'People tell me to kill my child . . ." This mom is on a fierce mission to battle hate.
Update: Sophia passed away in May of 2019 surrounded by her loved ones. Natalie Weaver continues to use her voice to advocate for people with disabilities.
Natalie Weaver's holiday photo should have been received with joy like any other family's. Instead, a vile commenter attacked her and her daughter Sophia.
The photo shows Weaver's husband Mark sitting in front of the tree with their 10-year-old daughter, Sophia. As Sophia gazes at the tree in wonder, her smiling dad helps her hang an ornament. It's a sweet photo of a father and his obviously unique daughter sharing a warm holiday moment.
We are grateful for another beautiful holiday season with Sophia. She continues to overcome & fight every daily cha… https://t.co/GJLkUMsTsA— Natalie Weaver (@Natalie Weaver) 1544024728.0
But one woman saw something else—an opportunity to spew hatred and prejudice toward a child with profound needs.
Weaver received a vile message in response to her photo. But rather than ignore it, she published the comment so that people could see what kind of stigma and unkindness people with disabilities can face.
Unfortunately, such comments are not all that uncommon for Sophia's family.
Sophia's deformities and disabilities make her one of a kind, but they aren't what define her.
Sophia was born with facial, hand, and foot deformities. Weaver says she's the only person in the world with her features, and also the only person in the world with her combination of conditions.
"Each year has brought a new diagnosis for Sophia," says Weaver. Her health challenges include an extremely rare immune deficiency, Type 1 diabetes, and Rett Syndrome, a neurological disorder that causes seizures, breathing disorders, tremors, and many other issues, and has left Sophia unable to walk, talk, and use her hands. She needs around the clock care.
But Sophia is so much more than a child with profound needs. She's a daughter, a sister to two younger siblings, and in some ways, a typical sassy 10-year-old.
"Though she goes through a lot," says Weaver, "she is the strongest person I know. She handles it all with a smile and laughs a lot. She has an attitude, rolls her eyes at me and is silly! When her body calms, and the neurological storms pass (this can last a minute, days and weeks) sometimes she surprises us with a word like 'annoying' (she was calling me that!)."
People w/ facial deformities experience a lot of cruelty. The Hate & Stares I received when Sophia was a baby wer… https://t.co/QXX6dEstDJ— Natalie Weaver (@Natalie Weaver) 1516542808.0
Weaver says that Sophia has brought a lot to their family:
"Though we experience heartache and struggles, Sophia has changed our lives for the better. She makes our live richer, fuller and filled with love. She's taught us to live in the moment and to appreciate the small things. She is my child, and I love her just the same as any other parent loves their child. It seems some people don't understand that. Society has defined beauty, and value but because of Sophia I now have my own definition, and I know what true beauty and value are. Sophia is beautiful, and valuable, and is filled with so much happiness and love. She deserves respect and dignity just like everyone else."
"People often tell me to kill my child, to put her out of her misery . . ."
Weaver decided years ago that she wasn't going to hide her daughter away from the world. She became an advocate for people with disabilities and deformities and shares her family's life with Sophia openly on social media.
Unfortunately, living openly with differences sometimes means receiving horrible, vile comments from the dregs of humanity.
"I've received a lot of comments since I decided to share a glimpse into our lives and Sophia's story to change the stigma surrounding profoundly disabled kids and in Sophia's case also facial deformities. You don't hear or see families like mine often. People often tell me to kill my child, to put her out of her misery, and that she looks horrible, scary and that she is worthless. I receive many different forms of hate speech, discrimination and even death threats against my daughter and me. Someone used her image to promote abortion. In real life, people have screamed at the top of their lungs and laughed, called her a monster, point her out, stare, whisper or pretend she doesn't exist."
Weaver says that people think there's "a magical plug to pull," but there's not. "Sophia is alive because she is strong and her body is strong," says Weaver. "We've never taken any unnecessary measures to keep her alive. We will lose her one day, but while she is here, we will take every step possible to decrease her pain and make her quality of life the best it can be, which is the only reason she's had 28 surgeries."
The idea that anyone would tell a parent their child should die is unfathomable. To imply that they should kill their own child themselves is the height of human cruelty.
Instead, I should let her body violently shake and hope that it kills her instead of leaving her brain dead. She is… https://t.co/7JNrnFGLuj— Natalie Weaver (@Natalie Weaver) 1544100444.0
We can all help fight the stigma and support people like Sophia and her family.
To learn more about battling the stigma, Weaver suggests checking out https://faceequalityinternational.org, an organization founded by a man with a facial disfigurement and which seeks to create "a world where everyone is treated fairly whatever their face looks like."
Weaver also founded Sophia's Voice, a non-profit organization in Sophia's honor, to help others by providing medical assistance and equipment to people with disabilities, and she has dedicated her Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram accounts to sharing a glimpse into her family's life to change the stigma surrounding kids with facial deformities and profound disabilities.
"I was a very private person for the first 7.5 yrs of Sophia's life because of people like the lady who made this public comment," says Weaver. "Once I decided to no longer hide, I have made it my mission to fight for the dignity and respect that profoundly disabled people and people with facial deformities deserve."
I will continue to use my platform to educate others and to open people’s eyes and hearts. I will continue to deman… https://t.co/Fx7WJIg1Hn— Natalie Weaver (@Natalie Weaver) 1544100629.0
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."