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Mom finds out daughter is bullying kids over their clothes and desperately seeks advice

Her husband called her idea of punishment "cruel," this fed up mom wants to know other people's thoughts.

bullying, how to talk about bullying, parenting, dealing with bullies

Bullying—it's something no parent wants their child to have to deal with.

Bullying is a difficult territory for parents to navigate, even more so when it’s their own kid doing the bullying.

This can of course happen for a variety of reasons, but one really common reason is trying to fit in with a certain friend group. A kid sees one of their friends making fun of someone, and they follow suit in order to gain acceptance. And so, the nasty cycle continues, until this kid is now an adult with these terrible social habits.

Needless to say, that’s why it’s so important for parents to address any bullying activity head on, and immediately, as to prevent it from becoming a character trait.


And that is why one mom desperately sought the advice of folks on the Ask Reddit forum. As she shared in her post, her 11-year old daughter, who was about to enter 6th grade, had been apparently “making fun of kids for not wearing name brand clothing and shoes.”

Considering that their family doesn’t have a lot of money, the mom was floored by her daughter’s attitude. But in order to “impress” her friends, the daughter pretends their situation is otherwise. Just like 5 out of every 10 teen girl movies we ever saw as kids.

“Me and her dad have opposing views,” the mom explained. “I want to take her to Walmart for her back to school clothes and shoes. Her dad thinks it’s cruel.”

(She would later add that his view could be based on the fact that he too was “was often bullied for his clothing and doesn’t want to do that to our daughter.” Though one would think that would make him all the more behind the idea. But that's neither here nor there.)

Hence why she came to Reddit—to see if maybe her idea for punishment was indeed too harsh.

However, an overwhelming amount of readers sided with the mom.

“It is not cruel,”one person replied. “What is cruel is making fun of people who cannot afford as much, or making fun of their sense of style. Bullying has real impacts on people, sometimes long-term, and I suggest the superficialness your daughter is displaying gets adjusted now before she becomes a teenager. Middle school can already be difficult for many students and I’m sure you don’t want your daughter to be the reason someone struggles with their self-confidence.”

Someone else simply quipped “100% decking her out in Walmart clothes entirely.” While another said “No question this is the solution. I would also make my child work to earn the money for it, if she was making fun of other children for wearing the clothes their family can afford.”

Another top comment suggested that mom first have a “serious discussion” with her daughter in a a neutral location. Then, if the bullying appears to continue, get her more Walmart clothes.

“At least until she understands why this is so inappropriate,” they said. “Give her the chance to mend her ways, but let her know what the consequence will be if she doesn’t. Now the ball is in her court. It’s not cruel as long as she has been forewarned and she understands why you would take this action.”

Another simply reiterated the importance of taking swift action, whatever that action may be.

“It’s not just the effects of bullying on others, I’d also argue that your child runs the risk of entering into the world at a deficit built upon these shallow and materialistic views she’s holding, not to mention the fact that surely bullies suffer psychological damage themselves all of which will need to be adjusted and repaired later in life. (Hopefully) Might as well try to help her see…that nice ‘things’ aren’t what matter most about people/life. Will rocking Walmart clothes help her realize that? Idk. I do think effort should be made to adjust her values and tune her into what being a good person is about,” they wrote.

How to have a conversation with your kid if you suspect they’re bullying

bullying, anti bullyingNobody wants their kid to be a bully. But if it does happen, there are actions that can be taken. Photo credit: Canva

For parents who are in need of having that uncomfortable, but necessary conversation, The Child Mind Institute has these tips:

Be open and direct

Address the issue, how you heard about it, and then give the child time and space to explain what’s going on and how they feel about it. This can be a good time for assessing whether or not professional help might be needed.

Get specific about what you want to see instead

The site gives this example: “If your child excludes other kids, let them know that you expect them to say yes when others ask to play with them.” It also helps to demonstrate these values at home.

Set clear consequences

Seems like the OP might have been onto something. The Child Mind Institute suggest to have some form of punishment, like having their phone taken away, if behavior persist (note that this is AFTER having a conversation though). Alternatively, kids can try to “make amends” by offering a “written apology or doing something nice for the person they hurt.”

Bottom line: Kids who bully aren’t necessarily “bad.” It’s often a coping mechanism for new, intimidating emotional territory. But this is arguably when a kid needs parental guidance the most. So a little tough love is called for.

