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The Spooners are a definite example of 'relationship goals' — and the power of love.

Silhouetted couple forms heart with sunset sky.
Photo by Dev Asangbam on Unsplash

Silhouette romance against a fiery sunset sky.

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Muscular Dystrophy Association

To be around 56-year-old Ray and Rae Spooner is to be in the presence of a not-so-ordinary couple.

Then again, that's exactly who and what they've always been.


Rae and Ray in their garden.

Long before his successful career; before her job as his full-time caregiver; before the epic, unbelievable cross-country bike ride that would go on to raise thousands of dollars for the Muscular Dystrophy Association and ALS, they were simply Ray and Rae.

Two madly-in-love 23-year-olds who decided they wanted to travel the world together.

Their motto? "Never buy a return ticket."

The adventurers got married for one primary reason: Ray, a native Brit, needed a green card. Their plan was to divorce after one year because both had seen their parents endure painful divorces, and despite their love for one another, each was a bit skeptical of this marriage thing.

That was 1983.

Rae helps Ray get dressed.

They are now 33 years into what Ray playfully calls their "failed divorce" — a marriage happily settled in Urbana, Illinois.

The past three decades have seen Ray bring over 2,000 babies into the world as a beloved male midwife, a rarity in his field. Together he and Rae have three accomplished children, one beautiful grandchild, and a global community of people connecting with them through Ray's blog and the work they have done to raise awareness for ALS, the neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord, causing weakness and eventually paralysis of all voluntary muscles.

Their marriage is proof, in more ways than one, that life doesn't always go as planned.

"People always ask us, 'How do you stay married to someone for that long?' We say we're not married to the same person. We have let each other grow individually and grown together. We have never been planners. We go with the flow and deal with whatever life sends our way."

In 2014, that life philosophy was put to the test.

Ray leans against the wall and hold Rae's hand to get downstairs safely.

While sitting in the hospital as their daughter labored with their soon-to-be-born first grandchild, their son-in-law Cory was tagged in the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, the viral video phenomenon that asked people to donate money to help find a cure for the disease or pour ice water over their head. Most people did both.

For kicks and to pass the time during a long labor, Cory decided to accept the challenge right then and there. As his wife continued laboring, Ray and Rae poured ice water over Cory at the hospital.

None of them knew much about ALS, but challenged in turn by Cory, days later Ray too had Rae dump a bucket of ice water over his own head — continuing the viral chain to raise awareness for the rare but aggressive disease.

Little did they know that two months later, Ray would be diagnosed with the debilitating disease himself.

When Ray heard the news, he immediately knew what he wanted to do with the rest of his life.

"We're all dying. As much as we're living, we're all going to die. Now I can't say 'When we retire...' Whatever we want to do, we've got to do it now." He calls those must-do's a "f*ck it list" (not a "bucket list" because you don't have to be dying to do what you want to do). And at the top of that list was a cross-country bike trip.

A decorative bicycle hanging in their home.

Ray, an avid rider, had always wanted to do it. But that desire was no longer just about him. Now it had to have a purpose.

Despite the fact that he already had diminished use of one of his arms, he decided that it was the right time for the trip. And he would do it to raise awareness for ALS and the work of MDA, whose local care center (at the same hospital where Ray worked as a midwife) had given them the kind of medical care and support that Rae said "all care should be like."

On Oct. 18, 2015, a small group of friends, neighbors, and of course Rae, began the awareness-building cross-country bike trip with him. They called it "Ray's Little Ride."

The exciting ups and harrowing downs of that ride — three trips to emergency rooms, an accident that left Ray with several broken bones and blood clots, and an outpouring of public support — garnered quite a bit of press and, in turn, a lot of money for MDA. Videos of support from all over poured in, including from children who Ray had helped deliver over his 20-year career.

On Nov. 19, 2015, Ray finished his ride — nonfunctional arm, injuries, and all. And to date, he and the ride have helped raised over $80,000.

Ray out on a bike ride.

Today, Ray can no longer speak and has even less use of his limbs and other muscles.

He communicates now only via text to Rae. She is his primary mouthpiece. To watch them together is to see love in action. No fanfare, no false humility. Just two people who know each other intimately living life together. She can read his every chuckle, eye roll, yawn, and head nod. She intermittently leans over and wipes saliva from his mouth during conversation. The laughter is nonstop.

