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People are sharing what they believe happens after we die. The responses are enlightening.

Here are 16 of the best responses.

heaven, life after death, afterlife
via Pixabay

A man is walking into heaven (or is he?).

One of the funniest and most bizarre things about being a human being is that we really know very little about what’s going on. Sure, many religious people are confident they know why we exist, where we came from and what happens after we die, but there isn’t a whole lot of evidence to suggest they’re correct.

However, even though we are at the center of an incredible mystery, most people are happy to go about their days without worrying about the basic nature of our existence. This has always been very strange to me. Why isn’t the nature of existence the No. 1 question on everyone’s mind the moment they wake up?

There is one thing we do know for sure: that we are all going to die one day. Some people believe that once we flatline we may get invited to heaven where we get to spend all eternity playing the harp, reuniting with old friends and relatives, and enjoying a pain-free, joyous existence.

But as the TV show “The Good Place” suggests, living a perfect life, free of suffering or challenges, eventually becomes pretty forking boring and pointless.

Mark Twain said it best in “Letters from the Earth”:

His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values. It consists—utterly and entirely—of diversions which he cares next to nothing about, here in the earth, yet is quite sure he will like them in heaven. Isn't it curious? Isn't it interesting?

Many also believe that if there’s a heaven, there’s also hell where the folks who had a good time on Earth wind up. But wouldn’t that get boring, too? Just as one can get accustomed to living in constant beauty, one probably gets acclimated to the heat and suffering down below.

There are also some who believe in reincarnation, so every time we die we are born again as a different species. Cool if you’re a dolphin, bad news if you’re a dung beetle.

Then there are those who believe that nothing supernatural happens. Your consciousness shuts off and things are a lot like before you were born—absolute nothingness. That’s the least interesting option, but according to science, the most likely.

Reddit user throwawayacctlmaooo wanted to find out what posters on the forum thought about life after death, so they asked, “What do you legitimately believe happens after we die?” They received a ton of responses that were outside of the usual “go to heaven/go to hell” variety. What’s cool is that the posts show that a lot of people have widely divergent ideas about what happens after we die.

Here are some of the best responses to the biggest question in life.

1. You're a wave

"No idea, but there is this quote from the TV show 'The Good Place' that I really like and have found comfort in.

"'Picture a wave. In the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through. And it's there. And you can see it, you know what it is. It's a wave.

"And then it crashes in the shore and it's gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. You know it's one conception of death for Buddhists: the wave returns to the ocean, where it came from and where it's supposed to be.'" — AlexEventstar

2. Our energy moves on

"Our energy — just like that of every living thing before us — will go on and become new things. Soil. Plants. Lions. Toilet paper. Space ship wheel arches. Dragonfly toes. We're all just part of the same system. Neither manufactured nor destroyed. We're just transferring that bestowed upon us from all those before. Death is life." — four__beasts

3. You've been there before

"Just like before you were born. Not good, not bad, just non-existence." — SniffCheck

4. No need to fear

​"In the great words of Mark Twain: 'I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it." — Eva__Unit__02

5. One more time

"When I think about it, I come to this very same conclusion. And that terrifies me. The only thing that is a little comforting for me is that, according to some research and according to some people who have experienced Near Death, just before full-on 'nothingness," you relive your life one last time, with an emphasis on the best moments in your life, all being overwhelmed with a feeling of love." — MrXANA91

6. Isn't this reincarnation?

"I think we just keep on hitting a randomize button and we manifest into something else, again and again endlessly." — FarOutSonOfLung

7. The great nothing

"In my opinion, nothing. Like being under anesthesia but never waking up and ceasing to exist." — throwayaacctlmaooo

8. Choose your own adventure

"I'd like to think we reset like a game and we could choose whether we get reborn or go to some sort of heaven or something." — No_But_Yes

9. We're energy

"I’d honestly like to believe that we all become energy. We move around the universe, maybe even become one with it until we are reincarnated again as something else on earth or a different planet." — cheese-emperor

10. Salamanders

"I think we are all reincarnated as salamanders." — Kyky716

11. New universe?

"I believe we go to another universe but that's just wishful thinking." — Zarek_Pumpkineater

12. Incomparable infinity

"I'm under the impression that death is a separate experience we can't comprehend. Like someone with vision will never truly know the concept of blindness or someone with hearing will never know the concept of deafness.

