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Dad wonders if he was in the wrong for not allowing his tween daughter to wear a pushup bra

His story sparked a debate on what's actually appropriate for 12-year-old girls.

bras for teens, pushup bra, best bra for teens, dad with daughters
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Puberty is no easy chapter in parenting.

Striking the balance between protecting kids and oppressing them is an age-old dilemma for parents. Perhaps this goes double for fathers with daughters, for even the best of intentions to shield their young girls from the darker aspects of adulthood can lean into sexism.

Take this well-meaning dad for example.

In a story posted to Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole?” forum, the father—and police officer—shared that he got the “cold shoulder” from his family after telling his 12-year-old daughter she couldn’t wear a push-up bra.

According to the man’s account, his wife, who “developed fairly young” herself, bought the push-up bra without his knowing. When he found out, he was “furious,” explaining that he had always limited their daughter’s use of tank tops for fear that “some sick person would see her that way.”

Meanwhile, his wife seems to have a completely different stance, having “always been of the mindset that women should not have to conform or hide due to men's poor behavior.”

AITAH for telling my wife and daughter I do not want her wearing a pushup bra?
byu/Careless_Argument_51 inAITAH

And while the father agrees with this in theory, writing, “I get my daughter wants to feel good in her own body, and looking in a way that makes one personally happy goes with that,” he still felt they should be taking some harsh realities into consideration.

This disagreement eventually led to a fight.

“My wife told me I should not police what our child wears that is what breeds resentment, and I also should not be sexualizing our daughter they are just clothes. I called my wife naive if she thinks a pushup bra and a tank top are just clothes with all the creeps running around. I even showed her our sex offender registry, and this is where she flipped and said I am teaching our daughter to live in fear, while she is trying to teach her to feel empowered by her body and choices,” he wrote.

The dad would later give an update that he offered a compromise to “slowly integrate more adult-looking clothing” but that it was ultimately seen as “an aspect of control” and therefore rejected.

dads, parenting

"I called my wife naive if she thinks a pushup bra and a tank top are just clothes with all the creeps running around."

Canva

Eventually he doubled wound on all his points, declaring that “a 12-year-old does not need a pushup bra to feel cute, I am not telling her to be ashamed, but I am telling her sadly we live in a world where women are still viewed as nothing but slabs of meat to some.”

“We can wish all we want, but in common sense, certain actions and attire bring about more attention, and more attention increases one's likelihood of getting the attention of a person that may harm,” he concluded.

As far as what other people thought, most sided with the mom and daughter, noting that despite his altruistic goal, the father was sending the wrong message.

“Your wife is trying to raise your daughter to love herself and to dress for her own enjoyment,” one person wrote. “Your wife's approach is more likely to result in your daughter feeling confident and comfortable in her own skin. Your approach is more likely to teach your daughter that she has to hide herself to avoid getting hurt. It will also teach her that if she does get hurt, it's her fault for not hiding herself.”

Another honed in on the father’s strict tank top rule, saying, “you're the one sexualizing your daughter, and teaching her to be ashamed because she possesses a body. Please let your wife handle all this because you SUCK at it.”

Still, not everyone thought he was in the wrong.

via GIPHY

One person commented, “You're worried about her safety. I understand. Mom is trying to make her comfortable in her own skin. No one is trying to hurt her self-esteem. However, 12 is too young for a push up bra. She can get bras that are less geared to kids, however she's still a kid. She's only 12. She shouldn't have to not wear the tank tops she likes, she should be able to wear what she likes, in an age appropriate matter. If you don't have daughters, you won't understand. She's 12. She doesn't need the pushup bra, but dad you need to stop policing her clothing.”

Another argued that “the whole point of a push up bra is to create fuller boobs and make cleavage. That type of bra is definitely sexualizing the 12 year old. It's whole point is to make a woman's boobs more appealing.”

Virtually no aspect of parenting is easy, but navigating tween girls through puberty in a way that actually serves them is particularly challenging.

