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Harvard psychologists have been studying what it takes to raise 'good' kids. Here are 6 tips.

Help unlock your child's best self with a few tried-and-true strategies.

raise good kids, harvard parenting study, moral kids

Kids playing baseball with a slide into second.

A lot of parents are tired of being told how technology is screwing up their kids. Moms and dads of the digital age are well aware of the growing competition for their children's attention, and they're bombarded at each turn of the page or click of the mouse with both cutting-edge ideas and newfound worries for raising great kids.

But beneath the madness of modernity, the basics of raising a moral child haven't really changed. Parents want their kids to achieve their goals and find happiness, but Harvard researchers believe that doesn't have to come at the expense of kindness and empathy. They say a few tried-and-true strategies remain the best ways to mold your kids into the morally upstanding and goals-oriented humans you want them to be.

kids, toddlers, pacifiers, parenting

Entertaining the toddlers.

Cartoon by Sara Zimmerman/Unearthed Comics.

Here are six practical tips:

1) Hang out with your kids.

parenting advice, healthy habits, teachable moments

Cleaning the hands.

Image by Cade Martin/Public Domain Images.

This is, like, the foundation of it all. Spend regular time with your kids, ask them open-ended questions about themselves, about the world and how they see it, and actively listen to their responses. Not only will you learn all sorts of things that make your child unique, you'll also be demonstrating to them how to show care and concern for another person.

2) If it matters, say it out loud.

teamwork, educational games, Harvard

Teamwork in process.

Image by Steven Bennett/Wikimedia Commons.

According to the researchers, "Even though most parents and caretakers say that their children being caring is a top priority, often children aren't hearing that message." So be sure to say it with them. And so they know it's something they need to keep up with, check in with teachers, coaches, and others who work with your kids on how they're doing with teamwork, collaboration, and being a generally nice person.

3) Show your child how to "work it out."

sports and exercise, team exercise, building confidence

Playing soccer.

Image by susieq3c/Flickr.

Walk them through decision-making processes that take into consideration people who could be affected. For example, if your child wants to quit a sport or other activity, encourage them to identify the source of the problem and consider their commitment to the team. Then help them figure out if quitting does, in fact, fix the problem.

4) Make helpfulness and gratitude routine.

problem solving, gratitude, healthy

Ingenuity for cleaning up.

Image by David D/Flickr.

The researchers write, "Studies show that people who engage in the habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving — and they're also more likely to be happy and healthy." So it's good for parents to hold the line on chores, asking kids to help their siblings, and giving thanks throughout the day. And when it comes to rewarding "good" behavior, the researchers recommend that parents "only praise uncommon acts of kindness."

5) Check your child's destructive emotions.

negative feelings, emotional intelligence, honesty, understanding

An automatic save.

Image by Thomas Ricker/Flickr.

"The ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings," say the researchers. Helping kids name and process those emotions, then guiding them toward safe conflict resolution, will go a long way toward keeping them focused on being a caring individual. It's also important to set clear and reasonable boundaries that they'll understand are out of love and concern for their safety.

6) Show your kids the bigger picture.

empathy, families, researchers

A reflective moment by the ocean.

Image by debowcyfoto/Pixabay.

"Almost all children empathize with and care about a small circle of families and friends," say the researchers. The trick is getting them to care about people who are socially, culturally, and even geographically outside their circles. You can do this by coaching them to be good listeners, by encouraging them to put themselves in other people's shoes, and by practicing empathy using teachable moments in news and entertainment.

The study concludes with a short pep talk for all the parents out there:

"Raising a caring, respectful, ethical child is and always has been hard work. But it's something all of us can do. And no work is more important or ultimately more rewarding."


This article originally appeared ten years ago.

Pop Culture

All In: 5 Ways This Week

From the silly to the sentimental, there are so many ways people like to go “all in” on something. Here are our five favorite examples we found this week across the internet.

True

When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? You might picture an elaborately-themed birthday party for a dog, or maybe a person giving a detailed presentation on why she's "Team Conrad." (IYKYK) Or maybe you picture a woman who takes up running, showing up every day to push herself and completely changing her body and her mindset in the process. Whatever you picture, the idea is the same: Someone who does something with 100 percent total commitment. Going “all in” means giving your all—going completely over the top, no second guessing, no holding back. Just full-throttle enthusiasm, with some flair and creativity thrown in. And when people go “all in,” something truly special usually happens as a result.


The internet abounds with examples of people giving it their all—whatever it is. In this roundup, we’ve found the very best examples of people going “all in”—moments where passion, creativity, and commitment take center stage. Some are sentimental, some are silly, but all of them are a reminder that giving 100 percent is truly the only way to leave a mark on this world. Get ready: These folks didn’t just show up, they went all in.


