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A trauma specialist's open letter outlines some essential truths about our lives right now

A trauma specialist's open letter outlines some essential truths about our lives right now
Photo by Claudia Wolff on Unsplash

Let's step back for a moment and take stock of our situation, shall we?

We are currently living through a global pandemic which, up until a month ago, was a theoretical disaster we'd only ever seen in movies and history books. We now tap into the news each day and watch the numbers of confirmed cases and deaths rising. A growing number of us have family, friends, or acquaintances who have fallen ill or died. Even if we don't, we may have loved ones who are elderly or immunocompromised or we may fall into that category ourselves, so we fear what exposure to this virus might bring.


At the same time, we are stuck in our homes without our normal social outlets. Some of us are alone and lonely. Some of us are trapped in homes that are not healthy or safe. Even those of us who appreciate having some extra family time might be feeling the strain of constant togetherness. People are stressed over trying to work and educate kids and try to provide structure and security in the midst of chaos.

Some of us are forced to go to work in essential jobs that put our lives at risk. Some of us are newly and unexpectedly unemployed, while others are watching businesses they've built crumble before their eyes. Some of us are wondering how we're going to put food on the table. Many of us have watched future plans and goals and dreams being swept away, just like that. We know that the economic fallout of this will be huge, but we don't know how huge or what that will mean for us individually or collectively.

Our lives have been upended, quickly and with very little warning. We're surviving, most of us, but that doesn't change the fact that life as we know it has been dramatically altered. And we don't know when or how or if things will return to "normal."

Then there's the human toll of the virus itself. We bear witness to heartbreaking stories from medical workers on the front line. Medical workers who don't have enough supplies and are having to pile bodies into refrigerator trucks. Bodies of patients who died without loved ones by their side. Patients whose belongings are piling up in hospital storage rooms, waiting for the day when family members can come retrieve them. Family members who can't even gather together for funerals to comfort one another as humans do.

And that's just an overview. And it's only been a month. And we're not yet at the peak. And we're being told there may be resurgences in coming months, meaning we don't know what the next year holds.

This is no small thing, friends.

Trauma is defined as the emotional response to a terrible event. And it's totally understandable that a global pandemic and sudden, widespread economic hardship would evoke a strong emotional response in most of us. And yet, many of us likely haven't thought about this experience as "trauma" because it hasn't been one single event. It's a slow emergency of sorts, one we had to prepare for before we saw it for ourselves. And now we're living in a weird state of limbo where nothing feels normal, widespread worry and uncertainty surround us, and yet it's all covered in a thin veneer of calm.

That veneer is deceptive. On the surface, we're just being asked to sit at home and watch TV—what's so traumatic about that? But simplifying it in such a way denies the entire reason we're doing it—to prevent mass death and suffering as much as possible. That's a heavy reality. We've had to upend life as we know it in order to preserve lives in general.

And yet even with our seemingly extreme efforts, we're still watching the numbers climb and seeing the terrible stories. Even if we aren't directly impacted, we're still immersed in it and experiencing trauma vicariously. If we have any sense of empathy, we will have an emotional response—one that we might not recognize, since this is like nothing we've experienced before.

Licensed professional counselor Jennifer Yaeger shared some words of wisdom about our current circumstances and the importance of acknowledging the emotional and psychological toll of it all on Facebook. She wrote:

"I want to acknowledge that living through this pandemic is a trauma.

As a trauma specialist, I think there are a few things that are helpful to know:

- Parts of our brain have shut down in order for us to survive

- As a result, we are not able to fully process a lot of what is going on around us

- Feeling somewhat numb and out of touch with our emotions is normal, especially if you have lived through trauma before

- Some people are also more apt to feel hypervigilant or anxious, while others become hypoactive or depressed. Neither means anything other than indicating your predisposition to dealing with extreme stress

- In-depth processing of trauma happens years later, when we feel emotionally safe to deal with it

- When in the midst of trauma, just getting by emotionally and functionally is okay. Lowering expectations and being kind to yourself and others is vital."