Rae gives Ray some water.

Rae calls Ray an amateur documentarian. The walls of their home are filled with pictures of their family and memories of their life together thus far. Now, they have graciously allowed photographer Justine Bursoni to come into their life and capture this phase of their journey together. According to Ray:

"It's funny really. To see your life through the eyes of someone else. Initially there were things I didn't want to be documented. But our life isn't a fairy tale. To be true to the whole narrative you have to include the hard to deal with moments. And there are many."

The hardest to deal with part of it all has been thinking about their children.

"I have had 34 years with him." Rae says. "They have not. They are all handling it differently, in their own way."

Ray and his son, Manu, programming what they called "Rayism" into an eye-gaze-operated communication program.

The second hardest part for Rae has been watching the physical deterioration of Ray's body, despite the unchanging brilliance and alertness of his mind.

"'Ray is an incredibly creative person. He's a jeweler by trade. He built a lot of things in our home and he always loved working with his hands. Now he just can't. This beautiful hand, he can't do anything with.' Rae picks up his hand as she says this and gently waves it in the air. 'Each day it deteriorates more and more. That's been the hardest part. I think in my mind, I thought maybe we wouldn't get to this point.'"

Ray wears his wedding ring on his right hand now that his left is completely paralyzed.

"When he was first diagnosed," she says, they looked for the "'Ray Spooner kind of ALS' — the one where you live another 30 years and what has happened to everyone else doesn't happen to you." But it is happening. And they, like their children, are dealing with it in their own unique way. Rae explains:

"On one visit to the clinic they hand me this huge ass book and they say 'Here, this is for the caretaker.' I'm like nooo, that's not for me. We do things the Ray and Rae way. Were we going to follow this guide? No. We were going to do what works for us. For example, our bathroom is still upstairs and we still live in a split-level home. Or, instead of hauling a wheelchair into a van, pushing Ray around and driving to our doctor's appointment, this morning Ray got on his tricycle, and I walked beside him the entire way."

Rae helps Ray onto his trike for an evening bike ride to Meadowbrook Park.

That isn't to say they don't need help. The importance of accepting and asking for help has been one of their greatest lessons. Nowadays, their house is often full of friends and visitors — everyone willing to pick up a rag or a cup or do whatever they can to help. And that has been their greatest surprise of the journey: just how much people care and are willing to help. Ray reflects on this:

"Initially I think there is a tendency on both the part of the person with the disease and their caregiver to think 'OK, we got this.' But time will come when you will have exhausted all your physical and psychological faculties. Take names. Take numbers. Don't be afraid to pick up the phone. It takes a tribe."

Their daughter, Sophia, wipes the saliva from Ray's mouth as they all enjoy the company of former co-workers on their patio.

But at the core of their tribe is each other.

"This isn't about one partner or family member putting their life on hold to help care for the other. It's about a partnership moving into the next phase of life together," Ray says, speaking about what many see as his wife's "sacrifice."

"One day Rae asked me, 'How will I know you’re still with me?' While the question surprised me, I did have an answer. But when I tried to verbalize a response, I couldn’t get the words out. The thought that one of us would not be with the other had never really occurred to me. But if one of us is not there physically, the essence of that person remains embedded within the person whose life you shared. So, really, how can we ever not be together?"

Ray now wears a BiPAP to bed. Here, he works with Rae to calm down from a panic attack.

He continues,
"I’ve been making movies as gifts for various birthdays in the future for Rae when I’m not around. Rae says I’m her memory so each mini movie is about a certain time or event in our life. I'm up to her 64th birthday. I've also made wedding/housewarming gifts for each of the kids. A book for Rae chronicling our 34 years together (its over 600 pages). A message for Jack on his bar mitzvah. You get the idea."


"Planning for the inevitable is my drug of choice. It may not work for everyone, but it's how I get through. When you're initially diagnosed everyone sends you info about therapy and miracle treatments. But as I said, preparation is my therapy. Fairly early on I decided not to spend my time chasing more time. I'm spending my time spending my time. Making sure that Rae knows I will always be with her."