On the one hand, the sexualization of young girls is an ongoing issue, one that negatively impacts their mental health and self esteem. On the other hand, sexual awareness is something that begins at an early age (as early as infancy, according to the National Center on the Sexual Behaviour of Youth) and young people will continue being curious about their bodies well into puberty, and beyond.

What’s more, teaching young girls that any unconsented sexual attention is due to their choice of clothing is an outdated and misguided form of victim-blaming, as illustrated by the famous “What Were You Wearing” exhibit, which shows the often conservative attire women were wearing when assaulted.

Parents do their best to keep their children safe. And sometimes there’s no easy answer as for how to make that happen, especially if the “safe” route means instilling a sense of shame into young kids. Often the only way to come to more informed decisions is to have difficult conversations, and kudos to the parents willing to have them.

@callmebelly/TikTok

An excellent reminder to show kindness and patience.

Listening to a baby cry during a flight might be aggravating, but it’s nothing compared to the moans, groans, and eyerolls that the baby's parents must endure from other passengers when it happens. No matter what tips and tricks are used to try to soothe a little one’s temperament while 30,000 miles in the air, crying is almost inevitable. So, while having to ease their own child’s anxiety, moms and dads also must suffer being the pariah of the trip. What a nightmare.

Recently, one mom was apparently trying so hard to avoid upsetting her fellow flight members that she went above and beyond to essentially apologize ahead of time if her baby began to cry on its first flight. It was a gesture that, while thoughtful, had folks really feeling for how stressed that poor mom must be.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, one of the passengers—Elliot—explained that the mom handed out small care packages to those nearby.

“She’s already so busy and took the time to make these bags for everyone,” Elliot said, before panning the camera to reveal a Ziplock bag full of candy, along with a note that made him “want to cry.”

The note read: “It’s my first flight. I made a deal to be on my best behaviour—but I can’t make any guarantees. I might cry if I get scared or if my ears start to hurt. Here are some treats to make your flight enjoyable. Thank you for being patient with us. Have a great flight.”

Like Elliot, those who watched the video felt some ambivalence at the well intentioned act. Many felt remorse that she would feel the need to appease people in this way.

“This is so sweet but also … kind of breaks my heart that we live in a world in which parents feel the need to do that.”

“Because jerk people have shamed parents into believing that they need to apologize for their kids' absolutely normal behavior. What a gem of a mom.”

“You know that sweet mom worried about this trip so much.”

“That poor mom probably spent nights awake … nervous about that flight, thinking of ways to keep strangers happy.”

"That's a mom trying so hard."

Many rallied behind the mom, arguing that making others feel more comfortable with her child being on board was in no way her responsibility.

“No mom should be apologizing. Adults can control their emotions … babies not …. Hugging this mom from a distance.”

“Dear new parents: no you don’t have to do this. Your babies have the right to exist. We all know babies cry. We know you try your best.”

Luckily, there are just as many stories of fellow passengers being completely compassionate towards parents with small children—from simply choosing to throw on their headphones during a tantrum (instead of throwing one themselves) to going out of their way to comfort a baby (and taking the load of a parent in the process). These little acts of kindness make more of an impact than we probably realize. Perhaps if we incorporated more of this “it takes a village” mindset, flying could be a little bit more pleasant for everyone involved.

carowendelinart/Instagram

A beautiful gift, indeed.

It’s amazing what values, wisdom, and even talents we bestow upon our kids simply by leading by example. Artist Caroline Wendelin got to experience this firsthand when her four-year-old daughter, who also loves painting and has spent a lot of time in Wendelin's studio ever since she was born, decided to make her very own canvas art as a gift to mom.

In an interview with PEOPLE, Wendelin shared that her daughter had mostly only used tempera sticks on small canvases and normal paper, but since seeing mom handle acrylics on big canvases, she wanted to give that a go.

