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A mom wrote a letter to the NYC Ballet about her daughter's disability. They responded gracefully.

A mom writes a letter and gets a very happy and surprising response.

Meet Pearl and her awesome mom, Natalia.

They love ballet.

It just so happens that the New York City Ballet has an outreach program for kids.

The kids get to interact with real ballet dancers, and the program helps them build confidence in their dance skills.

But there was a complication. Pearl has cerebral palsy.

Cerebral palsy affects body movement, muscle control, muscle coordination, muscle tone, reflex, posture, and balance. It can also affect fine motor skills, gross motor skills, and oral motor functioning.

Pearl's mom was worried about what that would mean for her daughter in the class.

So she wrote the NYC Ballet a letter, requesting a private session.

"It would mean so much [to Pearl] to take part in a NYC Ballet workshop, so they too could become ballerinas."

"The worst thing they'll do is say they're not interested," she thought.

The NYC Ballet's response was a little better than she had imagined.

Not only did they set up four workshops for Pearl, they invited more children struggling with cerebral palsy to participate as well.

Then the NYC Ballet decided to write a letter too, hoping to get medical expertise on how to help the kids dance.

They sent an email to an expert in cerebral palsy, Dr. Joseph Dutkowsky at the Weinberg Family Cerebral Palsy Center at Columbia University.

"Would you be willing to come and help us set up some workshops for children with disabilities?" they asked.

His response was also better than they imagined.

At first, the professional dancers were nervous about how to behave around the kids.

A lot of kids with cerebral palsy struggle to move without braces, crutches, or other equipment. So the dancers asked Dr. Dutkowsky what to do with it during the lesson.

His answer was right to the point:

The decision to not use the braces made a huge difference to the kids and their families.

Juliet was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when she was 2. She's slightly wobbly when she walks. It was not lost on her mother, Joanne, just how big of a deal it was for Juliet to be free of her braces.

For Juliet, it was a truly liberating experience.


For the professional dancers, it was an eye-opening experience.


19 kids got to participate in the program.

All because one mom wrote a letter.

It turned out to be a wonderful experience for all.

So wonderful, in fact, that the New York City Ballet will be continuing the program for the foreseeable future.

Awesome indeed.

You can watch their full story here.

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All In: 5 Ways This Week

From the silly to the sentimental, there are so many ways people like to go “all in” on something. Here are our five favorite examples we found this week across the internet.

True

When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? You might picture an elaborately-themed birthday party for a dog, or maybe a person giving a detailed presentation on why she's "Team Conrad." (IYKYK) Or maybe you picture a woman who takes up running, showing up every day to push herself and completely changing her body and her mindset in the process. Whatever you picture, the idea is the same: Someone who does something with 100 percent total commitment. Going “all in” means giving your all—going completely over the top, no second guessing, no holding back. Just full-throttle enthusiasm, with some flair and creativity thrown in. And when people go “all in,” something truly special usually happens as a result.


The internet abounds with examples of people giving it their all—whatever it is. In this roundup, we’ve found the very best examples of people going “all in”—moments where passion, creativity, and commitment take center stage. Some are sentimental, some are silly, but all of them are a reminder that giving 100 percent is truly the only way to leave a mark on this world. Get ready: These folks didn’t just show up, they went all in.

1. This unbelievable high note 

@sarahhardwigofficial Alone by #heart at #crosseyedcritters on @Joe Noto ‘s last night! Thanks for everything #karaoke #80smusic #fyp ♬ original sound - sarahhardwigofficial

Most of us music enthusiasts can agree that the song “Alone” by the American rock band Heart is one of the most passionate (and technically challenging) songs you can ever sing. It’s so challenging, in fact, that only singers with really incredible range—Celine Dion, for example, or vocal powerhouse Kelly Clarkson— dare to take it on. (If you don’t know the song by name, listen to any one of these clips and you’ll recognize it after a second or two.) So imagine our surprise, scrolling through TikTok, when we see a young singer covering “Alone” and dropping the high note so casually it looks like she sang this song out of pure spite. You almost can’t believe what you’re hearing—but it’s real. And the comments section is full of people who are completely gobsmacked (including a producer from American Idol). We just know we’re going to see this girl on stage again soon.