Rae and Ray look in the mirror and embrace in a similar fashion, as they did for a photo taken years ago.

Ray jokes with Rae about her writing an advice book someday. It would be called, "Things You Need to Know Before You Have to Wipe Your Partner's Ass." They both laugh hysterically when she says this, but there's power in the underlying message. True love at its best requires service.

He continues to blog about his life at Ray's Little Ride.

There, he gives a raw, humorous, and poignant take on life as he knows it — not just living with ALS but the universally human experience of trying to live life as it's meant to be lived.

"Whether we have a disease or not, there is a number to our days. There is risk inherent in walking out the door in the morning. But ALS has given me an opportunity. To not leave things undone or unsaid. That is a gift."

And that's what both Ray and Rae are focused on appreciating. With their blog and their breathtaking photos, they have laid their life bare for the world to see. And he says confidently that he would do it all over again, just to know that he is helping someone.

Rae helps Ray out the back door of their home.

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as in forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder A man and woman chatting.via Canva/Photos

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement: It reminds me of…”

A redditor named IsaihLikesToConnect shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun.

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

 conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminder Coworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April.

Apple TV

Adam Scott and Tramell Tillman in Severance

While remote work has been a mainstay since the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic, more and more companies are attempting to mandate that employees return to the office, on a full or part-time basis, including one now-infamous effort from JPMorgan Chase. The company announced that as of March 2025, all employees were required to return to the office five days per week. Their CEO even ditched the policy that allowed employees to work-from-home two days per week.

To mark the occasion, welcome everyone back ( and perhaps twist the knife a bit deeper?) the United State's largest bank unveiled a plan for a massive $3 billion, 2.5 millions square foot tower on New York's famous Park Avenue—which would house 14,000 workers and feature state of the art architecture and technology—in addition to loading up its new corporate headquarters with perks to help employees transition back to office life.

Some of these "perks" were truly great and truly enticing. Others were... questionable, to say the least.

Grace Tallon on LinkedIn even noticed that some of the benefits of working in the JPMorgan Office seemed like they were yanked right out of one of the most popular current TV shows on the planet: Severance.

If you don't know it, Severance is a psychological thriller on Apple TV that doubles as a dark and biting satire of corporate office culture and capitalism. Employees at a mysterious company called Lumon are "severed" — meaning their brains, memories, and personalities are literally split in half. While at work, they are a different person and retain no memories when they leave the office every night. In return for their sacrifice and for hitting key milestones, the employees receive ludicrous rewards like short dance parties with their boss, melon parties with carved watermelons, and handfuls of balloons. Employees are also expected to marvel at bizarre pieces of art that line the hall, featuring stoic images of Lumon's revered (and more than a bit creepy) founders.

Conversely, JPMorgan's new tower boasted 19-restaurants with at-your-desk delivery, an Irish pub, and on-site physical therapy and yoga. But that's not all!

Tallon notes, however, that JPMorgan also tried to entice employees with things like "personalized climate" in rooms and offices, a "signature scent" that wafts through the halls and somehow reinforced the brand, and, get this, even a "corporate art collection" that celebrates the company's history and values. Be more on the nose next time, will you JPMorgan? That's to say nothing of design elements that support worker's circadian rhythms and coffee machines that learn your favorites over time.

"Let’s stop pretending this is about connecting and doing better work," she writes.

Read Tallon's full post below on the striking similarities:

Commenters agreed that the perks came off more than a little tone deaf.

While some folks defended the corporation for doing their best to make employees feel cared for and taken care of, others didn't quite see it that way, especially when they compared it to the perks of WFH life.

"The climate in my own home office is just right. Along with my own coffee, artwork, lighting (window wide open), and other perks and it cost me zero dollars to drive there and I don't have to wear shoes! Way out of touch," wrote Alix Z.

"Those perks sound more like a high-tech museum experience than actual employee benefits. Instead of a 'signature scent,' how about giving employees real reasons to feel good about coming to work?" said Diana Alayon.

 severance, linkedin, jp morgan, return to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobs Some at-home perk simply can't be beat. Photo credit: Canva

"Working at home perks: My own candle collection, curated to suit my preferences, Coffee and tea on tap, from our favourite brands, Comfortable cushions and blankets to help regulate my temperature at my desk, A variety of lighting options, ranging from warm white lamps to 'the big light', Freedom to work anywhere I want, such as my office desk, sofa, kitchen table or a coffee shop near by, Personalised art with photos of family and pictures we enjoy, Working space decorated to my own specifications, Plenty of spaces nearby for fresh air and dog walks" wrote Eloise Todd in a mic-drop comment.