So Wendelin gave her a large canvas, some acrylic paints, and let her go to work only offering guidance when asked, with suggestions like “maybe you can try adding the same colour but a few shades darker”, “would you like to add some circles or lines?”, or “have you tried covering all the white parts?” but mostly she just provided a loving container for her daughter to express herself and follow her imagination.

And truly, the results speak for themselves. The work is beyond a kid painting (not that regular kid paintings aren’t special in their own way). The composition, the color, everything is so meticulous and well done. Talk about a great gift. It’s totally understandable that Wendelin, who normally keeps things like this private, decided to share it online.

Since posting the video, which has been viewed over 8 million times, Wendelin’s daughter has received an outpouring of love, which Wendelin thinks is due to “her genuine joy while she's painting.”

“It brings a lot of people back to childhood memories, myself included."

She’s not wrong, judging by some of these comments. One person wrote, “Literally the physical representation of girlhood I remember when my mind looked like this also,” while another echoed, “How colorful the world is through the eyes of a child.”

Others were just impressed by the girls’ next-level skills

“Her use of color is INSANE. This looks like a David Hockney landscape. I just looked it up, David Hockney's landscapes he did in 4th grade look similar but are not quite as insane as what your daughter did...she's FOUR.”

“I’m obsessed with her style. She has a very clear voice 😍💖✨”

“Her concept of color theory is insane.”

You could chalk it up to artistic talent just running in the family, but there’s something to be said about how much of an impact it makes when kids are given the proper environment to explore their talents and interests—allowed to figure things out on their own, but still given proper guidance when they seek it out, and of course seeing adults setting good examples.

By the way, if you love this painting as much as everyone else does, prints of it will be available in a few days! Wendelin says that all proceeds will be for her daughter’s savings account for her future. Go to Wendelin’s website or follow her on Instagram to stay in the loop.

Joy

MoonPie renames Florida 'MoonPieTown' because apparently 'We can just do this now!'

A tweet from the company says the change is "effective immediately."

MoonPieTown? Might as well.

When the President of the United States changes the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America as one of his very first actions in office, you know we're living in unprecedented times. The fact that the world has called the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of Mexico for 400 years and that the name change only affects people in the U.S. doesn't matter. Changing the name of a major geographical feature by executive decree was clearly seen as a vital, first-day-in-office priority.

Why? Excellent question. Another excellent question is how have we found ourselves in a version of the U.S. where there's a bill—an actual, official, "sitting here on Capitol Hill" bill—introduced to the House of Representatives "to authorize the President to enter into negotiations to acquire Greenland and to rename Greenland as 'Red, White, and Blueland?'” Taking over Greenland and renaming it Red, White, and Blueland. This is where we are. Might as well rename ourselves The United States of Absurdity at this point.

One of the ways people cope in unprecedentedly absurd times is humor, which is why a tweeted announcement from MoonPie, the famous chocolate-covered marshmallow cookie company of all places, has grabbed people's attention.

"Effective immediately," the tweet reads above a screenshot of a branded letter from the company.

The letter says:

To whom it may concern,

Thanks to recent geographical updates, we are excited to announce that the land mass previously known as Florida will now be referred to as MoonPieTown.

"But Florida is a state," you say. No, Florida was a state. Now it's MoonPieTown. We can just do this now!

Please continue to enjoy our delicious marshmallow sandwiches and don't think too much about it. :)

MoonPie

MoonPieTown is cute, but the "We can just do this now!" is the funny bone punch. It was a risky move, though. Some people found the announcement hilariously on point, while others vowed that they would never eat a MoonPie again. Apparently some were downright offended by the company's little jab at the executive branch.

In some ways, tweets like this are filling the void left by the loss of political cartoons, which served as an outlet for political parody and snark for centuries but have largely fallen by the wayside with the demise of print media. Political cartoons are still around, but the average person is far more likely to see a viral social media post making a political statement with humor than they are a cartoon these days. And humor, for better or for worse, has long been a vital coping tool for people dealing with political upheaval.

political cartoon of two men cutting up the earthA political cartoon from 1805Public Domain

"In the 19th century, the main form of political humor would be cartoons, and some were quite brilliant, biting, and powerful,” says Dr. Patrick Giamario, associate professor of political science at University of North Carolina Greensboro. “In the 20th century, we saw late night TV hosts and a few comedians doing HBO comedy specials. That brings us to where we are now. Everyone can engage in X memes and trolling. They can make funny videos on TikTok."

