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How to teach kids to love and respect their bodies, in 8 steps.

How you love and respect your body is how your children will learn to love and respect their bodies.

“Mommy,” my 6-year-old daughter said, “you look beautiful!”

We were in Kauai, Hawaii, and I was in a store trying on a beautiful, sensual bikini with my 42-year-old post-baby body.

I never had worn or owned a bikini — not even when I played soccer and my body was strong and lean. And my body has changed a lot since then. These breasts have offered my children milk for a total of four years. My hips have balanced children on them while cooking dinner, coaching soccer, and helping another child down off the monkey bars at the playground.

Photo via iStock.

I think there comes a time in many women’s lives when we decide we will embrace and embody the sensual, beautiful women we are instead of trying to change ourselves. There I was in the changing room, standing before my children and husband in a Hawaiian bikini. I felt beautiful. A bit self-conscious at first, but beautiful. My family saw my beauty too.

For two weeks on the beaches of Kauai, I wore that bikini. Rubbing my round and flabby stomach now exposed in a bikini, my children told me how they loved my belly. “Yes,” I would say, “I love my belly too.” And I meant it.

And, no, you don’t have to wear a bikini to feel beautiful.

This is about our bodies as moms changing with childbirth and aging with every passing year and about growing in our love and respect for our bodies. This is about how we can model to our children love and respect for their bodies through our deepening regard for our own bodies.

Over the years of being a mom and somatic (body-centered) psychotherapist, I have heard a lot of advice on how to teach our children to respect their bodies. Clients who are parents ask me how to teach their children how to love and respect their bodies so their children don’t have the same hateful relationships they have with their own bodies.

They want to know how to raise children who are confident, love their bodies, and respect other people’s bodies. They want to prevent their children from experiencing trauma and feeling ashamed of their bodies.

If we truly want to support our children in loving and respecting their bodies, I know this:

How you love and respect your body is how your children will learn to love and respect their bodies.

And this:

How you love and respect their bodies is how they will learn to love and respect their bodies.

Photo via iStock.

How do we get there?

Here are eight mindful and compassionate ways to be a parent who models to your children how to regard and love their bodies:

1. Treat yourself with compassion.

One of the surest ways to instill in our children a healthy relationship with their whole self is to start showing ourselves compassion. When someone, including ourselves, is suffering, we are naturally prompted to respond to extend compassion. But often, through experiences of trauma and shame, we have learned to override this innate sense of responding with compassion. Thankfully, we can learn to cultivate compassion again.

When I am having a hard time, my children often will see me doing this: I pause. I put my hand on my heart. And I say to myself (and often so they can hear, too, and learn to do the same), “Wow, I’m having a hard time right now. It’s OK, Sweet Love.” (Yes, I call myself “Sweet Love,” the same words I use with my children). Having compassion for ourselves in everyday life and modeling compassion to our children can be as simple as that.

2. Heal the harshness by “practicing gentleness.”

In a harsh world, gentleness is the antidote. Like compassion, gentleness has transformative power. Gentleness is both soft and strong. By bringing gentleness into situations where we are often prompted to become harsh and controlling, we support connection.

How? Trying asking yourself: “What would ‘practicing gentleness’ with my body look like in my life? What would it look like in my children’s lives?” Is it to go at a slower pace in the day? Is it to use a softer, more accepting tone of voice? Is it a gentle hand on your child’s shoulders when he or she is feeling anxious?

3. Bring “soften” into your everyday vocabulary.

A few years ago, I made “soften” my word for the year because I knew I was being hard on myself. When I looked at my post-baby body — even several years after having children — I would often get dressed, look in the mirror, and say something harsh under my breath. But as I brought the word “soften” into my everyday life, I began to embody this word a little bit more every day. Now, it is commonplace in my own head and in our family.

4. Heal the hurry.

I get it. We have a million things on our plate. We live in a culture that’s addicted to hurry.

Photo via iStock.

But we show this to our kids early, and hurry shows itself in our bodies. So if you can, try to notice your own addiction to hurry. Notice how your body may be addicted to the adrenaline rush of “running late” and hurrying throughout the day. Start to treat your body with respect by saying to yourself (and your children), “It’s OK to slow down.”

5. Show your children how to rest.

Related to our addiction to hurry, we often don’t pause to rest in our day, but our bodies and brains need pauses. Teaching our children to treat their bodies with love and regard involves learning how to rest.