The ultimate healthy food collab

You already know our friends at All In—they’ve got some seriously tasty snacks that are not only healthy and affordable (scroll to the bottom of this article to see how you can snag a free box), they help fund food banks, gardens, community fridges, meal programs, and other amazing things. Lately, they’ve managed to take their awesomeness up a notch by teaming up with Fresh Truck, a weekly mobile market that brings fresh and affordable produce to neighborhoods in the Boston area. Fresh truck hosts weekly markets, pop-up events, and an online storefront, all to help strengthen communities who need it the most. They’re going all in on local nutrition and food access, and we’re here for it.

This fairy-themed proposal 

@kaylasuttons My sister's suprise fairy themed proposal was a huge success! Glad I could help organize it 💜🧚🏾‍♀️ @Halfcourt @Sway with Samone #fairycore #proposal #engaged #2027bride #BlackTikTok ♬ Ordinary (Wedding Version) - Alex Warren

Marriage is kind of the ultimate example of going “all in.” Think about it—you’re committing the rest of your life to someone til death do you part. That’s why when someone plans a super outrageous proposal, like the one you’re about to watch, that just makes everything all the more special. In this video, creator Kayla Sutton recorded her sister’s surprise wedding proposal, a fairy-themed event that the groom had been planning (according to a separate storytime video) since March of this year. He enlisted family and friends, decorated the venue, supplied food, and had the guests wear fairy-themed costumes, complete with elven ears, for the big moment. Now that’s dedication. Kudos to this dude—he went all out with the proposal in order to go “all in” on their relationship. (And she said “yes,” by the way!)

This "deeply personal" wedding tribute

Okay, not to make this entire article all about weddings, but this is a truly meaningful example of someone going “all in.” Content creator Kristin Marino (now Kristin Schnacky) got married in New York City last week and got, in her words, a surprise that made her bawl her eyes out: Several current and former members of the New York City Fire Department (FDNY) who showed up to honor her late father, a former firefighter who was killed in the line of duty during the September 11th terrorist attacks. The firefighters from Station One (the same firehouse where Marino’s father worked) transported Marino in a firetruck from the Plaza Hotel where she was staying to her wedding venue, where her soon-to-be-husband was waiting at the altar. “It truly was symbolism of my dad walking me down the aisle,” Marino shared. “I know it’s exactly how [my dad] would [have] wanted it.” We’re not crying, you’re crying.

Cat Town 

We can’t tell you why this thing exists, only that it does, and that it’s so elaborate, so detailed, and so expertly created we’re having a hard time even wrapping our heads around it. Here goes: Xing is a Chinese content creator who has spent the past several years creating (and documenting the creation of) an elaborate habitat for his pet cats, called Cat Town. We’re not talking about a room filled with toys and scratching posts, by the way: Xing has actually made a complete functioning replica of a human city, scaled down to accommodate cats. Cat Town has a working subway station, a supermarket, a theatre, and a restaurant (named MeowDonalds). Just…wow. And nicely done. Talk about a passion project.

Snag your free (!!) snack bars here while this deal lasts. Simply sign up with your phone number, pick two boxes of any flavor of All In bars at Sprouts, and then text a picture of your receipt through Aisle. They’ll Venmo or PayPal you back for the cost of one box. Enjoy!

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Millennial history teacher explains the 3 phases of Gen X and why they were ‘forgotten’

"They just want to be left alone."

via Canva/Photos

A cassette tape from the '80s.

Generation X occupies an interesting time in history, for those who care to recognize that they actually exist. They were born between 1965 and 1980 and came into this world at an interesting inflection point: women were becoming a larger part of the workplace and divorce was at the highest point in history. This left Gen X to be the least parented generation in recent history.

Gen X was overlooked in their domestic lives and culturally were overshadowed by Baby Boomers with their overpowering nostalgia for Woodstock, The Beatles, and every cultural moment celebrated in Forest Gump. Once Boomer navel-gazing nostalgia began to wane, a much larger and over-parented generation, the Millennials, came on the scene.

