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Modern Families

Dad perfectly explains why he wants his kids' teenage friends to hang out at his house

'Be that house!'

Photo by LaShawn Dobbs on Unsplash

a group of people sitting on a swing

Every group of teenage friends usually has that one house with the “cool parents” where everyone can hang out. It’s usually a place where there isn’t much judgment but plenty of snacks and a teen-friendly place to hang like a garage, living room or basement.

There are two types of parents who don’t mind having teens over all the time. One type allows the kids to drink and party because, “you’re gonna do it anyway, might as well do it here.” The other kind likes having kids around so they can be sure they don’t get into that type of trouble.

Jeremy Serrano, a Lutheran pastor in Northern California who has three children ages 12, 15 and 17, recently went viral on TikTok for explaining why parents should strive to “Be that house!” where kids hang out.

@jeremypserrano
Be that house! #parenting #parentsoftiktok #progressiveclergy

"I was talking to another parent the other day and they asked me, 'Why do you always have teenagers over at your house?'" Serrano said on TikTok. "One of the things that we've worked really hard on is being the house that the teenage friends of my children want to hang out at."

The Serrano house is a teenagers’ paradise. It’s stocked with snacks and has an ax-throwing target, basketball hoop and trampoline.

"My wife and I, we intentionally ask our children's friends what kind of food and drinks they like and then we make sure that we have those things on hand for them," he said in the video.

"It's just one of the best things that we've ever done," added Serrano. "Because we get to know our kids' friends and then we know that they're hanging out here."

The house may be a place where kids can let loose, but there’s no illicit partying happening. "We have boundaries and don't allow that here," he told Today. "In fact, I'd lose credibility with my children by not providing boundaries."

The TikTok post received a lot of positive comments from people who loved growing up in “that house.”

"My mother law told me once… food, drinks, and activities will always be cheaper than lawyers, legal fees, and therapists," anmccoy74 wrote. "This was my house growing up and my mom said that when I went away to college she lost not just one son but more like 5 sons," Gridpod added.

"I've always said I want to be the house the kids go hang out at so I can be a trusted place for them but most importantly my kids tell me their lives," Addie Davis wrote.

Serrano told Today that the teens are comfortable coming to him for advice because of the open environment he’s created. "I was really honored that my children pointed their friends to me—the first time it happened I was like, 'Whoa that is a big deal,'" he said. "My rule is, they can share our conversations with anyone they want, but I won't. If their parents ask if we've talked, I won't lie, but I'll point them back to their children."

After his post went viral, the pastor posted a subsequent video where he shared some tips on how to create “that house.”

@jeremypserrano
Replying to @moeffinmary tip#1 be a non judgmental presence. #parenting #parentingtips

"I think the number one way to be ‘that house’ is to be parents that provide a non-judgmental presence and non-judgmental listening to your kids' friends,” Serrano said.

He added that it’s important to "really get to know their sides of things. To really try to understand how they're feeling in response to situations.” Serrano says parents shouldn’t think of what the teens are saying as “good or bad” but just to “be there and listen to them."

In the end, having “that house” is all about creating a great environment for the entire family. "We get to be involved in our children's lives," he says. "And provide a safe space among chaos in the world."

This article originally appeared on 1.4.23

From Your Site Articles

parenting

Education

A high school teacher's reaction to a sleeping student went viral for all the right reasons

"I cannot spirit away her teen troubles. But I can give her a break."

A teacher's message has gone viral after he let his student sleep in class — for the kindest reason.

Teachers spend time preparing lesson plans and trying to engage students in learning. The least a kid can do is stay awake in class, right?

But high school English teacher Monte Syrie sees things differently. In a Twitter thread, he explained why he didn't take it personally when his student Meg fell asleep — and why he didn't wake her up.

Screenshots via MonteSyrie/Twitter.

Meg's nap meant she missed an in-class essay, but she turned it in that night. "I didn't beat her up about it. Didn't have to," he wrote. "In a different room, Meg may have been written up for sleeping in class and given a zero for missing and essay, but she wasn't in a different room; she was in my room."

Syrie pointed out that sometimes we have to "trust our instincts, even if it goes against the grain."

Meg is a good student with a lot on her plate. She takes a zero-hour class before the normal school day and does farm chores before that. She runs track. And she's a teenager, with all of the social, academic, and life pressures that go along with it.

Syrie teaches sophomore English in Cheney, Washington. Photo via Monte Syrie.

