These are 7 things they don’t tell you about living with PCOS.

It was a cold, dreary day during my freshman year of college when the doctor said life-changing words: “You have PCOS,” she said unemotionally as she scribbled words on her notepad. It wasn’t exactly a surprise. My older sister was diagnosed a few years before too, and we’d both experienced the same symptoms leading up…

It was a cold, dreary day during my freshman year of college when the doctor said life-changing words:

“You have PCOS,” she said unemotionally as she scribbled words on her notepad.

It wasn’t exactly a surprise. My older sister was diagnosed a few years before too, and we’d both experienced the same symptoms leading up to the diagnosis. Still, it wasn’t a thrilling thing to be told.


Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) is a hormonal endocrine disorder that affects between 1 in 10 and 1 in 20 women of childbearing age. As many as 5 million women in the United States could be affected, and many cases are undiagnosed. PCOS can cause irregular periods, infertility issues, and drastic changes in appearance, including acne, facial hair, and weight gain.

Being a teenager was already frustrating, but then my health decided to throw that curve ball.

So what did I do? I started running — a lot. Running eventually became my physical and mental refuge. It was a way to release my anger at what I thought was an attack on my womanhood and a way to tone up the parts of my body I had control over.

I completed the San Francisco Rock n’ Roll Half Marathon in April 2015. Image from the author, used with permission.

I also changed the way I ate, and I started trying to find a therapist who wouldn’t break my bank account.

But the most decisive and important things I’ve learned, and am still learning, aren’t the things my doctor told me during that first appointment. Instead, this illness has taught me about the nitty-gritty of struggling with chronic illness, the gross and empowering things that medical textbooks won’t teach you.

Here are some of those lessons that I — and many who have struggled with chronic illnesses — have learned during the journey.

1. My weight doesn’t define me.

Weight dominates women’s magazines. And every day, we’re given information about weighing too much or too little and which bodies are real and which aren’t.

You know what body is real? Yours.

When I found out I had PCOS, I trained for a half marathon, started doing yoga, and changed my diet, thinking that I could slim down to the dream image of my body I had in my head.

Ultimately, I lost a total of five pounds in one year. It was underwhelming, but I felt better than I’d felt during most of my young adult life during that year. My body, while large, gets me to work every day, runs half marathons in different cities, and does some pretty cool things in between. I’ve learned to be grateful for it, at all of its various shapes and sizes.

2. Just because it makes others uncomfortable, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t discuss it.

A lot of people don’t know about PCOS, and most of them don’t want to know more.

PCOS looks pretty different for everyone, but some commonly involved are weight gain, depression, body hair, and infertility. And those aren’t exactly pleasant. Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot of science out there on how to properly address PCOS just yet, leading to it being commonly misdiagnosed.

When I tried talking about my disease publicly, people were disgusted by it, and I also felt like they didn’t understand how a syndrome like mine could change my life so much. But here’s the thing:

When I talked about PCOS with friends who I trusted, I was more relieved and encouraged. Allowing the people I loved to help me through my health issues made a huge difference, and I’m better for it.

3. I don’t need to be a doormat for terrible dates.

I grew up being told that I was intelligent and beautiful (because encouraging parents rock), but PCOS took a bit of a toll on my confidence when it came to dating. And sometimes, when I was getting used to my syndrome, I let society’s standards of worth dictate how I responded to romantic partners.

If someone indicated they were attracted to me, I felt like I had to be grateful for their interest. In turn, I became a doormat for terrible dates, and I accepted the love I thought I deserved because I thought I should be happy with what I got.

I learned quickly, though, that this couldn’t be further from the truth. But it took some heartache, self-reflection, and real talk from friends and family to get there.

4. Infertility is a big issue, but there are options.

I know, I know. Infertility probably isn’t something a normal 18-year-old thinks about. But I’ve always known that I wanted a family of my own one day.

The great thing is there are plenty of resources, scientific breakthroughs, and support systems for people who struggle with infertility. Over the years, I have slowly found other women with PCOS who want to have kids. They are finding their own ways forward, whether that’s through medicine, adoption, or in vitro fertilization.

There are options. There are almost always options. You just have to look.

5. Depression does not own me.

Depression is a common symptom of PCOS, and there are days when it’s incredibly hard for me to get out of bed.

There are times, all too often, when my life seems amazing on the surface, but I’m crumbling inside. But here’s the thing I’ve learned: I have power.

I have the power to do things I know will improve my mood, like running, spending time with friends, and going to therapy. I’ve slowly learned (and am still learning!) the importance of self-care and the reality that self-care looks different for everyone.

Having power doesn’t mean there won’t be difficult days, but it does mean that eventually, I can get through my issues.

6. I enjoy food, and I should keep on enjoying it.

I’m a southern-raised American. I love good food. Like shrimp and grits, and spaghetti, and gelato! I still enjoy all those things and more. Unfortunately, PCOS isn’t exactly a fan of those foods or of carbs or sugar in general.

