The Reason These Guys Are Extra-Cautious Around Black People Isn't As Simple As You Might Think
If you've never been on the receiving end of racial profiling, please take a seat at this picnic table and have a listen. What two of the men share at 3:40 tells me the problem is more complicated and more harmful than I realized.Note: This video includes some NSFW language.
Our absurd history of criminalizing and imprisoning black men — and the way the media tells this story — are creating a culture of mistrust even within the black community. That's the total opposite of what needs to be happening.
Clearing the implicit biases that lead to racial profiling and bolster systemic racism is a necessary challenge, and it's one we can only overcome with what the gentleman at 4:20 describes so well.
With age comes wisdom, or at least we hope it does. As we get older, we collect life lessons that we can pass along to younger generations, sometimes with lengthy stories, sometimes with quippy sayings.
Adages like "A penny saved is a penny earned," or "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise," have been part of our collective treasure chest of life advice for generations, but the aphorisms that spring from the experience of our loved ones and mentors are often the most meaningful.
Someone shared that they'd read and appreciated this old man's advice: “My grandpa once told me 'if you get on the wrong train, get off at the nearest station, the longer it takes you to get off, the more expensive the return trip will be.' He wasn’t talking about trains.” The person asked for more tidbits of wisdom from old folks and people started sharing sayings they heard from their elders growing up.
Here are some of the best "old man advice" sayings and how they can be applied in a person's life.
"You might miss what’s ahead of you if you keep concentrating on what’s in the rear view mirror."
Another commenter put it another way: "Don't look behind you, you aren't going that way." This adage is about not dwelling on the past. Many of us have a tendency to spend more time mentally in the past, rehashing old memories or being nostalgic for what once was, than we do in the present or looking forward to the future. There's nothing wrong with a little reflection, but if most of our focus is in the past, we miss out on the present. Rear view mirrors are for quick glances, not where our focus should be.
"Do the right thing, even if nobody is watching."
This saying is about good character and true integrity. If you notice someone drop a $20 bill and no one is around to see but you, do you give it back to them or do you pick it up and keep it? If you realize that a store didn't charge you for an item, do you point it out and make it right or do you allow the mistake to remain? There are opportunities each day for us to choose between right and wrong, and those choices really speak to who we are if they are made without anyone else knowing.
"Be nice to everybody you meet on the way up the ladder. You'll see the same faces on the way down "
Don't get cocky and don't burn bridges you think you won't need to return to. There's value in being kind for its own sake, but there's also the reality that being kind also makes people like you. When people like you, they're more likely to lend you a helping hand, and you never know when you're going to be in a position to need one. It's also a good reminder that you're not inherently better than anyone else just because of where you are in life. We're all constantly in flux, so it's important to stay humble and kind.
In other words, "Make all your words sweet because tomorrow you may have to eat them."
"One of the most powerful negotiating tools is silence."
The power of silence in general is often underrated, but it can be an especially useful tool in a negotiation. Some people are so uncomfortable with silence that they will make concessions simply to avoid it. And sometimes the best response to an unreasonable demand is to just say nothing and stare, letting the other party come to the realization themselves. It takes calm confidence to simply be quiet and let the silence fill the room, which can feel surprisingly intimidating.
"Always listen to your gut, even if you can’t explain it."
Ah, the strange and mysterious sense of intuition that we can't really describe but know when we feel it. Whether it's getting a creepy vibe about a person or a little voice telling you to do or not do something, those "gut instincts" can serve us well. Of course, if we are prone to anxiety, our instincts can sometimes be confused with anxious thoughts, but "go with your gut" is solid advice anyway.
“It doesn’t matter what path you’re on if it’s the wrong mountain.”
Sometimes people trying to find their way end up hitting roadblock after roadblock, which may mean they just haven't found the right path yet or might mean they need an entire overhaul of their life. That might look like switching career paths entirely, rather than trying to find a job in your field that fits. It might mean changing majors in the middle of your studies when you find yourself not enjoying any of your classes. It might mean finding a new community or reevaluating your relationships.
"The harder I work, the luckier I get."
Several sayings line up with this one, like "Luck is the intersection of preparation and opportunity," and "Luck favors the prepared mind." There's a lot to be said for fortune and hard work going hand in hand. If we expect good things to just land in our lap, we will likely be disappointed, but if we move in the direction of things we want to happen and do the work of preparing for good things to come our way, "luck" frequently seems to follow.
Finding a saying that resonates can be really helpful when we're facing a specific challenge in life, especially when we commit it to memory and repeat it often.
Ever wonder why you might get a trace of a scent and instantly get carried back to a year, a time, a place? (For me, it's Scotch tape. On the rare occasion that I smell it, I'm transported right back to Christmas in the early '80s.)
