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The surprising history behind 9 of everyone's favorite Christmas songs

What do you mean "Jingle Bells" was originally a THANKSGIVING song?!

christmas fm, christmas songs, christmas

Photo credit: Canva

Even if we've heard them a million times, there's still something new to learn and appreciate.

Even the Grinchiest among us probably has a Christmas song that lifts their spirits. After all, we’ve got so much more than traditional carols now—virtually every genre has a tune dedicated to the holiday, religious or otherwise.

In fact, as of 2019 there were an estimated 9,274 songs with the word “Christmas” in the title. And that’s obviously not counting the songs that don’t contain the word “Christmas” but are still very much Christmas songs, like "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” and "Frosty the Snowman.”

But did you know that many well known Christmas songs weren’t Christmas songs at all? Or that some have very close ties to war history? Or that some didn’t even become famous until many years later?

Read below for some pretty fascinating stories behind the songs that usher us into those holiday feels…some as early as Oct 25th…

"Jingle Bells"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Believe it or not, this festive, well-known Christmas staple was originally written to be sung on Thanksgiving. James Lord Pierpont composed the song, originally named ‘The One Horse Open Sleigh,’ for his Thanksgiving Sunday school class in 1850, so it makes sense that Pierpont’s lyrics contain zero mention of Christmas. They do however celebrate the New England sleigh races that were popular in the era (which is what the jingling bells refer to), and even involve a high-speed crash. Exciting!

Decades later in the 1940s, Bing Crosby removed some of Pierpont’s lyrics, renamed the song ‘Jingle Bells’ and transformed it into a Christmastime hit.

"Silent Night"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The year was 1816, not long after the 12 year Napoleonic wars had taken their toll. A young priest in Austria named Joseph Mohr went for a walk seeking inspiration for poetic verses to convey to a traumatized and poverty-stricken congregation that God was still there. As he looked out over the quiet, peaceful winter-laden town, Mohr got his wish.

And then on Christmas Eve in 1818, it was performed for the first time in an Austrian village—a simple acoustic set, played by Mohr and a friend who helped him arrange the music. ‘Silent Night Unplugged,” if you will. It was immediately well received, and quickly traveled throughout northern Europe thanks to traveling folk singers.

Cut to Christmas Truce of 1914 at the height of World War I, when fighting was temporarily suspended along several fronts in Europe so soldiers on both sides could tune their radios to hear Ernestine Schumann Heinke, a beloved Austrian opera star, perform the song. The song’s message of seeking peace even during times of great suffering probably never rang more true.

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Listen, we know that capitalism has its hold on Christmas. So it’s probably not the biggest surprise that this lovely ditty about misfit cervids was actually created by a corporation.

Robert L. May, a copywriter for Montgomery Ward, was tasked to come up with a children’s storybook that could be sold at Christmas. May, who happened to be a bit of an outcast himself, based much of the book on his own experience of being teased, as well as the classic Ugly Duckling story. According to TIME, the idea almost got shelved, primarily because a focus group was concerned the red nose had “connotations of alcoholism.”

And yet, it was indeed published, and became a bestseller. But it wouldn’t truly become world famous until May's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, adapted the story into a song. The song was first introduced live on New York Radio in 1949, then was sung by singing cowboy star Gene Autry, and quickly became the first number one song of the 1950s.

Perhaps most important of all, TIME reports that while the success of Rudolph helped May get out of serious debt and put his children through college, he was also grateful to have created something that taught children “tolerance and perseverance can overcome adversity.”

“Christmas Rappin’”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Not only did Robert “Rocky” Ford’s idea for a holiday rap song become a Christmas classic, it also helped legitimize hip-hop as a genre. At the time of its debut, 1979, virtually no one even knew what rap was. But once the song achieved crazy commercial success, the industry finally took rap and hip-hop seriously.

The song was performed by Kurtis Blow, who, after the song took off, received a full album contract from Mercury Records, making him the first rapper to land a major label album deal. He later released “The Breaks,” which became the first rap song to go gold. And the rest is music history.

“Feliz Navidad”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Christmas can be a time for homesickness, and that was exactly what José Feliciano was feeling in 1970 as he was stuck in a recording studio during the holidays. He longed to celebrate Christmas Eve, aka Noche Buena, with his brothers, eating traditional Puerto Rican foods, drinking rum, and going caroling. In an effort to feel less lonely, he came up with the upbeat and jovial "Feliz Navidad.” Knowing English stations might not play the song with only Spanish lyrics, he added translated lines, making it the timeless, cross cultural hit we love today.

