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Pop Culture

Therapist lists benefits of having an anxious attachment style, validating people everywhere

"No one's producing an HBO series about securely attached people."

attachment style; therapy speak; anxious attachment style; mental health; TikTok mental health
Keira Burton|Canva and Jeff Guenther|TikTok

Therapist lists benefits of having an anxious attachment style.

"Therapy speak" or "psychobabble" has infiltrated the daily lives of average citizens thanks to social media apps like TikTok and Instagram. Everyone seems to be an expert on something, and terms get thrown around with a very loose understanding of their actual meaning, which can cause confusion.

Chatter about knowing your "attachment style" has been making the rounds as of late. There seems to be a belief that if you know other people's attachment styles then you can better understand their behaviors and pick a more compatible partner if you're on the market. The problem is, attachment style isn't everything. It doesn't tell you everything. It's not even a very good predictor of your potential as a mate.

Attachment styles are simply part of a whole. Imagine a car being a whole person and attachment style being the doors. Are the doors important? Sure. Do they make up the entire car? No. Can you drive a car safely without doors? Hello, Jeep Wranglers.

The thing about people obsessing over new words, phrases or concepts they've learned from an influencer who went to therapy with their own layman's understanding is that some things get a gold star while others are deemed evil. There are four basic attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant and fearful. Of those four basic styles, there are multiple different subsections such as anxious-avoidant or disorganized-fearful.

This is why attempting to pin down or diagnose your own or your potential partner's attachment style isn't particularly advisable without the help of a professional. But that doesn't stop social media from doing the social media thing and declaring one attachment style king and the others unfortunate tragedies to take pity on. Everyone wants to stake claim on having a secure attachment style as a sort of badge of honor for not having childhood trauma or being well-adjusted.

But Jeff Guenther, LPC, takes a moment to highlight the benefits of having an anxious attachment style and simultaneously creates a collective sigh of relief for those who may have felt shame in holding that title.

Guenther starts the video off by validating the viewer, explaining that having an anxious attachment style isn't the person's fault.

"It's the fault of the environment that you grew up in. It's because you have parents or caregivers that were inconsistent with their love and attention," Guenther says. "It's because you were taught that love was something you had to fight for, not something that was freely given."

He goes on to explain that, if given the choice, people would opt for a secure attachment style and jokes that, "No one's producing an HBO series about securely attached people." They aren't, because that would lack a significant amount of drama, trauma and character arc. But Guenther doesn't stop at the explanation of an anxious attachment style; he lists benefits of being someone with an anxious attachment style, starting with being excellent at bedroom adult activities.

@therapyjeff

It’s not your fault that you have an anxious attachment style. #therapytiktok #mentalhealth #relationshiptips #dating #anxiousattachment #anxiousattachmentstyle

"You possess a level of emotional intelligence that makes everyone jealous. Your dedication is off the charts. Your ability to read your partner and be there for them is unparalleled," Guenther says.

The list goes on and a quick peek into the comment section let's you know his video was much needed.

"This is so sweet to hear. Every anxious attachment video I see is calling us the problem that needs to be fixed and adjusted," one person writes.

"Thank you for bringing positivity to this. I have felt like I'm supposed to cure who I am for way too long," another commenter writes.

No matter your attachment style, it's just a part of who you are, not the entirety of your being. Thanks to Guenther, those who have been concerned about possibly having anxious attachment can breathe a little freer knowing what that attachment style can bring to the table.

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Joy

Sorry, Labradors. After 31 years, America has a new favorite dog.

The American Kennel Club has crowned a new favorite.

via Pixabay

A sad-looking Labrador Retriever

The sweet-faced, loveable Labrador Retriever is no longer America’s favorite dog breed. The breed best known for having a heart of gold has been replaced by the smaller, more urban-friendly French Bulldog.

