+

How to talk to your kids about family separation: An expert weighs in.

When disturbing news hits, how do we talk to our kids about it?

Parents and people who work with kids know how hard it can be to share the harsh realities of the world with children. We wonder how much we should shield their innocence and protect them, but we also know it's our job to prepare them to be active, engaged, and informed citizens.

News of families being separated at the U.S. border has rocked many Americans to our core. That our government would purposefully and unnecessarily put innocent children through pain and anguish — for any reason — is unconscionable. What do you say to children if or when the topic comes up?


Upworthy asked parents and teachers how they're talking to kids about what's happening at the border, and their comments varied widely.

Photo via Spencer Platt/Getty Images.

Some parents, especially those with very young children, say they don't talk to their children at all about the news.

"My granddaughter is 5. Her parents are not exposing her to this. I think that's a good idea right now. I want her to believe that we are the good guys ... and I hope that by the time she's old enough to understand this, we will be." — Paige Woodward Watts

"I don't let my 5-year-old watch the news, and we don't listen to it when he is around. I have the privilege of being able to protect him from these nightmares, at least for now." — Ruth Goldberg Hilton

Others say they can't hide it from their kids because they get openly emotional thinking about what people are going through.

"My kids are 5 and 7. We started to incorporate the displaced kids into our nightly prayers, and as I started to explain why, I began to cry. At first, I felt guilty about sharing my grief with them, but they need to know. I'm trying to raise good men, so this is where it starts." — Marysella Mularz  

"Mine found out when I called and left a message for AG Jeff Sessions and was angrily emailing my senators. She hadn't seen me that mad/upset in a long time. She asked what was going on. I told her all about it and that I couldn't stay silent any longer." — Katie Jobes-Lamb

Photo via John Moore/Getty Images.

Some parents tell their kids everything and encourage active engagement with current events.

"Mine are 11 and 9, and due to some stuff we have faced as a family, we have decided the cold hard facts are best. We have taken them to protests and city hall meetings and shown them how government works and how the people have power to fight against things like this. It is up to us to stop the bad from happening, and giving our kids the knowledge to do that gives them power and the tools needed for the future." — Laura Coffing

"As a border resident, my children are already exposed to the hatred and its consequences that harm their friends. They have seen the increase in their young lives, and they stand up for their peers — they've never known life without this kind of thing, so listening to their concerns and helping them strategize and learn how to defend their peers started very early on." — Bequi Marie

Photo via Pedro Pardo/Getty Images.

When parenting gets confusing, it helps to find an expert who can clarify things.

Michelle Borba, an educational psychologist and author of "Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World," shared her insights on how to handle tough news stories with kids.

"The most important first thing is you always — always — make the talk developmentally appropriate to the child you're dealing with," Borba says. "It's brief and it's simple with little kids, based on what they know. And you stop and start the conversation with bigger kids because they're trying to process."

Borba offers a way to handle difficult news events with kids using the acronym T.A.L.K.

Tune in. Pay attention to what your child may be seeing or hearing. "Don't assume your child isn't hearing about this," Borba says. Unless they're being raised in a bubble, they're probably getting exposure to the news on the playground or seeing images and headlines out in public.

Assess or Ask how your child is doing. They may not open the conversation with you, but you can ask them "What are you hearing about this?" or "What are your friends saying about this?" They may be more aware than you know, or they may have heard things that are untrue or unsettling, so check in with them occasionally.

Listen to their thoughts and feelings. Listen at least twice as much as you talk to find out where your child is with all this. "Some children, I will warn parents, are very sensitive about this," Borba says. If appropriate for the child, you can always ask them how they'd feel if it was happening to them. "This is a wonderful way to boost your child's empathy," Borba says.

Kindle hope. "Many kids are going to be sensitive to this or they're going to be worried," Borba says. "And one of the best ways to reduce the worry factor ... and build empathy, is asking 'What can we do?'" The doom and gloom that comes with only hearing about the issues will cloud their image of the world, Borba says. The goal is to raise a child who will better the world, so encourage them to act on their empathy.

Photo via Pedro Pardo/Getty Images.

If everyone could just approach these situations like Mister Rogers, we'd be a lot better off.

Several Upworthy readers and Borba mentioned various versions of "What would Mister Rogers do?" "I think one of the things we're really missing right now is Fred Rogers," Borba says, "... helping children realize the world is good." She says we can tell kids, like Rogers did, "Look for the helpers. Don't look at the people who are pulling kids apart from their parents, but look for the people who are trying to make a difference and help out — that can be you too."

True

In a flurry of heavy headlines that constantly inundate our feeds, acts of good connect us back to our faith in humanity. Witnessing just one person go out of their way to make the world a better place is a powerful healing salve against apathy. It reminds us all of what we are collectively capable of creating. This is the philosophy that Upworthy wholeheartedly believes in, hence why we’re always sharing uplifting stories of people giving kindness, generosity and support to their fellow humans.

That’s also why we’re partnering with P&G, the maker of some of our favorite household products like Tide, Always and Pampers, to bring you the 2023 Acts of Good Awards, and celebrate the individuals who are giving back and strengthening their communities.

Think of it like the Oscars of kindness. Half as formal but twice as feel-good.

Besides providing the world with brands we know and trust, P&G is a company doing good acts, whether it’s supporting hygiene education, helping struggling communities gain access to basic necessities or delivering essentials for families impacted by disasters.

Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

18-year-old took her college savings and bought the restaurant where she was a dishwasher

Samantha Frye, the newest owner of Rosalie's restaurant, is proving there's more than one way to invest in your future.