Build rest into your and your child’s day. Look up at the sky as you and your children stand at the bus stop. Lie down for a moment after getting home from school and work. Say to your children, “Let’s rest for a bit.”

6. Do nothing else while you eat.

Mindless eating and busy schedules can create unhealthy habits around food. Because we eat several times a day, building in mindful rituals of pausing while eating supports healthy digestion, regulates nervous systems, and develops a healthy relationship to food and a deep regard for our bodies.

When you eat, do nothing else. Model to your children how to pause and “just eat” when it's time for a meal or snack. Put down the devices and try just eating your food and enjoying each other’s company. Even if it’s for a few moments, such mindful eating supports a healthy regard and love for one’s body.

7. Touch your children kindly.

Walking into my children’s school each morning, I see the tenderness between parents and their children. I see these mindful parents pausing in the hustle and bustle of their morning for a moment of tender connection with their children.

Photo via iStock.

When we are frustrated or angry, it gets harder to touch our children kindly. Yet these moments matter in sending the message to our children that their bodies are to be regarded. When we are frustrated, the greatest practice is to pause and get grounded. We are more likely to respond with kindness instead of react with harshness. When our children’s bodies are treated with kindness, they learn they are worthy of being regarded.

8. Look at your children with regard.

I get it. Many families are just trying to get to the bus stop on time. And after school, we are hustling home to get dinner made before evening activities.

But a few years ago, I decided that no matter how rushed we felt in the morning and in the afternoon returning from school, I would pause and really look at my children. The expression on my face would say, “I am so happy to see you! I love you!” I try to do this every day, even for just a few moments in the morning and afternoon. And it changes things.

These mindful and compassionate practices can be woven into our everyday lives.

When our children see us loving and regarding our bodies, they will begin to treat their bodies the same way. When we treat our children’s bodies with respect, our children will begin to see themselves — and their bodies — as worthy of deep regard and respect. And when our children love and respect their bodies, they are more likely to love and respect the bodies of others.

It'll go a long way in creating a more compassionate world.

Science

Researchers dumped tons of coffee waste into a forest. This is what it looks like now.

30 dump truck loads and two years later, the forest looks totally different.

assets.rebelmouse.io

One of the biggest problems with coffee production is that it generates an incredible amount of waste. Once coffee beans are separated from cherries, about 45% of the entire biomass is discarded.

So for every pound of roasted coffee we enjoy, an equivalent amount of coffee pulp is discarded into massive landfills across the globe. That means that approximately 10 million tons of coffee pulp is discarded into the environment every year.


When disposed of improperly, the waste can cause serious damage soil and water sources.

However, a new study published in the British Ecological Society journal Ecological Solutions and Evidence has found that coffee pulp isn't just a nuisance to be discarded. It can have an incredibly positive impact on regrowing deforested areas of the planet.

via British Ecological Society

In 2018, researchers from ETH-Zurich and the University of Hawaii spread 30 dump trucks worth of coffee pulp over a roughly 100' x 130' area of degraded land in Costa Rica. The experiment took place on a former coffee farm that underwent rapid deforestation in the 1950s.

The coffee pulp was spread three-feet thick over the entire area.

Another plot of land near the coffee pulp dump was left alone to act as a control for the experiment.

"The results were dramatic." Dr. Rebecca Cole, lead author of the study, said. "The area treated with a thick layer of coffee pulp turned into a small forest in only two years while the control plot remained dominated by non-native pasture grasses."

In just two years, the area treated with coffee pulp had an 80% canopy cover, compared to just 20% of the control area. So, the coffee-pulp-treated area grew four times more rapidly. Like a jolt of caffeine, it reinvigorated biological activity in the area.

The canopy was also four times taller than that of the control.

Before and after images of the forest

The forest experienced a radical, positive change

via British Ecological Society

The coffee-treated area also eliminated an invasive species of grass that took over the land and prevented forest succession. Its elimination allowed for other native species to take over and recolonize the area.

"This case study suggests that agricultural by-products can be used to speed up forest recovery on degraded tropical lands. In situations where processing these by-products incurs a cost to agricultural industries, using them for restoration to meet global reforestation objectives can represent a 'win-win' scenario," Dr. Cole said.

If the results are repeatable it's a win-win for coffee drinkers and the environment.

Researchers believe that coffee treatments can be a cost-effective way to reforest degraded land. They may also work to reverse the effects of climate change by supporting the growth of forests across the globe.