According to the American Kennel Club, for the past 31 years, the Labrador Retriever was America’s favorite dog, but it was eclipsed in 2022 by the Frenchie. The rankings are based on nearly 716,500 dogs newly registered in 2022, of which about 1 in 7 were Frenchies. Around 108,000 French Bulldogs were recorded in the U.S. in 2022, surpassing Labrador Retrievers by over 21,000.

The French Bulldog’s popularity has grown exponentially over the past decade. They were the #14 most popular breed in 2012, and since then, registrations have gone up 1,000%, bringing them to the top of the breed popularity rankings.

The AKC says that the American Hairless Terrier, Gordon Setter, Italian Greyhound and Anatolian Shepherd Dog also grew in popularity between 2021 and 2022.

The French Bulldog was famous among America’s upper class around the turn of the 20th century but then fell out of favor. Their resurgence is partly based on several celebrities who have gone public with their Frenchie love. Leonardo DiCaprio, Megan Thee Stallion, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Reese Witherspoon and Lady Gaga all own French Bulldogs.

The breed earned a lot of attention as show dogs last year when a Frenchie named Winston took second place at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show and first in the National Dog Show.

The breed made national news in early 2021 when Gaga’s dog walker was shot in the chest while walking two of her Frenchies in a dog heist. He recovered from his injuries, and the dogs were later returned.

They’ve also become popular because of their unique look and personalities.

“They’re comical, friendly, loving little dogs,” French Bull Dog Club of America spokesperson Patty Sosa told the AP. She said they are city-friendly with modest grooming needs and “they offer a lot in a small package.”

They are also popular with people who live in apartments. According to the AKC, Frenchies don’t bark much and do not require a lot of outdoor exercise.

The French Bulldog stands out among other breeds because it looks like a miniature bulldog but has large, expressive bat-like ears that are its trademark feature. However, their popularity isn’t without controversy. “French bulldogs can be a polarizing topic,” veterinarian Dr. Carrie Stefaniak told the AP.

american kennel club, french bulldog, most popular dog

An adorable French Bulldog

via Pixabay

French Bulldogs have been bred to have abnormally large heads, which means that large litters usually need to be delivered by C-section, an expensive procedure that can be dangerous for the mother. They are also prone to multiple health problems, including skin, ear, and eye infections. Their flat face means they often suffer from respiratory problems and heat intolerance.

Frenchies are also more prone to spine deformations and nerve pain as they age.

Here are the AKC’s top ten most popular dog breeds for 2022.

1 French Bulldogs

2 Labrador Retrievers

3 Golden Retrievers

4 German Shepherd Dogs

5 Poodles

6 Bulldogs

7 Rottweilers

8 Beagles

9 Dachshunds

10 German Shorthaired Pointers


This article originally appeared on 03.17.23

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dogs
Teachers

A teacher is going viral for giving a biology lesson wearing an anatomically correct suit

People are definitely paying attention now!

Being an educator in the American public school system is one of the hardest jobs in our nation. Not only is the work itself challenging, but with constant battles for educational funding and a student body increasingly tethered to their electronic devices, most teachers in America and around the world are navigating uncharted territory when it comes to finding ways to keep their students engaged in their studies.

Verónica Duque doesn't have that problem, at least not now. The then 43-year-old said she was looking for creative ways to engage with her students when she came across a form-fitting, anatomical bodysuit while doing some online shopping. She decided it was the perfect visual aid to convey vital information (pun intended) to her students in Spain.

Duque's husband tweeted a collage of images from the classroom lesson, which quickly went viral, with nearly 70,000 likes. Loosely translated, the tweet from her husband Michael reads: "Very proud of this volcano of ideas that I am lucky to have as a wife. Today she explained the human body to her students in a very original way. Great Veronica !!!"


In an interview, Duque explained the thought process that led her to presenting her third-grade-class with a unique approach to learning.

"I was surfing the internet when an ad of an AliExpress swimsuit popped up," she said. "Knowing how hard it is for kids this young to visualize the disposition of internal organs, I thought it was worth giving it a try."