"You only experience it while you're doing it and I am currently experiencing being alive as a human. You don't know what it was like before you were born because you're obviously alive. Just like you don't know deafness because your ears work.
Beyond that, I believe the universe is in endless million-trillion year long cycles of growth and collapse and the fact that I exist at all means, throughout infinity, I am a guaranteed mathematic outcome and must repeat again." — bermudalily

13. Nothing

"Nothing. It's the only answer that makes sense. We ARE our thoughts. Our thoughts are in our brain. When we die, our brain shuts down. So our thoughts no longer exist. Anybody who believes in any form of an afterlife really needs to explain how we can have thoughts without our brain. And if they believe that's somehow magically possible, why do we have brains while still alive?" — joeri1505

14. You become fertilizer

"The same as when trees, plants, or other animals die, we decompose & feed the earth for something else to grow." — skev303

15. May the source be with you

"What I like to believe is that all life comes from a specific energy source and is returned there once we die. Sort of like a big pool of life, where all souls merge after death and cycle back into the world to be reborn. As for what we experience in that form I have no idea. But the entire world lives and functions on cycles, from the food chain to the weather cycle, eveywhere you look there is a cycle to maintain it. So it only makes sense life would work the same way." — doopster77

16. Star stuff

"Your surviving family gets all teary, then buries or burns your lifeless body. As the years pass, what atoms once made you, you, become all mixed up in other things, until much later on when the sun dies and engulfs the earth and all its atoms in a final dance of atomic death. Because we are all made of stars, and to them we will all return." — dbryar

This article originally appeared on 3.4.22

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30 cheap and delicious meals frugal people swear they never get sick of

"I could eat one every day of my life if I allowed it to happen."

Image via Canva

Frugal people share cheap meals they love.

Groceries are a major expense these days. And grocery prices are continuing to go up in 2025, according to the USDA. Still, making meals at home versus going out to eat is cheaper, and a big way to save money. But getting creative with low-cost ingredients can be a hang-up.

In an online community of frugal people, member samdaz712 posed the question to fellow savers: "What’s the cheapest meal you actually enjoy eating regularly?"

They continued, "We all have that one budget meal that somehow never gets old. For me, it’s rice, eggs, and frozen mixed veggies with soy sauce and chili flakes. Costs next to nothing, takes 10 minutes, and I actually look forward to it."

The post wrapped up with a call-out for others' favorite and frugal meals. "Curious what everyone else’s go-to cheap meals are not the I’ll suffer through this to save money kind, but the ones you genuinely like and would still eat even if you weren’t budgeting. Always looking for new ideas that don’t break the bank," they added.

Frugal people happily shared their cheap (and yummy) go-to meals. Here are 30 cheap meals that they never get sick of.

"PB&J sandwiches. I could eat one every day of my life if I allowed it to happen. If I'm feeling fancy, I'll make a PB, banana, and honey sandwich. Then I'll pan toast with a generous amount of butter on each side until the bread is golden brown and the PB starts to melt. It's so decadent yet so cheap." - Kom4K

"Fried egg sandwich." - Major9000

"Every week-ish we make pinto beans, smash em up into a refried situation, melt some cheese, spread them on toasted torta bread with avocado. Then use leftovers in your eggs the next day or make burritos for lunch. You can never go wrong with a pot of beans." - BoardNo1459

"A pot of pinto beans with a link of kielbasa sausage and corn bread...Absolute baller." - Bigram03

"'Hobo-potatoes,' diced potatoes, onions, salt and pepper, mixed up in a bag of foil with oil and left to cook in the coals of a camp fire. Goes great with any protein and has more potassium per serving than bananas." - BlaqueNight