So while I indulge every now and then, I also focus on balance, and on keeping things in moderation. It keeps my hormones — and my taste buds — pretty happy.

7. I am not PCOS.

I have a syndrome. A frustrating syndrome. A highly under-researched syndrome. I have trouble losing weight, I have facial hair, and I struggle with depression daily.

But I am still not that syndrome.

I’m a writer, a reader, a runner, a traveler, and a Harry Potter fanatic. I am a multilayered person who laughs and drinks and has fun. I sometimes talk too much, put my foot in my mouth, and make really goofy mistakes.

I do all those things because I’m Kayla, not PCOS. And that is the most valuable lesson of all.

  • A dad was camping with his kids when a fellow camper slipped him this handwritten note
    A dad got a sweet note from a fellow father after camping with his kids.Photo credit: Canva, Note image via RCampR6/Reddit

    There are a lot of challenging things about being a parent; take your pick. The sleep deprivation, the overwhelming responsibility, the lack of free time. But truly, one of the hardest parts of being a parent is never being sure whether you’re doing a good job or totally bombing it. If you’re conscientious enough to even wonder if you’re a good parent, you probably are, but parenting entails a million little choices and interactions, and there’s always a lingering voice in your head saying, “What if you’re really screwing this whole thing up?”

    Reassurance and encouragement are always appreciated by parents, but not always received, which is why a note from one camping dad to another has people celebrating the kindness of anonymous strangers.

    “You are killing it as a dad.”

    Someone on Yosemite Reddit thread shared a photo of a handwritten note with the caption, “To the man who left this thoughtful note on my windshield at Lower Pines Campground this weekend, I extend my heartfelt gratitude; your acknowledgment of my efforts to be a good father means a great deal to me.”

    The note reads:

    “Bro,

    I camped in the spot behind you last night. Let me just say, you are killing it as a dad. First off, I watched your wife guide you in as you backed up your trailer and nailed it on the first try without any yelling. Then your kids unloaded from the truck and were mild-mannered and well behaved. You told stories around the campfire and I had the pleasure of listening to the sounds of giggles and laughter.

    From one dad to another, you are killing it. Keep it up.

    P.S. Whatever you cooked for dinner smelled delicious!”

    How often do we share these thoughts with strangers, even if we have them? And who wouldn’t love to get a surprise bit of praise with specific examples of things we did right?

    Everyone needs to hear a compliment once in a while.

    dads, giving men compliments, fatherhood, camping, camping with kids
    A handwritten note with the words Photo credit: Canva

    So many people found the note to be a breath of fresh air and a good reminder to compliment people when we feel the urge:

    “That would make any daddy’s eyes water.”

    “It’s always nice, as a guy, to get a compliment.”

    “I complimented a guy’s glasses at work (I’m also a guy, and btw they were really cool glasses, I wasn’t just being nice) and now he keeps trying to tell me where he got his glasses and how I should get some. But I’m just having to be polite because I already have glasses and I’m not in the market. I finally had to tell him I’m not going to buy them lmao I just like them on him.

    Made me feel like that’s the first compliment he’s had in years because he can’t stop talking about it. Also I mainly liked the glasses because I think he’s cute but he really thinks it’s just the glasses haha jokes on him that cute bastard.””I was in the store with my wife and one of our ‘adopted nephews’ yesterday (we’re close friends with his parents and we’ve known him and his brother since they were newborns and 2yo, respectively). A woman came up to me at checkout while my wife was running out to the car and said ‘I’m not sure what your family relationship is here, but I just have to tell you how nice and refreshing it is to hear all the laughter and joy from the 3 of you. You both seem like such a good influence on him and it warms my heart.’ It’s such a small thing but as a dude, I can’t remember the last time someone gave me a compliment in public and it made my freaking day.”

    “10/10 letter. The and not yelling part gave me a good chuckle lol.”

    “We need so much more of men getting such heartfelt and sincere compliments. Thanks for sharing. ❤️”

    dads, giving men compliments, fatherhood, camping, camping with kids

    A man smiling Photo credit: Canva

    “I’ve never considered leaving a note, but when I see a harmonious family with good parenting, it’s healing for me. My childhood was awful.”

    “Such an awesome compliment! Even though I don’t have children myself, I like to remind my friends too that they’re doing great & it brings them happy tears.”

    “This made me cry. I love that you are getting your ‘flowers.’ My dad sucked, I’m so glad you are one of the good ones.”

    “This made me cry too. It’s so hard to be a human. Let alone a parent. Getting a good job sticker every now and then really means a lot these days.”

    “I’m a big bearded guy and I would cry if I got this note. More people like this, please.”

