A cancer diagnosis is life-changing. Here's how you can reclaim yourself.
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A cancer diagnosis brings with it a flood of thoughts and emotions that can be difficult to handle.

None of us are prepared to hear that we or a loved one have a life-altering disease with a potentially tragic outcome, and the uncertainty that follows a cancer diagnosis is scary.

Since 1 in 3 of us will experience a cancer diagnosis in our lifetime according to the American Cancer Society, it's good to know what to expect.


Photo by Gus Moretta on Unsplash

Dr. Jennifer Lee, PhD, a Licensed Psychologist at the Aflac Cancer and Blood Disorders Center at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta, says that it's normal to feel upset, angry, sad, or numb upon hearing the words “It's cancer." “Many people's initial response to a cancer diagnosis is shock and fear," Lee says. “The shock and fear should gradually decrease, but it takes time. As families get more information about what the diagnosis means and their specific treatment plan, many families begin to shift to a more action-oriented approach to take steps to address the illness and symptoms."

Some of that action includes purposefully engaging in self-care — doing things that can help you feel more connected to yourself as you go through your cancer journey.

Self-care for cancer patients goes beyond seeing doctors and taking medications.

"Self-care" can feel like a loaded term when you're overwhelmed, but that's when caring for yourself is most vital. Many people living with cancer will see a therapist to help them deal with the emotional and psychological toll that cancer can take, but there are other things patients can do along with that to help them feel more like themselves.

Keep living your life.

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It can be tempting to put your life on hold while you're dealing with cancer, but Dr. Lee says that maintaining as much of a normal life as possible is one of the most important things cancer-affected families can do.

"This may require creating a 'new normal' for yourself after diagnosis," she says, "but be patient with yourself as you make these changes. If your treatment plan allows you to work or go to school, continue to do so as much as you can. This helps to alleviate financial stress, but also can be a good way to remind yourself that you are still living life while being treated for cancer."

Do the things that bring you joy, no matter how small they are.

Little things can make a big difference, especially when you're facing a major health challenge. Dr. Lee suggests regularly scheduling activities that help you relax or make you happy, such as brief exercise(doctor permitting), engaging in spiritual practices, or getting together with friends. Even something as simple as scheduling a spa session or taking regular walks in nature can help you feel more connected to yourself.

For some people living with cancer, finding ways to address how their body is changing can help boost their well-being. That begins with understanding how cancer and cancer treatments can affect you physically and making adjustments. For example, chemo and radiation can cause dry hair, eyebrow loss, dry skin and discoloration, and changes to nails and cuticles. It can also cause side effects that make you feel ill or uncomfortable.

Finding people who can help you manage those side effects and changes is important, which is why Walgreens created their Feel More Like You service. Specially trained beauty consultants and pharmacists work with individuals with cancer to help manage the internal and external changes that they're experiencing, offering individualized guidance and recommendations to help them look and feel their best. The service is available at 3,000 Walgreens locations nationwide —and it's free.

Connect with others — especially others in the cancer community.

Cancer can feel isolating sometimes, but it doesn't have to be. Dr. Lee recommends staying in touch with supportive people and communities while you're going through treatment and recovery. That might include your friends and family, your professional or religious community or local cancer support groups.

Dr. Lee says that others who have cancer can be a great resource as you go through treatment. "Connect with other people with cancer," she says, "especially if they are going through or have been through a similar treatment. Their expert tips and insights can be helpful, validating, and supportive." The Cancer Support Community website has a host of resources for people looking for such connections.

Indulge people's offers to help.

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Caring for yourself sometimes means letting others care for you. Many people don't know what to do when a friend, family member, or coworker is diagnosed with cancer, but most people truly want to help. Dr. Lee suggests taking people up on their offers.

"If people offer to help, let them help, even if it is something simple like picking up groceries, taking care of your pets or helping to manage childcare," she says. "Not only does it help you, it helps your friends and family feel like they can do something to help you get through this."

Cancer diagnosis and treatment can be physically and emotionally draining, which is why self-care is so important.

There are also millions of people who understand what you're going through and who have the knowledge and skills to help you through your cancer journey. There are loads of people out there who you can call upon all along that journey.

But don't forget to do small things for yourself too. You might be surprised at how a simple thing like a meditation session or a trip to a museum or a new beauty routine can boost your spirits. A person with cancer is a person first and foremost, so as you treat the cancer, make sure you're caring for yourself as well, whatever that means to you.

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When Sue Hoppin was in college, she met the man she was going to marry. "I was attending the University of Denver, and he was at the Air Force Academy," she says. "My dad had also attended the University of Denver and warned me not to date those flyboys from the Springs."

"He didn't say anything about marrying one of them," she says. And so began her life as a military spouse.

