New mom shares list of 'icks' and other new parents are nodding hard in agreement
"The 'I've raised kids, I think I know better than you' speech."

New mom shares her list of pet peeves and other parents relate
Becoming a new mom is hard. You've got this tiny human depending on you for its survival all while you're healing from bringing them into the world. But the piece that can get to be overwhelming is fielding visitors and their well intentioned unsolicited advice.
You're already feeling a bit underprepared for the undertaking but you've done your research, spoke to professionals and have been in every mom group imaginable.
So if you know nothing else, you know what rules you have around others spending time with your new bundle of joy. Here's the thing though, not everyone respects those rules or your new position as a mom, which means you're constantly defending your boundaries.
One new mom, Tay shared a series of photos through video on TikTok that displayed, "icks" she has as a new mom.
The post has caused some waves with people who are probably feeling a bit guilty of doing the things on the "ick" list. But there are many new parents in the comments nodding their heads hard in agreement.
New mom shares her list of pet peeves and other parents relate
As someone who has been a new parent, I can honestly say that I wish I had the knowledge that I was allowed to tell people "no, thank you" when it came to my new baby. It's amazing that new parents are finding community and courage through social media to set clear boundaries. So what are the new mom "icks" that have gotten people whipped into a tizzy?
New mom shares her list of pet peeves and other parents relate
The icks range from refusing to give the baby back upon request, even if the child is crying to offering unsolicited advice. Tay really lays out multiple scenarios that many new parents are likely familiar with. A big one that I have personal experience with fending off is kissing.
Babies are so dang cute and no matter how small they are, they always have the chubbiest little kissable cheeks so it's easy to see why some people feel like they just have to give them a smooch. But kissing a newborn that isn't yours can be dangerous for the baby and new parents are now more educated on those dangers, option to forbid kisses from everyone but mom and dad.
New mom shares her list of pet peeves and other parents relate
Another "ick" that got lots of attention from commenters was talking to the parent through the new baby in an effort to be passive aggressive. If you've never experienced it before, it's when someone is holding your baby and talking in a sweet baby voice looking lovingly into the baby's eyes while saying something like, "you must be keeping mama busy cause the house is a disaster." Let's all take a moment to roll our eyes.
It seems these complaints are fairly universal for new parents if you take a gander at the comments.
"How do I send this to my MIL without sending it to her," one person asked.
"I feel this. A mom will never forget how she was treated during pregnancy and postpartum. It's when we are most vulnerable," another wrote.
"My mother in law used to body shame me through my infant," one mom confessed.
"I have gotten the 'I have raised 5 kids, I think I know better than you' from my mom so many times since having kids," someone wrote.
No matter who's baby it is, I think its safe to say you should respect the parents boundaries, even if you don't understand them. Watch the entire video here.
- 12 hilariously relatable comics about life as a new mom. ›
- Chrissy Teigen got real about her new 'mom bod' in an honest Twitter post. ›
- Maybe you missed the 11 priceless photos a new mom took of her napping baby. ›
- Video shows the hilariously realistic side of parenting advice - Upworthy ›
- People share the most practical ways to support new parents - Upworthy ›
- Husband tosses baby's umbilical cord. Moms everywhere gasp. - Upworthy ›
- Women are telling new moms the smelly truth about postpartum - Upworthy ›
- Researchers have been secretly studying who gets "the ick" and what it might say about you - Upworthy ›
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."