And she's not alone. During the school year, teens report higher levels of stress than adults, and many students report feeling exhausted trying to keep up with it all.

"I think too often the biggest thing that people forget about high school students is that they are kids," Syrie says. "They're kids — kids who are having to grow up way too fast and are having way too much pressure put on them, in and out of school ... even for our best and brightest, that pressure gets to be too much."

Syrie's compassionate story resonated with people because we've all been in a position of needing a little grace.

Syrie's tweets continued, exemplifying how teachers can show kindness and understanding to students. He pointed out, "I can't offer Meg a math class later in the day. I cannot feed her horses ... I cannot run 6 race-pace 300s for her. I cannot spirit away her teen trouble. But I can give her a break."

Syrie says he tries to be that responsive to all of his students. "Because I firmly believe that one size fits all is madness, I adjust to each student, trusting my instincts, trusting what I know," he says. "Regardless of our responsibilities, life is hard, and we all need some grace now and then."

Syrie says he's had a few negative comments, but overwhelmingly the response has been positive from both students and teachers.

[rebelmouse-image 19397573 dam="1" original_size="665x141" caption="Screenshot via Alexa Shaw/Twitter." expand=1]Screenshot via Alexa Shaw/Twitter.

[rebelmouse-image 19397574 dam="1" original_size="648x96" caption="Screenshot via Maria Riverso/Twitter." expand=1]Screenshot via Maria Riverso/Twitter.

[rebelmouse-image 19397575 dam="1" original_size="661x119" caption="Screenshot via Mrs. Chow/Twitter." expand=1]Screenshot via Mrs. Chow/Twitter.

Syrie has words for those who say that allowing a student to sleep in class doesn't prepare them for the "real world."

Some may question whether letting a student sleep in class without consequence is a good idea. Syrie has a response:

"We are not working in factories, stamping out standardized products," he says. "We are helping young humans — unique individuals — learn about themselves and their worlds. As such, when our young humans face the inevitable pressures of growing up, we need to respond with empathy."

"And if that does not prepare them for the 'real world' as some may suggest, then maybe the world needs to change. I want to live in a world where there's empathy. That's the world I want to live in."

You can read more about the way Syrie is rethinking education on his website.

This article originally appeared on 06.01.18

Family

13 comics use 'science' to hilariously illustrate the frustrations of parenting.

"Newton's First Law of Parenting: A child at rest will remain at rest ... until you need your iPad back."

All images by Jessica Ziegler

Kids grab everywhere.

Norine Dworkin-McDaniel's son came home from school one day talking about Newton's first law of motion.

He had just learned it at school, her son explained as they sat around the dinner table one night. It was the idea that "an object at rest will remain at rest until acted on by an external force."

"It struck me that it sounded an awful lot like him and his video games," she joked.

A writer by trade and always quick to turn a phrase, Norine grabbed a pen and scribbled some words:

"Newton's First Law of Parenting: A child at rest will remain at rest ... until you need your iPad back."

And just like that, she started creating "The Science of Parenthood," a series that names and identifies hilarious, universal parenting struggles. She put in a quick call to her friend Jessica Ziegler, a visual and graphics expert, and together the two set out to bring the project to life.

Here are some of their discoveries:

1. Newton's first law of parenting

A taste of the “gimmies."

2. The sleep geometry theorem

teenagers, science of parenthood, science

There’s plenty of room.

3. The baby fluids effusion rule

Duck.

4. The carnival arc

Can we go?

5. The Archimedes bath-time principle

Clean up the clean up.

6. Schrödinger's backpack

Homework... ehh.

7. The naptime disruption theorem

Who needs sleep. It’s rhetorical.

8. Calculation disintegration

I have a calculator on my phone.

9. Chuck e-conomics

How much does that cost?

10. Plate tectonics

Where’s the chicken tenders?

11. Silicaphobia

Oh good, sunburns.

12. Delusions of launder

When did we get all these clothes?

13. The Costco contradiction

I want them now, not then.

Norine and Jessica's work struck a nerve with parents everywhere.

Norine said almost every parent who sees the cartoons has a similar reaction: a quiet moment of recognition, followed by a huge laugh as they recognize their own families in the illustrations.

But is there more to it than just getting a few chuckles? You bet, Norine and Jessica said.

"Even, at the worst possible moments, you're standing there, your child has just vomited all over you, or you've opened up the diaper and your kid is sitting waist deep in liquid ****. Even at that moment, it's not really that bad," Norine said. "You will be able to laugh at this at some point."