Canva

There are many way to invest in your future

Eighteen year old Samantha Frye has traded college life for entrepreneurship, and she has no regrets.

Frye began working at Rosalie's Restaurant in Strasburg, Ohio at 16 as a dishwasher, working up the ranks as a kitchen prep, server, then line cook. All while working a second job, sometimes third job.

After graduating high school, Frye started college at Ohio State with plans of studying business or environmental engineering. But when she came back to work a shift at Rosalie’s for winter break, an opportunity arose—the owners had planned to sell the restaurant.
Keep ReadingShow less
Sponsored

ACUVUE launches a new campaign to inspire Gen Z to put down their phones and follow their vision

What will you create on your social media break? Share it at #MyVisionMySight.

True

If you’ve always lived in a world with social media, it can be tough to truly understand how it affects your life. One of the best ways to grasp its impact is to take a break to see what life is like without being tethered to your phone and distracted by a constant stream of notifications.

Knowing when to disconnect is becoming increasingly important as younger people are becoming aware of the adverse effects screen time can have on their eyes. According to Eyesafe Nielsen, adults are now spending 13-plus hours a day on their digital devices, a 35% increase from 2019.1. Many of us now spend more time staring at screens on a given day than we do sleeping which can impact our eye health.

Normally, you blink around 15 times per minute, however, focusing your eyes on computer screens or other digital displays have been shown to reduce your blink rate by up to 60%.2 Reduced blinking can destabilize your eyes’ tear film, causing dry, tired eyes and blurred vision.3

Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

Dog owner dressed up as dog's favorite toy and his reaction was seriously adorable

The life-sized Mr. Quackers was almost too much joy for Charlie to handle.

Charlie the golden retriever got to experience a life-sized Mr. Quackers and it was sheer joy.

The first thing you need to know about Charlie the golden retriever is that he loves Mr. Quackers.

Mr. Quackers is Charlie's stuffed yellow duck. Charlie carries him around everywhere, he loves him so.

@charliethegolden18

I always so happ to see my lil bro 😋 #dogsoftiktok #petsoftiktok #dogs #goldenretriever




Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

13-year-old uses a slingshot to rescue his little sister from being abducted

He had two projectiles and both hit the suspect, forcing him to drop the little girl.

Owen Burns, 13, rescued his sister from a would-be abductor using a slingshot.

A parent never wants to imagine what would happen if their child were confronted with someone meaning them harm. We do everything in our power to mitigate the risks of things like that happening, but scary situations still occur that can leave a family irreparably broken.

A Michigan family had an extremely close call when their 8-year-old daughter was nearly abducted while playing in their backyard. The little girl was outside picking mushrooms when a 17-year-old boy picked her up with his hand over her mouth. Owen Burns, 13, was inside playing video games when he heard his sister scream. A lot of kids in his situation may not have known what to do, but Owen quickly jumped into action.

The teen saw what was happening out the window and picked up his slingshot and a marble before taking aim at the boy who had his sister.

Keep ReadingShow less

Dad knows lots of things … just not who this Taylor Swift guy is.

There are many traditional staples of fatherhood—love, support, protection, security, providing an example—but there is, of course, that other not-so-warm-and-fuzzy feeling that dads can provoke in their kids at any given moment … sheer, utter embarrassment.

Usually in a father’s humiliation tool belt is the infamous dad joke. These corny puns have been around since 2003, and let’s face it, they’ll never leave. Of course, no dad needs one to make your eyes roll. They can do that most of the time simply by being themselves.

For his well-known #Hashtags segment, Jimmy Fallon asked his “Tonight Show” audience to share “funny, weird, or embarrassing” stories about their dads. Fallon, a father himself, is no stranger to the cringeworthy power of a dad joke. In a 2020 interview with TODAY, Fallon admitted, “I’m starting to get the eye rolls now where Daddy’s not the funniest person in the world.”

Keep ReadingShow less
Health

Relationship expert shares her advice on how to 'stop an argument in its tracks'

She has the perfect question to ask once your partner gets defensive.

Therapist Lauren Consul has one trick to stop arguments before they begin.

Arguments start to take off when one partner begins to get defensive. So, therapist Lauren Consul shared her relationship-saving tip to "stop an argument in its tracks" when one partner goes into self-preservation mode.

Lauren Consul is a couples and sex therapist who’s developed a following of nearly 160,000 people on TikTok and has received over 5.4 million likes. She is an infidelity expert and hosts retreats to help people "survive and thrive" after one partner has strayed.

Keep ReadingShow less
Family

My family of 5 traveled the U.S. for nearly a year, and it cost us less than staying home

It's amazing what a little creativity and willingness to step outside the box can do.

Photo courtesy of Annie Reneau

We made countless memories during our slow travel year.

Whenever people share money-saving life hacks like living on a cruise ship or exploring the country via the #vanlife, I see comments like, "That might work for a single person or a couple, but what if you have kids?"

When our kids were 12, 8 and 4, we packed up all of our earthly belongings and spent a year living around the U.S. And no, we didn't live in a van or RV. (Nothing wrong with that life, it just wasn't for us.) We traveled from coast to coast, seeing and experiencing the vast array of gorgeous landscapes and fascinating sites America has to offer, and the best part is we did it for less than what we would have spent staying home.

Was it easy to plan and execute? Not exactly. But was it worth it? Absolutely, hands down, 100%.

Here's how we did it and what we learned.

Keep ReadingShow less