The 2016 Paris Agreement made reforestation an important part of the fight against climate change. The agreement incentivizes developing countries to reduce deforestation and forest degradation, promote forest conservation and sustainable management, and enhance forest carbon stocks in developing countries.

"We hope our study is a jumping off point for other researchers and industries to take a look at how they might make their production more efficient by creating links to the global restoration movement," Dr. Cole said.


This article originally appeared on 03.29.21

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Joy

Trader Joe's employee's act of kindness results in a wholesome Key-lime pie exchange

"You don't know how much this made my day!"

via Trader Joe's and Trader Joe's/Flickr

Trader Joe's Key lime pie.

A wholesome story from New Jersey shows what can happen when employees and shoppers drop their roles and act like people. It all started when Jeff Greene of Wayne, New Jersey, was checking out the deserts at his local Trader Joe’s with his family on July 6.

During his search, he asked an employee named Tara if the Key lime pie was any good. “Tara, who was putting out other desserts said it was her favorite dessert in Trader Joe’s, and I said, ‘Well, I make a pretty good one, too. But let’s try this one,’” he said in a viral TikTok video.

Jeff took Tara’s advice and put the pie in his shopping cart. But when he went to check out, Tara intervened. "She handed me a box of key lime pie with a receipt taped to the top," he told People. "She had bought me a key lime pie herself and took the one I was about to purchase out of my cart. It was such a lovely and unexpected gesture."

A week later, Jeff decided to repay the kind gesture. “My wife and I were kind of just hanging out, and I said, ‘You know what? Let’s make the pie,’” Jeff told Today.com.

@sophiegreene__

Some wholesome sunday content & pie. We love @Trader Joe's @trader joes & Tara !! #wholesomemoments #traderjoesmusthaves #dadsbelike #parentsbelike

In the video, Jeff’s son filmed him driving to Trader Joe’s to give his homemade pie to Tara. “Was such a nice surprise, it was so unexpected, so I decided that I was going to make my homemade Key lime pie and bring it to Tara and that’s what we’re doing,” Jeff said in the video. “If a stranger brought me a pie, not sure if I’d eat it, but here’s hoping Tara at least appreciates the gesture.”

When Jeff returned to Trader Joe's with the pie, Tara was shocked. “Oh my God!” she said with a huge smile. “This made my day, you don’t even know.”

“Can I give you all a hug? You don’t know how much this made my day,” Tara said, while welling up with happy tears. “This was so nice of you to do.” Before he left the store, Jeff made sure she kept the pie frozen.



The heartfelt exchange struck a nerve with people on TikTok. "So special and to know people still care about people," Tiffany wrote in the comments. "Tara is a gift to the world; you are a gift to this world, and I’m willing to bet that pie is also a gift to this world!" Jordan added.

Jeff thought giving Tara the pie was a great thing to do in a world with so much negative news. "I thought it could potentially be a really positive thing to do," Jeff told Today. "Especially given everything going on in the world, a small act of kindness and humanity goes a long way."

The funny thing is that the Greene family has yet to taste the original Key lime pie Tara gave them at Trader Joe’s. “We can’t really go back to Trader Joe’s until we’ve actually tried the pie that she bought us,” Jeff joked.

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Family

Naming twins is an art. Here are some twin names people say are the best they've ever heard.

With twins, all the regular pressures of having a baby are doubled, including choosing a name.

Photo credit: Canva

Are you in favor of rhyming twin names? Or is it too cutesy?

Having twins means double the fun, and double the pressure. It’s a fairly known rule to name twins in a way that honors their unique bond, but that can lead to overly cutesy pairings that feel more appropriate for nursery rhyme characters than actual people. Plus, it’s equally important for the names to acknowledge each twin’s individuality. Again, these are people—not a matching set of dolls. Finding the twin baby name balance is easier said than done, for sure.

Luckily, there are several ways to do this. Names can be linked by style, sound or meaning, according to the baby name website Nameberry. For example, two names that share a classic style would be Elizabeth and Edward, whereas Ione and Lionel share a similar rhythm. And Frederica and Milo seem to share nothing in common, but both mean “peaceful.”

Over on the /NameNerds subreddit, one person asked folks to share their favorite twin name pairings, and the answers did not disappoint.