“Carol of the Bells”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Again, this popular tune, which is actually a centuries old Ukrainian folk song, was meant for a different holiday—New Year's.

Originally titled “Shchedryk,” derived from a Ukrainian word meaning “bountiful,” the four-note melody tells the story of a swallow flying into a household to proclaim the year of abundance that a family will have. It was one of many well-wishing tunes sung in many Ukrainian villages on Jan. 13 (New Year’s Eve on the Julian calendar), usually by adolescent girls going house to house in celebration of the new year in exchange for baked goods or other treats.

Then, in 1916, Ukrainian composer Mykola Leontovich used the melody to create a song for a Christmas concert, during a time of political upheaval for the country. Leontovich’s creation was hailed a masterpiece. And in 1918, when Ukraine declared independence from the Russian Empire, the song was also used as a diplomatic tool by the newly formed Ukrainian government, which sent a choir of 100 singers on a European tour to sing Ukrainian songs and promote Ukrainian identity around the world.

This of course included the United States, where the song was first performed to a sold-out audience in Carnegie Hall Oct. 5, 1921. When American choir director and arranger Peter Wilhousky eventually he was of bells. So in 1936 he wrote new lyrics and titled it "Carol of the Bells.”

In a time when Ukraine yet again fights for its cultural identity, this one feels pretty poignant to know.

“White Christmas”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Crazy to think that this biggest-selling holiday track of all time (not to mention biggest-selling song ever, according to Guinness World Records), initially performed poorly.

It is said that songwriter Irving Berlin, who lost his son on Christmas Day, channeled some of the heartache he felt after visiting his grave each year as he wrote what was supposed to be a song for a Broadway revue that never happened. It did end up making its first appearance in the 1942 musical film Holiday Inn, starring Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire.

At first, "White Christmas" didn’t perform as well as "Be Careful, It’s My Heart," another tune in the movie, but its melancholy lyrics perfectly captured the longing felt by soldiers in World War II, who flooded the Armed Forces Network with requests.

"White Christmas" would end up earning Berlin his first Oscar for Best Original Song in 1943 and changing Christmas music forever, establishing now steep themes of home and nostalgia. It also revealed the huge potential market for secular Christmas songs.

“Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Written by Phil Spector, Ellie Greenwich, and Jeff Barry and performed by Darlene Love, this doo-wop holiday song had the ill fortune of being released on November 22, 1963—the same day President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. As Spector said a half-century later. “No one was celebrating anything. There really was not a Christmas that year.” Both the song and the entire album were temporarily pulled from stores.

“Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” remained in obscurity until the 1980s, when Love once again performed it—and brought the house down—on David Letterman. This started off a tradition that lasted until Christmas 2014, as Letterman retired the next May. Still, Love continued the tradition on The View, which gave the song its all-time chart peak, breaking into Billboard’s Top 20.

“All I Want for Christmas Is You”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Can you even write about Christmas songs without covering this one? We think not.

Surprisingly, Mariah Carey was at first hesitant to even create the song that would end up making her Mother Christmas, since she was concerned that a seasonal album would get her written off as a singer past her prime and alienate her hip-hop fans.

“Obviously, I couldn’t have been more wrong,” she would later tell Entertainment Weekly.

Carey made several nods to song producers of Christmas past with this modern day holiday staple, borrowing some of the styles of Phil Spector’s already established seasonal standards and giving herself a Ronette makeover for the music video.

In her 2020 memoir, The Meaning of Mariah Carey, the singer revealed that growing up, her holiday experiences weren’t actually that merry, and thus partially wrote “All I Want for Christmas Is You” as a way to heal her inner child and honor her “early fantasies of family and friendship.”

There you have it folks. So many of these beloved pieces of art were written as a way to find joy no matter what, which in itself is a Christmas lesson, isn’t it? May your holiday listening be that much more impactful knowing how they came to be in the first place.

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45 years ago, Carl Sagan beautifully explained the fourth dimension with just an apple

Sagan was the Mister Rogers of complex scientific concepts.

via Carl Sagan Planetary Society/Wikimedia Commons and John Finkelstein/Pexels

Carl Sagan used a sliced apple to perfectly explain the fourth dimension.