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Joy

Single woman shares the hilarious 'deal breaker' she uses when she doesn't want a second date

Jo Brundza has mastered the art of painlessly getting out of a second date by making them reject her.

How Jo Brundza gets out of a date.

It's uncomfortable for people to tell someone they met for a first date that they aren’t interested in a second one because nobody enjoys hurting another person’s feelings. TikToker Jo Brundza has mastered the art of painlessly getting out of a second date by making them reject her.

How does she do it? Once she realizes she doesn’t want to see them again, she rants about the moon.

“From that realization and on, I spend the rest of the date trying to convince the other person that I don’t think the moon is real,” she says. Now, many folks out there incorrectly believe that the moon landing was faked, but she goes a step further by saying the massive celestial object doesn’t exist at all.

“They’re typically too stunned to argue back,” she says.

@jbrundz

They’re typically too stunned to argue back #fyp #dating #funny #bits

In a follow-up video, Brundza outlines the three arguments she uses to prove that the moon isn’t real:

1. If you know, you know

"I just think it's ridiculous that all these billionaires are going up into space. I mean, when they get up there, what do they expect to be there, or not be up there?"

2. False evidence

"Look, I'm just saying that if you look at the science of how light refraction works when it enters the atmosphere, it would bend it in a way that to the naked eye would look like solid mass, but it's not. Also, at the end of the day, do you know anyone who has actually been to the moon?"

3. Blame Greenland

"Eighty percent of the island is covered in ice and uninhabitable. You're really gonna tell me that's not where the projectors are? Actually, now that I think about it, do you personally know anyone who's ever been to Greenland?"

@jbrundz

Replying to @TySpice Bonus points if you can somehow work in that the sun is fake too #fyp #funny #bits

Works like a charm.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

Constance Hall asks for domestic equality.

It's the 21st century, and as a civilization, we've come a long way. No, there are no flying cars (yet), but we all carry tiny supercomputers in our pockets, can own drones, and can argue with strangers from all around the world as long as they have Internet access.

And yet, women are still having to ask their partners to help out around the house. What gives?

Recently, Blogger Constance Hall went on a highly-relatable rant about spouses assuming responsibility for housework, and women everywhere are all, "🙌 🙌 🙌 ."


Recently while bitching about the fact that I do absolutely everything around my house with a bunch of friends all singing "preach Queen", someone said to me "if you want help you need to be specific... ask for it. People need lists, they aren't mind readers."

So I tried that, asking.. specifics..

"Can you take the bin out?"

"Can you get up with the kids? I'm just a little tired after doing it on my own for 329 years"

"Can you go to woolies? I've done 3 loads of washing and made breaky, lunch, picked up all the kids school books, dealt with the floating shit in the pond."

And yeah, she was right... shit got done.But I was exhausted, just keeping the balls in the air.. remembering what needs to be asked to be done, constant nagging..And do you know what happened the minute I stopped asking...?

NOTHING. Again.

And so I've come to the conclusion that it's not your job to ask for help, it's not my job to write fucking lists.

We have enough god dam jobs and teaching someone how to consider me and my ridiculous work load is not one of them. Just do it. Just think about each other, what it takes to run the god dam house.

Is one of you working while the other puts up their feet? Is one of you hanging out with mates while the other peels the thirtieth piece of fruit for the day? Is one of you carrying the weight?

Because when the nagging stops, when the asking dies down, when there are no more lists....All your left with is silent resentment. And that my friends is relationship cancer..It's not up to anyone else to teach you consideration.

That's your job. Just do the fucking dishes without being asked once in a while mother fuckers.

Hall's post touches on the concept of emotional labor, which can be defined as "the process of managing feelings and expressions to fulfill the emotional requirements of a job."

In other words, although Hall's partner may be the one carrying out the tasks she assigns him, it is still Hall's job to be the "manager" of the household, and keep track of what things need to get done. And anyone who runs a household knows that juggling and keeping track of chores is just as exhausting as executing them. There's also the idea of being the "default parent." which, more often than not, tends to be mothers. It's a lot to handle.

At time of publication, Hall's post was shared nearly 100,000 times. That's a lot of frustrated ladies!

When your girl Far Kew sends you the perfect present. You will find this and more cunty cups on her facebook page 👌🏽
Posted by Constance Hall on Thursday, November 30, 2017

Women in the comments section seemed to overwhelmingly agree with Hall's post.

