonders were loaded with flavor and baked to perfection. Pulled straight from the oven to the dinner table, casseroles filled the house with the smell of unique home-cooked recipes.

And while most of us are eating casseroles today at Thanksgiving, Gen Xers and boomers grew up eating casseroles on the reg.

Here are 15 old-school casserole recipes that Redditors grew up eating, which are just as yummy today:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Chicken casseroles

Fancy Fast Chicken casserole

"Fancy Fast Chicken is delicious and so simple. Line up chicken breasts in a casserole dish. Dump uncooked stuffing over top the chicken breasts. Pour Cream of Mushroom (Onion or chicken works too) and incorporate it into the stuffing. Top with cheese of your choice, and fried onions if you're inclined. Bake at 350 for 45min or until chicken is thoroughly cooked." - Applepoisoneer

Chicken Curry Divan casserole

"My favorite is Chicken Curry Divan. A friend made it for me in college 40 years ago and it is a favorite to this day. Never disappoints. Many people have asked me for the recipe over the years. My best friends kids now that they are grown have each approached me for it.

1 1/2 lbs chicken breast tenders cooked and cut into bite sized pieces
3 cups broccoli in bite sized pieces
2 cans Cream of Chicken soup
1 cup mayonnaise (must be Mayo)
2 tsp curry
Juice of 1 lemon
Shredded sharp cheddar (use the amount you like o like a nice even cover of the top)
3/4 cup crushed Ritz crackers
3 tbsp melted butter
In 9x13” baking pan layer chicken then broccoli.

Mix the soup, Mayo, lemon juice and curry together well, pour over chicken broccoli mixture evenly and smooth out. Sprinkle cheese over top evenly. Crush crackers fine, mix in melted butter well and sprinkle evenly over top. Cook at 375° for 25-30 minutes until bubbly and top brown. Serve with rice." - karinchup

Chicken and Rice casserole

"This baked rice & cheese casserole has become a staple in our house! It’s great as a side dish, or I’ll add rotisserie chicken and serve it as a main dish." - anchovypepperonitoni

Chicken & Dumplings casserole

"The secret of this is not to stir anything. That's what makes your dumplings. When you dish it out, you have your dumplings on top.
2 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded; 2 cups chicken broth; 1/2 stick of butter; 2 cups Bisquick mix; 2 cups whole milk; 1 can cream of chicken soup; 1/2 medium onion, minced; 1 cup frozen peas; 3 tsp chicken Better Than Bouillon; 1/2 tsp dried sage; 1 tsp black pepper; 1/2 tsp salt.

(1) Preheat oven to 350 degrees
(2) Layer 1 - In 9x13 casserole dish, melt 1/2 stick of butter. Spread shredded chicken over butter. Sprinkle black pepper and dried sage over this layer. Do not stir.
(3) Layer 2 - Sprinkle minced onions and peas over chicken
(4) Layer 3 - In small bowl, mix milk and Bisquick. Slowly pour all over chicken. Do not stir.
(5) Layer 4 - In medium bowl, whisk together 2 cups of chicken broth, chicken bouillon, and soup. Once blended, slowly pour over the Bisquick layer. Do not stir.
(6) Bake casserole for 30-40 minutes, or until the top is golden brown." - Superb_Yak7074

Chicken broccoli casserole

"I made chicken broccoli casserole last week and that's a favorite here. This is pretty close to how I do it." - gimmethelulz

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Potato casseroles

Funeral Potatoes

"The unfortunately named, funeral potatoes!" - IRLperson

Tater Tot casserole

"Tater tot casserole. My mom made this at least once a week when I was growing up, but she added a quart of green beans to make it a meal. If you brown your ground beef in a good size cast iron skillet, you only dirty up one pan to make it!" - hcynthia1234, upperwareParTAY

Breakfast casserole

"I’m making a breakfast casserole this morning for brunch later—a bag of frozen hash brown potatoes thawed, a pound of sausage sauteed with peppers and onions, a brick of cheese grated, eight eggs beaten with a bit of milk and cream and some salt and pepper. Layer in a casserole, ending with cheese. Bake around an hour at 375." - CWrend

Hamburger pie casserole

"One of my childhood favorites. Did not add vegetables or cheese though. This was an end of the month struggle meal that everyone loved." - DarnHeather

Shepherd's pie casserole

"Shepherd's pie : brown 1.5 lbs ground beef with half a chopped onion, salt and pepper, drain it and then spread into a 13x9 and stir a can of cream of mushroom soup into it. Spread a drained family size can of corn on top, use a container of prepared mashed potatoes for the top layer. Bake for a half hour at 350." - ExplanationLucky1143