“Whereas Boomers were the ‘me generation’ and millennials were the ‘me me me generation,’ Gen X has become the ‘meh’ generation,” Emily Stewart writes at Business Insider. But even if Gen X is a little aloof, that doesn’t mean they aren’t totally rad, awesome, trippindicular, and that it’d be bogus to define them any other way. To explain the unique history of Gen X and why they’re often overlooked, history teacher Lauren Cella created a timeline on TikTok to explain them to her Gen Z students..

@laurencella92

A love letter to Gen X from your millennial cousin🫶 Gen X didn’t start the fire, so after this I will just leave them alone because they do not care 🤣 But seriously for a generation that sometimes gets “forgotten” and stuck between the larger boomer or millennial cohorts, the genres they created paved the way for pop culture as we know it. I’m still not sure who let kids watch “The Day After” on TV or play on those hot metal playgrounds, but Gen X survived to tell the tale. Today, the so called “latchkey” kids, born 1965-1980 are actually super involved as parents, aunts, uncles, teachers (or maybe even grandparents)😉. Kids today want to say they are “built different” but I think Gen X is the one holding down that title because they grew up tough, they saw too much, they made it out, and they know exactly who they are and wouldn’t have it any other way.✌️ #g#genx

In Cella’s video, she divides Gen X into three distinct phases.

Phase 1: 1970s stagflation and changing families

“Gas shortages meant stagflation. So parents either both had to work or maybe they were divorced. So that meant microwave TV dinners and kids that sort of raised themselves,” Cella explains. “There was no parenting blogs, there was no after-school travel sports, emailing. Like, none of that existed. Bored? Go outside."


Phase 2: The neon ‘80s

“But then came the 1980s, where everything was big and loud. The hair, the bangs, the Reaganomics, mass consumerism (because now we can trade with China). The whole media just exploded,” Cella says. “But now we have TV, we have movies, we have TV, movies, home movies, TV movies, favorite TV movies, music, music, Videos, music, video, television. All these different genres and all these different cliques and all these different ways that you can express yourself.”


Phase 3: 1990s post-Cold War Skepticism

“Gen X sort of comes into the 1990s more sarcastic and skeptical,” Cella continues. “The Cold War ending meant that they rejected the excess of the eighties. And there's the shift. Grunge, indie, alternative, flannels, Docs [Doc Martins]. At this point, the technology is also exploding, but not like fun home media, but like corporate media. So there's this resistance to sell-out culture.”


Cella has a theory on why Gen X seems forgotten, and it’s not just because CBS News famously denied its existence. She believes that it comes down to Gen X’s inability to call attention to itself. “So Gen X is a bridge between these two larger, more storied generations. So it's not necessarily that they get forgotten. They don't really want the attention. They're kind of fine to just like, fly under the radar like they always have, because honestly, it's whatever.”

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How starting an 'Organized Christmas' now can help you from becoming a holiday stress monster

For those tired of not getting to actually enjoy the holiday each year.

Photo credit: Canva

Gemma Bray, best-selling author and creator of The Organised Mum Method, recently wicked off a free 13-week program to help moms and parents in charge of Christmas magic everywhere get effortlessly organized long before the big holiday arrives.

We know what you're thinking…Christmas planning? In tank top weather? But you know how it goes. The minute pumpkin spiced delights hit the menus (and they have) that means you've got about three blinks in before Yuletide sneaks up—leaving you far too overwhelmed with last minute to-dos to actually enjoy the holiday. Ba humbug.

But Bay’s “Organised Christmas” promised to circumnavigate all that, by having “a very slow, very gentle, very calm way” prep plan that’s so simple, you “won’t even notice you’re doing it.”

“That's the whole magic of it. Every single week, I just give you a few jobs, bite-sized jobs just to tick off. It's not too much, it's not gonna overwhelm you, it's not gonna take up too much time in your week, cause I know that we're all busy. Tick them off, move on, get on with the rest of your week, forget about it,” Bay says in a TikTok.

@the_organised_mum Ok team THIS IS BLOOMING WELL IT!!! Week one starts Monday 💥💥 Who’s doing TOM Organised Christmas with me this year? #organisedmum #britishcolumbia #organisedchristmas #christmasprep ♬ original sound - Gem | Founder of TOM

“At the end of Organized Christmas, which finishes at the end of November, the whole idea is, it leaves December pretty much stress-free, so you can actually enjoy it.”

