U.S. Soccer legend Abby Wambach addressed the Barnard College Class of 2018, letting them in on her four secrets to success.
Her commencement address, delivered to the New York women's college, took a long look at her own career — the things she'd do the same and the things she'd change.
Her remarkable speech deviated from some of the more common tropes that make their way into graduation speeches, and instead, she focused on the importance of teamwork.
Even as the all-time leading scorer in U.S. soccer history, the two-time Olympic gold medalist and 2015 World Cup champion emphasized the importance of working as a team. Barnard graduates are their own team, women are a team, and marginalized groups are a team — with considerable overlap among them.
"Like all little girls, I was taught to be grateful. I was taught to keep my head down, stay on the path, and get my job done. I was freaking Little Red Riding Hood," she said to laughter from the crowd.
It's that "Little Red Riding Hood" mentality that she urged graduates to break with.
"If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: 'Abby, you were never Little Red Riding Hood; you were always the wolf,'" she said, calling on members of the audience to embrace their places in the wolf pack.
[rebelmouse-image 19477196 dam="1" original_size="500x281" caption="All GIFs from Barnard/YouTube." expand=1]All GIFs from Barnard/YouTube.
Below are the four rules for success Wambach offered graduates. The rest of us can probably learn a few things from them as well.
1. "Make failure your fuel."
"Here's something the best athletes understand, but seems like a hard concept for non-athletes to grasp," she said:
"Non-athletes don't know what to do with the gift of failure. So they hide it, pretend it never happened, reject it outright — and they end up wasting it. Listen: Failure is not something to be ashamed of, it's something to be POWERED by. Failure is the highest octane fuel your life can run on. You gotta learn to make failure your fuel."
What followed was a story about the time she was on the Youth National Team and got to visit the U.S. Women's National Team when she noticed a conspicuously placed photo reminding the adult team of its failure in the 1995 World Cup.
2. "Lead from the bench."
As her career wound down to a close, Wambach was asked to take a new and unfamiliar role on the team: the bench player. She wasn't happy about it, but went on to say how it inspired her to learn a new way of leadership — one we can all rally around.
"You'll feel benched sometimes too. You'll be passed over for the promotion, taken off the project — you might even find yourself holding a baby instead of a briefcase — watching your colleagues 'get ahead,'" she said:
"Here's what's important. You are allowed to be disappointed when it feels like life's benched you. What you aren't allowed to do is miss your opportunity to lead from the bench. During that last World Cup, my teammates told me that my presence, my support, my vocal and relentless belief in them from the bench is what gave them the confidence they needed to win us that championship. If you're not a leader on the bench, don't call yourself a leader on the field. You're either a leader everywhere or nowhere."
3. "Champion each other."
Women often find themselves set up against one another, competing for a single seat at the bargaining table. Wambach called on graduates to reject the premise of a single seat, instead using the collective power of the "wolf pack" to create a place for everybody.
"Scarcity has been planted inside of us and among us. This scarcity is not our fault. But it is our problem. And it is within our power to create abundance for women where scarcity used to live," she said:
"As you go out into the world: Amplify each others' voices. Demand seats for women, people of color and all marginalized people at every table where decisions are made. Call out each other's wins just like we do on the field, claim the success of one woman as a collective success for all women. Joy. Success. Power. These are not pies where a bigger slice for her means a smaller slice for you. These are infinite. In any revolution, the way to make something true starts with believing it is. Let's claim infinite joy, success, and power — together."
4. "Demand the ball."
Touching on the story of one of her idols, fellow U.S. soccer star Michelle Akers, Wambach stressed the importance of being assertive when necessary and knowing your value. Too often, women are warned not to rock the boat, not to go too far off the path.
If we want progress, however, it's not going to come from sitting back and being polite, she warned:
"Women, at this moment in history, leadership is calling us to say: 'Give me the effing ball. Give me the effing job. Give me the same pay that the guy next to me gets. Give me the promotion. Give me the microphone. Give me the Oval Office. Give me the respect I've earned and give it to my wolf pack, too.'"
There's a lot to learn from Wambach's speech, but the most important message is actually a question: Who do you want to be?
"Don't just ask yourself, 'What do I want to do?'" she said in her closing. "Ask yourself, 'Who do I want to be?'"
Watch the entire speech below. You can also read the transcript on Barnard's website.
- Tony Hsieh was living proof that you can be a good human being and successful in business - Upworthy ›
- She just landed her dream home and it all started with trading a single bobby pin ›
- Redditors share simple rules that would change the world - Upworthy ›
- Redditors share simple rules that would change the world - Upworthy ›
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."