upworthy

Education

Education

Expert reveals the one question to ask to make a great first impression in 9 seconds

There should be one focus when you meet someone new.

via Canva/Photos

A woman talking to people she just met.

It’s essential to make a great first impression with someone, whether it's a job interview, buying someone a drink at a bar, or serving someone a meal at a restaurant. The problem is that people form a concrete judgment of someone in just seven seconds, which can be incredibly hard to shake.

“Human beings are built to size each other up quickly,” Psychology Today says. "These first impressions are influenced by a number of factors, such as facial shape, vocal inflection, attractiveness, and general emotional state. People tend to get attached to their initial impressions of others and find it very difficult to change their opinion, even when presented with lots of evidence to the contrary.”

While it can feel impossible to combat such a snap judgment, Sally Hogshead says that when we interact with people for the first time, we should only have one question on our minds: “How can I add value to this person?” Hogshead is a New York Times bestselling author, National Speakers Association Hall of Fame speaker, chief executive officer of How to Fascinate (Fascinate, Inc.), and a former advertising executive.

introduction, first imrpession, business card, networking event, handshake, eye contact A man handing a woman his business card at an event.via Canva/Photos

Ask yourself: How can I add value to this person?

It makes sense. When someone meets you for the first time, they don’t know anything about you. The other person is asking themselves the big WIIFM: What’s in it for me? It feels a little negative to suggest that everyone is out for themselves, but we only have so much time and effort to give to others. What can you bring to the table?

“You want your listener to come away from the conversation feeling good about their investment of time and energy,” Hogshead writes for Inc. “The key here is to add value to every interaction, so that you’re not just occupying conversational space.” Hogshead adds that we don’t have a lot of time to gain the other person's attention, so it’s best to start strong. “Here’s the problem with that approach: Today, the average attention span is about nine seconds. Every time you introduce yourself, you have about nine seconds to engage your listener. When it comes to first impressions, a weak start leads to a poor impression.”

drinks, attraction, first impression, smiling woman, charming man, bar A man and woman sharing a drink at a bar.via Canva/Photos

If you’re not adding value, you’re taking up space

Value will vary depending on the situation and your desired social outcome. When approaching someone for a drink, you can add value by boosting their self-esteem with a compliment. “I think you have really lovely eyes,” or “Is that an old-fashioned you’re drinking? You’ve got great taste, they make good ones here.”

At a networking event, you can introduce yourself and discuss a recent development in the industry. “Hey, I’m Lisa. Have you heard about how Acme Paper Company is using AI to learn the best trees to cut?” Or, “Hey, it’s Malcom, is your company having trouble figuring out which trees to cut? I’ve found a cool new way to save you time and labor costs.”

You can also add value to any person by allowing them to share their thoughts and experiences. When you show genuine interest in someone and let them talk about themselves, they will almost always find you likable. Research has found that asking the first question in a conversation, followed by two follow-ups, dramatically increases your likability.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

It can be disheartening to realize that people often make snap judgments about others that are difficult to overcome, but it’s great to know that, by focusing on how you can benefit another person, you can pull down that wall and give yourself a second chance to make a first impression. Everyone has something valuable to bring to the table, whether you’re inexperienced and can make your superiors feel great by asking them questions or by being able to share your experiences with others to make their lives better. Just know that everyone is open to meeting those who can make their lives better, and you can often be that person.

From Your Site Articles
first impression
EducationLearning
Education & Information

Psychologist explains 5 personality traits of people who prefer to shower at night versus the morning

Evening rinsers are a unique bunch.

Image via Canva/petrunjela

People who shower at night have certain personality traits.

When it comes to showering, you fall into one of two camps: you're either a morning showerer or an evening showerer. It turns out preferring to shower at night shower versus the morning can indicate a lot about your personality.

"A lot of people like to shower at night because it helps them draw a line between the busyness of the day and the quiet of the evening," Stefanie Mazer Psy.D, a psychologist in Palm Beach, Florida, tells Upworthy. "Washing off sweat, dirt, and even the smells of the day can feel like letting go of everything that weighed them down mentally."

Additionally, showering at night can help you prepare for a restful night's sleep. "The hot water helps loosens tight muscles, which makes the body calmer and more ready for rest," says Mazer.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The warm water of the shower also mimics the drop in body temperature that naturally cues the body for sleep, adds Candace Kotkin-De Carvalho, LCADC, LCSW, CCS, a licensed social worker and Clinical Director at Absolute Awakenings.

"People who shower at night also report sleeping better because the small anxieties of the day are washed away and the bed can feel more comfortable," says Kotkin-De Carvalho.