The life brings some real advantages, like opportunities to live abroad — her family got to live all around the US, Japan, and Germany — but it also comes with some downsides, like having to put your spouse's career over your own goals.

"Though we choose to marry someone in the military, we had career goals before we got married, and those didn't just disappear."

Career aspirations become more difficult to achieve, and progress comes with lots of starts and stops. After experiencing these unique challenges firsthand, Sue founded an organization to help other military spouses in similar situations.

Sue had gotten a degree in international relations because she wanted to pursue a career in diplomacy, but for fourteen years she wasn't able to make any headway — not until they moved back to the DC area. "Eighteen months later, many rejections later, it became apparent that this was going to be more challenging than I could ever imagine," she says.

Eighteen months is halfway through a typical assignment, and by then, most spouses are looking for their next assignment. "If I couldn't find a job in my own 'hometown' with multiple degrees and a great network, this didn't bode well for other military spouses," she says.

She's not wrong. Military spouses spend most of their lives moving with their partners, which means they're often far from family and other support networks. When they do find a job, they often make less than their civilian counterparts — and they're more likely to experience underemployment or unemployment. In fact, on some deployments, spouses are not even allowed to work.

Before the pandemic, military spouse unemployment was 22%. Since the pandemic, it's expected to rise to 35%.

Sue eventually found a job working at a military-focused nonprofit, and it helped her get the experience she needed to create her own dedicated military spouse program. She wrote a book and started saving up enough money to start the National Military Spouse Network (NMSN), which she founded in 2010 as the first organization of its kind.

"I founded the NMSN to help professional military spouses develop flexible careers they could perform from any location."

"Over the years, the program has expanded to include a free digital magazine, professional development events, drafting annual White Papers and organizing national and local advocacy to address the issues of most concern to the professional military spouse community," she says.

Not only was NMSN's mission important to Sue on a personal level she also saw it as part of something bigger than herself.

"Gone are the days when families can thrive on one salary. Like everyone else, most military families rely on two salaries to make ends meet. If a military spouse wants or needs to work, they should be able to," she says.

"When less than one percent of our population serves in the military," she continues, "we need to be able to not only recruit the best and the brightest but also retain them."

"We lose out as a nation when service members leave the force because their spouse is unable to find employment. We see it as a national security issue."

"The NMSN team has worked tirelessly to jumpstart the discussion and keep the challenges affecting military spouses top of mind. We have elevated the conversation to Congress and the White House," she continues. "I'm so proud of the fact that corporations, the government, and the general public are increasingly interested in the issues affecting military spouses and recognizing the employment roadblocks they unfairly have faced."

"We have collectively made other people care, and in doing so, we elevated the issues of military spouse unemployment to a national and global level," she adds. "In the process, we've also empowered military spouses to advocate for themselves and our community so that military spouse employment issues can continue to remain at the forefront."

Not only has NMSN become a sought-after leader in the military spouse employment space, but Sue has also seen the career she dreamed of materializing for herself. She was recently invited to participate in the public re-launch of Joining Forces, a White House initiative supporting military and veteran families, with First Lady Dr. Jill Biden.

She has also had two of her recommendations for practical solutions introduced into legislation just this year. She was the first in the Air Force community to show leadership the power of social media to reach both their airmen and their military families.

That is why Sue is one of Tory Burch's "Empowered Women" this year. The $5,000 donation will be going to The Madeira School, a school that Sue herself attended when she was in high school because, she says, "the lessons I learned there as a student pretty much set the tone for my personal and professional life. It's so meaningful to know that the donation will go towards making a Madeira education more accessible to those who may not otherwise be able to afford it and providing them with a life-changing opportunity."

Most military children will move one to three times during high school so having a continuous four-year experience at one high school can be an important gift. After traveling for much of her formative years, Sue attended Madeira and found herself "in an environment that fostered confidence and empowerment. As young women, we were expected to have a voice and advocate not just for ourselves, but for those around us."

To learn more about Tory Burch and Upworthy's Empowered Women program visit https://www.toryburch.com/empoweredwomen/. Nominate an inspiring woman in your community today!

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

This article originally appeared on 12.03.19


Madeleine Albright once said, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." It turns out that might actually be a hell on Earth, because women just do better when they have other women to rely on, and there's research that backs it up.

A study published in the Harvard Business Review found that women who have a strong circle of friends are more likely to get executive positions with higher pay. "Women who were in the top quartile of centrality and had a female-dominated inner circle of 1-3 women landed leadership positions that were 2.5 times higher in authority and pay than those of their female peers lacking this combination," Brian Uzzi writes in the Harvard Business Review.

Part of the reason why women with strong women backing them up are more successful is because they can turn to their tribe for advice. Women have to face different challenges than men, such as unconscious bias, and being able to turn to other women who have had similar experiences can help you navigate a difficult situation. It's like having a road map for your goals.

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