The concept of the fourth dimension seems beyond human comprehension. As three-dimensional beings, we are unable to see beyond a physical object's height, width and depth. What else could there be? Even if you understand the concept, it is almost impossible to picture it in your mind, which is bound by the limits and realities of the physical world around us.

Enter Carl Sagan, revered as one of the greatest science communicators of his time. Perhaps best known for his research into extraterrestrial life, he was one of the first people to demonstrate that life could have existed on Mars. Sagan possessed a unique gift for demystifying complex scientific concepts, making them accessible and thrilling for the general public. If you never had the pleasure of watching him on television, you could imagine him as something of a Scientific Mister Rogers. Friendly, a wonderful storyteller, and always able to distill difficult lessons into their simplest form.

In 1980, on Episode 10 of the groundbreaking PBS show “Cosmos,” Sagan embarked on a mission to explain the seemingly impossible fourth dimension.

carl sagan, cosmos ,4th dimension, 3-D, 4-D, 2-D, physics, theoretical physics, math, science, space, spacetime, einstein A great communicator and handsome, to boot.Giphy

Many of us have commonly heard of time being considered the fourth dimension. That's not so hard to understand — in order to locate an object in the universe, you'd need to know three dimensions of its spatial location and also the time during which it exists.

But there is also a more theoretical and harder to understand place, where all four dimensions are spatial. It is nearly impossible for any of us to comprehend... without the help of a gifted teacher.

What’s excellent about Sagan’s explanation is that he uses simple and relatable objects: an apple and a Tesseract, or a hypercube.

carl sagan, cosmos ,4th dimension, 3-D, 4-D, 2-D, physics, theoretical physics, math, science, space, spacetime, einstein Sagan explains that if an apple existed in a 2-dimensional space, anyone living in this "flatland" would only see a cross-section of it at a time.Giphy

"In discussing the large scale structure of the cosmos, astronomers sometimes say that space is curved. Or that the universe is finite but unbound," Sagan begins. "Whatever are they talking about?"

Yeah, this guy gets it.

Sagan then goes on to explain how a two-dimensional being living in a flat world would perceive a three-dimensional object like an apple.

Watch his full explanation here. It's hypnotic and entertaining and incredibly enlightening.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

“Imagine we live in this ‘Fllatland’/2-D plane with no concept of ‘up’ or ‘down.’ Then along comes a 3-D object like an apple. We do not even notice it until it crosses our plane of existence — and even then, we have no idea what the apple is,” Sagan explains. “We see only a fragment as it passes through our plane. There is no way we can comprehend the 3-D quality/dimension of the apple, because it is more than we can understand. We only have the evidence of what has passed through our plane.”

To further demonstrate, Sagan stamps the apple into an inkpad and then onto the surface in front of him, which represents Flatland and all of its inhabitants. Inside Flatland, the apple exists only as its points of contact on the paper; or four small dots. He adds that as the apple passes through the 2-dimensional Flatland, its cross-section changes. So someone living in that plane of existence would experience the apple as an ever-shifting and rearranging set of shapes or objects. Wild!

Sagan then related this two-dimensional experience of the third dimension to how we might try to understand the fourth. To do so, he used the Tesseract, a four-dimensional cube, to demonstrate how difficult it is for us to perceive or visualize dimensions beyond our own three.

carl sagan, cosmos ,4th dimension, 3-D, 4-D, 2-D, physics, theoretical physics, math, science, space, spacetime, einstein A tesseract can not exist in 3-dimensional space, but it can be approximated the same way a cube can be drawn on paper.Giphy

Sagan explains that the tesseract is a cube expanded into a 4th dimension, but "I cannot show you a tesseract because I, and you, are trapped in three dimensions." But what he can do is show us a 3-dimensional rendering of one. Just like a cube can be drawn and approximated (or cast a shadow) onto a piece of paper, a 4-dimensional tesseract can be imperfectly represented in 3-dimensional space. Still following?

At this point, Sagan is asking the viewer to expand their minds to understand the fourth dimension metaphorically. Though we cannot see it or even properly visualize it, that doesn't mean that the things we can see can't offer clues and lessons about the fourth dimension.