    The best part of this story is that no one knows who the dad who wrote the note is, not even the dad who shared it. It wasn’t written for clout or notoriety, it wasn’t to get attention or make himself look good. No name or signature, just an anonymous act of kindness to uplift a stranger whether he needed it or not.

    dads, giving men compliments, fatherhood, camping, camping with kids

    A dad with his kid on his shoulders Photo credit: Canva

    We all need to hear or read kind things said about us, and sometimes it means even more coming from an anonymous stranger who has nothing to gain by sharing. A good reminder to share it when you feel it—you never know how many people you may move and inspire.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

  • How the simple 5:1 rule helps parents stop their kids’ rude behavior
    An angry girl and her mother.Photo credit: Canva
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    How the simple 5:1 rule helps parents stop their kids’ rude behavior

    “A strong, nurturing relationship also reduces the need for children to act out to gain attention.”

    No child is perfect, and they are all bound to show some sass from time to time with a rude comment or by rolling their eyes when you speak to them. As parents, it’s our job to understand where those behaviors come from and stop them before they become ingrained parts of their personalities. A kid who’s rude at home may grow up to be the guy who gets fired for mouthing off at work.

    Experts say one of the most effective ways for parents to prevent kids from being rude is to inoculate them with positivity. It’s called the 5:1 method, originally developed by famed psychologist John Gottman for couples, and it’s been found to work well with kids, too. The tactic is pretty simple: For every negative comment you make about your child, say five positive things.

    parents, child, argument, rude child, coloring,
    A mother scolds her daughter. Photo credit: Canva

    What is the 5:1 method for raising children?

    Jennifer Wallace, author of Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose, explained the method on an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast:

    “Criticism impacts our kids up to five times more than a compliment does. We are wired as parents to look for the negative and to try to help our kids overcome the negative. But really, what we need to do to have that kind of connection is we need to focus on the positive things that are inherent about them. What is it about them that’s unique? For every one criticism, I need to at least have five positive interactions with my kids.”

    @melrobbins

    “If you want to be closer with your kids, this one’s for you. In this eye-opening episode, Jennifer Wallace shares the 5 to 1 Parenting Rule and delves into the pressure of “toxic achievement” that can leave you feeling like you’re never doing enough 👇 “Never Enough: 7 Ways to Protect Yourself (and Your Kids) From Toxic Pressure” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #changeyourlife #mindset #createabetterlife #takecontrol #motivation #melrobbinspodcast #podcast #podcastclips #parentingadvice parenting”

    ♬ original sound – Mel Robbins

    When kids feel safe and supported by positive interactions, they don’t feel the need to act out to get attention.

    “A strong, nurturing relationship also reduces the need for children to act out to gain attention,” Dr. Carla C. Allan, a clinical psychologist, told Parents. “When attention is offered freely and consistently, behavior is less likely to escalate into attempts to be noticed.”

    Constant positive attention can also improve how your child talks to themselves.

    “This commentary gets internalized as their inner voice,” Olivia Bergeron, a psychotherapist, told Parents. “If it’s consistently [empathetic], kids will develop resiliency and better weather the inevitable mistakes that happen.”

    parent, child, nurturing, hug, artwork, beads
    A mother hugs her daughter. Photo credit: Canva

    Five ways to practice the 5:1 method

    1. Point out positive behaviors

    If your child is struggling with their homework, you might say, “I saw how you hung in there and made it through your math, even though it was tough.”

    2. Create meaningful moments

    Take time out of your day to play a card game with your child or go out into the yard and play catch. Make sure to read together every day and spend time chatting when you can, undistracted by technology.

    3. Practice empathy

    Validate their emotions when they are frustrated or hurt. “I understand that you’re feeling upset right now” goes a lot further than “Brush it off.”

    4. Provide positive reinforcement

    Give your child immediate praise whenever they exhibit a positive behavior. Tell them things like, “Great job for remembering to close the bathroom door,” or “I like how you are cooperating with your sister.”

    5. Give physical affection

    Whenever you hold your child’s hand, hug them, or sit close to them, oxytocin—the bonding hormone—is released, bringing you closer together.

  • Tearful 8-year-old girl has a beautiful reaction to breaking a taekwondo board
    Ellie Park breaks a board at American Tigers in Mission Viejo, California.Photo credit: American Tigers Mission Viejo (used with permission)
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    Tearful 8-year-old girl has a beautiful reaction to breaking a taekwondo board

    There is no better feeling than confronting your fears head-on and overcoming them, especially when you feel like the odds are stacked against you. That’s why a video from American Tigers, a martial arts school in Mission Viejo, California, is so powerful.  Eight-year-old Elizabeth “Ellie” Park was shaking in fear as she approached her teacher,…

    There is no better feeling than confronting your fears head-on and overcoming them, especially when you feel like the odds are stacked against you. That’s why a video from American Tigers, a martial arts school in Mission Viejo, California, is so powerful. 

    Eight-year-old Elizabeth “Ellie” Park was shaking in fear as she approached her teacher, who was holding a practice board she was supposed to break with her foot. The day before, she had failed to break the boards, and her first attempt in front of a large crowd was unsuccessful.

