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How to teach kids to love and respect their bodies, in 8 steps.

How you love and respect your body is how your children will learn to love and respect their bodies.

“Mommy,” my 6-year-old daughter said, “you look beautiful!”

We were in Kauai, Hawaii, and I was in a store trying on a beautiful, sensual bikini with my 42-year-old post-baby body.

I never had worn or owned a bikini — not even when I played soccer and my body was strong and lean. And my body has changed a lot since then. These breasts have offered my children milk for a total of four years. My hips have balanced children on them while cooking dinner, coaching soccer, and helping another child down off the monkey bars at the playground.


Photo via iStock.

I think there comes a time in many women’s lives when we decide we will embrace and embody the sensual, beautiful women we are instead of trying to change ourselves. There I was in the changing room, standing before my children and husband in a Hawaiian bikini. I felt beautiful. A bit self-conscious at first, but beautiful. My family saw my beauty too.

For two weeks on the beaches of Kauai, I wore that bikini. Rubbing my round and flabby stomach now exposed in a bikini, my children told me how they loved my belly. “Yes,” I would say, “I love my belly too.” And I meant it.

And, no, you don’t have to wear a bikini to feel beautiful.

This is about our bodies as moms changing with childbirth and aging with every passing year and about growing in our love and respect for our bodies. This is about how we can model to our children love and respect for their bodies through our deepening regard for our own bodies.

Over the years of being a mom and somatic (body-centered) psychotherapist, I have heard a lot of advice on how to teach our children to respect their bodies. Clients who are parents ask me how to teach their children how to love and respect their bodies so their children don’t have the same hateful relationships they have with their own bodies.

They want to know how to raise children who are confident, love their bodies, and respect other people’s bodies. They want to prevent their children from experiencing trauma and feeling ashamed of their bodies.

If we truly want to support our children in loving and respecting their bodies, I know this:

How you love and respect your body is how your children will learn to love and respect their bodies.

And this:

How you love and respect their bodies is how they will learn to love and respect their bodies.

Photo via iStock.

How do we get there?

Here are eight mindful and compassionate ways to be a parent who models to your children how to regard and love their bodies:

1. Treat yourself with compassion.

One of the surest ways to instill in our children a healthy relationship with their whole self is to start showing ourselves compassion. When someone, including ourselves, is suffering, we are naturally prompted to respond to extend compassion. But often, through experiences of trauma and shame, we have learned to override this innate sense of responding with compassion. Thankfully, we can learn to cultivate compassion again.

When I am having a hard time, my children often will see me doing this: I pause. I put my hand on my heart. And I say to myself (and often so they can hear, too, and learn to do the same), “Wow, I’m having a hard time right now. It’s OK, Sweet Love.” (Yes, I call myself “Sweet Love,” the same words I use with my children). Having compassion for ourselves in everyday life and modeling compassion to our children can be as simple as that.

2. Heal the harshness by “practicing gentleness.”

In a harsh world, gentleness is the antidote. Like compassion, gentleness has transformative power. Gentleness is both soft and strong. By bringing gentleness into situations where we are often prompted to become harsh and controlling, we support connection.

How? Trying asking yourself: “What would ‘practicing gentleness’ with my body look like in my life? What would it look like in my children’s lives?” Is it to go at a slower pace in the day? Is it to use a softer, more accepting tone of voice? Is it a gentle hand on your child’s shoulders when he or she is feeling anxious?

3. Bring “soften” into your everyday vocabulary.

A few years ago, I made “soften” my word for the year because I knew I was being hard on myself. When I looked at my post-baby body — even several years after having children — I would often get dressed, look in the mirror, and say something harsh under my breath. But as I brought the word “soften” into my everyday life, I began to embody this word a little bit more every day. Now, it is commonplace in my own head and in our family.

4. Heal the hurry.

I get it. We have a million things on our plate. We live in a culture that’s addicted to hurry.

Photo via iStock.

But we show this to our kids early, and hurry shows itself in our bodies. So if you can, try to notice your own addiction to hurry. Notice how your body may be addicted to the adrenaline rush of “running late” and hurrying throughout the day. Start to treat your body with respect by saying to yourself (and your children), “It’s OK to slow down.”

