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People are helping introverts by sharing their go-to 'small talk' topics

Here are 14 great ideas.

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People chatting at a party.

A lot of people feel uncomfortable starting up conversations with strangers in social settings. It’s not that they don’t want to meet people, they’re just not sure what to say.

There's an art to small talk and some people are incredibly at ease starting up a conversation and coming up with things to say. They know how to get things moving without being obvious and seem to do this effortlessly.

A Reddit user named Blugged Bunny asked the online forum “What is your go-to 'small talk' topic with strangers?” and although the question may not have intentionally been to help introverts, there were a lot of great suggestions for people who are uncomfortable making small talk.

It seems the best ideas are questions and statements that are about the current setting and situation. The truly great small talk artists know that the best way into a conversation is to allow the other person to talk about themselves.

It’s also helpful to bring up topics that everyone can speak to whether that’s family, pets, weather, sports or articles of clothing. I once knew a guy who was single and whenever he went out he wore a “Livestrong” bracelet that he got from Lance Armstrong’s cancer charity. He told me that it “Gives women an easy conversation-starter if they want to talk to me. They’ll ask, 'Why are you wearing that? Isn’t Lance Armstrong, a cheater?'" That would begin a great debate over whether Armstrong was such a bad guy, after all he’s done for people with cancer.

Here are 14 of the best go-to small talk topics from the Reddit thread.

1. 

"Make an observation. Literally anything. It helps if it’s something about them like an article of clothing that catches your eye, something they’re doing, anything that you can relate to or are interested in but it doesn’t have to be. It can be something in the environment that is drawing both of your attention. People bullshit about the weather all the time. Once you’ve got something to work with, the key is to ask. ... Let them do the talking. People love talking about themselves. You learn some light-hearted things about the stranger, they feel more comfortable, and you can add bits and bobs of your own experiences in response so they get to know you too. It works in literally any situation. From an elevator ride to a first date. It’s so easy to personalize small talk and it makes it so much less uncomfortable." — arrocknroll.

2. 

"Have you ever tried Ayahuasca?" — KarmicBreath

This comment kicked off a funny response from Sinsaraly:

"Love this. My friend once spent a few hours in a car with poet Allen Ginsberg. The very first thing he said to her was “what drugs do you do?”

3. 

"The weather is a good one. everyone shares it. I'm a guy and i do not give one shit about professional sports or cars and it's like a social disability." — Mr_Mojo_Risin

4. 

Hobbies. "Pretty much everyone has something they're either super passionate about or really rather good at, so a conversation about hobbies pretty much always moves from 'small talk' to 'genuine interest' pretty damn fast." — Trashpanda692

5.

"Something in our environment that we can both relate to. You have to make it easy for them to give a response. Mild humour usually works as it is light-hearted and unthreatening." — ScallywagsTV2

6.

"Usually people love to talk about themselves, so a few questions about them and some follow up questions to their answers usually does it." — I_Can_See_The_Music

7.

"I try to think of random things. Like a favorite animal or star, talking about something in the room. Usually is stupid dad jokes." — UncreativeGlory

8. 

"I try to come up with questions regarding the situations we are in. Like, 'Hey you know any good place around here to get a decent meal?"' — Chromerix

9. 

"Food. People typically love food. I mention I’m new/newer to an area. And ask them what they like, where they eat out. Usually works and people have their choices validated and I always know where to find good local snacks." — TheProfWife

10. 

"If it’s a woman, I’d compliment them on something I like (bag/shoes/makeup/a book they’re reading) and then try to find common ground for there. For men, I’d try something neutral so it doesn’t seem like I’m trying to hit on them. Perhaps weekend plans, work etc." — llovejoy1234

11. 


"Biggest animal you think you could take in a fight." — RizziJoy

12. 

​"I usually bring up home renovations. Especially if the small talk confined us to a space for quite some time. Like a wedding, business conference etc. I can always find people who are not only working on different parts of their homes, but enjoy talking about them. Learned a thing or two along the line as well!" — Calm-Ad

13. 

"Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?" — HowToDoNot

14. 

"F.O.R.D. Family/Occupation/Recreation/Dreams

Family: Do they have kids? If so, people love to talk about their kids. How many, what ages, what grades are they in in school? If they are older (High School/College) what are they studying? Do they play sports/music? If family is not a comfortable subject (you don't feel like asking about spouse and kids and such) then move on to Occupation
Occupation: What do they do for a living? How long? Do they like it? Did they go to school for it? How did they get into it?
Recreation: What do they like to do in their free time? Hobbies? What sports do they like to watch? Do they play any sports? Do they do anything active? Do they do anything artistic or musical?