So don't judge whatever you're feeling—or what anyone else is feeling—through all of this. When you feel overwhelmed or stuck or numb—or even guilty for not feeling any of these things when you're in a state of joy or gratitude—just let it be. Most of us are experiencing a dozen different feelings every hour, so do what you need to do to care for mental and emotional health.

Be gentle and patient with yourself, and do the same with others. This is hard, but we'll get through it. Our emotions are one thing that unite us as human beings, so if nothing else, we can at least take comfort in the fact that none of us is alone in what we're feeling.

Planet

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Images of Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweger via Wikicommons

Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweger



love actually GIFGiphy

  1. Hugh Grant does not hold back when it comes to his opinions on anything. But in one unfortunate interview he did for Elle Magazine back in 2009, he dished on most of his female co-stars, and it wasn't pretty. He described Emma Thompson as "clever, funny, mad as a chair." Of Sandra Bullock, he said, "a genius, a German, too many dogs." He later commented that Julia Roberts' mouth was so big, he "was aware of a faint echo" when they kissed onscreen. And while Julianne Moore, Rachel Weisz, and Drew Barrymore were all described as clever, stunning, or beautiful, the consensus was that they all "loathed him."

But it was his Bridget Jones's Diary co-star Renée Zellweger with whom he seemed to have the softest spot. Even when revisiting the matter on The Graham Norton Show in 2016, Hugh agreed with his original assessment that she's "delightful. Also far from sane. Very good kisser."

When pressed, Hugh jokingly said, "She is genuinely lovely, but her emails are 48 pages long. Can't understand a word of them."

Now, nine years later, Renée is returning to her Bridget Jones character, and the two reunite for a piece called "Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy" for British VogueBritish Vogue. After Hugh writes an intro to the piece, where he reveals he used to have tons of questions between on-set shots for Renée—questions like "If you had to marry one of today's extras, who would it be?" and "Who is a better kisser, me or Colin Firth?" He now has a whole new slew of questions. Here are a few key things we find out:


Sad Renee Zellweger GIF by Working TitleGiphy

What did Hugh always think of Renée?

He says candidly (of course), "With a lot of other actors, you think they're really great, and then suddenly you see a little glint of steely, scary ambition, and you realize this person would trample their grandmother to get what they want in this business. But I've never seen that glint coming off you. So either it's very well disguised, or you are quite nice."

What does Renée really think of Hugh?

You're hilariously brilliant at everything you hate. And, though you hate humans, you're a very good and loyal friend. I like you very much. And I love working with you."

Love Actually Dancing GIF by PeacockTVGiphy


What did Hugh really think of her English accent?

Queen Elizabeth GIFGiphy

After discussing Renée's dialect coach, Hugh tells her that her attempt at an English accent is…"perfect."

Why does the Bridget Jones franchise remain so appealing?


Renee Zellweger Romance GIF by Bridget JonesGiphy

Hugh says, "In a nutshell, I say it's an antidote to Instagram. Instagram is telling people, especially women, 'Your life's not good enough.' It's not as good as this woman's or that woman's, making you insecure. Whereas what Helen (the writer) did with Bridget is celebrate failures, while making it funny and joyful."

Renée makes some jokes and then says, "I think maybe folks recognize themselves in her and relate to her feelings of self-doubt. Bridget is authentically herself and doesn't always get it right, but whatever her imperfections, she remains joyful and optimistic, carries on, and triumphs in her own way."

What does Hugh think of Renée's fashion?


Drunk Bridget Jones GIF by Working TitleGiphy

After asking if people in general should be a "bit more stylish," Hugh tells Renée she's "very chic." Renée pushes back with, "I'm wearing a tracksuit." To which Hugh retorts, "Yeah, but a sort of PRICEY one."

And finally, those emails:

"You have sent me the longest emails I've ever received. I can't understand a single word of them. They're written in some curious language that I can't really understand."