    “On the day of testing, she stared at the board shaking in fear for about a minute,” Ethan Shin, head instructor of American Tigers, told USA Today. “We had her take a break, and called her up a second time.”

    Ellie’s incredible achievement

    Then, on her third attempt, she broke the board with her right foot. After her tremendous accomplishment, she stood at attention, and then she just couldn’t resist giving her teacher a big hug. After regaining her composure, she broke another board and returned to sit with the rest of her class.

    “She was shaking in fear from failing on the practice boards the day before. She chose to be brave, face her fears head-on, and overcame them,” American Tigers wrote in an Instagram post. They added, “When you fail. Find the courage in yourself to try again. Be proud of your accomplishments. And take time to celebrate your wins.”

    One of the commenters perfectly summed up how Ellie felt after successfully striking the board: “There’s a moment when her heart wants to hug her teacher, but ‘custom’ makes her hesitate…until.”

    It’s a wonderful moment where everyone took a break from the discipline of the martial art to express joy, gratitude, and a sense of achievement.

    taekwondo, taekwondo kick, martial arts, martial arts practice, high kick,
    A man practicing taekwondo. Photo credit: Canva

    “One of the things I miss most about teaching taekwondo is making this kind of impact on students. Not just teaching skills, but courage and confidence,” one of the commenters wrote.

    “This teacher is so beautiful. To be a safe space where she can find support and regain her confidence. Wow,” another added.

    Martial arts are great for a child’s development

    taekwondo, martial arts, kids martial arts, fists, martial arts practice
    Children learning taekwondo. Photo credit: Canva

    The video is a wonderful example of the benefits of teaching kids martial arts. Martial arts teach kids to focus on individual growth rather than competition and help them develop greater self-control and discipline. It’s also a great way for them to learn and appreciate structure.

    “Martial arts is a good way to get kids more physically active and fit, and help them develop healthy exercise habits that will last a lifetime,” Cynthia LaBella, MD, from the American Academy of Pediatrics, told Colorado Parent in 2016.

    Ellie’s achievement is a wonderful example of how, when we find calm and composure, we can not only confront our fears but defeat them. It’s moments like that that show why martial arts can make a big difference in a child’s life. They build confidence, resilience, and the courage to keep going, even when it feels like the odds aren’t in your favor.

    Learn more about taekwondo at the American Tigers school in Mission Viejo, California.

  • 8 fascinating ways parenting norms in other countries differ from the U.S.
    Other countries approach parenting very differently than we do in the U.S.Photo credit: Canva
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    8 fascinating ways parenting norms in other countries differ from the U.S.

    Motivational speaker Jim Rohn is credited with the idea that each of us is the average of the five people we spend the most time with. The same could be said about the way we raise our kids. Each family has its own values, traditions and way of doing things, but we can’t help adopting…

    Motivational speaker Jim Rohn is credited with the idea that each of us is the average of the five people we spend the most time with. The same could be said about the way we raise our kids. Each family has its own values, traditions and way of doing things, but we can’t help adopting certain norms from our neighbors and the culture that surrounds us.

    That’s why it’s so fascinating to compare parenting in the United States with parenting in other countries around the world. Here are a few things American parents might be surprised to learn that parents and societies around the globe do differently:

    1. No kids menus

    Most American restaurants feature an altered menu for children, usually with simple foods like grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, or cheeseburgers.

    In many—perhaps even most—other countries, children are expected to eat smaller portions of what the adults are eating, even if it’s spicy or complex. In countries like Germany, many restaurants offer a menu item called a “robber’s plate,” an empty plate that allows kids to steal bites from their parents.

    america, asia, europe, africa, cultural differences, parenting, kids, dads, moms, children, parenting strategies
    A plate of dinosaur chicken nuggets and ketchup. Photo credit: Canva

    2. Homeschooling is rare

    According to Pew Research, about 3.4% of American children are homeschooled. That’s a relatively small percentage, but accounts for millions of kids. American parents are keen on homeschooling for many reasons, including distrust of the moral instruction in public schools or worries about the “school environment.”

    American parents who move abroad are often surprised to find that homeschooling is extremely rare or even illegal in most other countries. Its popularity is growing in the United Kingdom, but even there, only about 100,000 children are currently homeschooled. In places like Germany and the Netherlands, children are required by law to attend school.

    3. Some kids are allowed to drink alcohol

    The legal drinking age of 21 is strictly enforced in America, with little to no exceptions. What goes on in people’s private homes is anyone’s guess, but legally speaking, the rules are pretty black and white.

    In many countries around the world—including Australia, France, Canada, and Ireland—the legal drinking age is 18, and the overall approach to alcohol is far more casual. However, there are numerous exceptions in several of these places. In the U.K., for example, 15-year-olds can have a beer or glass of wine with dinner at a restaurant as long as they’re supervised by an adult. At home, almost anything goes, with the minimum legal drinking age on private premises in the U.K. being five—although doctors strongly advise against this.