"Pasta and butter. Sometimes with grated parmesan." - RuthlessLidia

"Quesadilla." - babe_ruthless3

"Toast." - FrauAmarylis

"Pan fried tofu slabs braised in a pan with chopped kimchi, green onion, kimchi liquid or rice vinegar, soy sauce, sesame oil, bit of water to make it saucy, a tsp of sugar seems to help it meld together. Takes 10-12 min. Served over short grain rice. Optional toppings, toasted sesame seeds, chopped cilantro, sliced green onion. Edit: this was from The NY Times food, from Sue Li for exact proportions." - LavaPoppyJax

"Costco’s $1.50 hot dog and drink." - StarWolf478

"Rice and eggs for me too. It can be enjoyed in so many ways! My favorite is a crispy egg that’s still yolky on sushi rice with seaweed, salt and sesame oil." - theyrejusttoys

"For me it's an egg foo young - type dish! Stir raw eggs into leftover cooked vegetables (and optional protein, like leftover chicken or whatever you have). Ladle the mixture into a hot pan with a little oil, and fry up into patties. Serve over rice, and top with a drizzle of some kind of Asian sauce and a little hot pepper. You can look up a recipe for Egg Foo Young sauce, but that's not necessary; it tastes great with almost any kind of Asian sauce, or simply soy sauce. The cooked patties last for days in the refrigerator and can be reheated. Bonus: This is a fantastic way to use up any small bits of leftover veggies or meat. And if I have wilted vegetables that are in danger of spoiling, I just chop them up and quickly sauté them together, and freeze them in small containers. Now I have lots of veggies ready to go to make delicious egg foo young." - TIL_eulenspiegel

"For me, it’s instant noodles with a soft-boiled egg, some greens, and a splash of sesame oil. Dirt cheap but feels like comfort food every time!" - Wajid-H-Wajid

"Baked potatoes. So cheap, so good." - killyergawds

"Over-night oats. Eat it every morning before work." - Non_Binary_Goddess

"Nachos for the win." - HappyBear4Ever

"Rice and lentils cooked together." - RichCoast7186

"Potatoes, baked beans, fried eggs. Potatoes, corned beef, fried eggs. Rice (Mexican, Spanish, or Asian), beans, fried eggs. Cottage cheese, bran, frozen blueberries, milk. Home made salsa or pico de gallo on anything. Ground beef, rice, tomato and whatever else I have around. Rotisserie chicken, use the carcass to make soup with rice. Use the chicken that you can get off with tortillas and verde/enchilada sauce. With rice and beans. My advice, get really good at cooking rice, beans, and potatoes. Make sure you have a good selection of spices. Throw whatever extra money you have at whatever meats you can." - himthatspeaks

"Sweet potato black bean burrito a la moosewood. The most basic version is just a sweet potato and a can of black beans (but much better with an upgrade of caramelized onions and some cumin)." - Upbeat-Poetry7672

"Sardines on toast with a over easy egg." - Gandi1200

"Green bean casserole! Takes 10mins and lasts me all week for dinner and lunch." - Kihakiru

"Pan fried Spam, sunny side up egg, over rice. Furikake seasoning to taste." - Cajunsalmon

"I don't make meals I don't enjoy eating, but these are easy, quick, healthy and yummy. 1/2 rice , 1/2 red lentils + cubed veggies (frozen or fresh) eventually crushed tomatoes or coconut milk. Baked savory oats : shredded veggies +oats and eventually eggs or cheese or tomato sauce. Dhal sooooooo delicious. Split pea soup." - sohereiamacrazyalien

This article originally appeared in July

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Abby Wambach passionately explains why parents shouldn't go to their kids' sports practices

"What is the purpose of practice?"

via Canva/Photos

A girl practicing soccer and Abby Wambach.

Taking a kid to soccer practice is a good time for many of us to catch up on our Instagram feeds, read a good book, or sit in the car, where it’s warm, and watch from the parking lot. Sure, it’s great to see your kid run around and be active, but it’s a lot more fun to see them play in a game where something is at stake instead of running drills or playing Sharks and Minnows.