Okay…we’re listening!

Technically, Organized Christmas began September 1st, but worry not. These tasks are really so simple that catching up is easy. And again. It’s about doing little steps “slowly but surely” before things get stressful, not about being perfect.

Okay, week one’s tasks: finding (and possibly booking) upcoming holidays events.

“Now this could be anything...could be Christmas lights. It could be an event that you've been wanting to go to for ages, but you never quite get it booked in time. Have a look this week. Do some research. This is your year,” she explains, adding, “I’ll be talking budgets very, very soon, but if there's that one thing that every year you think, God missed out again, have a look this week.”

planning, gif, the office, plans, prep, Christmas The Office gif media1.giphy.com

Also: holiday events on the school calendar will be checked out during this week.

“Have a little look on your school website...to see if there's anything on there about Christmas events, Christmas fairs, Christmas plays, that sort of thing. Especially if you work shifts or need to take time off work. If there isn't anything on there yet, then make a little note in your diary today to check in with them in a few weeks time. Otherwise, you'll just forget in all of the chaos, because this time gets really really busy. You want to give yourself as much time and chance as possible if you need to book that time off work.”

Last but certainly not least: food deliveries.

“If you do online grocery shopping, then have a look into it this week because most of them will give you priority slots for Christmas shopping deliveries, and it just makes it so much easier,” says Bay.

“It's well worth it in my opinion, especially if you are going to make use of it regularly, because it just saves you on delivery costs as well.”

@the_organised_mum Offfff weee gooo!!!! 1- popular events 2- school diary 3- food #organisedmum #christmasprep #organisedchristmas #xmasprep ♬ original sound - Gem | Founder of TOM


Down in the comments, others made a few other suggestion for things to book early:

“I love booking a full house deep clean before the holidays to make them less stressful and those slots bookup really fast, so it could be worth looking in that if (like me) some of the items like grocery delivery and school events aren’t relevant to you.”

“Advent calendars will start coming out soon too or available for preorder.”

“I’ve already got my family Christmas pajamas. They sell out every year.”

Mostly people just flocked to the comments to thank Bay for offering some helpful ways to stay on top of things without feeling inundated with to-dos, or without succumbing to procrastination.

“I’ve just found you. I always get overwhelmed at Christmas but adding this year I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant so hoping this will help me massively!”

“I’m a chronic leave it til last minute person. Not this year! I’m sick of December being stressful and being too busy to do things with the kids. I’ve almost finished my Christmas present shopping, advent calendars bought, snacks for Christmas bought but this is really helpful as a first-time prepper to make sure I’ve not missed anything!”

Whether you’re an A-type Christmas magic bringer or more "go-with-the-flow," it’s easy to see how incorporating at least some of what Bay is suggesting can make the holidays less mentally taxing, and therefore a whole lot more fun for everyone.

To join in on Organised Christmas, give The Organised Mum a follow here.

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Adults who lived through the 90s share 15 things we all misremember about the decade

"Not all Gen Xers were disinterested slackers in the '90s."

The Everett Collection

It wasn't all a grunge-filled barrel of laughs.

The '90s are often depicted as a golden age. A time of less violence, more money, better music, equal rights, unprecedented technological progress, and Beanie Babies instead of Labubus. A time of peace throughout the land.

However, take a quick romp through actual history and we see that when we take the rose-colored glasses off, the '90s weren’t without its less-that-stellar moments. Furthermore, there was a lot more nuance to it than teens wearing a bunch of flannel and listening to grunge music.

Across several Reddit threads, people who actually lived through the '90s have shared some prime examples of how we get the '90s wrong and elements we have completely forgotten about, from recalling society’s very unhealthy obsession with thinness, to police brutality, to the questionable hunter green/maroon craze (remember that?).

Take a scroll down memory lane with our 15 favorites:

1."The early 90s and late 90s were two very different times culturally. I can't stand it when I see a picture of the spice girls with a 'So 90s!' caption."

“There’s a HUGE difference between the early 90’s and late 90’s. After 1996 it was more millennial, Pokémon, Britney Spears vs the early 90’s which was more grunge and smooth RnB."

