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I'm going to play you a song.

You probably know it. In fact, you probably know it extremely well.


That's the fourth movement of Beethoven's Symphony No. 9, aka "Ode to Joy." Arguably the single most recognizable piece of music of all time.

(Sorry, "Too Much Time on My Hands," by Styx.)

Now I'm going to play you something else. Really listen closely this time.

That's the third movement of Beethoven's Symphony No. 9. Part of the same piece of music. But there's a good chance you've never heard it before.

It's kind of a deep cut. Like the beginning of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Or the fourth verse of "The Star Spangled Banner," which we know exists, but don't actually know.

And turns out it's just a stream of anti-British obscenities. Image by Neutrality/Wikimedia Commons.

When it comes to Beethoven's Symphony No. 9, the fourth movement pretty much gets all the love, glory, and fame (not to mention all the sweeeeet electric guitar covers). Which is a shame.

Because the third movement might have magical healing powers.

Seriously.

According to a group of fancy Oxford University scientists, listening to the third movement of Beethoven's No. 9 might actually lower your blood pressure and help fight heart disease. In real life.

Music therapy has been a thing for a while. But British researchers just hit upon some of the first concrete evidence that it's actually, like, a thing.

According to Laura Donnelly at The Telegraph:

"Research presented to the the British Cardiovascular Society (BCS) conference in Manchester found that listening to music with a repeated 10-second rhythm coincided with a fall in blood pressure, reducing the heart rate.Such recordings include Va Pensiero by Italian composer Giusuppe Verdi, Nessun Dorma by Giacomo Puccini and Beethoven's 9th Symphony adagio[*]."

*They're talking about the third movement here. ("Adagio" is just a fancy Italian word that means, "Yo, Mikey! Play this part kinda slowly! ...

...and say "hi" to your sister for me.") Painting by George Agnew Reid/Wikimedia Commons.

What's more? There's evidence that the composers might have even done this intentionally.

"Professor Sleight explained some composers, including Verdi, seemed to have managed to mirror the natural rise and fall of blood pressure in the human body.' Verdi may well have been a physiologist,' he said, 'he hit on this ten-second rhythm in blood pressure and you can see it in his music.'" — Elizabeth Davis, Classic FM

That's right.

A bunch of 18th- and 19th-century composers — before the dawn of modern medicine — got together and basically said, "OK, guys. It's obvious that lots of our fellow Austrians and Italians and Prussians and whatever are super stressed out. Since a low-sodium diet won't be invented for another couple hundred years, let's help 'em out and write some calm-as-hell classical music that mimics the function of their circulatory system."

And that's kind of amazing.

OK, but what does this mean? You know, for us?

First, nothing's been proven. This is not, like, prescribable medicine (yet). But the study suggests that these effects aren't individual, but universal. If more evidence confirms these findings, it could mean that the same types of songs with similar rhythms (like Beethoven's Symphony No. 9, third movement) might work to lower blood pressure in all of us. That's pretty neat.

And even though nothing's been proven, why not spend some time listening to some dope classical music that's not only free but might be magic medicine?

There is literally zero downside and possible tremendous upside to chilling out with this magnificent Verdi tune:

And this Beethoven one (you know the one):

And this sweet Puccini track:

Interestingly, the same study found that listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers actually increased subjects' heart rates pretty much across the board.

"Bjzzeijf Californburggg Tnksahruuuunnnnfffff Giveitawaynnaaabbbusfdna." Image by Carlos Delgado/Wikimedia Commons.

Which doesn't mean that listening to RHCP would necessarily immediately cause a massive heart attack of course, but uh ... you can't totally rule it out now, can you?

But I digress.

The most important takeaway of all?

If you're pushing the fourth movement of Beethoven's No. 9, even Beethoven knows you're basic.


Portrait by Joseph Karl Stieler.

Beethoven's No. 9, third movement: Good for the heart. Better for the soul.

10/10. The Mayyas dance.

We can almost always expect to see amazing acts and rare skills on “America’s Got Talent.” But sometimes, we get even more than that.

The Mayyas, a Lebanese women’s dance troupe whose name means “proud walk of a lioness,” delivered a performance so mesmerizing that judge Simon Cowell called it the “best dance act” the show has ever seen, winning them an almost instant golden buzzer.

Perhaps this victory comes as no surprise, considering that the Mayyas had previously won “Arab’s Got Talent” in 2019 and competed on “Britain’s Got Talent: The Champions.” But truly, it’s what motivates them to take to the stage that’s remarkable.

“Lebanon is a very beautiful country, but we live a daily struggle," one of the dancers said to the judges just moments before their audition. Another explained, “being a dancer as a female Arab is not fully supported yet.”

Nadim Cherfan, the team’s choreographer, added that “Lebanon is not considered a place where you can build a career out of dancing, so it’s really hard, and harder for women.”

Still, Cherfan shared that it was a previous “AGT” star who inspired the Mayyas to defy the odds and audition anyway. Nightbirde, a breakout singer who also earned a golden buzzer before tragically passing away in February 2021 due to cancer, had told the audience, “You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy.” The dance team took the advice to heart.

For the Mayyas, coming onto the “AGT” stage became more than an audition opportunity. Getting emotional, one of the dancers declared that it was “our only chance to prove to the world what Arab women can do, the art we can create, the fights we fight.”

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