"It gets better. You're not alone in this parenting thing."

This article originally appeared on 11.30.16

From Your Site Articles

Family

7 secrets to raising awesome, functional teenagers.

Step 1: Ditch the myth that all teens are sullen, angry creatures.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

My beautiful teens.

I occasionally get asked by mothers of young children what the secret is to raising great teenagers.

My initial response is that I have absolutely no clue. My kids are who they are IN SPITE of having me as a mother. (The young moms don't find that answer too helpful.)

Really, the first thing that I will tell you is to disbelieve the myth that teenagers are sullen, angry creatures who slam doors and hate their parents. Some do that, but the overwhelming majority do not. Every one of my kids' friends are just as happy and fun as my kids are, so I know it's not just us.

Teenagers are incredible. They are funny, smart, eager to please, and up for just about anything as long as food is involved. They have the most generous hearts and want desperately to be loved and validated. They are quirky and messy and have the best sense of humor.

rules for teens, raising teens, secrets, privilege

Bright smiles on the couch.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

So, here is my list of "rules" for raising teens. These are the secrets we have found to be successful.

1. Love them fiercely.

Love everything about them, even the annoying stuff. Love them for their actions AND their intentions. Let them know in word and deed how much you adore them. Daily. Love their wrinkled shirts and Axe-body-spray-covered selves. Love their bad handwriting and pimpled cheeks. Love their scattered brains and long limbs. All these seemingly insignificant details are an amazing, magical process at work. It's like being witness to the miracle of a diamond mid-formation. All this imperfection is going to one day yield a responsible, serious adult. A loving husband and father. Or a wonderful wife and mother. It's a privilege to be witness to such glorious growth.

See your teenagers as a privilege, don't see them as a burden. They're more perceptive than you can imagine. How you feel about them will be no secret. So just love ‘em.

2. Listen and pay attention.

When they walk in the door after school, you have a precious few minutes when they will divulge the secrets of their day with you. Be excited to see them. Put down the cell phone. Don't waste this time making dinner or taking a phone call. Look them in the eye and hear what they are saying. Make their victories your victories. Be empathetic. It is really hard to navigate high school and middle school. Don't offer advice at this time unless they ask for it. Don't lecture. Just listen. It makes them feel important and valued. We all need to feel that way.

3. Say yes more than you say no.

The world is forever going to tell them no. For the rest of their lives, they will be swimming in a stormy sea with wave after wave of "you're not good enough" and "you can't do this" crashing down on their heads. If nothing else, I want to be the opposite voice in their lives for as long as I can. I want to instill in them the belief that they are not limited and they can do anything if they're willing to work hard enough for it. I want to be the YES, YOU CAN in their lives. I want them to leave my house every day feeling invincible.

4. Say no often.

You need to say no to experiences and situations that will set your child up for harm or unhappiness. Don't let them go to the parties where they will be forced to make a choice about alcohol at age 16 in front of their peers . Don't let them stay out until three in the morning with a member of the opposite sex. Be the parent. Set up rules for their safety, both physical and moral. You would think this rule goes without saying, but we have known a shockingly large number of parents who don’t.

5. Feed them. A lot.

And not only them, but their friends too. These bodies are growing and developing at an astonishing rate and need fuel to do so — most of which they prefer to be loaded with processed sugar and hydrogenated-something-or-others. When their friends know your pantry is stocked to the gills with treats, they will beg your kid to hang out at your place. This allows you to not only meet and know their friends, but to keep an eye on your teen as well.

6. Don't sweat the small stuff.

When living with teenagers, it can be so easy to see the backpack dropped in the middle of the living room as laziness. Or the bedroom scattered with dirty clothes as irresponsible. Instead, and before you open your mouth to yell at them, put yourself in their shoes. Find out about their day first. Maybe they are feeling beaten down, and they just need to unwind for a minute and tell you about it. Ignore the mess for a bit and put your arms around that big, sweaty kid and give him a hug. Talk to him about his world. Find out what he did, wants to do, and dreams of doing. THEN, and only then, ask him to pick it up and put it away.

That being said, do I completely ignore the state of my boys' bedrooms all the time? No, I do not. But I pick my battles, and I pick the appropriate time to fight them. Once every seven to 10 days or so, I tell them their bedrooms need to be picked up. Which they do happily because it's not the running loop of a nagging mom. They know when I ask, it needs to be done.

7. Stand back and watch the magic happen.

Having a funny picture taken.