Twitter

Online retailers like Amazon have a number of similar anatomical bodysuits for sale. While most people apparently purchase them for Halloween costumes or as gag gifts, it's now likely that Duque's viral moment will inspire some other educators around the world to take a similar approach to teaching the body basics to their students.



While some on Twitter were critical of the suit, the vast majority have praised Duque for her innovative approach to teaching. And the anatomical bodysuit is reportedly far from her first creative endeavor in the classroom.

"I decided long ago to use disguises for history lessons," she told Bored Panda. "I'm also using cardboard crowns for my students to learn grammatical categories such as nouns, adjectives, and verbs. Different grammar kingdoms, so to say."

And when it comes to the inevitable, made-up controversy that tends to latch itself onto virtually anyone that goes viral, Duque said she says there's another far more controversial stereotype she hopes her brief moment of fame will help address.

"I'd like society to stop considering teachers to be lazy bureaucratic public servants," she said. "We're certainly not."

Get this teacher a raise!


This article originally appeared on 12.28.19

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Pop Culture

Lebanese dance troupe wins 'America's Got Talent' with one final incredible performance

The lionesses have proudly walked to victory.

Talent Recap/YouTube

The competition came down to the Mayyas and pole dancer Kristy Sellars.

The fan-favorite all-female dance troupe from Lebanon took home the ultimate prize on a September 2022 episode of “America’s Got Talent,” beating out some incredibly heavy competition this season. With the win came a $1 million cash prize as well as the opportunity to headline a show at Las Vegas' Luxor Hotel and Casino.

From first-round auditions to the riveting live finale, the Mayyas have consistently lived up to their name, which translates to “proud walk of the lioness,” with remarkable skill and fearlessness in each and every performance.

You can take a look at their entire “AGT” journey below, ending with that unforgettable finale. Prepare to be blown away.

The dance crew promised to “hypnotize” during its first-round audition, and did so with flying colors. Having previously won “Arab’s Got Talent” back in 2019, the Mayyas were well prepared to wow the crowd.

Their spellbinding performance granted the Mayyas a golden buzzer from judge Sofia Vergara, who called it the “most beautiful creative dancing” she had ever seen.

They once again left audiences with their jaws on the floor after their semifinal routine, which was even more bold and dramatic. Howie Mandel called it the “best moment in AGT history,” adding that the Mayyas should be “the poster people for female empowerment."

Simon Cowell also predicted that their performance would “change the world.”

Then came the live finale, where the proud lionesses left it all on the stage. The stunning performance had glowing orbs of light, glittery galaxies and a huge white gown made out of large feather fans. In a word, it had everything.

Yeah, it was hauntingly beautiful.

Viewers have been rooting for the Mayyas from the beginning—not only for their ability to create mesmerizing illusions using clever choreography and brilliant prop manipulation, but for their mission to “prove to the world what Arab women can do, the art we can create, the fights we fight.”

As explained by Nadim Cherfan, the team’s choreographer, “Lebanon is not considered a place where you can build a career out of dancing, so it’s really hard, and harder for women.”

This combined with the country’s worsening economic crisis and apparent political corruption made each advancement to the next round mean so much more than getting closer to a coveted title. As Cherfan told People, “It’s about a huge bigger message for our people to make them believe in themselves and to give hope to our country who is going into a dark time."

The Mayyas shared their well-deserved victory with their home country, posting a video to Instagram of the win along with the caption saying “Lebanon, this one’s for you.”

It’s lovely to see incredible talent. It’s even better to hear the incredible stories behind the talent. The Mayyas were dedicated to showing the world what Arab women can do, and they succeeded.


This article originally appeared on 9.16.22

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Humor

A neighborhood mom thought she caught her teen babysitter smoking and was hilariously wrong.