Let's all learn to share the load...laundry and otherwise.


This article originally appeared seven years ago.

Popular

The laughably worst haircuts that have perfectly defined 6 different generations

History is great. But sometimes hairstyles tell us everything.

Each generation has a top and bottom cut. Let's see 'em.

When actress Sash Striga (@sashstriga on TikTok) went in for a "cool girl chic" tweak to a haircut she had gotten five days earlier, things did not go as planned. "Very flirty, very flowy," she told the stylist as they discussed making her already short hair a bit "shorter in the back" and "less wide on the sides."

"I can do that," he confidently answered. But after a long while of snipping (and then clipping!), Sash took to TikTok to describe the moment she saw him turn ghostly pale, possibly realizing he'd made a few mistakes.

In her video, she recounts the story while wearing a grey beanie. When she finally removes it, she reveals what can only be described as a Manic Pixie Dream Girl Manic Pixie Dream Girl gone horribly wrong. But her pure joy in the awfulness of it all is delightful to watch, and a good reminder that it will always grow back.

@sashstriga

I’m more mad at myself than anything tbh 🫠 #badhairday #badhaircut #toronto #torontolife #fyp #hairstyle #hair #badhaircutcheck

While all of these unfortunate trends have or will be recycled through different generations, take a look at what might arguably be the worst hair trends since the '40s!


The Silent Generation: The Bouffant

marge simpson pulling atbouffant her hairfrustrated marge simpson GIFGiphy

If you were born in the later part of this generation (say, 1943), you'd be just the right age to wear this wacky hairdo to a high school dance. There couldn’t possibly be enough hairspray or teasing combs for this up-do to reach the heavens. And yet, that never stopped anyone from trying.


Baby Boomers: The Shag

woman with shag haircutGIF by SliceGiphy

A Baby Boomer born smack-dab in the middle of their generation might have started caring about their hairstyle around 1970. This was the BEST time for hair and the Shag had it all: the bouncy middle part, the sexy curtain bangs—everything. Even the edgier cuts like The Shag were kinda hot. But even hot haircuts can turn cold with the wrong scissors.


Gen X: The Mullet

a man with a mullet fist pumping Happy Seann William Scott GIFGiphy

This "business in the front, party in the back" hairstyle is nothing new. In fact, it has been stated by historian Suetonius that "the Roman emperor Tiberius 'wore his hair rather long at the back, so much so as even to cover the nape of his neck,' and that this was a tradition of his family, the Claudians."

Technically, Boomers also bear responsibility for the mullet, but it was the Xers who really made it sing.

The '80s had so many outrageous hair choices that this category gets two entries:


Also Gen X: The Rattail

gif of men with rattails square pegs 80s GIF by absurdnoiseGiphy

Something strange emerged in the '80s. Well, a lot of strange things came about, but somewhere, some hairdresser woke up and said, "Yes, we will leave a piece of hair hanging, and sometimes, we might even braid it."


Millennials: The Bowl Cut

man shaking out his bowl cutHappy Haircut GIF by Australian Ninja WarriorGiphy

We saw the odd The Three Stooges"Moe" cut on Sash, who is technically a young millennial, just missing the cusp of a Gen Z-er by two years. At least it was a nice update to the traditionally awful "bowl cut." But it was the millennials who brought this unfortunate look back in the early '90s.


Gen Z: The Broccoli Cut (aka the Zoomer Perm)

The Broccoli Cut is..,something Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Imagine thinking this is a good idea: "We'll cut the sides real short, and leave it long on top. Sure, that works. But wait! Then we'll PERM the top and let it just sit there." For some reason, in the UK, this was renamed the "Meet me at McDonald's haircut," and it's so disturbing that some schools have even banned it. Many Zoomers disagree, though, and it's still quite a popular look on TikTok.

via Jess Martini / Tik Tok

TikTok helped this mom neutralize a potential nightmare in minutes.

There are few things as frightening to a parent than losing your child in a crowded place like a shopping mall, zoo, or stadium. The moment you realize your child is missing, it's impossible not to consider the terrifying idea they may have been kidnapped.

A woman in New Zealand recently lost her son in a Kmart but was able to locate him because of a potentially life-saving parenting hack she saw on TikTok a few months before. The woman was shopping at the retailer when she realized her two-year-old son Nathan was missing. She immediately told a friend to alert the staff to ensure he didn't leave through the store's front exit.