Giamario explores how political humor has evolved in his book “Laughter as Politics: Critical Theory in an Age of Hilarity” and says laughter over the political landscape is "a symptom of this time we’re in, with a lot up for grabs."

Humor in politics has long been a source of controversy, prompting questions about whether political issues should be taken more seriously. Some may argue that laughter in the face of authoritarian power diminishes it. Others argue that humor runs the risk of trivializing serious issues. Giamario warns of another issue in the modern era where humor meets capitalism.

"A lot of humor becomes mere entertainment,” he says. “A late-night TV show host making fun of the president may sound subversive or transgressive because they’re making fun of the most powerful person in the country. But they’re also trying to sell tickets or advertising. It can be quite cynical. Unfortunately, I think that’s where a lot of political humor has gone in the last decade.”

Jimmy Fallon Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

However, he says, approaching political humor with intention and introspection can help people analyze its impact.

“What’s promising about laughter is its aesthetic effect,” says Giamario. “It shakes people, quite literally, in a physical sense. It shakes the body out of conventional, existing ways of thinking, whether it’s social, political, religious, or something else.”

Does a silly little tweet about MoonPieTown shake people's thinking? Maybe, maybe not. It does, however, provide a little comic relief for those who feel overwhelmed by the political tsunami washing over America, and maybe that's all we need from a cookie pie company.

@sva_feenstra/TikTok

Can you blame him, though?

For every picky eater out there, there is also a kid whose love for that one food item knows no bounds. Remember “Corn Kid” and “Pickle Girl”? Seems like they’ve met their match with Bronx, a 22-month-old with a red-hot passion for Hidden Valley ranch dressing…which coincidentally goes great with both corn and pickles, but that’s neither here nor there.

In a viral video captured by Bronx’s mom, Savannah Feenstra, we see the adorable toddler filling up his kiddie shopping cart to the brim with the popular condiment—along with a singular bottle of ketchup. Perhaps he was planning on jazzing things up a bit by mixing them together. Who knows.

As Feenstra explained in her onscreen text, she had told her baby boy that he could “pick a treat,” and this was his choice, apparently. Needless to say, she couldn’t help but crack up.

Watch:

While Feenstra mentioned in an interview with PEOPLE she didn’t end up buying all the bottles Bronx put in his cart (since that would mean emptying the store, essentially) she did buy in bulk, since they were on sale, joking that “After all, he spotted a good deal!"

All in all, people totally got on board with little Bronx’s ranch obsession.

"I’d choose the same thing," one person wrote, while another said, "Little guy has impeccable taste."

Even Hidden Valley Ranch entered the chat, writing "Smart kid," in the comments section.

And just how much does Bronx love ranch dressing? According to a follow-up video…enough to drink it straight. Yep, you read that right.

While this might be off-putting to some, Bronx found himself in good company.

“This is my spirit animal,” one viewer wrote.

Another echoed, "I found my twin.”

What can ya do, ranch is just one of those polarizing food items that people generally either get grossed out by, or want to bathe in. Bronx clearly falls into the latter category. In fact, a lot of kids like it for its rich, creamy, milky texture and mild taste.

And in case you're concerned, Feenstra also assured PEOPLE that Bronx “doesn’t live on ranch," and actually has “quite the refined palate for such a little guy,” with favorite foods ranging from blueberries, to avocados, to bananas, to hamburgers and shrimp. Though she did not specify which of these foods he probably drowns in the ranch.

And hopefully that love for ranch doesn’t run out any time soon, since Hidden Valley has apparently arranged to “send Bronx a gift.” We’re hoping for at least a 6 month supply for the wee fella.

