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Family

37 years after being thrown out of his house as a teen, his family wants to apologize

He did nothing wrong but took the blame.

37 years after being thrown out of his house as a teen, his family wants to apologize

Does time really heal all wounds? That’s the big question in a harrowing story posted to Reddit by a 53-year-old man who has had a very challenging life but now just wants to know love.

The story was shared by a user named Fancy-Anywhere-4733, who we’ll refer to in the story as FA for short.

FA’s mother died when he was 12 years old and 2 years later, his father married a woman named Ashley who had two kids, Mark (14) and Emily (12). “I got along with Ashley and Emily really well, but Mark, not so much so. He and I were always getting into arguments and fights,” FA recalls. This rivalry came to a head the next year when both boys fell for the same girl, Lisa, that FA began to date, much to Mark’s annoyance.

Then, there came the lie that would change his life forever.


“One day after my 16th birthday, my stepmom was putting away my laundry and started yelling,” FA recalled. “This was awkward because my girlfriend Lisa was there. We all ran, thinking the worst. When we got to my room, my stepmom was holding several pairs of my sister's underwear and yelling at me why they were in my drawer.”

“I had no answer as I'd never seen them before,” he continued. “Of course, no one believed me. No matter how much protesting I did."

Then Mark piped up, saying he always caught me staring at his sister, thought it was creepy and caught me once saying I wish I could marry her. Obviously lying, but that was all it took. Lisa slapped me and called me a perv and told me we were done and walked out.”

upset teen, reddit, family fight

A teen boy is ashamed sitting on a couch.

via Christian Erfurt/Unsplash

FA’s dad grabbed him by the arm and threw him out of the house, screaming that he wouldn't “put his daughter at risk from a perv.” FA cried and screamed that it was all a lie, but no one believed him. “I told him I had nowhere to go and he said that wasn't his problem, then closed the door,” FA wrote.

FA lived on the streets for two years doing “what I had to do” to survive. He admits that therapy later helped him get over the experiences he had to endure to get by. He eventually found a job at a boxing gym a few states away and began training in the sport, which helped him channel his rage.

Eventually, at 35, he met a 20-year-old girl, married her and became a master’s electrician. They have 4 kids and have been happily married for 15 years. With the help of a therapist, he was able to put his old life behind him and embrace his new family with all his heart.

But then, 37 years after being kicked out of the house, he received an email from Emily, his stepsister. Evidently, Mark got drunk one night at the bar and bragged about how he set FA up by planting the underwear in his drawer. Lisa, who is now married to Mark, heard the story and reached out to Emily so she could know the truth.

email, computer, reddit

A woman writing an email.

via Glenn Carstens-Peters/Unsplash

Emily found Mark’s email address and reached out stating that the family wanted to meet up face to face, apologize to him and make up for the lost time. “I'm, however indifferent to the idea,” FA admitted. “Like, I have no ill feelings towards her. She obviously was young and had no real say in the matter. But with lots and lots of therapy, I learned to let go of that hate and anger and to let go of them. As well with all the love I receive from my wife, kids and in-laws, it's all I really need.”

Even though FA wasn’t asking for advice, he got a lot of it in the comments and really appreciated the outside opinions.

A day after posting his story, FA has yet to respond to his family, but he found a suggestion he liked. DaughterofLilith wrote a response for him that reads:

"Thank you for finally believing in me, it only took 30 long years. Because of Mark's and my Father's despicable actions on that day, I lived on the streets for 2 years doing all sorts of desperate things to survive. But now I have a wonderful life, with an amazing family. My wife is my biggest supporter and friend. We have 4 beautiful daughters that no one from my family, especially my Father, will ever know. As a parent, I would never expose my precious children to such vile, hateful and terrible human beings like Mark or my Father. I have learned to move on with my life and heal the wounds that they caused me. I have forgiven them for their reprehensible actions that day but forgiveness does not require me to allow them back into my life. Thank you for informing me of Mark's confession but do not ever reach out to me again. I no longer consider my family of origin as any kind of family at all. I created a new and better one."

“Wow... you've nailed it right on the head,” FA responded. “Outside of indifference to them, this would make a great response. Thanks for taking the time to read and post this well-thought-out comment.”

In the end, posting about his experience on Reddit helped FA better understand a complicated situation. “Didn't really come here for advice, but to share my story, but I think it was wise that you all have,” he wrote. “It has given me an outside perspective.” But, whether he reaches out to his former family or not, seems like a footnote in the story. The great part of FA’s journey is that he learned not only to forgive but to move on from his trauma with an open heart and create a new life with the family of his choice.