"No!" Renée exclaims. "If you reference something in your emails that makes me laugh…I will circle back to that. And if you've forgotten that you wrote it, I don't think I should be held accountable for that!"

Cedar Hill Elementary in Ardmore, Alabama.

Educators are almost always the heroes of their classrooms, but in 2022 at Cedar Hill Elementary in Ardmore, Alabama, a group of first-graders showed amazing courage by helping their teacher during a medical emergency.

First-grade teacher Tracy Hodges began experiencing blurry vision on January 20, 2022 when her students sat down after singing and marching in a music exercise. Attendance was low that day, with only 12 out of 18 children in attendance due to COVID-19.

"Mrs. Hodges was shaking and we thought she was just joking," Dalton Widener, 6, who was in the classroom at the time, said according to USA Today. "Then she fell out of the chair and hit her head."

"She fell out of the chair and her glasses fell off and she dropped," Emily Johnson, 7, added.

"I couldn't even find the door and I couldn't make out the three children who were sitting in front of me," said Hodges.

Before Hodges lost consciousness, she made a last-ditch attempt to tell the children to get help but wasn’t sure if they understood. But the kids got the message. Ten students took to the hallways to get help while the remaining two stayed behind to watch over their teacher.

"Some people went and got the other teacher and then we went and got the nurse," said Widener.

The librarian saw the children in the hallway and directed them away from their classroom, unsure of the severity of Hodges' condition. "I just grabbed them and didn't have a clue what was going on, but grabbed them and kind of comforted them and just tried to keep them calm until we could figure out what was going on," said librarian Heather Snyder.

When Hodges woke up, she was surrounded by teachers and medical personnel. The kids were the only witnesses to the event, so one of them told the paramedics what had happened.

When Hodges arrived at the hospital she learned the seizure was caused by COVID-19, which she didn’t even know she had. After a few days, she recovered from her fall and the illness and she was later able to return to the classroom.

The students were commended for their bravery the next month at a school assembly where they were presented with medals and given a new name: “Hodges' Heroes.”

“There were many heroes that day,” said Cedar Hill Elementary School Principal Glen Garner. “Everyone stepped up that day because that’s what heroes do, but none so more than you. Hodges' Heroes, that’s the class I know.”


After hearing about the students’ bravery, Marvel Studios and Dole teamed up to give the kids a little more hero treatment. A Dole representative came to the school and gave each student hero certificates, Marvel masks, capes, and a healthy banana split.

Hodges is glad that she had the seizure when she did. "I think I was in the right place at the right time because had I been home I would have been by myself," she told WUSA9.

“I just thank God every day for them,” Hodges said to WHNT.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

@yourejustliz/TikTok

“Nice is different than kind."

It might have been pretty universally accepted during our childhood for daughters to be expected to reciprocate affection from adults, whether they liked it or not. A non consensual kiss to grandparents here, a forced “thank you” there. But times have changed.

However, this change in parenting style can sometimes make for some, well, awkward or even downright uncomfortable situations as moms and dads try to advocate for this kid’s autonomy.

Recently, a mom named Liz Kindred detailed just such an incident with her six year old daughter, which has a whole lotta other parents discussing how to navigate these unideal interactions.

As she recalls in a video posted to TikTok, Kindred was waiting in line with her daughter when a grown man turned around and said “My goodness, you sure are pretty” to the child.

“My six-year-old is gorgeous, yes, but she is also very in tune and perceptive, and she's an introvert so she grabbed my leg really tight,” Kindred said.

Doubling down, the man repeated himself, saying “You sure are pretty. Look at those blue eyes,” which only made her shy daughter grab her leg harder.

Noting that being in a 12 step program has taught her to be less “knee jerk reactionary,” the mom bit her tongue and offered a polite smile to the man, hoping that would be the end of it. It wasn’t.



“He's a boomer and, God love him, he said, ‘I guess your mom didn't teach you manners.’ And I let out an uncomfortable little [chuckle], and the pause was long. It was long. And under his breath he said, ‘Guess not,’” she said.