    4. Postpartum care

    In America, it’s common for mothers to leave the hospital about 48 to 96 hours after giving birth, depending on the delivery method and any complications. In the past, new moms would get a single postpartum checkup about six weeks later, although standards have recently changed to encourage earlier support.

    Giving birth in other countries around the world can be drastically different. In the U.K., new mothers can be discharged from the hospital as soon as six hours after an uncomplicated birth, which is one of the fastest turnarounds in the world.

    In China, however, it’s common for new moms to “sit the month” and take 30 to 40 days of confined rest at home or in a “birth hotel.” South Korea, meanwhile, sends about 85% of new mothers to a joriwon, a specialized postpartum care facility, for about two weeks.

    5. Independent kids

    In the U.S., kids are spending less time outside. Some estimates say only about 6% of children regularly play outside unsupervised, and around 11% walk or bike to school alone, a number that has fallen dramatically over time.

    This is a stark difference from many other cultures around the world, where kids frequently exercise more day-to-day independence. In most European countries, at least 40% of kids walk or bike to school. Japan is famous for children as young as six taking the subway and running errands independently, thanks to high levels of social trust.

    “We don’t hover and helicopter kids here like American parents,” a U.S. parent living in Switzerland wrote on Reddit. “Kids walk to school on their own in elementary. They can take public transportation on their own, and parents don’t worry.”

    6. Bedtime differences

    Americans march to the beat of their own drum in the evening, with kids, on average, going to bed early—and almost always in their own beds.

    About 90% of American kids under 10 are in bed by 9 p.m. Bedtimes around the world, however, vary greatly, with countries in Southern Europe like Italy and Spain allowing kids to stay up past 10 or 11 p.m. for late dinners and socializing. In other places, bedtime is much more rigorous. Kids in Germany and New Zealand have some of the earliest bedtimes around.

    Co-sleeping is also a major difference. Sharing a bed with your infant is on the rise in America, but it’s still recommended against by the American Academy of Pediatrics. However, the U.S. doesn’t hold a candle to countries in Asia, Africa and Latin America, where more than 70% of young children share a bed with their parents.

    7. Bilingual kids

    About 20% of kids in the U.S. speak more than one language, usually because someone at home speaks it regularly. In many other countries around the world, learning multiple languages is far more common.

    According to Quartz, “Almost every country in Europe requires students as young as six to learn a foreign language, usually English. Even more impressive, over 20 European countries (including France) require students to learn two foreign languages in school for at least one school year.”

    America is far from the most monolingual country, however. Places like Hungary, Japan, South Korea, and Brazil place little importance on kids learning English or any other foreign language.

    8. Greeting and talking to adults

    It’s common in America for kids to be shy around adults or to have their interactions guided and supervised by a parent. In many other countries, kids are taught from a young age to formally greet adults as a show of respect.

    “Greeting and talking to adults is taught early on,” wrote one U.S. parent who raised their children in Spain. “My boys always note how awkward some of their US peers are when talking to adults or public speaking. Looking into someone’s eyes when speaking is another thing they noted.”

    It’s fascinating to consider alternative approaches to parenting that would seem completely inappropriate in America but tend to work just fine in many other parts of the world. American parents would probably have a hard time letting their six-year-old walk to school independently without drawing suspicion from neighbors or law enforcement. It just goes to show that not every interesting idea can be implemented everywhere, and that our unique cultures shape the way we raise our kids, for better or worse.

  • Dad turns his 3-year-old’s whimsical stories into song lyrics and people are hooked
    A young girl with messy hands and a man playing the guitar. Photo credit: Canva
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    Dad turns his 3-year-old’s whimsical stories into song lyrics and people are hooked

    When Stephen Spencer got his PhD in music theory and composition, he likely never imagined how he’d one day use that training to propel himself to viral fame. The composer and songwriter has always enjoyed turning everyday things into little musical ditties, or even full songs. But when he became a dad to a precocious…

    When Stephen Spencer got his PhD in music theory and composition, he likely never imagined how he’d one day use that training to propel himself to viral fame.

    The composer and songwriter has always enjoyed turning everyday things into little musical ditties, or even full songs. But when he became a dad to a precocious and creative daughter, he suddenly found himself with more inspiration than he knew what to do with.

    Spencer began paying close attention when his daughter’s stories became longer and more elaborate. “She started giving me these stories—real narratives that had a beginning, middle and end combined with toddler logic and grammar—they just sounded like songs to me,” he tells Muse.

    At first, he thought he’d record a few as a fun experiment to share with friends and family—sort of a musical photo album. But almost as soon as he began posting the songs on Instagram, they went far more viral than he ever could have imagined.

