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The daily lives of parents, #Tuesday.

When dad and blogger Mike Julianelle compared a photo of himself to a photo from 10 years ago, he noticed a big difference.

Yes, he looked a little older — after all, a decade had gone by. But there was something else: a deep, deep look of utter exhaustion.

Life has a way of asking a lot of us. How we cope and manage the moments at work, our personal goals, the friendships, and our loved ones.

All these daily routines navigated that bring the best and ask the most. But what was that other thing which had changed over those 10 years?



Julianelle had two kids.

You've probably seen all sorts of before and after concepts on your social media feeds. If you missed this one, you'll see why they all became a "thing."

When he posted the side-by-side comparison on Instagram, it was an instant hit. So he invited other parents to share their own "before and afters."

The results were hilarious and oddly inspiring. They also revealed a bunch of important truths about what happens to you when you become a parent.

Like...

After kids, a blanket becomes your favorite outfit.

You are frequently at risk of getting accidentally walloped in the nose.

Your glasses become a favorite toy.

So does your entire face, actually.

When your baby decides to take a nap, thou shalt not move.

Alcohol can go from an indulgence to a necessity.

Did we mention you'll be tired? Like really, really tired?

Most days, doing your best is all you can really do.

But, at the end of those days, it'll all be worth it (at least, most of the time).

The project went viral, with Julianelle receiving hundreds of submissions from other parents via Instagram.

While not everyone has been brave enough to publicly share their no-sleep, just-got-barfed-on selfies with him, Julianelle says the response has been hugely positive.

"I hope people take away a few laughs and a little solidarity," he writes in an email. "Parenting is awesome but it also sucks and there shouldn't be any shame in admitting that."

And as the photos show, he's absolutely right. Parenting is hard but rewarding work, at its best. It's also exhausting, frustrating, frightening, and anxiety-inducing.

Julianelle sums it up perfectly in an interview with Huffington Post: "Kids are the worst best thing that's ever happened to us. If we don’t laugh about the havoc they wreak we'd have to cry instead."

You can see more hilarious before and afters over on the Got Toddlered Instagram account.


What you look like in a selfie camera isn't really what you look like in real life.

We've all done it: You snap a selfie, look at it, say, "OMG is my nose swollen?" then try again from a different angle. "Wait, now my forehead looks weird. And what's up with my chin?" You keep trying various angles and distances, trying to get a picture that looks like how you remember yourself looking. Whether you finally land on one or not, you walk away from the experience wondering which photo actually looks like the "real" you.

I do this, even as a 40-something-year-old who is quite comfortable with the face I see in the mirror. So, it makes me cringe imagining a tween or teen, who likely take a lot more selfies than I do, questioning their facial features based on those snapshots. When I'm wondering why my facial features look weird in selfies it's because I know my face well enough to know that's not what it looks like. However, when a young person whose face is changing rapidly sees their facial features distorted in a photo, they may come to all kinds of wrong conclusions about what they actually look like.


Not that it should matter, of course. But we're talking about people living in a society obsessed with personal appearance. It's going to matter to a lot of people, and if they get the wrong impression of their face, some people will go to all sorts of lengths to change it. That's why understanding a bit about how focal lengths on cameras can impact what we see in photographs is vital.

Writer Evey Winters shared some of that education in a post on Facebook. She writes about this topic through a trans and dysmorphia lens, but it applies to everyone.

Winters points out that if someone is thinking of doing surgery to change their bodies, they should seek sources outside of themselves and a cellphone camera.

"I have dysmorphia and recognize that in myself," she wrote, "but even if I didn’t, there’s not a selfie I’ve ever taken that would accurately help me make choices about my face. Mirrors are slightly better only for their minimal distortions."

"If you want the best chance at getting good feedback pre-op about what you might want to change," she added, "I’d recommend a skilled photographer take a series of photos of you at different focal lengths and even then none of these will be entirely accurate as none of these employ humans binocular vision and filtering."

Winters shared a collage of photos of the same girl's face at different focal lengths to show the significant difference it makes. "Notice how in different photos this child’s eyes may appear to be slightly hooded," she wrote. "The nose appears enlarged disproportionately. Hairline seems to shift with every snap. So does jaw shape, face shape, and even the width and size of the ears."

The difference between each of these photos is significant, but the difference between the first and the last is stunning. Cellphone selfie cameras usually have an even smaller focal length than the 40 mm shown here (Winters points out that the iPhone 13 Pro Max selfie camera has the equivalent of a 23 mm focal length), so they distort facial features even more. It also depends on how far away from the camera you are—the closer you are, the more distortion you'll see. Lighting matters, too, but even the best lighting can't cancel out what the focal length is doing.

Vox shared a video specifically about the "big nose" phenomenon with selfies, showing how drastic the distortion can be.

As a parent of two teens and a young adult, I find these photos to be fantastic tools for teaching my kids not to put too much stock in what they see in a selfie. Far too many people are increasingly seeking out plastic surgery to change a nose or a forehead or a jawline that doesn't even really exist. Imagine looking in a funhouse mirror and thinking you need to do something to change how you look. Selfie cameras are basically mini funhouse mirrors. Smartphones and apps are getting better at making filters that adjust for those distortions, but none of us should be relying on selfies of any kind to see what we really look like, much less taking major measures to alter our appearance based on what we see in them.

Even if you have some physical feature you simply can't accept and want to change, make sure you get a skilled photographer to give you the most accurate picture of what it actually looks like. As Winters concluded at the end of her post: "Make sure you’re not reshaping your body for a you that only exists in selfie cams."

Thank you for the reminder, Ms. Winters.

If you're a social media maven, you may have noticed a bloom of animal selfies over the past few years.