There are of course benefits to working together in-person with your colleagues. And sure, if you're required to be there, nothing offsets discomfort quite like delicious lunches and free yoga classes. But to take away even the option of occasionally working from home and duct-taping over it with an algorithm that tracks coffee orders and temperature preferences, and filling the halls with strange paintings that move when employees walk by? It kind of loses the thread, and it's exactly the kind of thinking that the creators of Severance are so good at skewering.

 severance, linkedin, jp morgan, retseverance, linkedin, jp morgan, return to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobsurn to office, work, work from home, jobs, workplace, wfh jobs Mark (Adam Scott) at the infamous dance party scene in Severance.  media0.giphy.com  

According to Forbes, there are 6 distinct reason companies might push for a return to the office. One, corporate heads believe employees get more "immersed in the company’s values." Two, they think it's easier to monitor whether or not an employee is actually working. Three, to justify the cot of that expensive office space. Four, to foster "spontaneous collaboration." Five, to give new employees a chance to observe and interact with more seasoned worker. and six, to restore a sense of belonging within the company.

But of course, none of these things have anything to do with what people really want: Autonomy. That, in addition to fair pay, some level of flexibility, and good benefits. Perks are nice — even the kind of weird ones — but they can only go so far. It remains to be seen if companies that dictate back-to-the-office edicts are willing to follow through on the things that really matter. Please note how waffle parties did not make that list.

This article originally appeared in February

Canva Photos

A viral TikTok argues that women don't want to give up the joy of their own personal peace and freedom for anyone.

There's been a lot of discourse on the state of modern dating and a lot of theories on why it seems harder than ever for people to find connection with romantic partners. Could it be that the achievement and education gaps between men and women are altering the dynamics? Have social media and dating apps broken our brains and hearts? Do we all have unrealistic expectations and unlimited options, leading to never feeling satisfied with anything or anyone?

Those are all intriguing options, but an alternate theory has recently arisen that's quickly gaining steam: Maybe being single isn't as lonely as we think. Maybe being single is actually freaking awesome.

A guy on TikTok who goes by Get To the Point Bro shared a hilarious monologue on why women who have been single for a long time "don't want to date anymore." Women say he absolutely nailed it.

 the office, andy bernard, dating, relationships, dating advice, single, romance, love The Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot on  Giphy  

At first, it might seem like he's poking fun, either at single women or at the men who can't seem to win them over. But not so! What he's done is perfectly captured the joy many people find in being single and, frankly, able to do whatever the hell they want.

"Some women have been single for so long they don't date anymore, they grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor's badge," he says. "You text her good morning and she's already annoyed, like 'Why are you disturbing the sacred silence of my personal growth journey?'"

He goes on, "Bro she's been sleeping diagonally in her bed for three years, she's not giving up that territory because you opened the door and paid for coffee."

"You plan a cute date, she's thinking 'That sounds nice but also I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12 steps skincare routine, order sushi and not have to listen to a man breathe.'"

"You try to check in emotionally, 'How are you feeling?' She's feeling fantastic because you're not here."

"You're not competing with other guys. There are no other guys. You're competing with her weighted blanket, her peace, her cat named Chairman Meow, and the simple joy of not having to share her fries."

These are just a few of the best lines from the nearly 2-minute rant, all delivered in the most amazing French accent you can imagine. Please, enjoy:


@gettothepointbro

DATING A GIRL WHO IS USED TO BE ALONE CAN BE VERY HARD .

The best thing about the video is the discussion in the comments. Women want to know how this man got access to this top-secret information. The rant is so eerily, frighteningly accurate that women are convinced this French guy is living in their heads. That, or someone's secretly leaking intel.

"dammit. somebody call a meeting of the council. he knows too much."

"I dont often offer this compliment to the male species but you explained it better than I ever could."

"Alright, who’s told him this info??? So exposed right now"

"The joy of sleeping diagonally across my bed cannot be fully explained."