5. Show your children how to rest.

Related to our addiction to hurry, we often don’t pause to rest in our day, but our bodies and brains need pauses. Teaching our children to treat their bodies with love and regard involves learning how to rest.

Build rest into your and your child’s day. Look up at the sky as you and your children stand at the bus stop. Lie down for a moment after getting home from school and work. Say to your children, “Let’s rest for a bit.”

6. Do nothing else while you eat.

Mindless eating and busy schedules can create unhealthy habits around food. Because we eat several times a day, building in mindful rituals of pausing while eating supports healthy digestion, regulates nervous systems, and develops a healthy relationship to food and a deep regard for our bodies.

When you eat, do nothing else. Model to your children how to pause and “just eat” when it's time for a meal or snack. Put down the devices and try just eating your food and enjoying each other’s company. Even if it’s for a few moments, such mindful eating supports a healthy regard and love for one’s body.

7. Touch your children kindly.

Walking into my children’s school each morning, I see the tenderness between parents and their children. I see these mindful parents pausing in the hustle and bustle of their morning for a moment of tender connection with their children.

Photo via iStock.

When we are frustrated or angry, it gets harder to touch our children kindly. Yet these moments matter in sending the message to our children that their bodies are to be regarded. When we are frustrated, the greatest practice is to pause and get grounded. We are more likely to respond with kindness instead of react with harshness. When our children’s bodies are treated with kindness, they learn they are worthy of being regarded.

8. Look at your children with regard.

I get it. Many families are just trying to get to the bus stop on time. And after school, we are hustling home to get dinner made before evening activities.

But a few years ago, I decided that no matter how rushed we felt in the morning and in the afternoon returning from school, I would pause and really look at my children. The expression on my face would say, “I am so happy to see you! I love you!” I try to do this every day, even for just a few moments in the morning and afternoon. And it changes things.

These mindful and compassionate practices can be woven into our everyday lives.

When our children see us loving and regarding our bodies, they will begin to treat their bodies the same way. When we treat our children’s bodies with respect, our children will begin to see themselves — and their bodies — as worthy of deep regard and respect. And when our children love and respect their bodies, they are more likely to love and respect the bodies of others.

It'll go a long way in creating a more compassionate world.

via Canva

A young couple can't handle high prices and their dad says to save money.

One of the big talking points in the great American millennials versus baby boomers debate is whether the younger generation has knee-capped itself by its lavish spending habits that have prevented them from owning homes. If millennials stopped buying $14 avocado toast and $1,000 iPhones, would they be able to save enough for a down payment on a modest home?

Freddie Smith, 36, of Orlando, Florida, recently went viral on TikTok for a video in which he challenged the boomer argument with statistics from the Bureau of Labor, Federal Reserve, and the U.S. Census Bureau. Smith believes that the older generations misunderstand millennial finances because their concept of luxury is based on 1980s economics. Smith says that for baby boomers, essentials such as rent and child care were much more affordable, but items considered luxuries (TVs, CD players, computers) were much more expensive.

How is the economy different for millennials than it was for baby boomers?

"The main shift is that core essentials—housing, education, healthcare, and even food—have become more expensive," Smith said. "Housing and rent, for instance, now outpace wage growth, making homeownership feel unattainable for many. The cost of childcare has also skyrocketed, and food prices have increased.”

"As a result, I think older generations have a different perspective on luxury versus necessity,” Smith continued. “They grew up in a time when hard work typically led to financial stability, whereas today, even with hard work, many people struggle with the high costs of housing, rent and medical expenses. Basic survival used to be far more affordable, allowing people more financial room to build a stable life."

Smith’s numbers don’t lie. For a person in the '80s to own three TVs, a CD player, a cellphone, a microwave, and a computer, it would cost them 3.5 years of rent or a 20% downpayment on the average home. So, it was irresponsible for someone in that period to purchase all of what was known then as luxuries. However, these days, for a Millennial to have the average apartment and the equivalent amount of "luxuries" would only cost a little over one month's rent.