Studying 4-dimensional space can help in our understanding of the universe around us. Just because we see and experience only three dimensions doesn't mean that's all that exists. It's critical for physicists and mathematicians to be able to understand and map these theoretical spaces to better comprehend things we otherwise can not explain. Remember the ever-changing, rearranging set of shapes as the apple passes through Flatland?

Sagan’s demonstration of the fourth dimension isn’t just a wonderful explanation of a scientific idea that many of us find difficult to comprehend; it’s also a great example of how to teach complex ideas by combining clear explanations, everyday concepts everyone can understand, and brilliant storytelling.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Professional baby namer lists the most popular '80s girls' names that did not age well'

Bad news for the Heathers and Ashleys of the world.

Photo credit: Canva, @namingbebe, TikTok

There was a time when every other girl was named Ashley. That time has ended.

As we know, baby name trends are constantly changing. One generation’s Barbara is another generation’s Bethany. But it doesn’t make it any less odd when you suddenly realize that your very own name has suddenly made it into the “old and unhip” pile. And for many of us 80s babies…that time is now.

In a now-viral TikTok post, baby name consultant Colleen Slagen went through the top 100 girl names from 1986 to find which ones “did not age well” and were no longer ranked top 1,000 today. Such a descent from popularity would mark them as what she calls “timestamp names.” Spoiler alert: what might be even more surprising than the names now considered old school are the names that are still going strong.

The first name that Slagen says is “officially out” is Heather. That’s right, not even cult movie fame could help it keep its ranking.

heather, heathers, winona ryder, classic movies, actress Winona Ryder in Heathers.media3.giphy.com

Other extinct names include Erica, Courtney, Lindsay, Tara, Crystal, Shannon, Brandy and Dana. Tiffany, Brittany and Casey are also heading very much in that direction.

“My name is Brandy. The Gen Z hostess at Olive Garden told me that she’d never heard my name before and it was so unique,” one viewer wrote.

However, Andrea ranks “surprisingly high,” and Jessica, Ashley and Stephanie have survived…so far.

Gobsmacked, one person asked “How is Stephanie still in there? I don’t think I’ve met a Stephanie younger than myself at 34.”

But the biggest holdout still belongs to Jennifer. “She was a top 100 name all the way up until 2008. Round of applause for Jennifer,” Slagen says in the clip.

@namingbebe
Sorry Lindsay, Heather, and Courtney. #babynames #nametok #nameconsultant #girlnames #80skid #1986 #nametrend

If your name has found its way into relic of a bygone era status, fret not. Slagen, whose name also ranks out of the top 1000, assures it just means “we are creatures of the 80's.”Of course, while we still have baby names that become incredibly common for extended periods of time (looking at you, little Liam and Olivia), the real contemporary trend is going for uniqueness. As an article in The Atlantic notes, for most of American history families tended to name their children after a previous family member, with the goal of blending in, rather than standing out. But now, things have changed.

Recently, Kelley Cole went viral on TikTok for a video in which she shared the names that Gen Z teens think are now officially for "old ladies," which they read right out of a classroom from 1985. “I was told my name was an old lady's name by the teenagers on the adolescent unit I was working on,” she begins her video. “I was surprised, so the subject came up of what names are old lady names versus young names.”

@kelleykelleykelley
#oldladynames #names #girlnames #babynames #popularnames #trendynames #genx #millennial #genxnames

Laura Wattenberg, the founder of Namerology, told the outlet that “Parents are thinking about naming kids more like how companies think about naming products, which is a kind of competitive marketplace where you need to be able to get attention to succeed.”

But again, even with a keen eye on individualism, patterns pop up. “The same thing we see in fashion trend cycles, we see in names,” Jessie Paquette, another professional baby namer, told Vox. “We’re seeing Eleanor, Maude, Edith—cool-girl grandma names.”

So who knows…give it time (or maybe just a pop song) and one of these 80s names could make a comeback.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Middle-class families share how much they have in their savings accounts and it's eye-opening

"We make the most money we ever have and have zero savings. We live paycheck to paycheck and every month I don’t know how we get by."

Photo by Karolina Kaboompics/Pexels

Many middle class families are sharing that they have nothing in savings right now.