    Spencer currently has more than 300,000 followers, even though his first “toddler songs” clip was uploaded only a few months ago.

    kids, parenting, family, dads, fatherhood, fathers, singers, songwriters, funny songs, viral instagram
    The effortless creativity of toddlers is a joy to experience. Photo credit: Canva

    The first song goes like this:

    “There was a little woman/Who liked wigglin’ so much (she liked wigglin’, she just really liked wigglin’)/Her mom said/Her mommy said ‘you can’t’/So she goed to her room/And she wiggled again…”

    Cute, right? Yes, it’s all very adorable—until you actually take the time to listen to Spencer’s song. Then you’ll be blown away.

    His voice. The production value. The arrangement. It’s all top-notch. Frankly, the songs—which commenters have dubbed “toddler yacht rock” or “tot rock”—are far better than they have any right to be.

    Check out “Wigglin’ Woman” here:

    It’s no wonder that the very first clip received nearly three million views on Instagram

    And just a week or so later, Spencer was back with another banger:

    “There was a purple bear princess/She was a grown up dog/She was a grown up purple bear princess dog/(What was her name?)/Uh ‘Blossom’/ (That’s a nice name)/Actually it’s ‘Crudda’”

    It’s beautiful lyricism, and all parents of toddlers will relate to the hazy logic, made-up words, and impeccable improvisational skills. The fact that Spencer can turn them into genuine hits is incredible.

    Parents and their kids—heck, anyone with ears—can’t stop listening to Spencer’s tunes on repeat

    “Phil Collins could have co-produced this one,” one commenter wrote.

    “I may have listened to this 948572 times,” added another.

    But probably the thing that’s really sticking with viewers is the amazing, unspoken bond between dad and daughter hidden in the lyrics.

    “I’m imagining how happy your daughter will be once she’s older, maybe a parent herself, and revisits these videos,” someone wrote under a recent video. “You’re an amazing musical talent & a even better dad.”

    In fact, Spencer says that the pure, unfiltered, joyful creativity that pours effortlessly out of his daughter has inspired both him and his music students.

    “I think that children are the perfect model for how we should create as adults. There’s this unfiltered joy. You’re in the sandbox playing and not worrying about how things should be judged or appraised. … And yeah, it has inspired me as a creator. It’s also inspired me as an educator,” he says, adding that he hopes he can teach his students to follow the threads of their own joy and curiosity, the way his daughter does.

    For now, Spencer has a few songs up on Spotify and potentially a handful of music videos in the works. Meanwhile, he and his daughter are still churning out new songs and will continue to do so as long as it brings them both happiness.

  • Mom shares photo from her kid’s 101 Dalmatians school event that went off the rails
    A toddler in a Dalmatian costume and a shocked woman.Photo credit: Canva
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    Mom shares photo from her kid’s 101 Dalmatians school event that went off the rails

    Schools often have fun activities scheduled for the 100th day of school. Mom Emily Haswell was prepared for the adorable school activities for her daughter. Instead of celebrating 100 days of school, the preschool decided to hold activities around the 101st day. Parents were asked to dress their children as Dalmatians, seemingly as a theme…

    Schools often have fun activities scheduled for the 100th day of school. Mom Emily Haswell was prepared for the adorable school activities for her daughter. Instead of celebrating 100 days of school, the preschool decided to hold activities around the 101st day.

    Parents were asked to dress their children as Dalmatians, seemingly as a theme for the classic Disney movie 101 Dalmatians. But at some point, wires must have gotten crossed, cut, and thrown over a cliff. The photo sent to parents displayed something hysterically horrifying that Haswell wasn’t prepared for.

    101 days of school, dalmatians, funny, family, parenting, culture
    A woman looks shocked. Photo credit: Canva

    “Today was my daughter’s 101st day of school,” Haswell says in an Instagram video. “So I sent her to school, all the kids went to school as Dalmatians, and they had a puppy parade. She was so excited, and I was so excited for her. And then I checked the little website to look at pictures of the day, and I gasped.”

    Admittedly, the mom says some people may think of Dalmatians and their connection with firefighting, but she did not. When she prepared her daughter for the 101st day of school dressed as the spotted pooch, she assumed the activity was based on the Disney movie. But when she checked photos of her daughter’s day, it looked as if a classroom of puppies had been engulfed in flames.

    101 days of school, dalmatians, funny, family, parenting, culture
    Dalmatians. Photo credit: Canva

    Yes, the children were all dressed as spotted puppies, seated in front of a wall of flames.

    “When I saw that picture, I gasped. And I thought, ‘Now, why do they have my baby doing a hell-themed photo shoot? I had to check the paperwork,’” Haswell says before adding that a firetruck might have been a better choice. “I thought the teachers were like, ‘We’re in hell,’” she laughs.

    Viewers were equally as confused as the mom, with one person saying, “Nah, because if they are locking in on 101 Dalmations/101 days of school – and even using a Disney dalmatian on the little sign the kid is holding – they canNOT mix up the themes and go ‘SURPRISE! We actually meant the fire station dalmatians, so here’s a wall-sized backdrop of a structure fire. Enjoy!’”