All photos used here are mine, used with permission.

If you let them, these glorious creatures will open their hearts and love you more fiercely than you could possibly imagine. They are brilliant, capable, strong spirits who bring with them a flurry of happiness. They are hilarious and clever. They are thoughtful and sensitive. They want us to adore them. They need us to adore them. They love deeply and are keenly in touch with the feelings of others.

They are just about the greatest gift God gave to parents.

This article was written by Christie Halversson and originally appeared on 08.20.19

From Your Site Articles

Identity

Adorable animated short tells the story of a gay kid 'outed by his heart'

Enjoy four minutes of 100% pure sweetness 💕

Photo pulled from YouTube video

Animated short about closeted love.

After a much anticipation, the animated kids short "In a Heartbeat" was finally released on July 31, 2017.

The four-minute short film — which follows a closeted boy as he "runs the risk of being outed by his own heart after it pops out of his chest to chase down the boy of his dreams" — captivated certain corners of the internet once its trailer was released in May and instantly went viral.

The finished film is just as adorable and sweet and pure and squee-worthy as fans were hoping.

People are just totally loving it.

\u201cDID U JUST HEAR SOMEONE SCREAM BC IT WAS ME WATCHING IN A HEARTBEAT ITS THE CTUEST THNIG IVE EVER SEEN\u201d
— \ud835\udd20\ud835\udd1e\ud835\udd2a (@\ud835\udd20\ud835\udd1e\ud835\udd2a) 1501515099

Like, honestly, truly adoring it.

The short is only four minutes long and completely void of narration or dialogue.

But its creators, Beth David and Esteban Bravo — who completed the project as part of their college senior thesis project — were able to invoke so manyrelatable emotions to queer fans watching at home: the helplessness of puppy love, the adolescent dread of being outed as LGBTQ, the judgmental gaze from peers when you are outed as LGBTQ, and the comfort of finally learning you're not alone.

The project's 30-second trailer tugged at heartstrings back in May, so you can imagine what a difference the full movie is making now.

"We're very touched by the response we've gotten so far and we're happy to know that our project has already had a positive impact on so many people," the creators said in May of the film's blossoming fandom. "It proves to us that there is a need and a want for media that addresses LGBT+ themes in a positive and lighthearted way."

The two hoped their film's positive reception will lead to more LGBTQ-inclusive films being produced down the line.

Fans, it seems, passionately agree:

Take four minutes out of your day and watch "In a Heartbeat" right now, below:

This article originally appeared on 07.31.17

From Your Site Articles

Family

Refreshingly positive dad thanks teens for how they treated his son at the trampoline park

"These are the kind of kids we need to raise more of."

via Ralph Bean/Flickr

Kids playing at the trampoline park.

It’s far too common to hear parents talk about how hard it is to raise teenagers these days and that they are disrespectful and entitled. That’s why a viral video by Josh, 33, known on TikTok as TheBeardedBard, is so refreshing. Recently, Josh shared a video about how 2 random teenage boys helped his 7-year-old son have a great time at a Billings, Montana, trampoline park. He created the video to hopefully get the teenagers' attention and thank them for spending time with his son.

It all began when Josh took 5 kids (3 of his own and 2 of a friend) to the Get Air Trampoline Park. His 7-year-old son wandered off from the group and jumped alone when two older teenage boys began jumping with him.

"I noticed the boys playing with him probably a few minutes after they began," Josh told People. "They stayed with him ... for probably 45 minutes," Josh said. "And every time they did all the jumping with him, they made sure to catch him if he was going to fall. They were right on top of it."

Josh’s boy was having a great time with the teens and the cool thing was that they were having fun with him, too. "They had the best time. They were cracking up the whole time and helping him bounce higher. At one point, I think they were trying to help him flip. It was amazing," Josh says in the video.

@thebeardedbard
You two were the real MVP’s yesterday. You rock. #getairtrampolinepark #billingsmt

TheBeardedBard also shared how important it is for older kids to set a good example for the younger ones and that teenagers deserve more credit than they are given these days. "This is the kind of people we need to be raising more of,” Josh said. "I don't know why people say teenagers are disrespectful. I think a lot of the time, they are misunderstood. But they definitely can be some of the coolest people on the planet."

The video did its job, attracting the attention of one of the teens who played with his son and his mother. "Thank you, it was a very fun time!" the teen wrote in the comments. “That’s my son,” his mother, Malia, added. “Makes me so proud, thank you.”