The brain's olfactory bulb, which processes the sense of smell, has the strongest influence on conjuring up memories. A recent article in Harvard Medicine cites Professor of Neurobiology at Harvard Medical School, Sandeep Robert Datta, saying, “It’s now clear that even though our sense of smell is not as robust as that of a mouse or bloodhound, it is deeply tied to our cognitive centers, our emotional centers, and our memory centers. We’re dependent on it for a sense of well-being and centeredness in the world.”
Once a scent molecule enters the nasal cavity and reaches one of the "smell sensors," it makes a pit stop in the olfactory bulb and gives "information" to the cerebral cortex. In an educational video posted by Britannica, they relay "Since some of these regions are also involved in memory, a single smell may instantaneously evoke a past event in our life."
McDonough explains further that the information or "signals" then travel "to key areas of the brain involved in learning, emotion, and memory: the olfactory, or piriform cortex, which identifies smells; the amygdala, which is involved in generating emotion; and the hippocampus, which stores and organizes memories."
If our brain has subconsciously made a connection between a smell and something that impacted our memory, it can "store it indefinitely." She shares, "Even decades later, the same scent can bring the memory and emotional salience of the moment flooding back."
Redditors—of which there are nearly eight hundred on this thread alone—jumped to comment on the post, "What's a smell that instantly takes you back to your younger years?" The first comment is very specific: "Hot asphalt. It's immediately summer in the late '70s and I'm either playing 4-Square in the road, or we're at Six Flags."
A roller coaster loops around at Six Flags amusement park.
Photo by Zachariah Aussi on Unsplash
This got hundreds of upvotes, with one person adding that they especially love the smell of asphalt in the rain. Someone then took the time to respond with the beautiful science behind that exact scent: "That smell is called petrichor and is caused by a terpene called geosmin that is released from the earth after being hit by rain. It’s a Greek word. ‘Petri’ means stone and ‘ichor’ is the golden liquid that flowed through the blood of Gods. So not only is it an amazing smell, it’s also one of the coolest words with a most unique etymology."
Quite a few also mentioned suntan oil. One person even deviously found a way to manipulate their boss, knowing how strongly it evokes memories in so many of us: "When I used to work in an office, I’d put on Coppertone at my desk Friday afternoons when I really wanted to get out early and enjoy nice weather. My boss would smell it and leave around 2 to play golf. (edit: Hawaiian Tropic)"
Along the same lines and also quite popular in the comment section was chlorine. "Chlorine in swimming pools! Not used so often anymore where I live, but back in my grandma's hometown, it's the same as ever!" Another adds how specifically this smell taps into a memory: "Being wrapped in a towel, eating ham and cheese sandwiches with Doritos by the pool was peak childhood."
So many more chimed in with answers—from freshly cut grass pulling them back through a memory tunnel to an elementary school playground, to the smell of leather reminding them of their Little League baseball team. The glue (which itself seems to trigger past experiences) that binds most of the comments seems to be: sweet memories from childhood.
A few more shared comments for the road:
"Concord grape juice gets me every time."
"A fog machine. Takes me back to the days I worked at Knott's Scary Farm."
And maybe my personal favorite? "Drakkar Noir, baby."
I've written extensively about minimum wage, supported by fact-checkers, economists, and scholarly studies. All of them support raising the minimum wage as a solution to lifting people out of poverty and getting them off public assistance. It's slowly happening, and there's much more to be done.
But when it comes right down to it, where the rubber meets the road is what it means for everyday workers who have to live with those wages. I honestly don't know how they do it. Ask yourself: Could I live on this small of an hourly wage? I know what my answer is.
(And note that the minimum wage in many parts of the county is STILL $7.25, so it could be even less than this).
One year of work at McDonalds grossed this worker $13,811.18.via JustFrugalMe/YouTube
The YouTube channel Just Frugal Me discussed the viral paycheck and noted there's absolutely nothing wrong with working at McDonald's. More than 2 million people in the U.S. alone work for the fast food giant. The worker's paycheck shows they put in 72 hours over the pay period, making $8.75 per hour. Before taxes, that's $631 for the week. Just Frugal Me's breakdown is even more eye-opening, breaking down this person's pay after taxes and weighing across average rent and utility costs. Spoiler Alert: the total costs for basic necessities far outweigh what this person is making even while working 12 hours per day. But they do make too much to qualify for Medicaid, meaning they will have to go out and buy their own health insurance.
Even in states like California, where the state's $20 minimum wage ensures that people earn nearly three times as much as the federal minimum wage, which remains as low as when this paycheck first made the rounds nearly 10 years ago.
Still, even for a worker that maxed out at 40 hours per week and took zero vacation or sick time, that's only a little over $41,000 per year. That's barely half the median wage in the state of $78,000 and far below a sustainable living wage in cities like Los Angeles.