2. "Not all Gen Xers were disinterested slackers in the 90s."

"I graduated from university in 1991. I spent the 1990s trying to get a decent job, pay rent and generally just getting my shit together. Most other people my age seemed to be doing pretty much the same thing, unless they had rich parents."

3. "Nobody seems to talk about all the maroon and hunter-green wallpaper strips that were added to the top of the walls in houses. Maroon and hunter-green everywhere. From cars to vacuums and beyond."

"My comforter set for my freshman dorm (Fall 1994) was maroon on one side, hunter green on the other. I realized it was dark and depressing so I got a girlie daisy print bedspread for the rest of college."

4. "Money was tight then, too. People were happy with fewer luxuries, because we could get by. And the very idea of giving a child a device worth hundreds of dollars was ludicrous! I still feel this way."

5. "A lot of people talk about the 90s like it was a utopian decade. Sure, a lot of stuff was awesome. But there was also the AIDS epidemic, the crack epidemic, the heroin epidemic, lots of police brutality, the sharp uptick in domestic terrorism, etc. plus the casual sexism, racism, & homophobia. The hope for the future that started in late 1989 with the fall of the Berlin Wall and the heating up of our economy in the mid-90s only lasted until 2000. It was a very brief window, in retrospect."

6. "Female celebrities were shrinking to child sizes and getting praised for it. 'Thinspo' was a thing. ALL my friends group from high school and college, including myself, had eating disorders — Marlboro Light and Diet Coke for every meal. Our idea of sports was extreme cardio only. We were SO unhealthy. Thank God we were young enough to bounce back to normal without major issues."

7. "That Nirvana ruled the 90s, and killed off all other forms of hard rock. They hit hard for about two and a half years, and then we were stuck with Tonic and the goddamn Spin Doctors."

"A lot of people mention grunge and gangsta rap, but country was very hot too. Country line dancing became a big thing, Branson, Missouri became a big tourist destination with its theaters, and artists like Garth Brooks and Shania Twain made tons of money."

"I don't think the Riot Grrrl movement gets enough recognition and acknowledgment as an extremely significant 90s cultural event."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

8. "I think one idea that's misrepresented is that we were already online, all the time."

"I mean, I was STOKED when I got into the dorm with LAN connections in 1993, but I was an outlier. Lots of kids at my college barely understood using computers, much less anything internet-related beyond maybe an AOL/AIM. Obviously this was an evolution of ten very fast moving years."

9. "That mom Jeans were cool. No one under 35 wore them."

10. "Not everyone wore Doc Martens back in the 1990s. Many people wore military boots as a fashion statement that were often mistaken for Doc Martens, while others wore sneakers every day, even in venues where they should have been wearing more formal shoes."


- YouTube www.youtube.com

11. "Cellphones were considered tacky and unnecessary unless you were a doctor."

12 ."Not everyone got around on rollerblades."

13. "Property was cheaper, not cheap as in affordable to all."

14. "If your family lived in a rural area and wasn't rich enough to immediately buy a computer, you could be lonely in a way that people can't even comprehend now. I spent the last two years of high school doing nothing, watching TV and playing 16-bit RPGs repeatedly because I couldn't get anywhere or do anything."

15. "Drunk driving didn't have the stigma it does today. It took a long campaign waged by MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) to shift public perception on how dangerous drunk driving is."

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People are just realizing you can rent cars from Costco, and the cost savings are astounding

"Saved over $200 plus upgraded to a larger SUV."

Image via Wikimedia Images/Canva/milindri

Costco rental cars are super cheap, and people are just finding out.

Costco is the mecca for good deals, but even Costco's most loyal customers were shocked to recently learn that the beloved big box store also offers car rentals.

The well-kept secret about Costco car rentals is leaving its customers shook, but those who have been in the know are opening up about the incredible savings (and perks) they've received by renting cars through the member-only business.

Last month, Alex Petrakieva (@alexonabudget on TikTok) shared with her followers about her experience renting a car through Costco that saved her almost $400 compared to renting the same car for the same amount of time through rental car company Alamo.

