Conversation between mic'd up 3-yr-old and 4-yr-old is a masterclass in friendship
What if grownups got to know each other like this?
We can all take a page out of the preschool friendship-making handbook.
A lot of adults find it hard to make friends past a certain age, and science even confirms that forming friendship bonds as grownups is more challenging than when we were kids.
"Sociologists have kind of identified the ingredients that need to be in place for us to make friends organically, and they are continuous unplanned interaction and shared vulnerability," University of Maryland psychologist Marisa Franco told Boston NPR station, WBUR, adding that environments with those elements are harder to come by as adults.
"Continuous unplanned interaction" and "shared vulnerability" may sound daunting, but maybe we're just making it all too complicated.
As a sweet interaction captured between preschoolers shows, making friends doesn't have to be as hard as we make it. In fact, their conversation is pretty much a masterclass in friendship-making.
Check out this adorable budding friendship captured by mom Katy-Robin Garton and shared on her Instagram:
While most adults probably wouldn't feel comfortable asking a brand-new friend if they want to hold hands, the rest of the interaction contains some solid elements of building a relationship with someone.
First of all, research shows that walking together, especially in nature, makes conversation easier. And doesn't have to be in the beautiful Montana scenery of this video—just being outdoors in general helps.
Secondly, listen to how the kiddos ask and respond to questions. The little girl asked if the boy took naps (a totally a legit question for grownups to ask one another, by the way). But then she shared a bit about her family, tied it to a question about him and his age, and then built on his answer by sharing a bit more about herself. That kind of give-and-take is how people start getting to know each other.
And then, of course, the sweet compliment! "I like your glasses." So simple, but everyone loves a compliment. And the way she so graciously received it and with such self-assured confidence: "Me too." Now they've established that they share some tastes in common.
Finally, the "Ah, dog poop!" which is just funny. (But also, she's watching out for them both—friends gotta have one another's backs, right?)
Naturally, people are loving it.
"My god, these littles are glorious. My faith in the future of humanity has been restored 🌱🙌🏾💫💕🎆," wrote one commenter.
"They will literally have this same conversation when they’re 90. 'You take naps anymore?' 'You know you’re older than my cousin, he’s 93…,' 'I’m 93 and a half…'😂😂😂" shared another.
"I can’t even. The next time I try to make a new friend I’ll lead with “do you wanna hold my hand?” ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️" wrote another.
Seriously, there's a lot we can learn from observing little ones who learn and connect without all the baggage we grownups often bring to the table. When it comes to friendship, perhaps we should take a page out of these preschoolers' book. They seem to have the basics pretty well figured out already.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.