    A teacher guesses what actually happened, writing, “I can promise you as a teacher… There was at least one teacher who saw it and thought, ‘um, this looks like puppy children in hell,’ but the person who ordered the backdrop and put it up was really excited about it and the rest just said, ‘okay.’”

    Others took the opportunity to joke about the situation: “101 Damnations. DAMNATIONS. I’m sorry you all read it wrong.”

    Someone else laughs, “I’m sorry this is so insane and deeply hysterical.”

    101 days of school, dalmatians, funny, family, parenting, culture
    Flames (left). A Dalmatian (right). Photo credit: Canva

    “The teachers are sending an SOS!” One person says.

    “I mean, it’s probably better than the teachers dressing up as Cruella de Ville,” another jokes.

    A firefighter’s wife chimes in, saying, “I’ve been a firefighter’s wife for over 20 years and I can tell you right now I would have been just as horrified.”

    One person remembers a fire from the 101 Dalmatians movie, so maybe that’s where the idea came from: “I feel like there is a scene where they all get out of a fire? They use the soot to disguise themselves as labs lol. But this is insane, what a weird idea for a photo backdrop for kids.”

  • Divorced dad shares beautiful, final bedtime routine with 11-year-old son
    A father and son share a close bond.Photo credit: Canva
    ,

    Divorced dad shares beautiful, final bedtime routine with 11-year-old son

    Watching kids grow up is one of the great honors of parenthood, but it comes with many bittersweet moments. For one man, it was letting go of a nine-year-long bedtime routine he had created with his preteen son. Redditor YoTeach68 shared his gut-wrenching and all-too-familiar parenting story with his fellow dads. He explained that he…

    Watching kids grow up is one of the great honors of parenthood, but it comes with many bittersweet moments.

    For one man, it was letting go of a nine-year-long bedtime routine he had created with his preteen son. Redditor YoTeach68 shared his gut-wrenching and all-too-familiar parenting story with his fellow dads.

    He explained that he was a divorced dad with 50/50 custody. One way he made the most of his time with his son was by continuing a cherished bedtime routine they had done since his son was just two years old.

    “We developed a whole bedtime routine that included me reading aloud to him, then talking about our day (highs and lows, that kind of thing), then me singing the same three short songs to him (songs that I learned at a summer camp when I was a kid, and the camp where he currently goes) while rubbing his back,” he shared.

    As a single dad, he acknowledged that some nights were harder than others. He also knew things wouldn’t be this way forever, adding, “Obviously I couldn’t be singing to him and rubbing his back his whole life.”

    After getting advice from fellow dads on when it would be appropriate to cut it off, the consensus was to let his son decide.

    @wholeparent

    Parent of pre-teen/ late grade school aged kids. light up every time your kid walks into the room. This is going to teach them that attention is not earned, it is just part of being in loving, caring relationship. And that attention is going to be returned back to you when they turn into a teenager. Because the number one issue parents of teams report to me is the indifference of their teenager toward them. Follow for more tips on how to have a better relationship with your kids. #parentsofteens #teeangers #raisinggoodhumans #raisegoodkids #respectfulparenting #discipline #teachrespect

    ♬ original sound – Jon

    The final bedtime

    Unfortunately, when the time finally came, he shared how he knew it was time.

    “He’s 11 now, and over the past two weeks or so he’s been telling me each night that he was just going to go to bed after giving me a quick hug and that I didn’t need to read to him or anything,” he explained.

    Sensing the change, he decided to talk to his son about it.

    “I finally sat him down and asked him if he felt he was outgrowing the bedtime routine, and he said yes. I told him how much the bedtime routine had meant to me, because I have no memories of my own parents putting me to bed (I do have memories of a cassette player in my bed that read books aloud). I told him I hoped it had meant something to him. I asked if he would indulge me and let me put him to bed one last time, and he obliged.”

    The two then did their final bedtime routine together.

    “Last night we went through the routine one last time (and I even pulled out one of his favorite picture books from when he was about 5). We talked about our day. I sang the songs. I rubbed his back. Then I kissed him on the cheek, told him I would cherish the memories of putting him to bed the last nine years, turned off his light, and closed his door behind me).”

    Dads respond

    Many dads shared their emotional responses to the story:

    “Welp I’m f*cking crying on the toilet as my wife and my son nap lol.”

    “❤️ that was lovely. My daughter is 5 and we put her to bed with a routine every night. Sometimes it’s fun and lovely and sometimes it’s a struggle. And sometimes it’s both. And part of me is looking forward to her doing to bed herself and part of me knows I’ll miss it.”

    “I’ve been thinking about this a lot with my boys lately. They’re still young, and still love the bed time routine with me and their mum. But I’m already getting emotional over the idea that one day, like you, I’ll have to do it one last time. Treasure the memories forever, as I’m sure you will. I don’t really know what else to say, but…yeah, this made me feel things even more. Kudos.”