@alexonabudget

Costco is at it again #car #rental

After showing her followers the price breakdown, she concluded: "So if you’re traveling, take it from me and just use Costco. Somebody told me the best quote ever: 'Costco is a mindset,' And I just need to adopt that."

Needless to say, viewers were shocked by the story. "Costco has car rentals?!?!" one commented. Another added, "girl... the way I gasped.... and yes thank you for sharing. I had no idea!!!!!" One more stunned viewer also shared, "Girl you just saved me $350 with this tik tok … I’m shook."

So, how does Costco keep their costs so low? "Costco can offer such low rental car rates because of its enormous buying power," Kristen Markel, founder of Warehouse Wanderer, a blog dedicated to Costco shopping strategies, tells Upworthy. "With over 130 million members, they have the leverage to negotiate steep discounts with major rental car companies—savings that individual consumers could never secure on their own. That collective demand is what drives the rates down."

costco, costco warehouse, costco rental car, rental car costco, costco travel Costco offers rental cars to members. Photo by Grant Beirute on Unsplash

Other Costco members offered more tips on how to get the best deal on a car rental at Costco. "Keep checking the prices before your trip. The price may come down, I will make a new reservation and cancel the old one," another viewer wrote.

Available through Costco Travel, the store offers deep discounts on car rentals through a number of car rental companies, including Enterprise, Budget, Avis, and more.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Costco fans have also taken to Reddit to brag about the incredible savings they've had. "I get corporate rates with Avis and Hertz, like $32+tax a day, but those are only on round trip rentals. Costco Travel was the same $32+tax for an Alamo with unlimited miles on a one-way rental recently for me 🥳. Costco saved me approx $200 in mileage fees," one member shared.

Another Costco member excitedly wrote, "Costco Travel rental car benefits are seriously underrated. Decided last minute to recheck my rates for a trip next weekend after getting emailed a reminder, saved over $200 plus upgraded to a larger SUV."

Besides saving on base rental rates, there are other benefits to renting a car through Costco. "My favorite part of using Costco Travel for car rentals is you can continue monitoring the site since prices fluctuate, and if your booking gets cheaper, you can cancel and rebook with zero hassle. You're never locked in to a higher price," another member shared. This jazzed Costco Travel user wrote, "Also Costco car rentals include an additional driver," while another stated, "In addition to the second driver being included, most other sites tease a pre tax and fee price, Costco is out the door."

costco, costco gif, costco deals, costco car rental, renting car costco Hype Bryce GIF by Granarly Giphy

Another thrilled renter explained, "And they're always unlimited mileage. My corporate rates that we can use for personal travel are awesome, except 25c per mile one-way. Costco allows one way between airports with mileage included." Still another added, "Plus the amount you spend goes to your 2% cash back reward! (For Executive Members)."

Booking your rental car through Costco Travel also allows you to utilize loyalty programs. "Loyalty programs, LPT, if you have any travel 'status' through a credit card ask for a status match," another happy customer wrote. "Booked a car through Costco, put in my Enterprise loyalty card #, free upgrade and 20% bonus points. Then with the Enterprise Platinum, status match to the others."

rental car, renting a car, car rental, renting cars, costco car rental Woman waits for her rental car.Image via Canva/RossHelen

However, other Costco Travel users noted some negative experiences renting cars. "WARNING! Make sure you look at reviews for the location you are renting from though before you book," one commented. "Rented recently from Budget via Costco and yes it was cheaper than the others but that location had a ton of reviews about wait times, I never thought to look because how bad could it be and I was saving money. Ended up waiting an hour with two kids and luggage for our car (which didn't look like it was cleaned very well). I probably would have spent a little more to avoid that."

Another less-than-pleased customer shared, "We've had a lot of normal rentals through Costco Travel, but our absolute worst was also through Costco Travel. My husband is very tall and we reserved a full size car at a Budget. Showed up and gave us an economy car. Also argued that it was 'full size' and would not give us another vehicle or any money back. Costco did nothing."

It's a mixed bag for sure, so bear all this in mind next time you're traveling> Costco Travel seems to be a great option overall, but it never hurts to shop around.

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Woman explains why people who have lost a loved one have nostalgia for the first year of grief

The second year of grief is supposed to be the hardest.