1980s, boomers, millennialsA 1980s computer and television. via Canva

"But if you skip that daily $6 Starbucks drink, you’ll have enough for the downpayment in 29.22 years," Yokahana joked in the comments. "I hate that housing and transportation have become luxuries," Molly added. "Imagine spending 3x your rent on a microwave," Donutdisaster wrote.

Why are luxury goods more affordable now than they were in the '80s?

The price of manufactured goods has steadily fallen over the last few decades due to technological improvements and trade policies that have allowed the U.S. to import goods from places where labor costs are cheaper. "International, global competition lowers prices directly from lower-cost imported goods, and indirectly by forcing U.S. manufacturers to behave more competitively, with lower prices, higher quality, better service, et cetera," Sociologist Joseph Cohen of Queens University said, according to Providence Journal.

Why are housing prices so high?

Housing prices in the US have soared due to the low inventory caused by the Great Recession, mortgage rates, and zoning laws that make building more challenging. Rents have increased considerably since the pandemic due to low inventory, inflation, barriers to home ownership, and the fact that more people want to live alone than with a roommate or romantic partner.

Smith’s breakdown of the economic changes over the past two generations makes a strong case for the idea that millennial financial troubles have more to do with systemic problems than spending habits. The boomers got a bad deal regarding luxury items, and the millennials with necessities. Wouldn’t living in a world where both were affordable in the same era be great?

Family

Mom shares how being actively parented as a full-grown adult makes all the difference

“I think this is what people mean when they say ‘It takes a village.’”

@hannahwiththelipstick/Instagram (used with permission)

We need our parents after we leave the nest, just in different ways.

When we think of "parenting" we usually think of the years from birth to college age, when kids become legal adults and many start fleeing the nest. It's not like there's a magic switch that gets flipped at 18 that suddenly makes kids not need their parents anymore, but the young adult years are a time when people grow into their independence, taking on the responsibilities and challenges of adulthood gradually but surely.

But what happens after that? Once kids are grown and flown, what role to parents play? They're not rulemakers or final authorities anymore, and they certainly aren't having to make sure basic needs are being met, but that doesn't mean their parenting years are over.

A video from a mom named Hannah shows what supportie, active parenting looks like with fully adult children, and it's a beautiful example of the way parent-child relationships ideally shift over time.

"My parents could write a manual on how to practically love your adult children," wrote Hannah Cases of @hannahwiththelipstick. "I was feeling overwhelmed and this was their response."

As she sits outside with a blanket around her shoulders and a warm mug in her hand, Hannah's parents are shown playing with her child, cooking some soup, organizing and cleaning and otherwise taking some of the load off her shoulders.

"Your adult children still need you," she wrote.

@hannahwiththelipstick

I think this is what people mean when they say “it takes a village”. 🤍 If your kids are all grown up just remember, they still need you. We might say “I’m fine” or struggle to ask for what we need but the truth is everyone needs help sometimes and the support of loving parents / grandparents has the power to change everything. My parents are a constant reminder of what it looks like to practically love the people around you and put action behind the words “I love you”. I love differently because of having parents like them and living three minutes away from each other has been the biggest blessing. I know a lot of people don’t have parents who are able to help or the relationship might be strained but blood isn’t what makes someone family and I encourage you to seek out a village and remember that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. 🫶🏻 #ittakesavillage #myvillage #familyiseverything #ittakesavillagetoraiseachild #grandparentgoals #parentgoals #loveyouradultchildren #grandparentslove #parentslove


In the caption of the video, she expanded her thoughts:

"I think this is what people mean when they say 'it takes a village.' 🤍 If your kids are all grown up just remember, they still need you. We might say 'I’m fine' or struggle to ask for what we need but the truth is everyone needs help sometimes and the support of loving parents / grandparents has the power to change everything. My parents are a constant reminder of what it looks like to practically love the people around you and put action behind the words 'I love you.' I love differently because of having parents like them and living three minutes away from each other has been the biggest blessing. I know a lot of people don’t have parents who are able to help or the relationship might be strained but blood isn’t what makes someone family and I encourage you to seek out a village and remember that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. 🫶🏻"

It's true that not everyone has parents or a relationship with their parents that would give them this kind of support, but that doesn't mean people aren't desperate for it.