According to an April 2024 Gallup poll, 54% of Americans identify as part of the middle class, with 39% identifying as "middle class" and 15% identifying as "upper-middle class." That percentage has held fairly steady for years, but what it feels like to be a middle-class American has shifted for many.

Notably, inflation caused by the pandemic has hit middle-class families hard, with incomes not keeping up with cost-of-living increases. Housing costs have skyrocketed in many areas of the country, mortgage interest rates have risen to levels not seen since the pre-Obama era, and grocery bills have increased significantly. One government study found that the cost of living has increased between around $800 and $1,300 a month, depending on the state, since 2021, putting a squeeze on everyone, including the middle class.

How much money do middle-class Americans have in their savings accounts?

One woman shared that her family is just getting by and asked other middle-class people to "chime in" with what they have in their savings accounts.

@abbyy..rosee
somethings gotta give #savings #middleclass #relatable

"I swear, every paycheck I am putting money into my savings, but needing to transfer it back within a few days," shared @abbyy..rosee on TikTok. "My registration is due. My husband's registration is due. He needed two new tires, even though they had a warranty. That's $300. My oldest needs braces, he needs a palate expander, that's $120 a month. Not to mention groceries are $200 more a week. Forget about feeding your family great ingredients because who has $500 a week to spend on perfect ingredients to feed your family?"

middle class, cash, savings, family finances, dollar bills, A depressed couple doing their bills.via Canva/Photos

She explained that her husband makes enough money that they should be able to live comfortably, and that she quit her job because the cost of daycare was more than she was making.

"At some point, something has to give," she said. "What is going on? How do I save money?"

People in the comments chimed in with their savings account totals and it was quite eye-opening. Many people shared that they have $0 saved.

"We make the most money we ever have and have zero savings. We live paycheck to paycheck and every month I don’t know how we get by."

"I think the middle class is 1 personal disaster away from bankruptcy."

"Y’all got savings accounts?!?! 😂"

"I used to freak out if I had under $10k in savings, now I’m happy when I have over $150. 😫"

"We make almost 100,000 a year with no savings!!!! It's always something!!"

"I'm lucky if we have $500-$1K for an emergency. Every single time we start saving, something happens: the vet, the cars, the kids... something."

"Savings account? I transfer money each paycheck but always end up needing to transfer it back. My husband makes great money too but we are scraping by."

"$803 but we have to pay a $750 deductible this week b/c my Husband hit a deer soooo… back at it 😭 It’s exhausting. Constantly draining it, refilling it, transferring."

middle class, cash, savings, family finances, dollar bills, An upset couple doing their bills.via Canva/Photos

Some people shared that they do have some savings, but several said it was because they'd had an inheritance or other chunk of money come their way. Many people shared that their savings has dwindled as increased costs have taken their toll. Some people gave lifestyle advice to save money, but most agreed that just the basics have gotten so expensive it's harder to make ends meet much less put extra into savings.

Thankfully, the inflation issue appears to be waning, but even just plateauing at their current financial reality isn't ideal for many American families. Middle class is supposed to be a comfortable place to be—not rich, but well enough off to feel secure. That's not how many middle class folks feel, though. Most Americans don't have anything close to the amount of money saved that is recommended across the age spectrum, but at least hearing that others are in the same boat is somewhat comforting.

middle class, cash, savings, family finances, dollar bills, An upset couple doing their bills.via Canva/Photos

Further, a 2024 study found that 37% of Americans can't afford an unexpected expense over $400, and nearly a quarter of them don't have any emergency savings at all. “Not all surprises are good, and people know it. The study suggests financial precarity at a time when household finances may be stretched due to rising prices and inflation,” says Rebecca Rickert, head of communications at Empower. “Life happens, and people are stressed about the surprise expenses that could tip them off-balance.”

It can be vulnerable to share your financial reality, but it's helpful to hear what other people are doing and dealing with so we all feel less alone when we're struggling. Perhaps if people were more open about money, we'd all be able to help one another find ways to improve our financial situations rather than lamenting our empty savings accounts and wondering how to change them.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Stray shelter dog didn't know what to do with her first toy but melted with affection

Katie's smelly, itchy skin condition didn't stop Rocky Kanaka from scooping her into his arms.

Rocky Kanaka/YouTube (used with permission)

Katie's had a rough life, but hope has arrived.