5 personality traits of people who shower at night

Besides the physical benefits of showering at night, the preference can also signify a number of personality traits. According to Mazer and Kotkin-De Carvalho, if you prefer to shower at night, you may also have the following traits:

shower, showering, take a shower, shoer gif, shower at night naked matthew broderick GIF Giphy

Trait #1: Detail-focused
If you shower at night, you may pay more attention to detail.

"People who are detail-focused don’t like leaving small things unfinished, even when it comes to how they feel before bed," says Mazer. "A nightly shower gives them the sense that everything is in order, from their body being clean to their sheets staying fresh. This attention to comfort helps them relax more fully and drift into sleep without nagging distractions."

Trait #2: Relaxation-oriented
Night showerers also tend to be relaxation-oriented.

"The shower is viewed less like a wake-up tool and more as a stress-relief ritual that washes the day’s worries away before bed," says Kotkin-De Carvalho.

relaxed, relaxing, relaxation, night relaxation, night shower Oprah Winfrey Reaction GIF Giphy

Trait #3: Reflective
Showering at night insinuates a person is introspective.

"Reflective people often use their night shower as a time to think back on what happened during the day. The quiet and steady flow of water gives them space to sort through their thoughts without interruption," says Mazer. "This habit can leave them feeling clearer and more settled before going to sleep."

Trait #4: Comfort-seeking
Night showerers also tend to be comfort seekers.

"They like climbing into bed fresh and clean. This offers a sense of security and calm before sleep," says Kotkin-De Carvalho.

Trait #5: Routine-oriented
People who shower at night prefer sticking to a routine.

"Routine-oriented people like the predictability of ending their day the same way every night," says Mazer. "Taking a shower becomes a signal that the day is done and it’s time to shift into rest mode."

From Your Site Articles
shower at night
Education & InformationEducation
Badge
Levi Strauss Foundation
The Levi Strauss Foundation advances the human rights and well-being of underserved people in places where the company has a business presence
Community

How humanitarian parole programs help migrant families in crisis

Through her work as a humanitarian parole sponsor, Sandra McAnany has helped uplift more than a dozen Latin American migrants and changed lives in the process.

Sandra visiting E’s family in Georgia (2023)

True
Levi Strauss Foundation

Sandra McAnany isn’t one to sit on the sidelines. A 58-year-old grandmother from Wisconsin, McAnany spends her days teaching soft skills classes to adults and spending time with her family. Outside the classroom, however, she’s taken on a role that’s helping people in a big way: serving as a humanitarian parole sponsor and personally taking on the financial responsibility of supporting families fleeing from persecution, violence, and instability.

Since 2023, McAnany has welcomed 17 migrants—11 adults and six children through the CHNV humanitarian parole program, which allows individuals and families from Cuba, Haiti, Nicaragua and Venezuela to live and work temporarily in the United States with the support of an approved sponsor.

“Everyone has their own views and perspectives, but every person I sponsored is thriving and doing well here,” McAnany said.

McAnany didn’t know any of the parolees before sponsoring them, but she had a commitment to helping families from Venezuela specifically, hoping to reunite them with their families who were already living in the United States. After “praying a lot along the way” and communicating with the applicants through WhatsApp, she decided to apply as a sponsor and help them settle into the United States.

“I have a bedroom and a bathroom in my basement,” McAnany says. “My door is open and will always be open for any of the people I sponsored, if they ever have a need for housing.”

Sandra’s granddaughter, E’s daughter, and another friend at an indoor park (July 2025)

At the time, McAnany decided to volunteer as a sponsor to make friends and help other people through hardship. Now, her mission has grown: Seeing how humanitarian parole programs have changed her parole beneficiaries’ lives—as well as her own—for the better.

Humanitarian parole: A long history

Humanitarian parole programs are nothing new. Since 1952, both Democratic and Republican administrations have used humanitarian parole to provide a safer, lawful pathway for noncitizens to enter and live temporarily in the United States. In recent years, through different programs, people from Afghanistan, Ukraine, Cuba, Haiti, and other countries have been able to come to the U.S. to escape urgent crises in their own countries, such as political instability or war.

Coming to the United States through humanitarian parole is no easy feat. The process has its own strict criteria and involves extensive applications and vetting for both beneficiaries and their sponsors. Parolees don’t need to qualify for any other immigration benefit like asylum, but they need to meet the standard for humanitarian parole and successfully pass vetting requirements.

According to Refugees International, 532,000 people have been granted parole through the CHNV program.

A life-changing experience

From the moment she met her first parole beneficiaries at the airport—two families —McAnany already knew it would be a life-changing experience. “It immediately felt like family, like we were lifelong friends,” she said. But she could also sense that it was a culture shock for the parolees. On the way home from the airport, McAnany pulled into a nearby McDonald's and encouraged them to order dinner. Hearing the word “Big Mac,” the families smiled in recognition.