"Honestly seeing this inspires me to be this parent… I pray one day I can create a space this loving for my daughter. I wish every family had this. The world would be such a better, more healthy place."

"Such a gift. I wish we all had parents like this. 🥺"

"100000000x this!!!
Arguably we need you more than ever, now!
We crave independence when we are young, and family/support as we grow our own. ❤️❤️❤️❤️"

"I really wish my mother was capable of this kind of love and support, but unfortunately many of us don’t have this… count yourself blessed if you do!! ❤️"

"You are very blessed to have them ❤️ myself and my husband’s parents don’t ever come around for us or our 2 kiddos and it’s very sad. We have no village except our good friends."

"All I get when I tell my mom I’m struggling is ‘I remember those days.’ Happy for people who have this support but also jealous 😅 But someday I will be there for my grown kids with whatever they need."

"I hope I get the opportunity to show up for my adult babies and their babies like this someday."

"My parents are like this and I’m SO thankful. My mom showed up Monday with a coffee for me. Today both kids have swim class. My dad tags along, and every Wednesday he brings us breakfast. Little things like that, that just make it a little easier on me. My parents live 6 minutes away and I tell them all the time I couldn’t do it without them!"

"We live 15 away from my in-laws. Once a week, my Mother-in-law does one on one time with my two kids. Since the kiddos will nap during the time it’s not their turn with their mimi, it really ends up being such a wonderful break for me. It really does take a village!"

"I tell my parents all the time that I still need my mommy and daddy lol it sounds silly, but it’s so true! I’m so thankful they live one street over and are always available at the drop of a hat! ❤️"

Though it's sad to see in the comments how many people don't have this kind of support, it's also a good reminder to be there for one another when and how we can be. There's no substitute for loving and supportive parents, but any friend or family member who has the time and inclination can help fill that role when they see there's a need.

It's always good to see positive examples of healthy relationships, both to know what's possible and to inspire us to be the people—the village—we want someone to be for us.

You can follow Hannah Cases on Instagram and TikTok.

This article originally appeared last year.

Science

Innovative farm in Virginia can grow 4 million pounds of strawberries on less than one acre

This method uses 97 percent less land and up to 90 percent less water than conventional farming.

A new way to grow strawberries with less land, less water, and more berries.

Strawberry farm harvests aren't something most of us calculate on a regular basis (or ever at all), but the numbers from a strawberry farm in Richmond, Virginia, are staggering enough to make it worth an old-school word problem. If the average American eats 8 pounds of strawberries a year, and an average strawberry farm yields approximately 20,000 pounds of berries per acre, how many people could a 200-acre strawberry field feed?

I won't make you do the math. The answer is 500,000 people. But what if a crop that size, providing enough strawberries for half a million people, could be grown on just one acre instead of 200? It's possible. You just have to go—or rather grow—up, up, up.

Indoor vertical farm company Plenty Unlimited knows a lot about growing up. In fact, it's their entire business model. Instead of the sprawling fields that traditional farming methods require, vertical farms have a much smaller land footprint, utilizing proprietary towers for growing. Plenty has used vertical farming methods to grow greens such as lettuce, kale, spinach and more for years, but now it boasts a vertical berry farm that can yield a whopping 4 million pounds of strawberries on a little less than an acre.

Growing indoors means not being at the mercy of weather or climate inpredictability (barring a storm taking out your building), which is wise in the era of climate change. Unlike a traditional greenhouse which still uses the sun for light, Plenty's indoor vertical farms make use of the latest technology and research on light, pinpointing the wavelengths plants need from the sun to thrive and recreating them with LED lights. Plenty farms also don't use soil, as what plants really need is water and nutrients, which can be provided without soil (and with a lot less water than soil requires). Being able to carefully control water and nutrients means you can more easily control the size, taste and uniformity of the berries you’re growing.