Dreams: What are they currently looking forward to in life? Is there a big vacation coming up? Are the kids graduating from School? Are they training for a major athletic event (marathon or some other competition)?

This is usually my go-to when making small talk and it's usually enough to get me to some sort of common ground that our conversation can build off organically." — khamylion

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A 6-year-old designed a custom t-shirt for his first day of school and it's seriously the best

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.

Unfading adornments

When 6-year-old Blake Rajahn shows up to his first grade classroom on Monday, he will arrive bearing an uplifting a message for his fellow students.

Blake's mother, Nikki Rajahn, runs a custom personalization business in Fayette County, Georgia, and she asked her son what kind of t-shirt he wanted for his first day of school. He could have chosen anything—his favorite sports star's number, a cool dragon, a witty saying—anything he wanted, she could make.

Blake chose something unexpected—an orange t-shirt with a simple, sweet message for the other kids at his school to see. Five little words that might just mean the world to someone who reads them.

"I will be your friend."

Ouch. My heart.

Rajahn shared the story on her business Facebook page:

"I have to brag on my son. I told him that as a back to school gift, I will make him any shirt he would like. It could have anything—a basketball theme, football, etc. which are all his favorites. He thought a while and said, 'will you please make me a shirt that says "I will be your friend" for all the kids who need a friend to know that I am here for them?' Never underestimate your kid's heart for others! I love my sweet Blake! #stopbullying"







Apparently, such a gesture is typical of Blake. "He has always had a heart for others and is very genuine," his mother told Upworthy. She said she's donating part of the proceeds of her t-shirt sales to the Real Life Center, a non-profit that helps families in need in Tyrone, Georgia, all because of Blake.

"During the summer we had a vacation Bible school that he went to," she said, "and they did a toothbrush and toothpaste drive for the Real Life Center. He came home saying we needed to go to the Dollar Store to get some that night. We told him we would go the next day, but he had to use his money for it. He said that was fine, so we asked how much he would like to spend. He said, 'It's for people who don't have any, right?' We said yes, so he very matter-of-fact said, 'Well all of it!' And he did!"

Rajahn said everyone has been very encouraging and people are starting to order their own version of the t-shirt with "#blakesfriends" added to it.

She also shared Blake's reaction to hearing that his shirt idea was starting to spread on Facebook—and again, it's just the sweetest darn thing.

"Ever since I posted about my son and his shirt, I have sold some and told Blake about it. He said, "Oh good! Now more and more people are going to have more and more friends!" He is just so flattered so many want to be his twin too 😊"

Sometimes all a person needs is one friend so they won't feel alone, and Blake going out of his way to make sure kids feel welcomed by him is an example even adults can learn from. If we all reached out to people who might be shy or who might feel excluded, and let them know in some small way that we are open to being friends, what a better world we could build.

Thank you, Blake, for bringing some much-needed sunshine into our day.


This article originally appeared on 8.2.19

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What is 'code switching' and why do people do it?

Let's take a deep dive into this common—and commonly misunderstood—linguistic phenomenon.

Photo by fauxels/Pexels

Code switching is a natural tendency.

Have you ever noticed someone changing the way they talk when they're around different people? You may even do this yourself, using different slang, intonation and articulation when you're at work versus when you're hanging out with your friends or family.

Sometimes those changes might be subtle, while other times they're obvious. People who grew up around different cultures or who straddle multiple racial/cultural/linguistic/geographic identities can sometimes have dramatic shifts in how they speak depending on who they're talking to.

This linguistic phenomenon is known as "code switching." It's not new, nor is it controversial, but there are some people who seem to scoff at it as an explanation for people switching up their speech patterns. They hear someone code switch and think they're being "fake" or pandering to a specific audience.

In reality, code switching is both a natural tendency and a means of navigating complex social dynamics.

What does code switching mean?

Britannica describes code switching as a "process of shifting from one linguistic code (a language or dialect) to another, depending on the social context or conversational setting."

One of the clearest and most cited examples of code switching we see in the U.S. is when Black Americans use AAVE (African American Vernacular English) with their Black friends and family and more "standard" American English with their white friends or coworkers. However, Black Americans are not the only people who code switch regularly.

In fact, most of us change up the way we speak depending on the circumstances and who we're talking to. We talk differently at work than we do at home. We use different language with our kids than we do with our spouses. We speak differently when making a business call than when calling up an old friend. Even if you don't think you ever code switch, you probably do, it may just be subtle.