"Another friend searched the area he was last seen," the mom wrote in a Facebook post. The mother began looking for him by rummaging through clothes racks and running through the aisles. It was the "scariest 10 minutes of my life" she later wrote.

woman stands in department store aisle surrounded by racks of clothes

For a worried mom, this view can be overwhelming and terrifying.

assets.rebelmouse.io


But then she remembered a parenting hack she saw on TikTok by blogger and children's author Jess Martini:

"If your child goes missing, screw the stares and start calling out their description," the mother recalled.

"I'm missing a little boy, he's wearing a yellow shirt and has brown hair. He's two years old and his name is Nathan!" she called out to the rest of the store while reminding herself not to "break down" in tears. "You need people to understand you loud and clear," she said.

The mother's calls immediately deputized everyone who heard them to begin looking for the child. It was like multiplying the search by a factor of 10. "I turned an aisle and heard 'He's here!'" she wrote. "I turned back the way I came and there he was. A man had walked past him after hearing me calling out."

She immediately thanked the man, realizing that if she hadn't called out he may have never known the child was missing. "Nate would have walked past him and he wouldn't have blinked," she said.

The hack came from a Tiktok posted by Martini in late 2021. It's great advice because the knee-jerk response is usually to just call out their name or silently run around looking.

@jesmartini PSA that I feel can save kids and I’ve used- if your child goes missing in public #momsoftiktok #PSA #nojudgement #fyp #4up #besafe #parentsoftiktok ♬ original sound - Jess martini

"To all parents out there, if your child goes missing, do not search in silence or just call out their name," Martini says in the video. "Shout out loud and clear. Say they're missing, give a description and repeat, repeat, repeat!"

"Everyone will be on alert, and if someone is trying to take off with your kid, it will decrease the chances of them getting away," she added.

The advice is a great reminder to make a mental note of what your child is wearing when you go out so you can easily provide a description if they go missing. It also proof that when a parent needs help, most people are more than willing to lend a hand.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

Teens bolt out of school to rescue man on railroad tracks

Typically when people think of an alternative high school, they think of children that have pretty intense behavioral problems that have been kicked out of regular school. Things that come to mind are usually truancy, excess physical and verbal altercations, or teens that simply seem to struggle with keeping up in a typical school setting. There aren't many great pictures painted about the youth that attend these types of schools, so it's not surprising that the teens within those doors are oftentimes labeled as "bad."

But writing off all children that attend alternative high school as unredeemable would be a mistake. Many kids that attend those schools aren't inherently bad and three teens from Iowa prove just that. Clinton Ring, Paul Clanery and Davidson Hartman are seniors at Gateway High School, an alternative school in Iowa who sprung into action after Paul noticed a man fall on the railroad tracks from the window of their classroom.

Travel Droning GIF by JocquaGiphy

The teen watched the man struggle to find his footing, then realized he needed to do something because the railroad track is one that is frequently busy. That's when Paul rallies his two friends to go with him out the door, without permission.

"All we hear is Paul calling our name, like 'hey I see an old man falling,' and we're like 'what,' and we went and checked it out. We didn't think twice we just went out and you know, helped him out," one of the teens shares with CBS Mornings.

The teens did inform a teacher they were leaving the building as they ran past his classroom out the front doors. This fly by announcement prompted the science teacher, Matt Earlingson (Mr. E) to follow the three boys to see if the boys needed assistance. Everything was caught on the school's surveillance camera and once their teacher saw their heroic gesture, he snapped a photo of the teens helping the man.

It's unclear if the man was injured but he had difficulty walking without assistance, so the teens supported the man for his two block walk to the bus stop. They haven't heard from the man since but Mr. E certainly won't let them forget their heroic excursion to save a life.

GIF by Pudgy PenguinsGiphy

"Kinda by the time I was out there, they were getting to him and helping him up off his feet and then they started walking him to the bus stop and that's about two blocks away. And I decided to pull out my phone and take a picture. It was these two young men on each side of this older gentlemen with you know, his arms around them and it was just a selfless act. They didn't wait and ask for permission. They just said, we're doing this," the science teacher says.

The teens are well aware of the reputation of high schoolers that attend alternative school and hope that their act of kindness will shed new light. They explain that they hope their story inspires people to not judge a book by it's cover and to "be righteous to the people around you." These teens may be spending their senior year at an alternative school but they've already got one life lesson mastered–look out for your members in your community.