For those who get a little bored at their kid’s practices, you will want to listen to the words of the great Abby Wambach: Don’t go.

Wambach is a retired soccer player, coach, and member of the National Soccer Hall of Fame, who was a regular in the U.S. women's national soccer team from 2003 to 2015. In 2012, she was named the FIFA World Player of the Year. She shared her thoughts on a recent episode of her Welcome to the Party podcast with co-host Rebecca Lowe from NBC’s Premier League coverage.


The conversation began when Lowe admitted that she doesn’t get to attend all of her child’s games due to her job. “I go to the practices because I don't get to go to as many games as I would like. I probably go to one every four because I'm at work on the weekends,” Lowe said.

Should parents attend their child’s sports practice?

“Just think about this. What is the purpose of practice? It's not for the kid to look over their shoulder and make sure that their mom, dad, or parent is sitting on the sideline watching them. Practice is for free play for them,” Wambach responded. “That there is nothing that’s going to encumber them from trying something new...taking a risk, making a mistake, trying something, being successful. Because what we’re then doing is, we’re externalizing all of our motivation.”

soccer, girl soccer, soccer game, soccer ball, soccer field Some young children playing soccer.via Canva/Photos

Wambach goes on to say that if a child is giving their all on the practice field to make their parents happy, it makes it more difficult for them to develop a more critical skill, having the self-determination and motivation to play for themselves. "‘Cause we want our kids to be self-starters and internally motivated. So if you're at practice, it outsources that motivation," Wambach said.

Give kids space and they'll grow

Let Grow, a movement dedicated to giving children greater independence, agrees with Wambach’s take on practice, suggesting that when children are allowed to practice without parents looking over their shoulders, they are more likely to develop a better relationship with their teammates and coaches. “Yet, by being there all the time, you’re not giving your child a chance to really grow and develop that relationship with their coach and teammates. They’re always watching you as you watch them,” the organization says. “It might seem innocent enough to watch every practice, but it can also give coaches a nice break to not have to deal with the hovering.”

So, next time your kid has to go to practice, consider giving them some space. By giving them room to take risks, make mistakes, and build stronger connections with their teammates and coach, you’re helping them grow both on and off the field. Sometimes, the best support parents can give their child is knowing when to leave them alone.

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What makes kids popular in high school? Researchers found they share the same personality trait.

It's not looks, athletics, or grades.

via Canva/Photos

A girl is crowned prom queen.

Every high school has a few "popular" students that almost everyone likes. They are often chosen to be prom king or queen and elected to the student council. They are the folks that everyone waves to in the hallways, and they are usually confident and friendly.

So, what are the traits that make certain people popular and others slink by with little recognition? Are the most likable kids also the most athletic? Do they have a higher GPA? Are they more extroverted? Are they funnier? Are they more attractive?

Communications expert Vanessa Van Edwards was recently on The Dan Buettner Podcast, where she shared the common trait that popular kids have in common. Van Edwards, who describes herself as a recovering awkward person, teaches communication skills at Harvard University.

Researchers discovered the trait after interviewing thousands of high school students and asking them to list the people they liked at school. It revealed a significant finding: popular kids had the longest lists of people they liked.

What traits do popular kids in high school share?



The findings are straightforward: if you like a lot of people, many of them are likely to like you back.

Even though you may no longer be in high school, there are benefits to being popular in your workplace, church, or neighborhood. Van Edwards says we should all learn how to like other people if we want to be likable ourselves.

“Learn how to like," she told Buettner. "In fact, be free with your likes. The most popular kids were the ones who were first likers. In other words, they walked down the hallway and they say, ‘Hey, Dan. Hey, Sarah. Hey, Joy.’ They're the ones who walk into a class and be like, ‘Hey, you want to sit with me?’ They are inviters. They are likers. They are looking for good. And in that way, I think that we can train ourselves to be more likable by searching and hunting for likes."