Code switching in a cultural and racial context, however, has some specific nuances that may not be clear to those who aren't intimately familiar with different cultural spaces.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Why do people code switch?

There are many reasons why people change the way they speak around different people. Here are five big ones that the NPR blog Code Switch identified:

1. Unconscious habit

Of hundreds of stories people shared that involved code switching with Code Switch, most were inadvertent. People often code switch automatically, slipping into a dialect or language that fits the circumstances or group dynamic they are in.

For instance, if someone is bilingual and speaks English around their friends, they will automatically switch to Spanish when talking with their Spanish-speaking grandparents. It's not consciously chosen, it's just like a switch that flips in the brain based on context and environment.

2. To fit in

It's a natural human instinct to fit in as a means of protection and/or to prevent feeling like a social outsider. We tend to adopt the language of those we spend a lot of time with, and if you spend a lot of time with different groups of people, you will naturally code switch to fit in with that group.

For minorities, code switching to fit into the dominant culture can be a habit not just for social comfort, but for safety and survival.

It's worth noting here that code switching to fit in can be advantageous but it can also be psychologically exhausting, especially when it's done to keep yourself from being subjected to prejudice or racism.

3. To get something

This is where code switching can get confusing and cause people to accuse politicians or others of "pandering," because yes, sometimes code switching is intentional. One example is using a cutesy voice to convince your partner to do something for you. Another is when people use certain words and even accents in the service industry to gain favor with customers. (Apparently, southern accents get more tips. Who knew?)

4. To literally talk in code

If you and a friend speak a common language and you want to say something in secret to one another, you may code switch to keep others from knowing what you're talking about.

5. To express a thought more clearly

Languages and dialects differ in vocabulary and meaning, and sometimes there's something you want to say that can best be expressed with a specific phrase from a specific dialect.

Is code switching a problem?

Code switching isn't inherently good nor bad, it's just a thing that people do. Where questions come in is when people try to code switch in a way that's not natural for them or that comes across as mocking a person's or culture's speech.

Have you ever known someone who picks up other people's accents super easily and mirrors them? Uncomfortable sometimes, right? Even if it's not intentional, putting on an accent that isn't part of one's identity or history can feel wrong, especially if it's an accent that has been ostracized or made fun of in popular culture.

Politicians code switching can open them up to criticism, whether it's instinctual or not. As United Language Group points out, "Code-switching is a powerful psychological tool, as well. When an individual uses a group’s dialect or accent, the audience is more receptive to the content. As a result, politicians have been known to code-switch to a casual tone around certain groups, with varying degrees of success."

"Much of this political code-switching has been criticized by pundits as pandering to crowds with fake affectations," the site adds. "While some of this might include calculated, disingenuous moves, most of it is simply a natural reaction to being around different groups."

If a Black person is speaking to a largely Black crowd, it's natural to code switch to Black American vernacular. If a southerner who has lost much of their drawl goes back to his hometown for a bit, he'll likely code switch back into his native accent without even trying.

Comedians Key and Peele even tackled code switching with humor in several of their skits, such as this one:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Code switching is an expected, well-documented phenomenon and one that we should all understand better so we don't end up making unfair or erroneous assumptions.

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School responded to a parent's book complaint by reading it aloud to the entire student body

What possible issue could a parent have had with this book?

Jess Piper/Twitter

Schools often have to walk a fine line when it comes to parental complaints. Diverse backgrounds, beliefs, and preferences for what kids see and hear will always mean that schools can't please everyone all the time, so educators have to discern what's best for the whole, broad spectrum of kids in their care.

Sometimes, what's best is hard to discern. Sometimes it's absolutely not.

Such was the case when a parent at a St. Louis elementary school complained in a Facebook group about a book that was read to her 7-year-old. The parent wrote:

"Anyone else check out the read a loud book on Canvas for 2nd grade today? Ron's Big Mission was the book that was read out loud to my 7 year old. I caught this after she watched it bc I was working with my 3rd grader. I have called my daughters school. Parents, we have to preview what we are letting the kids see on there."

The book in question, "Ron's Big Mission," highlights a true story from the childhood of Challenger astronaut Ron McNair, who had experienced discrimination as a child in South Carolina because he was Black. In 1959, when he was nine years old, McNair wanted to check out books at the library, but the librarian told him the library didn't loan books to "coloreds." McNair refused to leave the library until he was allowed to check out books. Rather than give him a library card, the librarian called the police, who ultimately convinced her to just let him check out books.