Identity

Celebrate International Women's Day with these stunning photos of female leaders changing the world

The portraits, taken by acclaimed photographer Nigel Barker, are part of CARE's "She Leads the World" campaign.

Images provided by CARE

Kadiatu (left), Zainab (right)

True

Women are breaking down barriers every day. They are transforming the world into a more equitable place with every scientific discovery, athletic feat, social justice reform, artistic endeavor, leadership role, and community outreach project.

And while these breakthroughs are happening all the time, International Women’s Day (Mar 8) is when we can all take time to acknowledge the collective progress, and celebrate how “She Leads the World.

This year, CARE, a leading global humanitarian organization dedicated to empowering women and girls, is celebrating International Women’s Day through the power of portraiture. CARE partnered with high-profile photographer Nigel Barker, best known for his work on “America’s Next Top Model,” to capture breathtaking images of seven remarkable women who have prevailed over countless obstacles to become leaders within their communities.

“Mabinty, Isatu, Adama, and Kadiatu represent so many women around the world overcoming incredible obstacles to lead their communities,” said Michelle Nunn, President and CEO of CARE USA.

Barker’s bold portraits, as part of CARE’s “She Leads The World” campaign, not only elevate each woman’s story, but also shine a spotlight on how CARE programs helped them get to where they are today.

About the women:

Mabinty

international womens day, care.org

Mabinty is a businesswoman and a member of a CARE savings circle along with a group of other women. She buys and sells groundnuts, rice, and fuel. She and her husband have created such a successful enterprise that Mabinty volunteers her time as a teacher in the local school. She was the first woman to teach there, prompting a second woman to do so. Her fellow teachers and students look up to Mabinty as the leader and educator she is.

Kadiatu

international womens day, care.org

Kadiatu supports herself through a small business selling food. She also volunteers at a health clinic in the neighboring village where she is a nursing student. She tests for malaria, works with infants, and joins her fellow staff in dancing and singing with the women who visit the clinic. She aspires to become a full-time nurse so she can treat and cure people. Today, she leads by example and with ambition.

Isatu

international womens day, care.org

When Isatu was three months pregnant, her husband left her, seeking his fortune in the gold mines. Now Isatu makes her own way, buying and selling food to support her four children. It is a struggle, but Isatu is determined to be a part of her community and a provider for her kids. A single mother of four is nothing if not a leader.

Zainab

international womens day, care.org

Zainab is the Nurse in Charge at the Maternal Child Health Outpost in her community. She is the only nurse in the surrounding area, and so she is responsible for the pre-natal health of the community’s mothers-to-be and for the safe delivery of their babies. In a country with one of the world’s worst maternal death rates, Zainab has not lost a single mother. The community rallies around Zainab and the work she does. She describes the women who visit the clinic as sisters. That feeling is clearly mutual.

Adama

international womens day, care.org

Adama is something few women are - a kehkeh driver. A kehkeh is a three-wheeled motorcycle taxi, known elsewhere as a tuktuk. Working in the Kissy neighborhood of Freetown, Adama is the primary breadwinner for her family, including her son. She keeps her riders safe in other ways, too, by selling condoms. With HIV threatening to increase its spread, this is a vital service to the community.

Ya Yaebo

international womens day, care.org

“Ya” is a term of respect for older, accomplished women. Ya Yaebo has earned that title as head of her local farmers group. But there is much more than that. She started as a Village Savings and Loan Association member and began putting money into her business. There is the groundnut farm, her team buys and sells rice, and own their own oil processing machine. They even supply seeds to the Ministry of Agriculture. She has used her success to the benefit of people in need in her community and is a vocal advocate for educating girls, not having gone beyond grade seven herself.

On Monday, March 4, CARE will host an exhibition of photography in New York City featuring these portraits, kicking off the multi-day “She Leads the World Campaign.

Learn more, view the portraits, and join CARE’s International Women's Day "She Leads the World" celebration at CARE.org/sheleads.


Health

Over or under? Surprisingly, there actually is a 'correct' way to hang a toilet paper roll.

Let's settle this silly-but-surprisingly-heated debate once and for all.

Elya/Wikimedia Commons

Should you hang the toilet paper roll over or under?



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Photo from Pexels.

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Photo via iStock.

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"[He was] just crying, wouldn't let us touch his leg, couldn't put any weight on his leg. We knew," mom Ashley says.

Ashley rushed Freddie to the emergency room, where an X-ray confirmed the bones in his left shin were broken in half. He needed to be sedated, his bones set and put in a cast. It was an agonizing day for the Teers. But it's what happened next that was truly inspiring.

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