"This is the most accurate profiling I’ve ever heard. You absolutely ailed it."

Clearly, we've tapped into a real phenomenon here.

@gettothepointbro

CAN YOU RELATE LADIES ? THAT’S WHY WE LOVE YOU ❤️

The truth is that many people—both men and women—are disillusioned with the sad state of the dating scene these days. App burnout is a real thing, and meeting new people in real life is a ton of work. So, it's no surprise that more and more people are just choosing to stay single and enjoy all the perks that come along with it. This is a stark change, especially for women.

According to FiveThirtyEight, "Women were also more likely than men to say that they weren’t dating because they have other priorities right now." Priorities like travel, career, friendship, and even just self-care—all things that wind up taking a backseat when people get involved in relationships. It wasn't too long ago that women of a certain age that were still single were called "spinsters," but that word has lost a significant amount of power. This new generation of women aren't embarrassed or ashamed to be single; they're loving it for exactly all the reasons this video describes.

This article originally appeared in April.

Community

No booze at all? As more people go alcohol-free, debates over dry weddings heat up.

Some folks have strong feelings about this, but some dry wedding tips can help.

Some couples choose to have no alcohol served at their wedding. It's an issue for some people.

People's relationships with alcohol run the gamut from "never touched it, never will" to full-blown alcoholism, with a wide range of preferences, experiences, and expectations along that spectrum. Most of the time, it's easy to take a live-and-let-live approach to other people's choices, but if there's one place where people seem to clash when it comes to alcohol offerings, it's weddings.

Objectively, a couple has the right to offer or not offer anything they wish at their wedding, but depending on your social circles, there may be certain "norms" that are expected. For some people, alcohol at weddings is an unquestioned norm that they simply can't imagine not having, which makes the movement toward dry weddings—ones that offer no alcohol whatsoever—a sticking point.

 

In fact, in debates over the idea, some go so far as to say they flat out won't attend a wedding if they know there won't be alcohol. Some feel it's rude not to serve alcohol to guests, even if the couple themselves don't partake, because it's a social event and people expect it. Others say the wedding is for the couple—it's their day, and they can create any kind of wedding they wish. Some people assume a wedding won't be as much fun if there's no alcohol, while others say dry weddings are some of the best weddings they've been to.

Opinions are all over the place on the topic with strong feelings on all sides. Here's a sampling of what people say:

"I would not be phased by a dry wedding if it were a smaller event. I’d actually prefer it as I don’t drink much at all. However, a wedding with 100 guests is not a small wedding and I think it’s a social norm/expectation for there to be alcohol at these kinds of celebrations. Whether that’s arguably a good thing or not is up for debate, however I know plenty of people who would be thoroughly disappointed and think the night was less fun because of there being no alcohol."

 

"It very much depends on where you’re from and your social circle. If you’re from the Bible Belt and your entire wedding and reception takes place in a church function hall, then no- a dry wedding would very much be normal. If you’re Mormon or another religion that is anti-alcohol, it would be totally expected. Also, if one or both of you were in recovery I think it would also be totally fine.

If you’re not in one of the above groups or on a significantly reduced budget, it is generally seen as faux pas to not provide alcohol in some form at your wedding as you are the host of the party. Even the weddings with limited budgets that I’ve been to, still opt to host beer and wine for the satisfaction of the guests. The reception is a thank you to your guests for celebrating your marriage (and presumably for the gifts they will be giving)."

 

"Being a good host means taking care of your guests. Not causing pain from no where to sit, not making them stay hungry, not making them stay thirsty, etc.

Not providing alcohol at a wedding is absolutely not the same as being a bad host. There are so many ways to make your drinks fun and celebratory without including alcohol in them. Mocktails and coffee are great! Especially if you have some options that are less sweet- typically a lot of mocktails tend to be super sugary, but if you have some that are more herbal/dry, that would fill that need."

"I come from a family of alcoholics and would love a dry wedding. Unfortunately there will be alcohol at my wedding but alcohol is a major trigger for my ptsd. I know a lot of people who don’t drink, it’s not as uncommon as you think."