Seriously, what issue could this parent possibly take with such an inspiring story of a kid standing up to injustice and fighting for the right to educate himself? This was a child who single-handedly changed a library's racial segregation policy and grew up to be an astronaut—a genuine, real-life hero. What is there to take issue with? The parent didn't specify, so we're left to conjecture, but if there's any other possible reason than racism, I can't think of one.

Rockwood Education Equity and Diversity Director Brittany Hogan told KMOX News Radio that after hearing of the complaint, other parents responded immediately in the book's defense.

"They were saying this is amazing that they were buying copies of the book," Hogan said. "One of our parents came out and said she was going to purchase a copy for every second-grader at the elementary school that her children attends."

Hogan called McNair a hero and said, "He deserves to be celebrated. His story deserves to be told to our children. It's important that we continue to move in a space that embeds diverse curriculum."

And the school responded in the best possible way—by announcing the book was going to be read aloud to the whole student body via Zoom. That's how you shut down a bigot. Boom.

Here's Pond Elementary Principal Carlos Diaz-Granados reading "Ron's Big Mission" to students via Zoom and sharing why he thinks it's an important book for kids:



- YouTubewww.youtube.com



This article originally appeared on 9.18.23

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Veteran teacher sends message to first-year teachers that leaves them in tears

“It’s a lot. It’s a lot. Are you okay?”

Photo credit: Canva

Veteran teacher's message to first-year teachers makes them cry

Most schools are in session with many starting within the past few weeks—just enough time for teachers to get to know their students a bit and for newer teachers to start getting a feel for their new profession. There is no shortage of information and anecdotal arguments that show teachers are often underpaid while simultaneously being overly stressed.

Teachers are responsible for so much in a day that could easily be classified as invisible labor. Not only do they need to have proper classroom management skills to manage 18+ personalities all in the same classroom, but they also need to look out for children that may be falling behind. Just that portion alone calls for close monitoring of behavior patterns, task completion, task accuracy and peer interaction. That requires a ton of mental energy.

And then there are the school policies, grading assignments, preparing for assessments, lunch duty, bus duty and more. Teachers have a ton of responsibilities while getting very little credit, so when a veteran teacher acknowledges the struggles new teachers face, it can be validating. A teacher that runs the account Honest Teacher Vibes on social media has made a slew of newbie teachers fall to pieces after she acknowledged that they have it hard starting out.

The teacher warns viewers that the video is specifically for first-year teachers but offers for others to stay around if they'd like to listen.

"Hey sugarfoot, how you doing? It's a lot. It's a lot. I know. You okay? It's okay to cry. It's okay to cry, okay? Just go ahead and cry if you need to cause it's stressful," the teacher starts the video aimed at teachers just entering the field of education.

@honestteachervibes

Send this to a first year teacher. 💕 #teacher #teacherlife #teachersoftiktok #firstyearteacher #teachertired

Boy, was that permission needed because it opened up a floodgate of emotions for people. Teachers can be underappreciated by not only their administration but by the parents of the children they teach. Some parents of younger students may think that teachers simply play with children all day, not fully understanding that they are doing so much more.

On average teachers work 53 hours a week and about a quarter of that time is unpaid labor, while 66% admit their base salary is inadequate according to a survey conducted by RAND. This discrepancy in hours worked, low compensation and feelings of an unsupportive field contribute to teachers reaching career burnout and seeking employment in an unrelated sector.

a hand writing on a chalkboard Photo by Antoinette Plessis on Unsplash

Ashley Woo, coauthor of the report and an assistant policy researcher at RAND says, “The survey shows that pay, hours worked and working conditions are interrelated, suggesting that pay increases alone—without improvements in working hours or conditions—are unlikely to bring about large shifts in teachers' well-being or intentions to leave the profession.”

Feeling supported and validated can make a big difference in people's outlook, so when the veteran teacher offers up her gentle video inviting teachers to feel their feelings, they took her up on the offer. Other veteran teachers lent advice and encouragement.

One woman shares her tears, "Fiirst year teacher here and I do in fact cry everyday."

An overwhelmed new teacher used the space to vent, "Whew baby, I didn't know what I signed up for. I'm also still confused on what I'm supposed to be doing."

Season 8 Teacher GIF by FriendsGiphy

"First year here, I'm not ok, I've cried so much, been working every evening after work and weekend but can never get caught up, thank you for this," one first-year teacher shares.

"Lord college did absolutely nothing to prepare me for this! Every time I feel like I got my footing under me they pull the rug out," another writes.