It’s just so wholesome to see how kids can have such a pure, unadulterated joy for the simplest things, be it food, nature, a song, a color, you name it. And even more wholesome to see parents who support their adoration. Hopefully we can all find something to love as much as this little boy loves his ranch.

Science

Innovative farm in Virginia can grow 4 million pounds of strawberries on less than one acre

This method uses 97 percent less land and up to 90 percent less water than conventional farming.

A new way to grow strawberries with less land, less water, and more berries.

Strawberry farm harvests aren't something most of us calculate on a regular basis (or ever at all), but the numbers from a strawberry farm in Richmond, Virginia, are staggering enough to make it worth an old-school word problem. If the average American eats 8 pounds of strawberries a year, and an average strawberry farm yields approximately 20,000 pounds of berries per acre, how many people could a 200-acre strawberry field feed?

I won't make you do the math. The answer is 500,000 people. But what if a crop that size, providing enough strawberries for half a million people, could be grown on just one acre instead of 200? It's possible. You just have to go—or rather grow—up, up, up.

Indoor vertical farm company Plenty Unlimited knows a lot about growing up. In fact, it's their entire business model. Instead of the sprawling fields that traditional farming methods require, vertical farms have a much smaller land footprint, utilizing proprietary towers for growing. Plenty has used vertical farming methods to grow greens such as lettuce, kale, spinach and more for years, but now it boasts a vertical berry farm that can yield a whopping 4 million pounds of strawberries on a little less than an acre.

Growing indoors means not being at the mercy of weather or climate inpredictability (barring a storm taking out your building), which is wise in the era of climate change. Unlike a traditional greenhouse which still uses the sun for light, Plenty's indoor vertical farms make use of the latest technology and research on light, pinpointing the wavelengths plants need from the sun to thrive and recreating them with LED lights. Plenty farms also don't use soil, as what plants really need is water and nutrients, which can be provided without soil (and with a lot less water than soil requires). Being able to carefully control water and nutrients means you can more easily control the size, taste and uniformity of the berries you’re growing.

If that sounds like a lot of control, it is. And that idea might freak people out. But when a highly controlled environment means not having to use pesticides and using up to 90% less water than traditional farming, it starts to sound like a solid, sustainable farming innovation.

Plenty even uses AI in its strawberry farm, according to its website:

“Every element of the Plenty Richmond Farm–including temperature, light and humidity–is precisely controlled through proprietary software to create the perfect environment for the strawberry plants to thrive. The farm uses AI to analyze more than 10 million data points each day across its 12 grow rooms, adapting each grow room’s environment to the evolving needs of the plants – creating the perfect environment for Driscoll’s proprietary plants to thrive and optimizing the strawberries’ flavor, texture and size.”

Plenty even has its own patent-pending method of pollinating the strawberry flowers that doesn’t require bees. Even just the fact that this enormous crop of strawberries will be coming from Virginia is notable, since the vast majority of strawberries in the U.S. are grown in California.

strawberry fieldTraditional strawberry farming takes up a lot of land.Photo credit: Canva

Plenty's Richmond farm is currently growing strawberries exclusively for Driscoll’s.

“Partnering with Plenty for the launch of the Richmond Farm allows us to bring our premium strawberries closer to consumers in the Northeast, the largest berry consumption region in the U.S.,” Driscoll’s CEO Soren Bjorn said in a press release. “By combining our 100 years of farming expertise and proprietary varieties along with Plenty’s cutting-edge technology, we can deliver the same consistent flavor and quality our customers love — now grown locally. This new innovative farm is a powerful step forward in continuing to drive category growth in new ways for our customers and consumers.”

Is Plenty’s model the farm of the future? Perhaps it’s one option, at least. The more we grapple with the impact of climate change and outdated, unsustainable farming practices, the more innovative ideas we’ll need to feed the masses. If they can get 4 million pounds of strawberries out of an acre of land, what else is possible?