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Woman tries to find love like everyone does in Hallmark Christmas movies and fails miserably

Woman tries to find love like everyone does in Hallmark Christmas movies and fails miserably
via Buzzfeed / Facebook

Hallmark Channel Christmas movies are proudly predictable, full of cliches, and bland as virgin eggnog. But people love 'em. I mean they really love them.

According to Crown Media, the parent of Hallmark and its sister network Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, an average of 3.5 million people tuned in to Hallmark's "Countdown to Christmas" during its nine-week run in 2018.

Laugh all you want at the sappy films, but Hallmark doesn't care. In 2018, it brought in $600 million in advertising revenue.


Hallmark has a formula and it's sticking to it. Even it's movie posters are formulaic, Dave Addyey created a montage of Hallmark Christmas movie posters, and their similarity is pretty hilarious. Each one features a white woman in red holding a Christmas ornament and a white man holding her wearing green. Both are bathed in beautiful, golden lighting.

Designer Jessica Jones has even made a bingo card so you can play along with all of the clichés throughout the holidays.

Canceled flight? Check.

Woman who quits a successful job for life in a small town? Check.

Scene where they decorate a Christmas tree? Check.

Child makes a wish? Check.

Gift wrapping scene? BINGO!

And of course, the movie has to have a female lead who was on the TV show, "Full House." It just wouldn't be a Hallmark Christmas movie without Candace Cameron Bure, Lori Laughlin, or Jodie Sweetin. But, of course, we'll settle for other '90s teen TV stars like Danica McKellar or Lacey Chabert.

Comedian Elizabeth Kemp had some fun with Hallmark Christmas movie cliches by creating a hilarious video where she plays the typical "big city girl who comes to a small town for Christmas" character.

But unfortunately, even though she puts herself in the position to find love it never happens. Hence the title, "Hallmark Movies Lied to Me."

"I am over the age of 30. I have multiple graduate degrees, I've definitely prioritized my career. I'm single, but I have been in Vermont for five days now, and not once has anyone approached me about saving an inn or planning a fall festival or even just asked me to reconsider my priorities," she says in the opening of the video.

Kemp then visits a Christmas tree farm and utters the phrases that should attract her some attention from the male protagonist. "I hate Christmas, I hate the fall. Nothing about the holidays appeals to me," she says.

She even sets a trap for a paramour by grabbing a hot cup of coffee and posting up in a classic, small-town gazebo. But nothing happens.

Kemp goes so far as to take to the road and hope for a traffic incident. Narrowly missing a pedestrian with your car is a great way for couples to have a meet-cute in Hallmark films.

Sadly, Elizabeth didn't meet the love of her life in a cozy, Christmassy, Hallmark fashion. But, the good news is, she didn't accidentally wind up as the female lead in a Lifetime movie. Then she'd be in big trouble.



Identity

Celebrate International Women's Day with these stunning photos of female leaders changing the world

The portraits, taken by acclaimed photographer Nigel Barker, are part of CARE's "She Leads the World" campaign.

Images provided by CARE

Kadiatu (left), Zainab (right)

True

Women are breaking down barriers every day. They are transforming the world into a more equitable place with every scientific discovery, athletic feat, social justice reform, artistic endeavor, leadership role, and community outreach project.

And while these breakthroughs are happening all the time, International Women’s Day (Mar 8) is when we can all take time to acknowledge the collective progress, and celebrate how “She Leads the World.

This year, CARE, a leading global humanitarian organization dedicated to empowering women and girls, is celebrating International Women’s Day through the power of portraiture. CARE partnered with high-profile photographer Nigel Barker, best known for his work on “America’s Next Top Model,” to capture breathtaking images of seven remarkable women who have prevailed over countless obstacles to become leaders within their communities.

“Mabinty, Isatu, Adama, and Kadiatu represent so many women around the world overcoming incredible obstacles to lead their communities,” said Michelle Nunn, President and CEO of CARE USA.

Barker’s bold portraits, as part of CARE’s “She Leads The World” campaign, not only elevate each woman’s story, but also shine a spotlight on how CARE programs helped them get to where they are today.

About the women:

Mabinty

international womens day, care.org

Mabinty is a businesswoman and a member of a CARE savings circle along with a group of other women. She buys and sells groundnuts, rice, and fuel. She and her husband have created such a successful enterprise that Mabinty volunteers her time as a teacher in the local school. She was the first woman to teach there, prompting a second woman to do so. Her fellow teachers and students look up to Mabinty as the leader and educator she is.

Kadiatu

international womens day, care.org

Kadiatu supports herself through a small business selling food. She also volunteers at a health clinic in the neighboring village where she is a nursing student. She tests for malaria, works with infants, and joins her fellow staff in dancing and singing with the women who visit the clinic. She aspires to become a full-time nurse so she can treat and cure people. Today, she leads by example and with ambition.

Isatu

international womens day, care.org

When Isatu was three months pregnant, her husband left her, seeking his fortune in the gold mines. Now Isatu makes her own way, buying and selling food to support her four children. It is a struggle, but Isatu is determined to be a part of her community and a provider for her kids. A single mother of four is nothing if not a leader.

Zainab

international womens day, care.org

Zainab is the Nurse in Charge at the Maternal Child Health Outpost in her community. She is the only nurse in the surrounding area, and so she is responsible for the pre-natal health of the community’s mothers-to-be and for the safe delivery of their babies. In a country with one of the world’s worst maternal death rates, Zainab has not lost a single mother. The community rallies around Zainab and the work she does. She describes the women who visit the clinic as sisters. That feeling is clearly mutual.

Adama

international womens day, care.org

Adama is something few women are - a kehkeh driver. A kehkeh is a three-wheeled motorcycle taxi, known elsewhere as a tuktuk. Working in the Kissy neighborhood of Freetown, Adama is the primary breadwinner for her family, including her son. She keeps her riders safe in other ways, too, by selling condoms. With HIV threatening to increase its spread, this is a vital service to the community.

Ya Yaebo

international womens day, care.org

“Ya” is a term of respect for older, accomplished women. Ya Yaebo has earned that title as head of her local farmers group. But there is much more than that. She started as a Village Savings and Loan Association member and began putting money into her business. There is the groundnut farm, her team buys and sells rice, and own their own oil processing machine. They even supply seeds to the Ministry of Agriculture. She has used her success to the benefit of people in need in her community and is a vocal advocate for educating girls, not having gone beyond grade seven herself.

On Monday, March 4, CARE will host an exhibition of photography in New York City featuring these portraits, kicking off the multi-day “She Leads the World Campaign.

Learn more, view the portraits, and join CARE’s International Women's Day "She Leads the World" celebration at CARE.org/sheleads.


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Over or under? Surprisingly, there actually is a 'correct' way to hang a toilet paper roll.

Let's settle this silly-but-surprisingly-heated debate once and for all.

Elya/Wikimedia Commons

Should you hang the toilet paper roll over or under?



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Humans have debated things large and small over the millennia, from the democracy to breastfeeding in public to how often people ought to wash their sheets.

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The "over or under" question has plagued marriages and casual acquaintances alike for over 100 years, with both sides convinced they have the soundest reasoning for putting their toilet paper loose end out or loose end under. Some people feel so strongly about right vs. wrong TP hanging that they will even flip the roll over when they go to the bathroom in the homes of strangers.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not merely an inconsequential preference. There is actually a "correct" way to hang toilet paper, according to health experts as well as the man who invented the toilet paper roll in the first place.

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Photo via iStock.

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