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Noodle casseroles

Tuna casserole

"Love my mom's tuna noodle casserole: 1 bag broad egg noodles, 1 can cream of mushroom soup, 2 cans tuna, 1 cup frozen corn or 1 can kernel corn, 2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese, 1/2 cup seasoned bread crumbs, 1 tbsp celery salt
Cook noodles per package directions, drain, then place in a 13x9 casserole dish. Mix in cream of mushroom soup, tuna, corn, 1 cup of the cheddar cheese, and celery salt. Top the casserole with the remaining cheese and bread crumbs. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes or until done enough for you." - Pinkleton

Mock Stroganoff casserole

"Mock stroganoff - brown 1lb ground chuck. Mix in 8 oz sour cream and 1 can cream of mushroom. Add to 1 lb of cooked egg noodles. Season with black pepper. Extras - fresh mushrooms and/or onion cooked with the beef. Any precooked veggies of your choice, peas or broccoli work well. Splash of Worcestershire, soy sauce, or fish sauce. Garlic or onion powder. Parsley, thyme, or cilantro." - Nathan_Saul

Cabbage noodle casserole

"I have a quick cabbage and noodles that uses bagged cole slaw. Cook a bag of noodles. Put aside. Cut up a lb of bacon and a med onion. Cook in pan until bacon is slightly fried and onions are clear. Add cabbage(without carrots) let sit 10 min or so. Add to noodles. It's so easy." - conjas11

@allrecipes
Thanksgiving prep class is now in session! 🍂🧑‍🏫 If there's one thing you need to nail on the big day (other than the turkey, of course), it's Green Bean Casserole. This recipe tastes just like the one your grandmother used to make, if not even better! 😋 Continue reading or click the link in the @allrecipes bio to get the full recipe. Ingredients: 2 (15-ounce) cans cut green beans, drained 1 (10.5-ounce) can condensed cream of mushroom soup ¾ cup milk 1 (2.8-ounce) can French fried onions salt and ground black pepper to taste Directions: Gather all ingredients. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Mix green beans, condensed cream of mushroom soup, milk, and 1/2 of the fried onions in a 1.5-quart casserole dish. Bake in the preheated oven until heated through and bubbly, about 25 minutes. Sprinkle remaining onions on top and return to the oven for 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Let rest for a few minutes before serving. 🧑‍🍳: Nicole #thanksgiving #greenbeancasserole #greenbeans #thanksgivingsides

Vegetable casseroles

Green bean casserole

"This is the best green bean casserole recipe, it does use the canned onions but you make your own cream of mushroom and it's soooo good. I've made it on random weekends, it's not just a Thanksgiving food. I don't know much about older foods, I just really wanted to share that recipe."

Corn casserole

"Our family Corn custard doesn't have crackers but we double the recipe and there's never any left over. 2 eggs, 1 cup of sweetened condensed milk, 1/2 flour, 2 T soft butter, 1 tsp sugar, 1 can of creamed corn, 1 can of whole corn. Mix all together and bake in a 8x8 about 45 min at 350. Gotta have that!" - Psychological_Bat890

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Movies

The movie 'Step Brothers' gave incredibly insightful advice using just 4 words

Sometimes the most profound ideas come from unexpected places.

John C. Reilly, Will Ferrell, Stepbrothers, movies, comedies

Photo Credit: Canva, Adam Chitayat, John Bauld

John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell.

One never knows where they'll get a pearl of wisdom. Could be a fortune cookie, a spiritual retreat, or a self-help book. On rare occasions, it could even be an Adam McKay-directed comedy from 2008, starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. In my case, that's exactly where I found it, and it was a treat to rediscover something so profound in such a (hilariously) silly film.

The movie is Step Brothers and the plot is not complicated: two men, both of whom still live at home near the age of 40, find themselves in a competitive situation when their respective mother and father get married, making them (ahem) "step brothers." Will Ferrell's Brennan and John C. Reilly's Dale proceed to take part in a lot of hijinks, wherein they fistfight, start businesses, play music, and defend each other's honor.

Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly's characters meet in the film Step Brothers. www.youtube.com, The Beard of Zeus

But—spoiler alert—it's near the end when Dale's father, Robert, played brilliantly by Richard Jenkins, delivers four words during a speech to them that are so heartfelt and simple, they resonate nearly 17 years later. The words were this: "Don't lose your dinosaur."

Don't. Lose. Your. Dinosaur.

It's the idea that, as we age, many of us lose the creativity we once had as children. The very magic that makes us unique should be guarded at all costs, and as we mature, we should make room for that inner child.

Many seemed moved by this piece of advice, especially its simplicity. One commenter writes, "That's one of the most important messages, actually! I have been trying to search for my dinosaur for long already because I remember how happy I was back then!"

Another notes the absurdity of the speech: "One of the best clips ever. When he said 'I'll go to medical school, and I'll practice for a little while, and then I'll come back to it,' I about snapped a rib laughing."

A scene from the 2008 comedy Step Brothers www.youtube.com, sofia sp

And here's a fun fact: in an appearance on The Rich Eisen Show Podcast, Jenkins revealed that the moment had been totally improvised. At the last minute, McKay instructed him to walk over to Ferrell and Reilly and "tell them you wanted to be a dinosaur." Jenkins was reluctant but gave in to the director's wishes, and it turned out to be one of the most iconic scenes in the film.