1. This unbelievable high note 

@sarahhardwigofficial Alone by #heart at #crosseyedcritters on @Joe Noto ‘s last night! Thanks for everything #karaoke #80smusic #fyp ♬ original sound - sarahhardwigofficial

Most of us music enthusiasts can agree that the song “Alone” by the American rock band Heart is one of the most passionate (and technically challenging) songs you can ever sing. It’s so challenging, in fact, that only singers with really incredible range—Celine Dion, for example, or vocal powerhouse Kelly Clarkson— dare to take it on. (If you don’t know the song by name, listen to any one of these clips and you’ll recognize it after a second or two.) So imagine our surprise, scrolling through TikTok, when we see a young singer covering “Alone” and dropping the high note so casually it looks like she sang this song out of pure spite. You almost can’t believe what you’re hearing—but it’s real. And the comments section is full of people who are completely gobsmacked (including a producer from American Idol). We just know we’re going to see this girl on stage again soon.

The ultimate healthy food collab

You already know our friends at All In—they’ve got some seriously tasty snacks that are not only healthy and affordable (scroll to the bottom of this article to see how you can snag a free box), they help fund food banks, gardens, community fridges, meal programs, and other amazing things. Lately, they’ve managed to take their awesomeness up a notch by teaming up with Fresh Truck, a weekly mobile market that brings fresh and affordable produce to neighborhoods in the Boston area. Fresh truck hosts weekly markets, pop-up events, and an online storefront, all to help strengthen communities who need it the most. They’re going all in on local nutrition and food access, and we’re here for it.

This fairy-themed proposal 

@kaylasuttons My sister's suprise fairy themed proposal was a huge success! Glad I could help organize it 💜🧚🏾‍♀️ @Halfcourt @Sway with Samone #fairycore #proposal #engaged #2027bride #BlackTikTok ♬ Ordinary (Wedding Version) - Alex Warren

Marriage is kind of the ultimate example of going “all in.” Think about it—you’re committing the rest of your life to someone til death do you part. That’s why when someone plans a super outrageous proposal, like the one you’re about to watch, that just makes everything all the more special. In this video, creator Kayla Sutton recorded her sister’s surprise wedding proposal, a fairy-themed event that the groom had been planning (according to a separate storytime video) since March of this year. He enlisted family and friends, decorated the venue, supplied food, and had the guests wear fairy-themed costumes, complete with elven ears, for the big moment. Now that’s dedication. Kudos to this dude—he went all out with the proposal in order to go “all in” on their relationship. (And she said “yes,” by the way!)

This "deeply personal" wedding tribute

Okay, not to make this entire article all about weddings, but this is a truly meaningful example of someone going “all in.” Content creator Kristin Marino (now Kristin Schnacky) got married in New York City last week and got, in her words, a surprise that made her bawl her eyes out: Several current and former members of the New York City Fire Department (FDNY) who showed up to honor her late father, a former firefighter who was killed in the line of duty during the September 11th terrorist attacks. The firefighters from Station One (the same firehouse where Marino’s father worked) transported Marino in a firetruck from the Plaza Hotel where she was staying to her wedding venue, where her soon-to-be-husband was waiting at the altar. “It truly was symbolism of my dad walking me down the aisle,” Marino shared. “I know it’s exactly how [my dad] would [have] wanted it.” We’re not crying, you’re crying.

Cat Town 

We can’t tell you why this thing exists, only that it does, and that it’s so elaborate, so detailed, and so expertly created we’re having a hard time even wrapping our heads around it. Here goes: Xing is a Chinese content creator who has spent the past several years creating (and documenting the creation of) an elaborate habitat for his pet cats, called Cat Town. We’re not talking about a room filled with toys and scratching posts, by the way: Xing has actually made a complete functioning replica of a human city, scaled down to accommodate cats. Cat Town has a working subway station, a supermarket, a theatre, and a restaurant (named MeowDonalds). Just…wow. And nicely done. Talk about a passion project.

Snag your free (!!) snack bars here while this deal lasts. Simply sign up with your phone number, pick two boxes of any flavor of All In bars at Sprouts, and then text a picture of your receipt through Aisle. They’ll Venmo or PayPal you back for the cost of one box. Enjoy!

Internet

Harvard linguist explains perfectly logical reason Boomers insist on using ellipses in texts

Once you understand this, texting with your mom will get a lot easier.

Linguist explains simple reason Boomers use ellipses in texts all the time

One generation's texting habit that baffles every generation is the Boomers' seemingly excessive use of ellipses. Do you have more to say, Aunt Judy, or did you just accidentally press the period key too many times? Maybe it's for a dramatic pause or to put emphasis on a point? This is truly a mystery that leaves every generation below them confused about what is meant by the dreaded "dot dot dot."

Texting etiquette differs with every generation. Gen X and most Millennials use fairly proper grammar and punctuation throughout a text message exchange. Every new sentence starts with a capital letter, there are strategically placed Oxford commas to ensure there's little room for misunderstandings, and sentences end with an appropriate punctuation mark.


linguist; boomers; gen x; millennials; gen z; text etiquette; boomer texting; gen z slang Joyful moments captured: A cheerful day out!Photo credit: Canva

When it comes to Gen Z, they find that ending text messages with proper punctuation indicates that the person they're texting is being passive-aggressive. They also text in shorthand and emojis that can feel a bit like you need a special decoder ring to decipher the messages. But texting in an encrypted way can be chalked up to youth, though the same can't be said when it comes to Boomers. Or can it?