 


"I think a dry wedding is a wonderful idea, especially if you are going to offer mock tails or have a coffee bar. especially if coffee if kind of your guys thing. I would love to attend a reception with a coffee bar! just remember, it’s your day and you can have it how ever you want. and if you don’t want alcohol because neither of you really drink, that is okay!!"

"There's no etiquette rule that requires alcohol at a wedding. Food is required if the reception takes place during a meal time, but alcohol never is."

 wedding food, wedding dinner, dry wedding, wedding, alcohol, no alcohol Food is a reasonable expectation at a wedding. Alcohol? Not so fast.Photo credit: Canva

Appropriate etiquette for dry weddings

There has been a societal shift away from alcohol in recent years, which may make it easier for people who want an alcohol-free wedding for health, recovery, religious, or simply personal preference reasons. However, because alcohol has traditionally been an expectation at weddings and still is for many people, there are some things couples can do to keep their dry wedding from being viewed in a negative light.

- Inform your guests beforehand that alcohol won't be served. Many people say they don't mind a dry wedding as long as they know ahead of time what to expect.

- Offer fancy non-alcoholic drink alternatives. A mocktail bar, coffee bar, italian soda bar, etc. can help create a festive atmosphere and bridge the gap for people who are used to having a drink in their hand.

 wedding, wedding drinks, dry wedding, mocktails, alcohol free There are lots of non-alcoholic alternatives that can make a wedding feel festive.Photo credit: Canva

- Provide fun activities that get people moving and socializing. I've been to many dry weddings where people danced their socks off, so it's not like alcohol is necessary for a fun party. But for those who rely on alcohol to be a social lubricant, having ways to get guests mingling and engaging in fun activities together can help.

- Make your guests laugh. Many people associate alcohol with having a good time, and laughter is a great way to create that feeling. Maybe set up a photo booth with silly props, or have a light-hearted roast, or hire a DJ with a great sense of humor.

- Consider getting married at an earlier time in the day. If you want a dry wedding and know that a lot of your guests will expect to have alcohol, having a morning or mid-day wedding can help ease that expectation. Most people don't expect to drink in the morning.

- If you're a guest, don't complain. A couple's wedding is about them, so let it truly be about them. Even if you hate the idea of being sober for the evening, keep it to yourself and respect their right to have their wedding day be what they envisioned. If you must, go out before or after the wedding for drinks.

Ultimately, it's up to a couple getting married to decide what to serve and what not to serve their guests, but with some thoughtfulness and open-mindedness on everyone's part, the big day can be a fun and festive celebration of love and commitment no matter what people are drinking.

Health

Oncologists share 15 surprising things they personally do (and don't do) to prevent cancer

“I used to drink very hot coffee but I drink it warm now since very hot drinks damage esophagus can cause esophageal cancer.”

Oncologist shares their own personal tips to help prevent cancer

Nearly all of us know a loved one who has been diagnosed with cancer. Many of us have it ourselves, and there’s been an alarming increase of young people (under 50) receiving diagnoses. All this to say, a large number of us might be wondering what changes can be made in order to stave off the disease.

A few oncologists, along with a few other alleged medical professionals, shared what they personally do (or don’t do), given what they know about cancer. There might be a few discrepancies in opinions here—particularly in how strict to be with alcohol—but it does paint a good picture about how to create a lifestyle that can help prevent a visit to their office.

Here are 15 of our favorites, and many of them go beyond the usual "get diet and exercise" fare:

1. They don’t ignore their symptoms, or allow for any medical gaslighting

 cancer, cancer prevention, how to avoid cancer, cancer causing foods, what causes cancer, oncologist, oncologist near me A woman describing he symptoms to her doctor. Photo credit: Canva

“Cancer nurse here. If you get any unusual symptoms such as lethargy, swollen glands, pain, weight loss, night sweats, a cough that won’t go away etc go get a simple blood test. If you’re bloated, have abdomen or back pain, changes in urine colour, headaches that persists, breathing changes, get an Xray/CT/ultrasound. If your GP dismisses you and doesn’t investigate at all… go get a better GP. The amount of patients that have been diagnosed late have usually been to their GP a few times and not had any tests performed. You can’t always prevent cancer but you can certainly catch it early and give yourself a better chance of beating it.”