The fact that Ferrell and Reilly were taken by surprise by this speech was not lost on many of the people who commented. One YouTuber writes, "I love how Will and John's reaction to this is genuine. They're literally like, 'WTF is he talking about?'"

@thericheisenshow
‘Step Brothers’ premiered 17 years ago today, so we bring back this incredible story from when Richard Jenkins joined the show and told us that his “Dinosaur Speech” was 100% improvised 🤣 #stepbrothers #willferrell #improv

In a 2023 article by Health and Wellness Editor for Time Magazine Angela Haupt, she shares that while the concept of "inner child work" is buzzy, it's far from new. "Psychologist Carl Jung is credited with coining it about 100 years ago, and research has long suggested that the quality of our childhood relates to later-in-life outcomes."

Haupt goes on to explain how "finding the inner child" works, quoting Shari Botwin, a trauma therapist and author of Thriving After Trauma: Stories of Living and Healing. “We grow up, we get bigger, and our brains become more logical, but that doesn’t erase our thoughts, feelings, or memories from childhood,” Botwin believes.

Haupt indicates that one doesn't necessarily need professional help to connect to their younger selves. "It’s possible to work on your inner child by yourself; lots of resources exist, like digital and print workbooks and exercises, and a variety of podcasts. Journaling and meditating are often effective." That said, she argues, it can be extra effective if one works with a mental health therapist. "Experts say ego-state therapy, internal family systems therapy, and schema therapy are all proven approaches."

In whatever way one wants to couch it, the Jenkins "don't lose your dinosaur" riff really pulled the heartstrings of moviegoers. It illustrates that, even in a scatology-driven joke machine, brilliant adages can be found.

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Modern Families

51-year-old empty nester who struggled to declutter her house shares 8 tips that finally worked

"Shoes are put away immediately upon walking in the house."

empty nester, empty nesters, declutter, decluttering, decluttering tips

Photo credit: Canva

Mom and empty nester shares her tips for decluttering her home.

Deep cleaning and decluttering a home is a daunting task—especially for empty nesters. After spending a lifetime creating memories and living together under one roof, doing a big declutter can take an emotional toll.

It's a milestone that many empty nesters know the sting of. And in an cleaning community on Reddit, a 51-year-old mom and recent empty nester shared her experience cleaning and decluttering her home after entering this new phase of life.

"In my entire life, my house has always been messy. I mean, I didn’t have a disaster-level situation going on, but if someone dropped by unannounced, it would’ve been super embarrassing," she shared. "When my kids were younger, we had a housekeeper because I just couldn’t keep up. Now that we’re empty nesters, I realized I never really learned how to keep house."

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She explained that the book Unf*ck Your Habitat: You're Better Than Your Mess played an integral part in helping her declutter—and offered eight helpful tips to fellow empty nesters looking to organize their new lives.

1. Put stuff away, not down.

Her first tip is the key to decluttering.

"Whatever you have goes right back where it’s supposed to go when I’m done with it," she notes.

2. Do laundry every day.

And she doesn't just wash and dry her laundry when doing it.

"Just one load, start to finish. Wash, dry, fold, and put away," she shares. "Also, no chair or floor laundry. It gets put in the hamper or hung back up. No clothes are ever out."

3. I make the bed every day.

The benefits keep on giving by doing this, she notes.

"It just makes my bedroom look cleaner and I smile every time I come in my room," she writes. "Plus we aren’t fighting over the covers when we get in because the bed is straightened out."

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4. Do a quick daily clean-up of commonly used spaces.

She cleans the places that her and her husband use frequently.

"I keep a stack of cleaning rags in my master bath because it’s the only bathroom that’s used every single day. Every night, I spray the counter, wipe everything down, put everything back (that my husband leaves out), and wipe the mirror," she explains. "I also wipe down the toilet. I find that I don’t need a huge, big cleaning of this space because I’m keeping it up daily. Same goes for the kitchen."

5. Dishes are always put away, cabinet or dishwasher.

No dishes in the sink or stuck in the dishwasher.

"Dishes are finished in the dishwasher? It’s emptied and dirty ones are placed inside while waiting for the dishwasher to get full," she notes.

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6. Don't neglect your shoes.

When she takes them off, they get put away.

"Shoes are put away immediately upon walking in the house," she shares.

7. Knock out small tasks.

There is no time to waste.

"If it takes less than 5 minutes clean it while you’re waiting for something else to get done," she writes.

8. Take no days off.

Rather than assign certain days for cleaning, she is constantly doing it throughout the week.

"Lastly, I do not have scheduled cleaning days. I just do something all the time," she explains. "My life is kind of unpredictable, we love traveling or going out for the day so my so called cleaning schedule would be shot to hell every time. It’s better this way, because now I never feel behind."

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