A neighborhood mom thought she caught her teen babysitter smoking and was hilariously wrong.

via Sarah Holderr / Twitter

Anyone with a Nextdoor account knows that there are some terribly nosy neighbors out there. There are also a lot of folks who love to complain … about everything.

These lookiloos can also be especially suspicious about what the local teenagers are doing.

Sarah Holderr, a teenager from Kansas, babysits for her neighbor Amy.

One day, Sarah received a text from Amy saying that her husband, Randy, caught her smoking while driving her car. First thing is that Randy should have minded his own business.

Secondly, if he has a problem with her smoking, he could have talked to her about it personally. There's no need to narc on her to his wife.

In the text, she refers to a "a cigar of some sort," which seems like she was accusing Sarah of smoking a blunt — a cigar with weed rolled into it. Which kinda makes sense because it's pretty rare to see a teenage girl smoking a cigar.

Even though she was being accused of an illegal act by Amy, Sarah responded with good humor, admitting that, in fact, she was only eating a taquito.

via Sarah Holderr/ Twitter

"I feel bad because in my opinion [my neighbor] is crazy nice and I get where she's coming from," Sarah told BuzzFeed News. "She hasn't responded, I'm assuming out of embarrassment."

Sarah posted the interaction on a since deleted Twitter post where it completely blew up, earning over 280,000 likes. And, of course, the folks on twitter had a lot to say about Amy and her nosy hubby.

This article originally appeared on 7.3.19

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Fatherhood

The new daddy 'poo timer' is a funny gift idea, but it calls attention to a real issue

"Today I started a new rule. If he is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, I flip the wifi off."

via Dude I Want That

There are many, many things that change in a household after children arrive. The number of toys and bright-colored items strewn about the house make it look like a clown moved in.

Parents soon give up any chance of watching a TV show they enjoy until after the children go to bed.

The refrigerator becomes jam-packed with juice boxes, go-gurts, and large frozen bags of chicken nuggets.

There's also a strange disappearing act that happens.

"Mom, where's dad?" the child asks.

"He's in the bathroom," mom replies with a shrug.

Funny, before children, dad used to be in and out of the bathroom in a few minutes. Now, he spends thirty minutes staring at his phone, watching YouTube, and setting his fantasy baseball lineup in his new palace of solace.

While it's always good to get some alone time, it becomes a problem when dad leaves his spouse to handle the child-rearing and chores because he's taking his time on the throne.

In a recent story covered by Upworthy, a mother on Reddit admitted she turns off the wi-fi in the house if her husband takes too long in the restroom.

"Over the past couple months he has been spending more and more time in there," the mother wrote. "He always takes his phone. He is always watching YouTube. His average session is 25 minutes in there, often longer, rarely shorter."

"Today I started a new rule. If he is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, I flip the wifi off," she wrote. "He has not spent more than 15 minutes in the bathroom at a stretch today, but is extremely upset."

For those who find that tactic a bit drastic, Katamco has created the Toilet Timer, an hour-glass style timer that can be flipped over when dad enters the bathroom.

"The Toilet Timer is for the poo-crastinator taking their sweet time," reads the product description. "This is a sand timer that runs for about five minutes. Help your loved one get back to the people they are trying to avoid."

While the daddy poo-timer seems like a fun passive-aggressive gag gift, there's a real reason it exists. After having kids, the average dad's time spent on the pot goes up considerably.

A poll of 1,000 British men found that dads spend seven hours a year hiding from their families in the bathroom.

The poll found that 25% of men said if they couldn't escape to the bathroom they "don't know how they'd cope." A third said that a trip to the bathroom is the only time they get to themselves.

Fourteen percent stow away items such as books, magazines, and food for the time they spend in their palace of solitude.

Who the hell eats while sitting on the toilet?

Domestic life can be stressful for both parents. Maybe if these dads need a breather from the trials of domesticity they should just ask their spouses? That seems to be a much more constructive way of handling the stress than hiding out in fear.


This article originally appeared on 3.5.20

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