3 reasons to stop praising dads for doing what they're supposed to.
Because if moms aren't viewed as heroes for creating a ponytail or changing diapers, neither should dads.
Jackie is a mom of two living in Tampa. She's not a fan of the praise dads are getting lately for raising their kids.
"I know this is going to sound bitter, but all of the dad-worship stuff needs to stop," Jackie told me. "It seems like all a man needs to do is change a diaper or braid hair, and he's instantly a superstar."
She's probably not alone.
For every woman who swoons at seeing a photo like this, there is another one rolling her eyes wondering what the big deal is.
We all love seeing photos of dads with their kids ... right? Photo from the Daddy Doin' Work Instagram feed, used with permission.
Where did all of this praise for dads come from? The Internet lost its collective mind over a recent Super Bowl commercial featuring dads doing their daughters' hair, so we know this phenomenon is real.
Maybe it's because people love seeing men with their babies. Maybe it's because our expectations for fathers have gotten so low that we're excited to see them doing anything with their children.
Regardless of the reasons, moms like Jackie aren't amused.
PLOT TWIST: Many dads don't want credit for doing dad stuff either.
Rick Brown is all smiles with one of his five daughters, Madison. Photo from Rick Brown, used with permission.
Meet Rick. He's a dad to five daughters and absolutely loves his girls to death.
One day while his wife was busy, Rick loaded up his girls into his car and took them to the local library to do some reading. Then things started to get strange. People kept staring at him as if he was an "exotic zoo animal." Finally, a woman stopped him to say how "amazing" it is that a dad was at the library with his girls.
Here's the thing about Rick and other dads like him: He's not interested in receiving compliments on how he does his daddy thing.
"I truly enjoy spending time with my daughters," Rick told me. "I don't think dads should get credit for being parents."
You know what? The dude's right.
With that, here are three simple takeaways regarding the recent dad-worship epidemic.
1. Making the ordinary extraordinary is, well, dumb.
Let's pretend that you like to brush your teeth before leaving the house every morning. (Actually, let's not pretend. That's probably something grown folks should be doing on the daily.)
Minty fresh breath, baby.
Now let's pretend that as you're strolling down the street, people stop you to share the following thoughts:
"Whoa! You brushed your teeth today?! You are amazing!"
"I wish everyone could be like you. Good oral hygiene is soooooo important!"
"You are such a role model. You make fresh breath cool!"
That would be weird, right?
It's normal to brush our teeth. It's not less weird for dudes to receive praise for doing the "normal" child-rearing tasks.
"I was once told that I must be a great dad because I hold my daughter so well," Jason, a dad to a 6-month-old daughter, told me.
What does that even mean? How do you respond to something like that?
GIF from "The Hangover."
We (dads) aren't bumbling buffoons. We know what we're doing.
But when men are seen as "great dads" just because we can hold babies without injuring them, we know that the fatherhood bar needs to be raised.
Which leads to the next point.
2. All of the daddy praise makes it harder for moms to be moms.
Whether we like it or not, the pressure to be a good mom is real. When we live in a world where dads can put videos like this online and are seen as geniuses, it leaves some moms frustrated.
"I struggle with parenting, like many women I know," Jackie said. "I feel like I always have to be perfect while dads can skate along by doing pretty much anything."
If we put our hearts and soul into something, we want to know that we're doing a good job. Motherhood is no different.
These ladies have a frustrating gig, and they want to be acknowledged for it. Melissa, a mom of three shared that exact sentiment:
"My husband can put my daughter in a lumpy ponytail, and he's a hero. If I did that, I'll be seen as the worst mom ever. Guess what? Sometimes I don't have the energy to style hair perfectly or create perfectly healthy meals. But I work just as hard being a parent as he does. Why can't society see that?"
Thankfully there's a pretty easy fix to the problem: equal praise for equal work.
If we're going to praise dads for completing tasks with or for their kids, we should praise moms just as much for doing the same thing. No exceptions.
Because let's be real: The next time a mom is viewed as a hero for creating a ponytail will be the first time.
3. The dad-worship thing needs to be everywhere before it goes away.
Wait ... what?
Stay with me.
There are a lot of articles celebrating fatherhood around here. But let's look at it a little differently.
Back in 1987, people celebrated the fact that Doug Williams was the first African-American quarterback to start (and win) a Super Bowl.
It was a really big deal.
The media was all over Doug Williams back in the day. Photo by Mike Powell/Getty Images.
But it was a really big deal because we hadn't seen it before.
In 2016, there are many African-American quarterbacks in football, and we hardly blink an eye at them. Why? Because it's normal now.
There is good news for people who are growing weary of the daddy love on the Internet: This too shall pass.
As counterintuitive as it may seem, the only way to truly normalize good dads is to celebrate them.
Yeah, I said it.
Share them, talk about them, love them, and celebrate the hell out of these dudes when you see them.
When you see a dad going viral for something that a mom can do blindfolded, just smile knowing it signifies that we're one step closer to it becoming old news.
Eventually dads braiding hair and holding dance parties for our kids will be as newsworthy as brushing our teeth.
And quite frankly, that's the way it should be.
12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.