One person wrote “Honestly, for me it’s hard to beat the Rugrats combo of Phillip and Lillian (Phil and Lil) 💕”

A few parents who gave their twin’s names that didn’t inherently rhyme until nicknames got involved:

"It's the perfect way! Christmas cards can be signed cutely with matching names, but when they act out you can still use their full name without getting tripped up.😂"

"The parents of a good friend of mine did this: her name is Allison and her sister is Callie. Their names don’t match on the surface, but they were Alli and Callie at home."

“Alice and Celia, because they’re anagrams! Sound super different but have a not-so-obvious implicit connection.”

This incited an avalanche of other anagram ideas: Aidan and Nadia, Lucas and Claus, Liam and Mila, Noel and Leon, Ira and Ria, Amy and May, Ira and Ari, Cole and Cleo…even Alice, Celia, and Lacie for triplets.

Others remembered name pairs that managed to sound lovely together without going into cutesy territory.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesThese matching bunny ears though. Photo credit: Canva

“I know twin toddler boys named Charlie and Archie and they go so well together,” one person commented.

Another wrote, “Tamia and Aziza. I love how they follow the same sound pattern with the syllable endings (-uh, -ee, -uh) without being obnoxiously matchy matchy.”

Still another said, “Lucy and Logan, fraternal girl/boy twins. I think the names sound so nice together, and definitely have the same 'vibe' and even though they have the same first letter they aren't too matchy-matchy.”

Other honorable mentions included: Colton and Calista, Caitlin and Carson, Amaya and Ameera, Alora and Luella, River and Rosie, and Eleanor and Elias.

One person cast a vote for shared style names, saying, “If I had twins, I would honestly just pick two different names that I like separately. I tend to like classic names, so I’d probably pick Daniel and Benjamin for boys. For girls my two favorites right now are Valerie and Tessa. I think Val and Tess would be cute together!”

Overall though, it seems that most folks were fans of names that focused on shared meaning over shared sound. Even better if there’s a literary or movie reference thrown in there.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesMany adult twins regret that their names are so closely linked together. Photo credit: Canva

“My mom works in insurance, so I asked her. She’s seen a lot of unique ones, but the only twins she remembers are Gwenivere [sic] and Lancelot... bonus points... little brother was Merlin,” one person recalled.

Another shared, “If I had twin girls, I would name them Ada and Hedy for Ada Lovelace and Hedy Lamarr, both very early computer/tech pioneers. Not that I’m that into tech, I just thought it was a brilliant combination.”

Other great ones: Susan and Sharon (think the original “Parent Trap”), Clementine and Cara (types of oranges), Esme and Etienne (French descent), Luna and Stella (moon and stars), Dawn and Eve, plus various plant pairings like Lily and Fern, Heather and Holly, and Juniper and Laurel.

Perhaps the cleverest name pairing goes to “Aubrey and Zoe,” since…wait for it… “they’re A to Z.”

It’s easy to see how naming twins really is a cool opportunity for parents to get creative and intentional with their baby naming. It might be a challenge, sure, but the potential reward is having the most iconic set of twins ever. Totally worth it!

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Pop Culture

Keanu Reeves gets emotional while sharing how much 'The Matrix' means to him

Reeves shared his favorite memories of each of his biggest films. When he got to 'The Matrix,' there was a noticeable change.

Raph_PH/Wikipedia, Photo by Shannon Kunkle on Unsplash

“’The Matrix’ changed my life."

Keanu Reeves might have broken into the industry through “Bill and Ted,” and was an established '90s action actor thanks to films like “Speed” and “Point Break.” But his iconic role as Neo in “The Matrix” truly catapulted him into stardom.

For many, “The Matrix” was both a thrilling cinematic escape and a powerful spiritual experience—exploring what it means to be human in the digital age, all while kicking ass in cool leather trench coats. And Reeves was the hero that took us on that journey.

Of course, he would go on to be the center of another legendary franchise with “John Wick” and would become a legend off-camera as a genuinely compassionate and generous person. But to think—we might have not had any of it had Reeves never taken that red pill.

It turns out that not even Reeves himself takes that moment in his life for granted.

During a recent interview with Stephen Colbert on “The Late Show,” the host mentioned several of Reeves’ movies that were celebrating an anniversary this year — “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure,” 35; “Point Break,” 33; “Speed,” 30; “The Matrix,” 25; and “John Wick,” 10.