When Rocky Kanaka first met Katie, a scruffy beige Australian Shepherd mix, he thought she was a senior dog. As it turned out, the shelter pup was only about a year old. She had just been found by a good samaritan as a stray, her fur and skin in terrible shape, her paws swollen and her spirit muted. She didn't even want to look at Kanaka when he first entered the kennel to sit with her.

That all changed as he took the time to sit with her and earn her trust. Kanaka has gained a huge following on YouTube with his videos sitting with shelter dogs, and his way with them is truly inspiring. He brings his own home-baked treats and a huge amount of patience and compassion, helping abandoned animals learn that humans can be kind and caring companions.

rescue dog, shelter dog, rocky kanaka, animal welfare, pets Katie hasn't had a chance to learn to be a dog.rockykanaka.com

Katie is one of many dogs Kanaka has visited, and her behavior in the kennel showed him that she hadn't had much of a chance in her short life to learn how to be a dog.

"Introducing toys to Katie was its own adventure," Kanaka wrote. "I mean, you’d think a toy is just a toy, but for Katie, it was like I’d brought a puzzle from another planet. First up was the unicorn toy, all colorful and plush. To me, it screamed fun, but to Katie, it was a head-scratcher. She eyed it like it was going to come alive any second. Honestly, watching her try to figure it out was both heartwarming and a bit funny. It was a reminder that she hadn’t had the chance to just be a dog, to play without a care in the world."

He tried a squeaky toy, which she also didn't know what to do with and found overwhelming after a few squeaks. She took Kanaka's treats, but not immediately and not in the way a dog who understands the concept of treats would.

But throughout the video, the stray pup responded to Kanaka's affection and love by melting right into it. She even wanted to sit in his lap toward the end, but didn't seem to know how. Kanaka scooped her up, despite the foul smell her skin condition created, and it's clear that this pupper just loves being loved.

Watch:

- YouTubeyoutu.be

It's hard for animals with obvious health issues, especially something as visible as a skin condition that makes them look and smell bad, to attract people looking to adopt. But by taking half an hour to get to know her, Kanaka helped us all look past all that and see Katie's sweet spirit shine through.

So many people fell in head over heels for Katie through this video:

"OMG, The person who gets her will have the best dog as she is so obviously starved for affection and so willing to give it back ten fold."

"That dog doesn't have an aggressive bone in her body. she was instantly ready for you to pet her."

rescue dog, shelter dog, rocky kanaka, animal welfare, pets Katie loved getting pets from Rocky.rockykanaka.com

"Her little tail wag broke my heart for what’s she’s been through but also lifted my spirits that she has a strength to survive and become a loved family member."

"It's shocking how neglected she looks but her desire to be loved is so strong. She's going to bring such joy to her forever home."

"I consider myself somewhat of a tough guy.... I'm from the streets, had a crazy hard life, i did 9 yrs in prison, seen it all, done it all and ain't scared of nothing... I'm telling you that because in spite all that, when i see videos like this, i start crying like a 5 yr old girl...Goes to show you that what life has done to them, we can relate, and we see it in animals that have been hurt by others and part if me wants to knock out someone that would hurt a dog or kitty like that. Animals bring out the love and compassion we've forgotten because we know they're teaching us what we definitely need to learn. What is truly considered, unconditional love...."

Not long after this video aired, Katie was rescued and will hopefully continue to get the tender care and kindness she deserves. Rocky Kanaka's work with dogs is both inspiring and informative, and he's succeeded in helping so many dogs find forever homes instead of languishing in shelters because they don't make the best first impression.

Kanaka has also started a dog rescue coffee farm in Southern California because, as he says, "Nothing's better than dogs and coffee." Isn't that the truth?

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

You can read Katie's full story on Kanaka's website here. You can also follow Rocky Kanaka's channels on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Motivation expert explains how two simple words can free you from taking things personally

You don't need to take responsibility for everything and everyone.

via TEDx SF/Flickr and TEDx SF/Flickr

Mel Robbins making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations, and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control (or the illusion of it) when it does us no good was perfectly distilled into two words that everyone can understand: "Let Them." This is officially known as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video posted in May 2023.

See on Instagram

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose?

@melrobbins
Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” one viewer wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”

let them theory, let it be, paul mccartney, the beatles, exhale the beatles wave GIFGiphy

This article originally appeared last year.

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