Teaching can be a lot, and even the veterans have to take a minute to compose themselves after a tough day, so the newbies aren't alone in their tears. It seems every teacher needed this message.

One veteran shares, "I see you!! year 32 here...It is A LOT!! I have already cried multiple times from frustration. We've got this! BUT FIRST we rest!!"

Im Out Exit Strategy GIF by truTVGiphy

Another veteran writes, "My 14th year and I still needed to hear this! Thank you!"

It seems it doesn't matter if you've been teaching for two weeks or 20 years, there's only so much you can do in a day and stress comes with the territory. While people work to make teaching contain more realistic expectations and fair compensation, the support of other educators and those who depend on teachers to teach their children can make a big difference. So if you haven't thanked a teacher yet, maybe think about slipping them a gift card to a local coffee shop or buying things from their Amazon Wish List for their classroom. Their job is hard enough and a little kindness can go a long way.

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Oklahoma revoked this teacher's license for standing up against book bans. She's not backing down.

Summer Boismier's fight against censorship began in her classroom, when she covered her bookshelf in red tape that bore the words “Books the state didn’t want you to read.”

Photos courtesy of Summer Boismier

Summer Boismier drew attention in 2022 for covering part of her classroom bookshelf in red tape that bore the words “Books the state didn’t want you to read.”

Summer Boismier didn’t set out to be a teacher, and certainly not a “trouble-making” one. But over the past couple of years, as conservative states have enacted legislative restrictions on access to books in public schools, trouble making became an opportunity to take a stand. And take a stand, she did.

Boismier, who had been teaching English in Oklahoma for nearly a decade, drew national attention (and vitriol) back in 2022 for covering part of her classroom bookshelf in red tape that bore the words “Books the state didn’t want you to read.”

This was in response to her and other teachers in the English department being advised to restrict or remove student access to their classroom libraries, as to not violate Oklahoma’s new “divisive concepts” law, HB 1775. They received this warning mere days before the school year would begin.

Boismier also gave students a QR code link to the Brooklyn Public Library, which provides access to a variety of banned books. In an email interview with Upworthy, the 9-year teaching veteran said that though she knew there would be consequences, “it was important to me that my new students knew unequivocally where I stood on the state-sanctioned bigotry coming from the capitol.”

Cut to August of 2024, and Boismier got the retribution she had suspected might be coming for her. The Oklahoma State Board of Education (OSBE) voted unanimously to formally revoke her teaching license, stripping her livelihood. It’s worth noting that Boismier had already resigned from her original position in Oklahoma and began working at the Brooklyn Public library after receiving threats on social media.

And yet, this has not tempted Boismier to give up on her cause to fight censorship…a subject on which she does not mince words.

“Censorship makes the world smaller; it makes the world scarier. It teaches us to fear experiences and ideas different from our own. Censorship is a thief. It divides and conquers; it steals the possibility and opportunity that come from community, from what happens when we put our collective heads together.
Plus, censorship is just so darn tired. Empathy and understanding are far more interesting, far more worth fighting for because we already know where fear leads, but joy …?”

Repeatedly throughout our email conversation, Boismier states that her mission is “not about the books” themselves, but rather “the lives they reflect and represent and reify.” She has seen firsthand how students—especially those from LGBTQIA+ and/or BIPOC communities–are feeling the loss of stories “that speak to the fundamental parts of themselves,” and the empowerment those stories provide.

And this is why she continues advocating for them, license or no. She also encourages others to treat the situation not as a “red-state only” issue, but more of a “all-hands-on-deck five-alarm fire.”

book bans, book ban oklahoma, banned books, teachers"Ultimately, it’s not about the books, though. It’s about the lives they reflect and represent and reify, or as Dr. Rudine Sims Bishop describes, 'mirrors, windows, and sliding glass doors.” —Summer BoismierPhotos courtesy of Summer Boismier

How YOU can help

Boismier has made a handy list of organizations working to defend intellectual freedom that you can promote, including:

EveryLibrary

Unite Against Book Bans

Brooklyn Public Library

Run for Something

You can also download and share The Brooklyn Library’s media kit, which includes a flyer, a printable sticker sheet, the official Books Unbanned artwork, Brooklyn Public Library's logo and a QR code, here.

In addition, Boismier urges people to use public libraries, call legislators, attend and speak at school board meetings, correct mis- and disinformation and last, but certainly not least this election year…vote responsibly.

As she so eloquently put it: “It is up to us to keep the words, keep the faith…and keep it up.”

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