Many parents in the comments section added that they often see teenagers looking out for younger kids at skate and trampoline parks.

"Not only did they care enough to jump with him, they cared enough to make sure he was safe and not just mess around with him," Jumoout8 wrote. “No way! This happened to my son at the trampoline park the other day! He kept running up to me, ‘Mom, they said I’m doing a good job!' I cried," Emily Gould added.

Josh's story is a heartwarming reminder that when push comes to shove — or bounce comes to jump at the trampoline park — teenagers can be just as caring and compassionate as anyone. Kudos to the dad for sharing this touching moment with everyone and reminding them that there is a lot of good in this world; you just have to look in the right place.

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parents

Family

Mom tidies teen's room each morning as a kind act of service, prompting a fascinating debate

Does her reasoning make sense?

Canva

Mom makes teen son's bed and picks up his clothes after he goes to school.

Parenting is difficult, not only because raising unique human beings through childhood and beyond is complex on every level, but because it's hard to know if you're doing it right. And the internet definitely doesn't help on that front, as everyone has an opinion on what constitutes good parenting.

Case in point: A mom who makes her teen son's bed and picks up his clothes for him after she drops him off at school every morning.

Shannon Tarkey a mother of five (including triplets), shared a video on Instagram and Facebook showing how she makes her son's bed and picks up his clothes, and people had feelings about it. The text overlay on the video as she's tidying up reads:

"I started doing this every morning for my teenager. Not because he won't do it. Not because I do everything for him. But because teenagers are now growing up in a very strange and complicated world and I want him to feel at peace when he comes home.

woman picking up clothes off a bedroom floor

People disagreed on whether tidying up for a teen was kindness or enabling.

Shannon Tarkey/Instagram

People's reactions to the video were sometimes drastically different, with some believing she was setting him up to be an entitled husband.

For instance, one commenter on Instagram wrote, "Ooooh he gonna make his wife so furious one day expecting a clean house but not helping."

Another added, "Although this is very kind and sweet of you, when he gets married he will think this is also what his wife should do for him. I married a man who thought I was supposed to be just like his mom. It took many years for my husband to learn to serve in the home."

However, others shared that they do similar things for their own kids or that their moms did those things for them and are grateful for the loving-kindness being expressed through such acts of service.

"My baby is 15 and after she leaves for school I clean her room," shared one mom. "I plug up her iPad/Mac etc so they are charged and ready for when she comes home. I make breakfast, lunch, iron outfits, comb hair, and anything else I think she needs from me. She has years as an adult but her time as a child is limited."

Another person added, "My Mother used to do that for me and said the same thing. I tried to do the same. There is plenty of time to be an adult..."

The comments go back and forth between people praising Tarkey for showing her son what kindness and caring for others looks like and people saying she was teaching her son that a woman will always clean up after him.

In the caption of the photo, Tarkey explained in more detail why she does this for her son after dropping him off at school:

"He has his own chores and has been taught his entire life to clean up after himself. But when he's getting himself up early in the mornings and rushing off to school this is something I've come to enjoy doing for him. This way when he gets home he can get his homework done in his room and just relax. There's plenty of other things Austin helps with around the house, and I can only imagine what it's like being a teenager in today's world. It is my job to make my children feel at peace so if it's picking up a few pieces of clothes or making his bed then I am more than happy to do it for him."

In the comments she shared that her son also helps with cooking and gardening, cares for the family animals, vacuums and organizes his room and has developed all kinds of life skills—fishing, hunting, car repair—most kids don't have. She clarified that he does make his own bed some days and on weekends. "But when he's rushed out for school I am not going to harp on him when he gets home when he's incredibly responsible as it is," she wrote. "He has plenty of chores and he's also GRATEFUL I do this for him."

The differing opinions in the comments are fascinating in that they offer an insight into how people view the balance between having expectations for our kids and being an example of caring and kindness. Naturally, people brought their own backgrounds and experiences into their opinions, sometimes without having all the information about this particular home and parenting dynamic, so it's not all about this one mom and her son. But what one person sees as kindness, another might see as enabling. And in reality, they might be right or they might be wrong, depending on the circumstances.

Whether this teenage boy grows up to expect his wife to clean up after him or grows up to follow his mother's example of caring for our loved ones depends on lots of factors—how such things are talked about in the home, the values instilled in him, the kid's personality, how other responsibilities are handled and more.

What do you think? Does her reasoning make sense?

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parenting