How parents can help kids who areĀ hesitant about returning to school
It's hard to believe that summer is almost over and the back-to-school season is right around the corner. The school year is approaching fast and since many kids have been home pandemic schooling for the past year and a half the return of "normal" is likely to bring kids and parents alike some anxiety about what the return to school will look like.
We have all been living through an extended trauma and this past year has impacted us in ways that we may not even realizeāand we may not come to realize the scale in which we have been altered for years to come. Just as we have been learning to cope and navigate the world during a global pandemic, so have our children. They've been expected to perform at pre-pandemic levels for quite some time; this doesn't negate their very real reality of pandemic life.
Kids have had to readjust socially, and in many children this has caused a loss of social skills and increase in social anxiety. With school quickly approaching and the push for schools to open back to full capacity, it's completely normal to have heightened anxiety around the traditional opening of schools. How we handle this anxiety and prepare our children for their own challenges can make all the difference between having a rocky start to an already stressful new school year.
Checking in with your child on their feelings about returning to school should be the first step. Find out what their comfort level is and what they expect school to look like when they return. Then do some research to find out if the school's Covid policy for this year will allow your child's expectations to be met or if you need to help your child reexamine their expectations with the reality of the school district's policy.
Every school district likely has its own rules. Some may be requiring masks and social distancing, while others may be going back to pre-pandemic schooling, taking their chances without masks, trusting that families will do what's best for them. It's hard to say which schools will follow the CDC guidelines and which ones won't, so it's important to be informed about what your child's school is doing and evaluate your family's comfort level.
Practice some conversation starters. Especially if your child is generally shy or has developed some social anxiety. Masks make it more difficult to read facial expressions, and the traditional way of showing you're friendly or happy with something someone said is obscured. Having some phrases to pull out in a pinch may help your child feel more at ease in the school setting. These things don't have to be anything in depth, but the discussion about the possibility of a compliment helping to break the ice can calm an anxious child who may not have been in the physical classroom for an extended period of time.
It can be helpful to look at the things your child can control if hesitancy to return to the classroom is high. In a school setting this can get a little tricky, but if the school does not require masks and your child is more comfortable wearing a mask, that is something they can absolutely control. They can wear a mask. They can carry hand sanitizer and travel disinfectant wipes. They can also look to create their trusted group of friends to keep in their safe bubble. These would be the friends that are adhering closely to the personal guidelines that your child is most comfortable with. This will allow them to continue to socialize in and out of school, which will help with feelings of social isolation, depression and anxiety.
At the end of the day, school is coming back in a traditional way whether we are ready or not, so ensuring your child is prepared as best they can be will help decrease the stress surrounding the return. Introducing coping skills that kids can do from their desks in the event that their anxiety peaks is one of the most helpful preparation tools you can provide. Tools like deep breathing, grounding techniques such as the 5-4-3-2-1 method, a small stress ball, or a piece of felt with a calming scent sprayed on it that they can pull out and smell are all easy and helpful. Practicing these things before the first day of school will help it become easier for children to do if and when they need to center themselves. They're also helpful outside of the classroom for anyone who may be experiencing anxiety or stress.
The return of school is stressful during normal times, but even more so now. As parents, we can do our best to not only prepare our children through conversations and introducing new skills, but we can give them more of a leg up by modeling the skills they can use when possible. Kids are more likely to do what they see, and if they see you using the skills you're teaching them, they're more likely to use them when you're not around.
Jacalyn Wetzel, MSW, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and therapist as well as a mom herself.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.