@steven

Body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards reveals what makes kids popular and the common trait that all of them have 👀 Full episode on The Diary Of A CEO #podcast #podcastclip #interview #bodylanguage #tips #advice #tip #vanessavanedwards #expert #doctor #dr #didyouknow #popular #friends #diaryofaceo

There’s something very positive about the fact that people who like others are liked in return. It’s a great excuse to have an open attitude when meeting new people and to look for the good in everyone around you, even if they may be a little challenging to get along with.

What is the reciprocity of liking?

There is a concept in psychology known as the reciprocity of liking, which states that if someone likes you, you tend to like them back. Because when someone likes you, they are usually kind and supportive. Therefore, most people like those who like them.

However, there is one big caveat to this truth: People with low self-esteem often dislike themselves, so if someone shows them affection, they may not reciprocate because it makes them feel out of balance.

Ultimately, if you want to be the popular kid in any of your social or professional circles, you have to like yourself first. Because when you like yourself, there’s a much greater chance that you will like other people. This leads to a virtuous cycle of friendship growth, where you expand your social circle in a wonderfully positive way.

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Adults who lived through the '70s share 10 surprising details about what life was really like

It wasn't all disco and shag carpets.

Photo credit: Canva

Please let us never go back to '70s cigarette culture.

Movies and other bits of pop culture can feel like little time machines that whiz us right back to periods we never actually lived in. Of course, these worlds, however well-constructed, offer only a glimpse into what life was like for the people who really lived through them. Even films or songs made in the actual decade only offer a limited snapshot of the time. Certain details are bound to get missed.

It’s probably one of the reasons why past decades are so easily categorized into instantly identifiable aesthetics. Take the 1970s, for instance. We instantly think of disco, bellbottoms, hippies, the “free love” movement in full force, etc. But if you ask people who were actually around in the ‘70s, you’d probably find a lot more than just that.

But never fear, we did that research for you! Thanks to a few educational videos, as well as good old-fashioned Reddit mining, here are some interesting quotes from Redditors and historical tidbits from the “Me Decade” (named for the uptick in individualism and self-help books…see, we’re learning already!)

Things were dirtier

“More litter, more air and water pollution. There were commercials and such to discourage littering, and the EPA got involved with corporate polluters.”

“The cars were stinkier, the ports were in shambles.”

“Ashtrays, ashtrays everywhere.”

“There was a big environmental push to clean up the country. ‘Acid Rain’ was not a drug but a serious environmental problem.”

As much as the '70s are known for disco, there are other music genres that had a huge impact on culture

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“Glam rock, blues rock, funk, disco, new wave and punk rock were all new and competing for our attention.”

“There was Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, and so on. All the classic rock you hear now came from the late 60's and the 70's.”

This perhaps especially goes for punk rock. Which, contrary to popular opinion, did not start in the U.K.

It's easy to forget it was a time of great political turbulence

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“I was 18 in 1974 and living in England. I remember it as a time of strikes, demonstrations, and shortages. The rise of Thatcherism saw the steel industry in my hometown decimated and violent demonstrations with miners clashing with police happened just down the road from me. The music was great and punk really caught the feeling of the times.”

“It kind of sucked to be a teenager then. It was post-Vietnam and Watergate, and we were very cynical as a result. The energy crisis loomed large, stagflation gripped a sliding economy, and crime and cities were turning to sh**. The Cold War was a pervasive threat and popular music was at its nadir; post-60's and pre-1977 and punk.”

“College had anti-war demonstrations. People were getting drafted and sent to Vietnam to die for no reason. I watched them pull my draft lottery number and fortunately, got one in the 300's.”

“I recall the feeling of ‘everything sucks, especially us.’ The USA was starting to come to grips with its history not as a patriotic parade, but the horror show it was. In the 1977 inaugural of Carter, Paul Simon sang a beautiful song containing the lyric ‘Still, when I think of the road we're traveling on, I wonder what's gone wrong - I can't help it, I wonder . . . what's gone wrong.’ AT AN INAUGURATION.”

“Hostages in the Iranian embassy.”