If that sounds like a lot of control, it is. And that idea might freak people out. But when a highly controlled environment means not having to use pesticides and using up to 90% less water than traditional farming, it starts to sound like a solid, sustainable farming innovation.

Plenty even uses AI in its strawberry farm, according to its website:

“Every element of the Plenty Richmond Farm–including temperature, light and humidity–is precisely controlled through proprietary software to create the perfect environment for the strawberry plants to thrive. The farm uses AI to analyze more than 10 million data points each day across its 12 grow rooms, adapting each grow room’s environment to the evolving needs of the plants – creating the perfect environment for Driscoll’s proprietary plants to thrive and optimizing the strawberries’ flavor, texture and size.”

Plenty even has its own patent-pending method of pollinating the strawberry flowers that doesn’t require bees. Even just the fact that this enormous crop of strawberries will be coming from Virginia is notable, since the vast majority of strawberries in the U.S. are grown in California.

strawberry fieldTraditional strawberry farming takes up a lot of land.Photo credit: Canva

Plenty's Richmond farm is currently growing strawberries exclusively for Driscoll’s.

“Partnering with Plenty for the launch of the Richmond Farm allows us to bring our premium strawberries closer to consumers in the Northeast, the largest berry consumption region in the U.S.,” Driscoll’s CEO Soren Bjorn said in a press release. “By combining our 100 years of farming expertise and proprietary varieties along with Plenty’s cutting-edge technology, we can deliver the same consistent flavor and quality our customers love — now grown locally. This new innovative farm is a powerful step forward in continuing to drive category growth in new ways for our customers and consumers.”

Is Plenty’s model the farm of the future? Perhaps it’s one option, at least. The more we grapple with the impact of climate change and outdated, unsustainable farming practices, the more innovative ideas we’ll need to feed the masses. If they can get 4 million pounds of strawberries out of an acre of land, what else is possible?

Man's tour of his $1200 NYC micro-apartment is wild

There is likely not a single adult that doesn't know that living in New York City is ridiculously expensive. It's been expensive since before there was a Carrie Bradshaw refusing to let go of her rent controlled apartment and the prices in the late 90s show "Sex and the City" were much lower than current day. Most people are not expecting reasonable rent for reasonable sized apartments in one of the most expensive cities in the world.

What people likely weren't expecting was how expensive an apartment the size of a walk in closet would cost. That's not an exaggeration, the micro apartments in New York city are so small that it would take someone three to four steps to make it to the other side. But somehow the space accommodates a bed, which doubles as a couch, a bathroom and what they're labeling as a kitchen.

Seeing the micro apartments empty makes it difficult to imagine how someone would live in such a small place. Quincy Weirts, a dog groomer in NYC wanted to give his family and friends a tour of his new micro apartment which unintentionally ends up satisfying the curiosity of strangers after he uploaded it on social media.

barcelona lego GIF by MakeSpaceGiphy

From the start of the video it's evident that the apartment is much smaller than one would expect. Weirts is standing in the middle of the apartment and sits down onto his futon pointing to the front door and other areas around the room. A friend is sitting on the floor directly in front of the door as there doesn't appear to be anywhere else they can sit. Just a couple steps from the front door is the kitchen space that sits right outside the bathroom door.

The kitchen has a small sink that also doubles as the counter space and two burners to cook with and no oven. There's a micro-fridge that fits in the space under the burners. Surprisingly the bathroom isn't much smaller than a half bathroom that you'd find in just about any small house or apartment. While the apartment lacks some serious storage space and the only closet is blocked by the bed, it does seem to have everything a college kid or single adult needs to live contently in the city.

Season 5 Ifc GIF by PortlandiaGiphy

The video has over 2.5 million views leading to comments from people fascinated by the tiny living space and the extraordinary price point. And while some were worried about the dog not having enough space, Weirts assured viewers that his dog goes on multiple walks a day and goes to work with him daily.

Once everyone got over the shock of the price tag for the micro apartment, people were quick to jump in with ideas to help with functional decorations to add storage space.


Someone offered a solution for Weirts not having enough space to hang his television saying, "Get a projector and watch tv on the brick wall across the ally."