Despite the culture shock, McAnany’s parole beneficiaries had to adapt quickly to life in the United States. Once they were settled, McAnany worked “nonstop” to help the families acclimate to their new lives, answering questions about school and vaccinations while also helping them create resumes, search for jobs, and find English classes online.

It was through this process that McAnany realized just how resilient people could be, and was amazed “not only how hard it was for individuals to leave their loved ones behind, but the amount of work they did to come to the country and remain here.” McAnany also realized how fortunate she was to have her own family living nearby. “I can’t imagine any one of us leaving a country and being apart for an unknown length of time,” she said.

Eventually, and as circumstances changed—one of the parolees found a new job in another city, for example, and was able to move out. But no matter the length of time they spent with each other, McAnany says that with every parolee they formed a bond built for life. One woman, who she refers to as ‘E,’ has even become “like an adopted daughter.” McAnany has traveled to Georgia, where E now lives, three times to visit her.

Uncertain ground: What’s next for humanitarian parole programs

Despite being a critical part of immigration policy in the United States for the last 73 years, humanitarian parole programs are under threat. Immigrant justice nonprofits Justice Action Center and Human Rights First are currently suing the federal government to protect humanitarian parole programs and allow parole beneficiaries to remain in the country for the duration of their parole. McAnany is a plaintiff in the lawsuit.

One of the ladies Sandra sponsored from Venezuela and her partner during Sandra’s first visit to meet her (December 2023)

Participating in the lawsuit has only further bolstered McAnany’s belief in and support for humanitarian parole programs. She hopes the lawsuit will be successful, she says, so that parole beneficiaries and their families can finally have some stability.

“We don’t know what the future is,” she says, “but I want to be optimistic and hopeful that every person I sponsored will be able to stay here safely in the U.S. and continue to thrive.”

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.


CommunitySponsored Article - No Video PlayerFamilyEducation & InformationEducationPolicySponsoredJoyCulture
Education

Communication expert says that captivating people use this 3-word phrase to grab attention

Ready to make people's ears perk up?

via Henri Mathieu-Saint-Laurent/Pexels

A man delivering a compelling message.

In 1967, John Lennon wrote a song called "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" that invites the listener to accompany him on a psychedelic journey. The song immediately draws you in because the first line plants you in the scene: “Picture yourself on a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies.” The song is gorgeous, strange and totally unique because it makes the listener part of the story.

Lennon probably didn’t know it at the time, but he was using a communication technique that great conversationalists and compelling public speakers use in their repertoire. It involves switching to the second person and asking the audience to place themselves in your scenario.

John Bowe, acclaimed speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in an Age of Disconnection, tells CNBC that he makes this connection with the audience by using the three-word phrase: “Imagine this scenario.”

sales guy, communications, laptop, sales people, man with glasses, laptop A man making a sales presentation.via Canva/Photos

"Imagine this scenario..."

Bowe says the phrase immediately does four things: It pulls your audience in by prompting them to visualize what you are about to tell them; it then brings them into the present moment with “this," primes them for a story, and taps into an essential part of the psyche by making the story about them. On average, people spend 60% of their conversations talking about themselves. Why? Research shows that it makes them feel good. So, when you invite people to inject themselves into your speech, they are all ears.

The phrase, or something similar, can be used in a variety of situations when you want the audience to really listen to your story:

“Have you ever ridden in a car with a sunroof…”

“Picture yourself behind the wheel of this beautiful Cadillac…”

“Imagine yourself driving down Pacific Coast Highway…”

“Can you remember a time when you really embarrassed yourself in front of your wife?”

“Imagine this scenario, you’re all alone with three kids and one scrapes their knee.”

“Remember what it felt like on the last day of school…”


speaker, communications, audience, public speaking, arms open, speech A man with his hands open making a speech.via Canva/Photos

Don’t tell me about your grass seed...

In advertising, there's an old saying that comes from the same understanding: “Don’t tell me about your grass seed; tell me about my lawn.” People don’t want to hear about your product; they want to know how it can improve their lives. So instead of saying, “Joe’s grass seed is made with a unique mix of fungicide,” you’d start the advertisement by asking, “Is there a brown patch on your lawn that, no matter how often you water it, just won’t turn green?” It works because you made it about the audience. They will instinctively start thinking about that brown patch, and then consider buying your product.

Using communication tips like these can make you feel a little manipulative when interacting with others. However, it’s not about being manipulative; it’s really all about taking the time to understand the audience and putting them first. Imagine the scenario...being in the audience and the speaker actually cared about you. Feels pretty good, doesn’t it?

From Your Site Articles
communication tips
EducationLearning
Trending Stories