“It’s heartbreaking when people ignore symptoms and don’t get diagnosed until the cancer is too advanced for treatment to be helpful.”

2. They avoid alcohol. Pretty much at all times. 

“I hate to tell you this but it’s alcohol. It directly causes at least seven kinds of cancer. Twenty years from now we will talk about alcohol the way we talk about cigarettes today.”

3. Same goes for smoking.

“DO NOT SMOKE. It doesn’t matter what it is, no smoking.”

4. For the love of all that is holy, they wear sunscreen.

 cancer, cancer prevention, how to avoid cancer, cancer causing foods, what causes cancer, oncologist, oncologist near me A mom applying sunscreen onto her child. Photo credit: Canva

“My best piece of advice is WEAR SUNSCREEN and get your moles and spots checked. Health insurance typically covers a yearly total skin check at a dermatologist.”

5. They cut off any burnt pieces of food.

"My father was a genetics professor, and he also said not to eat any charred black food. That goes for toast, veggies, pizza crust, and especially meat. It can lead to DNA damage and mutations that lead to cancer. He just trims off the charred parts of steak and whatever else is burned."

6. They eat a balanced diet and don’t rely on supplements to “fix” anything.

“Moderation is more important than ‘magical’ ideas about certain foods. Rather than thinking that some food or even some additive causes cancer or, alternatively, some berry or supplements prevent it, think about balance. Red meat isn’t ‘poison’ but 15 servings a week isn’t wise.”

“As someone who grew up with an oncologist in the family (though they are now retired), I can share: They don’t eat red meat. They eat a balanced diet of fish/poultry, lots of fruits & vegetables, and 1 sweet a day.”

7. They take their coffee lukewarm. 

“I used to drink very hot coffee but I drink it warm now since very hot drinks damage esophagus can cause esophageal cancer.”

8. They don’t put food in the microwave.

“Use as little plastic as possible for food storage and drinkware (glass is best!) and never put plastic in the microwave.”

9. They don’t use toxic chemical on their lawn.

 cancer, cancer prevention, how to avoid cancer, cancer causing foods, what causes cancer, oncologist, oncologist near me A person using herbicide on their lawn. Photo credit: Canva

“Hematopathologist here. I never use herbicide (weed treatments) on my lawn. I’ve seen too many childhood leukemias/lymphomas, especially in children of parents who work in lawn care.”

10. They…don’t join the military?

“The number of people who developed cancer because of something they were exposed to while serving is just mind-blowing (camp lejeune, asbestos in the navy, the tar pits, agent orange, etc etc etc).”

11. They say no to food coloring.

“Food coloring… we are just figuring out how toxic it is. Tartazine in relish and what that vibrant color in your Aperol Spritz?”

12. They advise against taking vitamins for those who already have cancer.

“Something that always surprise my breast cancer patients is when I tell them to avoid vitamins specially antioxidants, as they could be associated with more risk of recurrence and dying from cancer if you take them while on cancer treatment, or even before treatment. There is a lot of information regarding this issue with contradictory results, but until we get better information it is logical to be cautious about vitamins.”

13. They pay attention to the amount of heavy metals in their food.

“I’m also very cautious about cheap spices and tofu – they can be contaminated with heavy metals (spices) and paraformaldehyde (tofu) both of which should not be consumed in any quantity.”

14. They’re pro-HPV vaccine.

“A huge fan of the HPV vaccination for both males and females. So many preventable cervical and head/neck cancers.”

15. And anti-antibiotics…at least in excess.

 cancer, cancer prevention, how to avoid cancer, cancer causing foods, what causes cancer, oncologist, oncologist near me A bottle of antibiotics. Photo credit: Canva

“Protect your gut microbiome from unnecessary antibiotics. Our healthy bacteria keeps our immune system in balance and is linked to better cancer surveillance.”

However, it’s also worth noting that several oncologists chimed in to say that you can make all the perfect lifestyle choices in the world, have zero genetic risks, and still end up getting a cancer diagnosis. Yes, there’s many reasons to still make healthy choices, but one can’t simply blame themselves if they do end up unlucky. But keeping these things in mind does so much to, potentially, add not only years of life, but quality to those extended years. In the end, that's all any of us can really hope for—as many happy, healthy days as we can possibly accumulate before the time comes.