A Bunch Of Clueless White Guys Are Probably Not The Right Guys To Tell This Girl What To Do

I would like to see the following clip again, but this time with Broadway production, tap dancers, and a full brass band. Something as clever as this deserves it.

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Lauren Mayer: Keep your Hobby Lobby away from my va-jay-jay. My body-wordy oughta belong to me. Why should some corporation control my procreation, if I want my utie-wootie baby-free? Just because you cling to some absurd distortion, birth control is not the same thing as abortion. Such loopy-pseudo-science is a travesty. So leave my sex life up to me!

If any spermie-wormies get near my eggie-weggies, let me decide if I'm getting preggie-woo. A bunch of clueless white guys are probably not the right guys to tell this girlie-whirlie what to do.

A law is still a law, despite your whines and cursing, and a business that's for profit's really not a person. So if the swerving of my cervix makes you nervous wrecks, then get your dirty minds off sex!

This case could set in place some crazy briefs if a company can be seen to have religious beliefs. They could all discriminate against the folks their churches hate, so just say no to this dopey-slippery-slope.

I don't want to see an 'argle-bargle' by Scalia full of homophobia and misogyny. And where's the finger-wagger at the guys who use Viagra. Their muffin-buttering's not for progeny. To what folks do in private, don't raise silly hurdles, and what's with the fixation about sex with turtles?

Insurance and health care should be religion-free. So leave my sex life up to me! A point-of-view is very scary if you share it with Rick Perry. So leave my sex life up to me! Please keep your Boehner-wayners out of all our hoochie-coochies and leave my sex life up to who, or what, I shtup, too!, leave my sex life up to me!

There may be small errors in this transcript.

Original song, "Keep Your Hobby Lobby (Away From My Va-Jayjay)" by Lauren Mayer. You can buy her album with this and other songs on CD Baby.

Jul 14, 2014

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