Living frugally was a necessity

“Everyone in my middle-class neighborhood lived frugally. My parents had one car and my mom worked nights so they could both commute. I had five pairs of shoes - dress, running, casual, work in the yard and boots. Most kids wore hand me downs - not because it was cool but because there was no money in the budget. We never went out to eat even for special days. Summer was playing in the various back yards and once in a while you got a popsicle from the neighbor. Vacations were camping or trips to relatives. When people scream about inflation today I think you haven't seen anything. But we were happier...life was simpler and everyone seemed to pull together.”

“Got my driver's license about the time gas shortages started. Imagine pulling into the station and asking for a dollar's worth of regular today.”

Things weren’t all low-tech


- YouTube www.youtube.com

Sure, there were no iPad kids or Waymos, but the ‘70s saw a ton of technological advancements, including the personal computer. It's wild to think that Apple technically came out of this time period.

You also had the rise of video game consoles, arcades, VCRs, and VHS tapes.

We know cigarettes were mainstream, but it's crazy to think about how it affected younger people

“Your mom gave you 2 bucks and a note and sent you to the store for cigarettes.”

“Smoking was allowed on high school campus in smoking areas. Smoking areas were the teachers lounge in the school for teachers only. Also, just outside of two exits for the students. Hold your breath!”

“Most adults and many teens smoked. I was allowed to smoke at home at 15. I was sooooo lucky! A small pack cost 50 cents.”

And just imagine witnessing the cultural juggernaut of Star Wars for the first time

media0.giphy.com

“Younger people have no idea what an impact it had. We had grown up on Star Trek reruns and lots of old, bad science fiction. But Star Wars inspired us like nothing else. It had special effects that had never been seen, and a story that was hopeful and uplifting in a time when everything seemed to be getting worse.”

The bicentennial—you either loved it or hated it. There was no in-between.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

For context, the United States Bicentennial was a series of celebrations and observances during the mid-1970s that paid tribute to historical events leading up to the creation of the U.S. as an independent republic. Some events included reenactments of the Boston Tea Party and Paul Revere’s ride, as well the red, white, and blue American Freedom Train, which carried historical artifacts and stopped at 48 contiguous states.

“The bicentennial was the bomb.”

“My siblings and I didn’t love the bicentennial! We were so sick of the 'bicentennial mattress sale' etc ads blaring on the tv. My sister and I wrote a song called 'We Hate the Bicentennial' that we still sing occasionally.”

“The bicentennial years seemed party-less as far as GOP or DEM - we all were just Americans. Everything was red, white, and blue. There were continuous celebrations, picnics, parties over a two year period. I think it would have made our fore father's proud, when you think back to that two year period two hundred years prior.”

The sexual revolution was fun…for men and women alike

Imagine it: Birth control and premarital sex are finally normal. Roe v. Wade offered protection for a woman’s right to choose whether or not to become a mother. Even the queer community, while obviously still facing discrimination, began to develop safe havens in places like San Francisco.

“It was still during the sexual revolution where women were not ashamed of openly exploring their sexuality.”

“This was pre-AIDS. The idea of 'catching herpes', and this being a serious problem came in around 1980. So there was a short period, more or less from 1950 - 1980, when people thought you could just get rid of STDs with a shot.”

But not everyone was on board

There were plenty of cautionary tales (particularly for women) about the dark side of the sexual revolution. Take, for instance, Looking for Mr. Goodbar, a book and subsequent movie based on the real-life murder of a woman named Roseann Quinn, who was murdered by a man she had a one-night stand with. The killer's violence was partially stirred by his feelings about his own sexual identity.

Similarly, Cruising is a ‘70s novel that follows an undercover cop looking for a homosexual serial killer in New York City.

You also had conservative activists like Phyllis Schlafly, who vehemently rallied against feminism, abortion, queer rights, and most notably, the ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA).

- YouTube www.youtube.com

History is a fascinating thing. The more we learn about it, the more we realize that every era is full of contradictions. Because while life continues to march forward, there will always be a tug-of-war between the past and future.

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Research reveals two kinds of high school popularity, which lead to opposite outcomes

Being one of the cool kids isn't a predictor of future success.