Photo credit: Canva

Woman explains why grieving people are nostalgic for the first year of grief.

Losing a loved one is hard and can feel isolating. No one grieves exactly the same, leaving individuals to feel like they're alone in their journey. While grief is an individual journey, the stages of grief are the same, but for one woman, there's an unspoken grief stage that she believes some people go through. Ashley Southard lost her husband, SGT Andy Southard, a little over two years ago while he was on a military mission, leaving her to raise two children without him.

The still grieving wife uploaded a video sharing why some people become nostalgic for the first year of grief as the years begin to pass. "They say the second year of grief is the hardest, and I have lots of reasons why I think that is, but I don't think we talk enough about how nostalgic you feel for the first year of grief. How you kind of wish you could go back to the hardest time of your life, the most heartbreak in your life, because one, it's the time you can relate to being closest to the time they were alive." Southard says.

grief; death; losing a loved one; grieving; stages of grief In memory: a solemn moment of reflection and farewell.Photo credit: Canva

She goes on to explain that, "There's a feeling of, when you tell someone that your husband died two weeks ago or a month ago, their reaction is parallel to the way that you feel about losing your spouse or your partner. Their reaction is genuine and visceral, and 'oh my God, I am so sorry,' and it's this shock and this awe of sympathy and empathy. But when you tell someone your husband died two years ago, or your dad died two years ago, their reaction isn't parallel to the way that you feel, because they expect that time does heal all wounds when that's not the case."

There was an overwhelming outpouring of understanding on TikTok, where the video was shared. People shared their own experiences with losing a loved one and how they've experienced the stage of grief she's speaking of, with one woman writing, "Yes! It’s like I’m not allowed to still feel sad anymore bc I’m just passed the one year mark. Ummm, I cried last night. My anxiety is still present. Is it as “bad” as when I first found out? Sometimes. I’m not as numb. I almost think I’m feeling it more."

grief; death; losing a loved one; grieving; stages of grief Emotional moment on the porch.Photo credit: Canva

Southard explains in her caption that the first year is about survival. "The first year is often about survival. You’re in shock, numb, or moving through tasks and rituals (funeral, paperwork, anniversaries, holidays) that keep you going. By year two, that protective fog begins to lift, and the reality of permanence sinks in." She adds later within the caption, "The first year is raw. The second year often brings more reflection: who you were with them, who you are now, and how you’ll carry them forward. That’s a deeper layer of grief, not just pain, but reckoning. So it’s not that the second year is always harder, it’s that year two often strips away the buffers and illusions, leaving you face-to-face with the ongoing reality of loss.

"This is so yes this is exactly how I feel. I lost my dad just shy of 3 yrs and my husband over 2 yrs and I feel like I should should be fixed bc I think my pain is all the time. I don’t know how to live with my partner of 29 yrs. The person who knew me better than I knew myself is gone forever," another grieving person comments.

grief; death; losing a loved one; grieving; stages of grief Gathered in remembrance and sorrow.Photo credit: Canva

One person understands the widow's grief all too well, commenting, "You are so right!!! No one knows unless they have been in our shoes, spouse loss is very traumatic! 4 yrs tomorrow that I lost my husband I still miss him everyday! Time does go on but it still HURTS!! Hugs & prayers to all the widows and widowers out there!"

"I’m here for it all. Those feelings are ‘fresh’ regardless of the time since loss. Just wish it was easier to know what to do from trying to support the grieving perspective," someone else relates.

grief; death; losing a loved one; grieving; stages of grief Woman embracing a sweater in a moment of reflection.Photo credit: Canva

A widower is already feeling the pressure to move on, noting, "Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of me losing my wife, and I can feel this coming already. People are acting like once I get through the first year, then I will be fine. I’m sorry, but my pain does not suddenly stop because it’s been a year. The pain is something I will carry the rest of my life!"

An anonymous gardener also shared her wisdom, commenting, "I think grief is like the ocean. It’s always vast. Sometimes it’s calm, sometimes it’s stormy. Sometimes you see the storm coming, sometimes it’s sweeps in before you can prepare yourself. Sometimes it is actually beautiful…But it’s always vast."

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