A baby monkey grasps a tourist's fingers at a temple in Thailand. While many wildlife tourist sites are legitimate, an Instagram campaign is highlighting how some are more sinister in the ways they promote animal selfies. Photo by Paula Bronstein/Getty Images.

You know the ones I'm talking about — a friend or celebrity posing with a monkey on their trip to Thailand, or holding a koala in Australia, or bench-pressing a whale. (I kid. Please don't try to bench-press whales).


A few years ago, these photos only showed up here and there. But lately, they've really taken off — along with the popularity of selfie-friendly apps like Snapchat and Instagram. In fact, there's been nearly a 300% increase in animal selfies since 2014.

But as cute as these animal pictures are, and as empowering as it can be to take a great selfie, there's simply something rotten going on with many of them — no matter how pure the intentions are of anyone individual using the #monkeyselfie hashtag.

It turns out that many of those seemingly innocent, totally adorable images are at the end of a very dark chain of events.

So from now on, if you search certain hashtags on Instagram (like #monkeyselfie, #koalaselfie, or #tigerselfies — along with hundreds of other unannounced hashtags, according to National Geographic), you'll likely trigger a message like this:

Image from James Gaines/Instagram.

But what could be so wrong with a cute picture with an animal? Most of these images aren't exactly clear-cut cases of animal abuse (like the time a baby dolphin was accidentally killed during a mass selfie spree in Argentina).

The real problem is much more insidious — one that Instagrammers might not even realize is going on.

In many parts of the world, tour guides or hot spots might try to provide guests with the opportunity to meet some wild animals. Some might be on the level, but in others, unscrupulous guides or agencies will actually capture animals from the wild, cage them, and use drugs or cruelty to tame them.

All in the name of five seconds of hugging a sloth.

Of course, tourists don't get to see the sad part. All they're aware of is that they snapped a selfie — and possibly scored a couple hundred likes or faves.

In a way, by trying to educate its entire audience through these warnings, Instagram is acting kind of like a whistle-blower on this issue.

Wildlife protection agencies are a fan of Instagram's decision. Cassandra Koenen, who works at the nonprofit World Animal Protection, says she hopes it'll make people pause before sharing something.

“If someone's behavior is interrupted, hopefully they'll think, 'Maybe there's something more here, or maybe I shouldn't just automatically like something or forward something or repost something if Instagram is saying to me there's a problem with this photo,'" Koenen told National Geographic.

In fact, Instagram worked with agencies, such as World Animal Protection and the World Wildlife Fund, for months to make sure they got this right.

The filter will also pop up for hashtags related to the often abusive exotic wildlife trade, such as #exoticanimalsforsale. Instagram hopes this will help disrupt wildlife traffickers' ability to find buyers via social media.

Social media is a powerful tool, but one that often unwittingly enables or hosts abuse. Instagram stepping up, recognizing the role they play, and taking steps to act responsibly is huge.

Hopefully it could help inspire individual users or even other social media sites to join in.

20-year-old Noa Jansma, like many women, can barely leave the house without catching a lecherous stare, a whistle, or a vulgar pickup attempt.

"Catcalling," as its known, is a well documented phenomenon. In 2014, a viral video showed a woman walking the streets of New York for a day and getting harassed by countless men, sparking widespread discussion and opening a lot of eyes to the epidemic.

Three years later, though, the problem persists while most advice for women still centers around various ways to ignore the offenders.


Jansma decided to try a new tactic to deal with her harrassers: She posed for selfies with them.

#dearcatcallers "I know what I would do with you, baby"

A post shared by dearcatcallers (@dearcatcallers) on

The experiment, called "Dear Cat Callers," lasted a month.

When she was stopped on the street, Jansma asked the men to pose for a photo with her. Most happily obliged.

She even included snippets of what they said to her.

Why "Dear Catcallers"? To send them a message.

"It's not a compliment," her Instagram profile reads.

#dearcatcallers "weheeee horny girl"

A post shared by dearcatcallers (@dearcatcallers) on

The selfies, she writes, don't only help bring awareness to the problem (and the creeps behind it) — they reverse the power dynamic and put her back in control.

Take special note of her stoic, fearless expression in most of the photos — despite many of the men asking her to "smile" or putting their arm around her. Some are totally oblivious to her anger.

The project may be a dangerous one, but Jansma appears to be quite comfortable with sharing the frame of a photograph with her harassers.

Nog een keer #dearcatcallers *psssssst, kissing sounds and whistling"

A post shared by dearcatcallers (@dearcatcallers) on

The photos also put a face to the gross and frightening behavior.

#dearcatcallers "hmmmm you wanna kiss?"

A post shared by dearcatcallers (@dearcatcallers) on

Catcalling isn't just an annoyance. It's legitimately harmful to women (and people of all other genders, too).

The emotional toll of being constantly terrorized by strangers on the street can't be overstated. Catcalling also rightfully fosters more anger and suspicion toward men in general.

In some places — including Amsterdam, Canada, and areas in the United States — street harassment is even illegal. But it's tricky to enforce, and rolling out bans on this type of behavior will take quite some time.

#dearcatcallers

A post shared by dearcatcallers (@dearcatcallers) on

The response to Jansma's project has been astronomical, with her account gaining over 100,000 followers in a month.

That Jansma could collect so many photos and stories in such a short time is alarming. That thousands and thousands of women across the world can easily relate to her experience is even worse.

Now that the initial project is over, she hopes to hand off the account to women in other countries so they can share their own photos.

Every woman who stands up to her harassers will be taking a risk, but campaigns like Jansma's help make more people (men, specifically) aware of and disgusted by the problem. The more that happens, the more likely it is that catcallers become the ones who feel uncomfortable being out in public.