    “Lying in bed now with my snoring 4 year old, after doing our bedtime routine and this post hit hard. Giving him a big hug and kiss before I leave as always but I’m going to do it more mindfully. Hopefully he still wants me to do this until he’s 11 too. You are a great dad.”

    “Damn, f*cking onions.”

    A therapist explains how dads can cope

    Hillary Pilotto, therapist and founder of Better Balance Counseling, Ltd., told Upworthy that this transition is a normal (albeit painful) experience that many parents face.

    “At 11, kids are right in the middle of the individuation process; developmentally, they are supposed to be pulling away,” she explained. “Wanting more independence, more privacy, more of their own identify separate from mom and dad. That’s not rejection. That’s healthy.”

    And this may bring some relief: it’s actually a sign of good parenting.

    “A child who feels secure enough in their attachment to say ‘I’m ready to do this on my own’ is actually a sign that the bedtime routine worked,” she added.

    While these may be “good” things, Pilotto acknowledged that none of that makes it easier for the parent.

    “There’s a grief in these transitions that doesn’t get talked about enough,” she shared. “It is not a dramatic loss; no one died, nothing went wrong, but something real is ending and it’s okay to feel sad about that. I tell parents: you’re allowed to mourn the little kid even while you’re proud of the one standing in front of you.”

    She recommended that other parents take notes from the dad who shared his story if they are going through a similar transition.

    “The best thing a parent can do in these moments is what the dad did; honor it. Name it,” she said. “Show your kid that transitions matter and that it’s okay to feel two things at once. That’s a lesson that will stay with them long after the bedtime routine is gone.”

  • Mom shares daughter’s epic response to girls who bullied her, and people are applauding
    Emmie Droubay shares her response to kids saying, “We don’t like you.”Photo credit: @marendroubay/Instagram
    ,

    Mom shares daughter’s epic response to girls who bullied her, and people are applauding

    It can be tough for parents to see their kids on the receiving end of unkind comments. But sometimes, we’re reminded that many kids have unshakable confidence—and actually have a thing or two to show us about what resilience really looks like. Recently, a mom named Maren Droubay shared that her young daughter Emmie was…

    It can be tough for parents to see their kids on the receiving end of unkind comments. But sometimes, we’re reminded that many kids have unshakable confidence—and actually have a thing or two to show us about what resilience really looks like.

    Recently, a mom named Maren Droubay shared that her young daughter Emmie was the target of some mean-girl bullying. A few girls had apparently told Emmie, “We don’t even like you.” Ouch.

    But apparently Emmie was completely, totally, undeniably unbothered. And Droubay was so proud of her response that she shared it on Instagram.

    Holding a very apropos princess wand, Emmie recited the words:

    “Well, guess what? My family thinks I’m a princess, and I’m super kind and nice…If you don’t think that, that’s okay because that’s what I think of myself, and that’s who I actually am…I know who I am.”

    “I hope someday I can be as confident as she is,” Droubay wrote in her video. She added in the caption that this was “one of those moments where you realize you might be doing at least one thing right as a parent.”

    Indeed, viewers credited Droubay for Emmie’s delightful resilience.

    “That is the product of some A-plus parenting and a village that has poured confidence into this babygirl. May we see more of this in our kids. All of our kids,” one viewer wrote. 

    Another added, “Wouldn’t it be amazing if all parents talked to their children like this and they all thought they were super nice and kind. Good job, she is a sweet little princess! 🌟”

    While Droubay told Upworthy that Emmie’s self-esteem comes rather naturally (“she has always been a confident girl”), she nonetheless has proactively worked to “encourage” it, mainly by “speaking to her with love.”

    “One thing I learned in college that really impacted me is that children form their sense of self in the first five years of life,” recalled Droubay. “I have tried to make them feel loved as much as I can because of that. We love the new Cinderella and so ‘have courage and be kind’ has been a repeated phrase for me with my children.”

    That is a sentiment shared by experts like parenting educator Samantha Moe, who said that words of affirmation “help children feel valued and reinforce their positive qualities.” That said, many parents might be concerned, and rightfully so, that too much praise could cause a child to seek external validation. In the video below, Moe explained that even consistent “I love yous” can offer a self-esteem boost without causing dependence.

    Since the encounter, Droubay has spoken to the other girls’ parents, and all is well. Her stance: “Little girls are just kids! Not every kid has the tools to be kind and is still learning. Every parent is doing their absolute best.”

    And even better, Emmie has gotten to see the incredible impact her video has had and has apparently “cried happy tears” because of it. All in all, it’s a pretty happy ending. It has inspired Droubay to offer these words of encouragement to fellow parents:

    “Your children only have one brief childhood, and then they go out into the world as adults. Our words have deep impact on who they will be. Every action we take as parents affects their lives—obviously I mess up as a parent all the time—but we have the power to speak love, kindness, and condolence into our kids—so why not?”

    Can’t argue with that. 

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