Colbert then asked Reeves to name a fond memory from each of these iconic movies in a lightning-round style. Reeves was able to get out simple answers like “friendship” for “Bill and Ted” and “the genius of Catherine Bigelow” for “Point Break,” but when he got to “The Matrix,” there was a palpable, emotional pause.

After about twenty seconds, Reeves replied, “’The Matrix’ changed my life. And then, over these years, it’s changed so many other people’s lives in really positive and great ways.”

Gathering himself, he concluded, “As an artist, you hope for that when you get to do a film or tell a story…it’s the best.”

It was so well said that Colbert didn’t bother trying to get a memory for “John Wick” but instead shook his hand and ended the segment.

Watch:

"The Matrix" Changed My Life - Keanu Reeves Shares Fond Memories Of His Most Iconic Filmswww.youtube.com

Down in the comments, people were once again moved by Reeves’ heartfelt authenticity.

“Keanu's response to the Matrix question was so profound.”

“That really got me. So moving. As for the movie itself, to this day, The Matrix is still the most mind-blowing experience I've ever had in a theatre!”

“The answer, his face, his body language, how he changed his emotion so fast just gave me chills and I cried. He knows the truth.”

“What a real dude. There's a reason everyone loves him.”

“Do we all simply want to burst into tears when he emotionally recounts how The Matrix has touched people?”

“To this day, The Matrix remains my favorite movie of all time. Full stop. It's amazing to see him get so emotional when he talks about it.”

“He almost made me cry, that was a raw emotional sincere comment he made - just beautiful.”

“The Academy Awards will honor Keanu Reeves one day with a lifetime achievement award. No doubt. The Matrix is the best sci-fi movie ever made and Keanu was brilliant in the role. A beautiful human being. I always support his work. I wish him the best this world offers.”

By the way, if all this Matrix nostalgia has got you wishing you could see it on the big screen again, you’re in luck! AMC will be presenting a special anniversary screening of it in September.

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Education

Billionaire Richard Branson's simple habit that opens the door for incredible innovation

He "can’t understand" why everyone doesn't do it.

via Chatham House/Wikimedia Commons

Entrepreneur Richard Branson.

To paraphrase a popular adage about a tree falling in the woods: If you have a meeting and nobody takes notes of what was said, did the meeting ever really occur in the first place?

That’s the core question at the center of one of billionaire entrepreneur, Virgin Group founder, adventurer and philanthropist Richard Branson’s most important habits. He takes pen-and-paper notes during every meeting.

"I love learning," Branson explained on the “Worklife” podcast with Adam Grant. "I can never understand how people can have a meeting with somebody and not take notes. If you're having a meeting with a group of people where you're planning to sort out issues and not take notes, you're only going to remember two or three things from that meeting. And quite often from a meeting, you might have a list of 20 ideas that come out of it."

He’s got a great point. If people only leave the meeting remembering a handful of ideas, then some great suggestions that should be followed up on magically disappear. The good ideas that deserved reconsidering have been blown away into the ether, never to be considered again.

Branson believes that following up on ideas presented at meetings can take a company up another level.

"It's important to follow up on and it's very important to get back to the person who came up with those ideas and either respond positively or say why you disagree. By dealing with all those small things quickly, you go from potentially becoming an average company into becoming an exceptional company, and the staff who work there are really appreciative that their issues have been dealt with," Branson concludes.

The entrepreneur blames the lack of note-taking squarely on men. He adds that leaving all the note-taking to women does a real disservice to men.



“In my experience, 99 percent of people in leadership roles don’t take notes. What’s more, males are less likely to take notes than their female counterparts,” Branson writes on LInkedIn. “Not only is this unfair to women, but it’s also disadvantageous to men. It’s time for men to step up and do their share of support work. On top of counteracting gender bias in the work force, it will also give men a better understanding of what going on within the business and what needs to be done to make things run more effectively.”

Running meetings without taking notes also makes it harder for meaningful work actually to get done. “This often happens with, for instance, politicians. We will have a meeting, talk about dozens of ideas to improve things, and they won’t write anything down. They might remember one of the ideas, but what about all of the others? They will have to muddle through and little will get done,” he wrote on Virgin’s blog.

Ultimately, it’s essential for people to take notes because great ideas can be lost forever without them. “No matter how big, small, simple or complex an idea is, get it in writing,” Branson wrote. “But don’t just take notes for the sake of taking notes, go through your ideas and turn them into actionable and measurable goals. If you don’t write your ideas down, they could leave your head before you even leave the room.”



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