In what she called the most ”Jesus loving way” she could muster, while still bluntly making her point, Kindred told the man "If you assume that I didn't teach my six-year-old daughter to say ‘thank you’ to a grown, consenting man when he compliments her appearance, then you would be correct."

What followed was the “longest silence” of Kindred’s life.

The video, which has been viewed over 6 million times now, prompted a ton of parents to share how their own kids have established boundaries in similar situations—with their support, of course.

“An old man called my 4 yr old daughter a sweetheart at the store…she boldly responded ‘I am NOT YOUR sweetheart!’ I was so proud,” on person recalled.

Another added, “My 3 year old says ‘NO THANK YOU MY BODY DOESN’T LIKE TAHT.’”

Still another said “My 2 yo knows the boundaries song and just starts singing that anytime someone talks to her.”

While the response to Kindred’s video was overwhelmingly positive, there were a few comments defending the man as simply being “kind.” This prompted Kindred to do a follow-up video doubling down on her decision.

In the clip, she shared how she herself has dealt with seemingly innocent compliments in her life from men, which later turned into something else. Feeling like she “didn’t have a voice” to say something, “because I’m a nice Christian, Southern girl,” Kindred ended up being in unsavory situations (she didn't explicitly say what those situations were, but it's easy enough to piece together). She doesn’t want her daughter to have the same issues.


“Nice is different than kind. The kind thing to do is to teach our daughters and our children in this next generation that when you are uncomfortable with something you listen to your body and you set a firm boundary with that and you provide language around that. And you start that really really young.”

Yep. Well said.


This article originally appeared last year.

Jodie Hood

Louis Hood making an OR bed look good!

Just an hour after a critical heart surgery, Louis Hood lifted his voice to Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing,” a fitting anthem for the resilient young boy born with a rare heart condition. The moving performance brought tears to the eyes of his mother, Jodie Hood, who shared that this small act was a reminder of Louis' strength and spirit.

Louis, who lives in Redruth, Cornwall, was born with a condition that left him with half a functioning heart. Since birth, he has undergone three open-heart surgeries, starting when he was just nine days old. As he approached his fourth birthday, Louis needed another operation to insert a stent into his pulmonary artery, a procedure that brought the family to Bristol Children’s Hospital.


"We call him our mountain-mover as he loves to defy the odds."

— Jodie Hood

Jodie, overwhelmed with emotion, explained the impact of Louis' spontaneous song. “He started singing from the movie Sing on his iPad—it was incredibly moving,” she said.

A dream trip to Disneyland Paris

With Louis’ condition demanding continuous medical care, his family lives with the daily uncertainty of what the future holds. But amid the challenges, they are hoping to create joyful memories. Louis dreams of a magical trip to Disneyland Paris, and with his love for all things Disney, his family is dedicated to making this happen.

To fund this dream, Louis’ grandmother, Sharon Van Beusekom, started a JustGiving fundraiser to help cover the expenses for Louis and his family. The goal of £8,000 would not only pay for the trip but also account for the costs associated with Louis' special medical needs during travel.

"Louis has one big dream: to visit Disneyland Paris... memories that will bring comfort and happiness no matter what the future holds."

— Sharon Van Beusekom

“Whether we have a few months or a few precious years, we’re living with the constant fear of losing him,” Sharon shared. “Louis is such an amazing little boy with a zest for life and a smile that lights up every room. He deserves this chance to make happy memories with his family.”

A legacy of resilience and joy

Louis Hood and his contagious smile.Sharon Van Beusekom via Just Giving

The Hood family has been through incredible challenges, especially with the recent loss of a young friend, Faith, who had the same condition as Louis but sadly passed away at just 22 months old. This heartbreaking reminder of the fragility of life has further motivated them to fulfill Louis' wish, despite the challenges ahead.