Photo credit: Canva

Does being popular really matter?

Even decades into adulthood, most of us still remember who the popular kids were in high school, at least by face if not by name. Something about adolescent social interactions really sticks with us, and popularity (or lack thereof) is one thing that stands out in a typical high school experience. However, our memories of the popular kids last a lot longer than their actual popularity does, especially if those kids were a particular kind of popular.

Mitch Prinstein, PhD, a clinical child and adolescent psychologist, professor of psychology and neuroscience, and the director of clinical psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, explains that there are two kinds of popularity in his book, Popular: Finding Happiness and Success in a World That Cares Too Much About the Wrong Kinds of Relationships. According to his research, one type of popularity is a predictor of a long and fulfilling life, while the other is the opposite.

popularity, popular kids, cool kids, high school, likeability There's a difference between likeable popularity and status popularity.Photo credit: Canva

"Those who are popular can be two different groups," Prinstein shared with the Speaking of Psychology podcast. "You have some who are popular when they were young, and they would be the kind that we would call 'likable.' However, a different kind of popularity emerges in adolescents, which we refer to as 'status.' And those are very different types of popularity. Likeability is good, status is pretty bad."

"Likeable" popularity is found in people who have genuinely likeable traits. These traits make people want to spend time with them and trust them because they make people feel valued and included. "Status" popularity is found in people who are influential and powerful, but not necessarily well-liked. We can probably all name people from our high school days who fit each of those categories of popular, and perhaps some who overlap both. (The class president who also happens to be a really kind and caring person, for instance.)

Prinstein's analysis of the research indicates that people who are likeable popular are more likely to end up in a happy marriage with well-adjusted kids and a successful career, whereas high status popularity correlates to long-term problems with depression, anxiety, substance use, and relationship problems. In other words, the "cool" kids who dominate the social landscape with power and influence in high school often don't fare as well as the kids who are popular because people truly like them.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Those disparate outcomes may not come as a surprise, all things considered, but Prinstein says we're living at a time when status popularity matters farther into adulthood than it did before. Like the brains of other mammals, the adolescent human brain is predisposed to look toward status because, on an instinctual level, it can mean access to more resources or mating partners. We're biologically wired to desire status popularity when we're young.

"It used to be that we would stop caring about that kind of popularity when we graduated from high school," Prinstein told Speaking of Psychology. "That's not the way the world works anymore though…things have dramatically changed in the last 20 or 30 years in ways that now make us care about status more than we ever have before."

Prinstein shared that it seemed to start with 24-hour cable news shows, then spread to reality TV and social media. In the past, we didn't have ubiquitous access to the lives of celebrities, virality wasn't a thing, and there weren't "likes" at the click of a button to feed the idea of status popularity being important.

popularity, popular kids, cool kids, high school, likeability Social media has pushed status popularity last beyond high school.Photo credit: Canva

"I'm so worried about teens today because they've lived in a world where pursuing status with a mouse click or on your phone 24/7, that's become normal," said Prinstein. "And when I worked on the book I was shocked to find how many covers of magazines for both kids and for adults are really promoting the message that we should care about our likes, and our retweets and our followers and even kids are being encouraged to say things on social media that they explicitly don't believe because if it gets them more likes or followers then it's worth it. And if you think about the message that that's sending the kids, that status is more important than actual true connections with others or integrity, that's a really really scary message."

Considering the outcomes, focusing more on likeability than status can help us all live better, more fulfilling lives. How do we do that? One way is to think about what you find likeable in other people and try to develop those qualities in yourself. Become a better listener. Support people by being encouraging and celebrating their wins. Don't brag or complain too much. Be kind and courteous. Ensure that everyone feels welcome and included when you're in a group.

Popularity isn't the ultimate goal, of course, but being likable will help you throughout your life, whereas status is a never-ending ladder that ultimately leads to nowhere. So if you find yourself yearning to be popular, pick the kind of popular you actually value and place your energy and attention there.

You can listen to the entire Speaking of Psychology interview with Dr. Prinstein here.

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