The U.S. federal minimum wage is just $7.25 and hasn't been raised since 2009. In April 2025, the Raise the Wage Act of 2025 was introduced in the House of Representatives and U.S. Senate. The bill would increase the federal minimum wage to $17 an hour by 2030 and eliminate the subminimum wage for tipped workers and those with disabilities. But supporters should be cautious that it's unlikely to pass the Republican-controlled Congress.
If the Wage Act of 2025 were to pass, over $22 million workers would get a raise, which is 15% of the U.S. workforce. It would raise $70 billion for low-wage Americans, an increase of $3,200 per worker.
“No person working full-time in America should be living in poverty," Virginia Congressman Bobby Scott said in a statement. "The Raise the Wage Act will increase the pay and standard of living for nearly 22 million workers across this country. Raising the minimum wage is good for workers, good for business, and good for the economy. When we put money in the pockets of American workers, they will spend that money in their communities,”
This storyoriginally appeared ten years ago. It has been updated to reflect new information.
But according to communications expert and Stanford lecturer Mark Abrahams, it doesn't have to be that way. People can not only develop the skills for it, but they can even learn to enjoy small talk with some adjustments to how they engage with it. In his video, "How to Get Good at Small Talk, and Even Enjoy It," Abrahams first challenges the idea that small talk is unimportant.
"Small talk, I think, is actually a misnomer," he says. "We refer to small talk as any chit-chat or just conversation that we don't put a lot of import on, when, in fact, small talk is a wonderful way of connecting, bonding, learning, and growing." What makes it hard is that we don't have a script for it. We have to go with whatever's happening in the moment, and we tend to feel like we're being tested.
Abrahams explains that people often think of small talk like a game of tennis, where someone lobs the ball to you and you have to figure out how to return it. In reality, it's more like a game of hacky sack where everyone collaborates toward the shared goal of keeping the sack in the air. Reframing it as a group effort rather than a competition can make small talk more enjoyable and less threatening or scary.
With that mindset, Abrahams offers a series of tips that address people's common concerns and anxieties about making small talk.
"Your goal is to be interested, not interesting," Abrahams says, quoting Rachel Greenwald. "A lot of us go into these situations thinking that we need to be really fascinating, engaging, and interesting, when, in fact, we just need to be present and be interested in the conversation that's happening."
Shifting the spotlight to the other person can help reduce the anxiety we might feel about being judged, Abraham explains.
Give yourself permission to pause.
Silence can feel incredibly awkward in a conversation, but it's better to take the time to think about a response rather than rush to say something just to avoid a pause.
"We have this sense that speed to respond is somehow is associated with competence," Abrahams says. "But really, what reflects best on your competence is an appropriate response. And appropriateness can take a little bit of time."
Awkward Andy Samberg GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
One way to fill the silence while giving yourself time is to paraphrase what the other person just said, which also forces us to listen more closely.
"Most of us listen just enough to get the gist of what somebody's saying, and then we immediately start judging, rehearsing, and responding," says Abrahams. "When I paraphrase, I have to listen super intently. I have to listen to understand—what's the bottom line of what you're saying? That slows me down. And by slowing my own thoughts down and then paraphrasing them, I buy myself some time to really think."
What if you feel like you have nothing smart to say?
Abrahams shares his mother-in-law's three-word trick for keeping small talk going when you have nothing to say: "Tell me more."
"If you are ever in a situation, a communication, a conversation where you don't know what to say, most of the time you could simply say, "Tell me more," or "Give me some more detail," or "What did you mean about that point?" And just by giving the person an opportunity to speak again, that gives you time to find what you might want to say and to connect to it."
Yep, that's going to happen. We all make mistakes sometimes.
"Spontaneous communication is about connection, not perfection," says Abrahams. He suggests thinking of turns in conversation as "takes," like in filming. If you make a mistake, just do another take. No big deal.
What if my problem is that I have too much to say?
While some of us clam up during small talk conversations because we can't think of anything to say, some people have the opposite problem of going on for too too long.
"My mother has this wonderful saying," Abrahams says. "I know she didn't create it, but it's 'Tell me the time, don't build me the clock.'" In other words, be concise and to the point. "Many of us are clock-builders in these spontaneous speaking situations. And we have to remind ourselves when we start speaking just tell the time."
What tools can I use if none of this is natural to me?
Abrahams says that thinking of a structure for what you're saying can be helpful. One structure he recommends is What? So what? Now what?
"The what is your idea, your product, your service, your belief," Abrahams explains. "The so what is why is it important to the person or people you're talking to? And then now what is what comes next. How do I get the conversation started?"
You can use this structure to frame something you're saying or as a series of questions to get conversation going.
"If I'm engaging you in conversation I can say, 'Hey, what brings you here? That's the what. When you answer, I can say, 'Oh, why is that important, or why do you find that interesting?' That's the so what. And then after that, I can ask a question like, 'Oh, so what more are you going to do, or what are you going to do next, or do you want to join me and go over here?'"
