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Therapist lists benefits of having an anxious attachment style, validating people everywhere

"No one's producing an HBO series about securely attached people."

attachment style; therapy speak; anxious attachment style; mental health; TikTok mental health

Therapist lists benefits of having an anxious attachment style.

"Therapy speak" or "psychobabble" has infiltrated the daily lives of average citizens thanks to social media apps like TikTok and Instagram. Everyone seems to be an expert on something, and terms get thrown around with a very loose understanding of their actual meaning, which can cause confusion.

Chatter about knowing your "attachment style" has been making the rounds as of late. There seems to be a belief that if you know other people's attachment styles then you can better understand their behaviors and pick a more compatible partner if you're on the market. The problem is, attachment style isn't everything. It doesn't tell you everything. It's not even a very good predictor of your potential as a mate.

Attachment styles are simply part of a whole. Imagine a car being a whole person and attachment style being the doors. Are the doors important? Sure. Do they make up the entire car? No. Can you drive a car safely without doors? Hello, Jeep Wranglers.


The thing about people obsessing over new words, phrases or concepts they've learned from an influencer who went to therapy with their own layman's understanding is that some things get a gold star while others are deemed evil. There are four basic attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant and fearful. Of those four basic styles, there are multiple different subsections such as anxious-avoidant or disorganized-fearful.

This is why attempting to pin down or diagnose your own or your potential partner's attachment style isn't particularly advisable without the help of a professional. But that doesn't stop social media from doing the social media thing and declaring one attachment style king and the others unfortunate tragedies to take pity on. Everyone wants to stake claim on having a secure attachment style as a sort of badge of honor for not having childhood trauma or being well-adjusted.

But Jeff Guenther, LPC, takes a moment to highlight the benefits of having an anxious attachment style and simultaneously creates a collective sigh of relief for those who may have felt shame in holding that title.

Guenther starts the video off by validating the viewer, explaining that having an anxious attachment style isn't the person's fault.

"It's the fault of the environment that you grew up in. It's because you have parents or caregivers that were inconsistent with their love and attention," Guenther says. "It's because you were taught that love was something you had to fight for, not something that was freely given."

He goes on to explain that, if given the choice, people would opt for a secure attachment style and jokes that, "No one's producing an HBO series about securely attached people." They aren't, because that would lack a significant amount of drama, trauma and character arc. But Guenther doesn't stop at the explanation of an anxious attachment style; he lists benefits of being someone with an anxious attachment style, starting with being excellent at bedroom adult activities.

@therapyjeff

It’s not your fault that you have an anxious attachment style. #therapytiktok #mentalhealth #relationshiptips #dating #anxiousattachment #anxiousattachmentstyle

"You possess a level of emotional intelligence that makes everyone jealous. Your dedication is off the charts. Your ability to read your partner and be there for them is unparalleled," Guenther says.

The list goes on and a quick peek into the comment section let's you know his video was much needed.

"This is so sweet to hear. Every anxious attachment video I see is calling us the problem that needs to be fixed and adjusted," one person writes.

"Thank you for bringing positivity to this. I have felt like I'm supposed to cure who I am for way too long," another commenter writes.

No matter your attachment style, it's just a part of who you are, not the entirety of your being. Thanks to Guenther, those who have been concerned about possibly having anxious attachment can breathe a little freer knowing what that attachment style can bring to the table.

Tony Trapani discovers a letter his wife hid from him since 1959.

Tony Trapani and his wife were married for 50 years despite the heartache of being unable to have children. "She wanted children,” Trapani told Fox 17. "She couldn't have any. She tried and tried." Even though they endured the pain of infertility, Tony's love for his wife never wavered and he cherished every moment they spent together.

After his wife passed away when Tony was 81 years old, he undertook the heartbreaking task of sorting out all of her belongings. That’s when he stumbled upon a carefully concealed letter in a filing cabinet hidden for over half a century.

The letter was addressed to Tony and dated March 1959, but this was the first time he had seen it. His wife must have opened it, read it and hid it from him. The letter came from Shirley Childress, a woman Tony had once been close with before his marriage. She reached out, reminiscing about their past and revealing a secret that would change Tony's world forever.

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Photo by Bambi Corro on Unsplash

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For University of British Columbia student Tim Chen, that "easy commute" is more than 400 miles each way.

Twice a week, Chen hops on a flight from his home city of Calgary, flies a little more than an hour to Vancouver to attend his classes, then flies back home the same night. And though it's hard to believe, this routine actually saves him approximately $1,000 a month.

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@ustheremingtons/TikTok

There's a lot to be gleaned from this.

Participating in paternity leave offers fathers so much more than an opportunity to bond with their new kids. It also allows them to help around the house and take on domestic responsibilities that many new mothers have to face alone…while also tending to a newborn.

All in all, it enables couples to handle the daunting new chapter as a team, making it less stressful on both parties. Or at least equally stressful on both parties. Democracy!

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This time around, for baby number two, Remington had the privilege of taking seven weeks off (to be clear—his employer offered four weeks, and he used an additional three weeks of PTO).

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Man goes out of his way to leave tip for a server after realizing he grabbed the wrong receipt

Instead of just brushing it off and moving on, the man wrote out a note explaining what happened with a sincere apology along with a $20 cash tip and delivered it to the restaurant.

Man goes out of his way to leave forgotten tip for server

Being in the service industry can be hard. People have to spend long hours on their feet, deal with repetitive movements that can create pain and sometimes interact with not so nice customers. When you rely on tips for survival on top of everything else, it can feel like a bit of a gut punch when someone decides not to leave you one despite how good your service was.

One customer must've realized the disappointment that can occur after not receiving a tip when serving tables because he went out of his way to give one. In a post shared on Reddit, a customer revealed in a letter that he realized he took the wrong receipt after leaving. Instead of taking the blank one, he took the merchant's copy which holds the tip amount and his signature.

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Scientists have finally figured out how whales are able to 'sing' underwater

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When humans make sound underwater, we expel air over through our vocal chords and the air we release rises to the surface as bubbles. But baleen whales don't have vocal chords, and they don't create bubbles when they vocalize. Toothed whales, such as sperm whales, beaked whales, dolphins and porpoises, have an organ in their nasal passages that allows them to vocalize, but baleen whales such as humpback, gray and blue whales don't.

Whales are notoriously difficult to study because of their size and the environment they require, which is why the mechanism behind whale song has remained a mystery for so long. It's not like scientists can just pluck a whale out of the ocean and stick it in an x-ray machine while it's singing to see what's happening inside its body to create the sound. Scientists had theories, but no one really knew how baleen whales sing.

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There are countless situations in life where we have to figure out how someone really feels, but they have a good poker face that keeps their feelings well-hidden. According to body language expert Terry Vaughan even the most deceptive people in the world have a tell: the left and right sides of their face don’t usually match.

So, which side do we believe? Vaughan says the left.

“The reason this is a powerful hack is because the left side of the face is more likely to reveal the ‘true emotion’ or the ‘dominant’ emotion if there’s a mix,” Vaughan says. The reason? “The right hemisphere of our brain does more heavy lifting in dealing with processing emotions. The left hemisphere…is a little more analytical or ‘strategic.’”

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