Another suggests, "Get rid of extra. Like keep 2 mugs, 2 cups etc. store all the kitchen stuff above the cabinet. I think being more minimalist would really improve the way it looks and feels."

One person offers ideas for making more space, "Storage on the back of the bathroom door for spices, cooking utensils etc and then a cover for the stove so it can be used as a counter top."


Someone else thinks the tiny apartment videos should become a regular thing, "So hear me out… make this a series. Let us watch you make it your cozy home! I’m super excited for you!"

Of course there were people very focused on the price compared to what you get, but the man shares that he's happy with the apartment. He was recently accepted into Columbia University and wanted an apartment within his budget near the college and the micro apartment fit his needs perfectly. Weirts is dedicated to making his home feel cozy and now he has an unexpected audience ready to come along on his journey.

This article originally appeared last year.

Learning

Teacher explains why he doesn't like the classic kid's book 'Rainbow Fish'

The story loved by millennials everywhere might have a flawed message.

If all you remember of "Rainbow Fish" were those holographic scales, you're not alone.

Few children’s books are as deeply ingrained into the collective millennial psyche as “Rainbow Fish.” After all, what’s not to love about those oh-so sparkling rainbow scales and heartwarming lesson about how sharing leads to happiness far better than selfishness will. Only, according to some…that’s not the story’s lesson.

In a video posted to his TikTok, Fifth-grade teacher Mr. Vương admitted that while the illustrations were, in fact, great, and the author probably had “good intentions, he still “didn’t like” the story behind this award-winning classic.

For those who never read the book, or perhaps forgotten, Vương explains that at the beginning, “Rainbow Fish is full of himself because when all the other fish wanted to play with him, he sort of swam past them and thought he was better. Then one of the fish asked for one of his scales and he refuses.”

This is where Vương feels the book missed the mark, since the book depicts drawing a boundary to be Rainbow Fish’s character flaw (more on that later).

“In my opinion, I think he has the right to do that because he doesn't have to give up part of himself or anybody,” Vương.

The real flaw, Vương argues, “was that he was not humble.”



Vương goes on to say that in the book, when Rainbow Fish said no, all the other fish decided not to play with him, which “made it more about how all the fish didn't accept him because he didn't give up his scales rather than them responding to his stuck-up behavior.”

Also in the book—the wise Octopus advises that Rainbow Fish overcome his pride and give up all but one of his scales to the other fish. He might no longer be the most beautiful fish in the sea, but he is finally happy. Thus bringing in the moral of the story of sacrificing vanity for peace.

“So he got acceptance…when he gave up parts of who he was…” Vương declares matter-of-factly.

Vương’s hot take seemed to resonate with a few other adults who thought the Rainbow Fish had lost its luster over time.

““Rereading it as an adult now, it made me angry. Little fish has the audacity to ask for a shiny scale, Rainbow Fish says no, so little fish goes and bad mouths him to all the other fish so they all turn on him and only become his friends when he gives up a part of himself,” one viewer wrote.

“I feel like the book had more of a ‘sharing is caring’ moral and just carried out the message in a weird way with the scales” another said.

One person even quipped, “…and now I know where I learned to be a people pleaser from. Thanks FYP.”

But still…the holographics scales are pretty neat…right? *cries in millennial*

It’s worth noting that regardless of his own personal opinion of the book, Mr. Vương still uses it to “teach about how to think critically about themes.”

“I opened up with what the theme was and then I read the story without telling them my opinion,” he says. “Then the kids made all these connections themselves and some of them looked at it through the lens of, ‘Oh it's selfishness.’ And some of them were like, ‘Wait, is he buying his friends?’”

Not only that, but the class had “really good discussions” about transactional relationships, as well as dissecting what the author's original intent might have been. They will also be creating their own alternate endings, “where the theme is not that you gotta, you know, pay for your friends,” as the last part of their assignment.

While not everyone might share Vương’s opinions on this kid’s book, we can probably all agree on his stance that “just because it has an award-winning sticker on it, it does not make it top-notch.”


This article originally appeared last year.