Support has already begun pouring in, with friends, family, and well-wishers rallying around Louis. The family’s story has gained traction online as well, with more than 2,000 Reddit users expressing their admiration and support. One commenter, u/Hayes4prez, noted, "Pretty tough kid, I hope he’s up playing again soon." Another, u/masteremrald, commented, "Four open heart surgeries at such a young age is crazy. Amazing to see how he is able to stay positive after all that!"

"Makes a grown man tear up 🥹"

— @AbleEnd3877

Jodie, Louis’ mother, has even participated in sponsored runs to help boost the fund. The family is hoping for a little more support to reach their target, and any surplus will be donated to Heart Heroes, a charity supporting families with children facing serious heart conditions.

Jodie expressed gratitude for everyone’s generosity, saying, “Louis has overcome so much, and any help we can get to bring a little happiness his way means the world to us. This is our way of giving him something to look forward to, and we are so grateful to everyone who has helped make this possible.”

"This is our way of giving him something to look forward to, and we are so grateful."

— Jodie Hood

For anyone who would like to contribute, donations can be made on the JustGiving page dedicated to Louis’ dream trip. With this support, Louis’ family hopes to bring joy and peace to their brave little boy, no matter what the future holds.

This article originally appeared last year.

Joy

Wholesome exchange between a Black woman and a white man is giving people faith in humanity

A woman named Jo'lee Shine expected the worst when a white man approached her overheated vehicle, but his kindness brought her to tears.

@realbillygotti/Instagram

We need more moments like these.

Of course, racism and hatred are very real issues, and ones that we must discuss in order to make progress. But with all the coverage of people behaving badly flooding our awareness through the media and online, it can be easy to write-off humanity entirely. To believe that the world is inherently a divisive, dangerous and ultimately declining place to live. When in reality, not everything is so bleak.

That’s what makes sharing this story so important.

A Black woman named Jo'lee Shine was stuck in her overheated car in front of a stranger's house, waiting for a tow truck to arrive.

When a white man, the homeowner, began approaching her, Jo'lee immediately started recording the interaction. And thank goodness she did, because this was a moment worth immortalizing.

“I'm so sorry, my car ran hot,” she says in the clip, and begins trying to start the car to prove her situation.

And then, in the sweetest southern accent you ever heard, we hear “don’t try to crank it baby.”

When then hear him offer to put water in the car, made sure Jo'lee had coming to pick her up, and then…wait for it…asked if she wanted lunch.

"We’ll be eating lunch shortly. While we wait on [the tow truck] if we get everything set up I’ll come get you and we’ll have dinner,” he says.

This brings Jo’lee to instant tears. “That was so sweet,” she whimpers.

With a chuckle, the man replies, “that’s the way we are.” he then shared how he just had 22 people over at his house the night before for “a family gathering.”

Jo’lee declines the lunch offer, but profusely thanks the kind stranger as she wipes the tears that continue to fall. Just before he goes, the man says that he’ll check back in, joking that the tow truck “might be delayed” and she might change her mind.

In her caption, Jo’lee wrote, “I wasn’t going to post this, but I wanted people to know that they’re still good people in this world.”

Seems like that mission was accomplished. The video, which has gotten over 176,000 likes on Instagram, gave everyone a little dose of hope. Just take a look at some of these lovely comments:

“This is who we are...it sucks that movies have put fear in people to that level. That makes me sad that there's fear and division keeping us all from sharing love that I KNOW is in all of us.”

“The media works to divide us, don't believe their lies. We love all people.. God Bless.”

"I'll come get you when we get dinner on the table?!!" ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹🔥🔥🔥🔥🙌🙌”

“The way he called you baby without a mean tone in his soul.”

“This renews my faith in humanity. He tried to help her without any thought of race.”

“Just when we think humanity has died, this happens ♥️. Human kindness for the win.”

Indeed, the world has its’ Karens…and even worse characters. But it also has people who invite strangers to dinner, just because it’s a nice thing to do…because it’s the “way they are.” It’s the way a lot of us are, when we let ourselves be.


This article originally appeared last year.