As with anything else, small talk takes practice, but eventually it becomes easier.
Start a conversation by noting an observation in the environment.Photo credit: Canva
How do I get the conversation started?
There are the standards, like "How are you?" or "What brings you here?" but Abrahams says he likes to tie conversation openers to something relevant to the immediate situation, even if it's just an observation.
"Just the other day, I was in a situation for small talk and the very first thing I did, I came up to somebody I didn't know and I said, 'This is amazing to me. There are more people in this room wearing blue shirts than I think I've seen in a long time.' And the person said, 'You know what? You're right. That's really interesting.' And all of a sudden the conversation was off and running. All I did was notice something in the environment."
How do I end the conversation (gracefully)?
Getting out of a conversation can sometimes be harder than starting one. Abrahams suggests the "white flag" technique. In car racing, when the last lap comes around, someone waves a white flag to let racers know it's their last lap. In conversation, this can look like a signal that you're going to need to end the conversation just a bit before you actually do.
"You say, I need to go in a moment, but—and this is where you ask one last question, provide one last bit of feedback. So you continue the conversation on for a little bit. It might sound something like this: 'I need to get going because there's some friends over there I need to meet. But before I go, I want to just a little bit more about that trip you were telling me about to Hawaii.' And together, you can draw the conversation to an end rather than you abruptly saying, 'Oh, I need to go to the bathroom.' Or, 'Wow, that looks like good food over there.'"
It may take some time and practice, but small talk doesn't have to be torturous, especially when you know it doesn't have to be perfect.
Clemson University president Jim Clements receives hug of a lifetime from daughter Grace at graduation.
College graduation is a milestone moment for graduates and parents alike. For Clemson University president Jim Clements and his daughter Grace, it was an experience that they will remember for a lifetime thanks to a genuine moment of joy shared on the graduation stage.
President Clements got to present Grace with her diploma during the ClemsonLIFE graduation ceremony on May 8, 2025. ClemsonLIFE is a program for students with intellectual disabilities that counts Tanner Smith from Netflix'sLove on the Spectrum as an alum.
After Grace's name was called during the ceremony, she joyfully ran and jumped into her father's arms–sacking him to the ground as smiles and cheers went up from the crowd. "ClemsonLIFE teaches independence, job skills…and apparently, how to sack a university president. #DadDown #BestGraduationEver #AmazingGrace," President Clements captioned the video.
On the ground, Clements smiles and helps Grace up as they embrace. The two quickly recover and stand up, and Clements gives Grace a kiss on the forehead and turns her toward the crowd to take in the applause. He then gives her a big bear hug and pats her on the back before she continues to walk the stage.
During the commencement speech, President Clements said, "Grace, I'm so incredibly proud of you and all the other ClemsonLIFE graduates. And apparently I need to get back in the gym and start lifting weights more!"
In an interview with TODAY, President Clements shared, "It was pure joy, total and complete happiness, to see this girl, our beautiful daughter, run across the stage and literally leap into my arms. It was magical."
However, Grace quipped during the interview, "You missed me!" President Clements replied while laughing, "I did miss you, I missed you, but then when we fell, we helped each other up. And I wanted to turn her to the audience and let everyone see how beautiful and amazing she is. Then, I wanted to give her a big huge hug to let her know how much I love her,."
In another touching Instagram post, he shared, "Amazing Grace walked the stage and I hit the turf! And I wouldn’t change a thing. Watching all that Grace has accomplished during her time with ClemsonLIFE is one of the greatest joys of my life. I can’t wait to see what she achieves next."
The emotional video and photos from the graduation ceremony captured hearts and made tears flow for viewers.
"This is why I love my school. This was a daddy/daughter moment not her and the president. Such a sweet moment. I love how he went with it and how proud he is! 🧡💜," one wrote.
"Such a genuine moment!! Love everything about this and all the work that Clemson Life does!! Amazing!! 💜🧡" said another.
And one touched viewer shared, "Is there a limit on how many times you can watch a video?! This is the most amazing Grace/Daddy (aka Pres Clements) moment I’ve ever seen! It will go down in Clemson history. Congratulations, Grace! God bless you, Mom and Dad! God is good. 😭🧡💜"
bart simpson episode 21 GIF
Eddie Murphy Shut Up GIF by Bounce
A roller coaster loops around at Six Flags amusement park.
Photo by 
A young girl swims in a pool.
Photo by 
One year of work at McDonalds grossed this worker $13,811.18.via 
A photo of a McDonald's in Hartford, CT. via 
Making conversation doesn't come easily for everyone.
Awkward Andy Samberg GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Awkwardness and mistakes happen to everyone. 
"Tell me the time, don't build me the clock."
Start a conversation by noting an observation in the environment.
How to gracefully bow out of a conversation.