Harvard linguist and author of the book Algospeak, Adam Aleksic, breaks down why so many Boomers use ellipses when texting. It's surprisingly not as complicated or dramatic as one may imagine. In a viral video posted last year on TikTok, Aleksic explains his theory for the texting etiquette of Boomers.

linguist; boomers; gen x; millennials; gen z; text etiquette; boomer texting; gen z slang Two generations connecting through their smartphones.Photo credit: Canva

"You know how older people tend to use the 'Boomer ellipses' whenever they're texting? There's always a random 'dot dot dot' in the middle of their messages?" Aleksic asks. "Well, that's because they grew up following different rules for informal communication. Nowadays, if you want to separate an idea, you just press enter and start a new line with a new thought, but it made less sense to do that for writing postcards or letters, where you had to save space, so people back in the day learned to separate thoughts by using ellipses."

Aleksic explains that this is also true for when phones first started allowing text messaging. You were charged by the message, so ellipses made it more efficient to convey all the thoughts in one message instead of multiple ones. SMS texting also had a character limit, unlike current phones, where you can essentially write a novella in a single message without your phone automatically breaking it up.

Today's texting standards typically mean people separate their thoughts by sending multiple messages for separate thoughts, though that annoys some people. If separating thoughts means you'll be sending no less than five texts in quick succession, it's likely best to just space down to make the text longer, rather than bombarding an unsuspecting friend.

When it comes down to it, younger generations have adapted to the new standard, embracing the unlimited text option, while Boomers haven't. Due to this discrepancy in text etiquette, the ellipses used by Boomers throw people for a loop.

linguist; boomers; gen x; millennials; gen z; text etiquette; boomer texting; gen z slang Elderly man working.Photo credit: Canva

"That means the Boomer ellipses became redundant, which is why they cause confusion today. They violate what we call 'the maximum quantity;' they add more information than necessary, so they appear to imply something more than the intended meaning. Most of the time, that comes off to younger people as hesitation, annoyance, or passive aggressiveness because that's how we use the ellipses," the linguist shares.

So, no, your grandma isn't mad at you or avoiding telling you something; according to Aleksic, she's just trying to send you multiple messages in one. There's no hidden emotion behind the ellipses for Boomers; it's simply a habit left over from their younger years.

The joy of reuniting with your love.

Love is a beautiful thing no matter how old the couple is, but there's something special about a love that's spanned most of a lifetime. Many people dream about growing old with the love of their life, making plans to have babies and sit in a rocking chair holding their babies' babies, but few get to actually live out that dream.

When you come across a couple who have been married for 50 or 60 years or longer, it's common to ask them their secret to long-lasting love. But there's at least one centenarian who simply embodies what true love looks like in the golden years. He doesn't offer up any secret advice, just a spontaneous act of pure, unadulterated love and people cannot get enough of it.


animation love GIF Giphy

A woman from Colombia posted a video to her Instagram page, enfermeraestilosa, showing the moment her 103-year-old grandfather reunited with his wife after a month-long hospitalization. He was so excited that he forgot he needed his walker when he went running towards the love of his life.

The text that accompanies the video translates from Spanish to English to say, "This is how my 103-year-old grandfather receives the love of his life after a month in hospital where we thought she would leave forever. How sad that things have to happen to realize that the lottery touches us every day with health, with family and with the love of the people we are close to. Yes, today is one more day that we have hit the jackpot. Merry Christmas, grandparents, you are together again."

Commenters just couldn't get enough of his enthusiastic joy over seeing his wife.

"I wish nothing else in this life that a love so pure and sincere that lasts forever."

"How beautiful, you made me cry with joy and excitement. What a pity that love of that generation is lost! Cheers to them, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and maybe great-grandchildren."

"True love is forever without doubt."

"I want a love like this.... How beautiful it made me cry."

"I'm crying on the subway and I don't think I'm the only one."

Miraculously, the grandfather in the video reached his 104th birthday in March of 2025, and yes, he is clearly still madly in love with his wife.

"Days before he turned 104 my grandfather became very very ill and I was afraid to lose him, but to him, what scares him the most is losing her," reads the translated caption on a video of the couple embracing on his birthday. "To her and to life. It sounds strange, but he never talks about death. He talks about life."

His granddaughter shared that she'd asked him years ago what he thought the key to happiness was. He answered:

- Do what you want and not what you 'should do for fear of.'

- Do no harm to anyone.

- Have a dream (and not a material one).

"I know you are not eternal and one day you won't be and I won't be able to see your wrinkles and your look when you see grandma, but you will always be eternal," the granddaughter wrote. "Grandparents are eternal."

grandpa, grandma, grandparents, old couple "Grandparents are eternal."Photo credit: Canva

What a beautiful tribute not only to long-lasting love but to the lessons we can learn from our elders, especially those who have lived such a long life and found so much success in a marriage. It's a good reminder of what truly matters and how love can endure when we treasure it like this 104-year-old treasures his wife. No matter how much time they have left together, it's clear they'll make the most of it.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Pets

Foster puppies take field trips to an assisted living home for snuggles. It's an adorable win-win.

"The laughs, chats, and love the seniors receive during these visits is so good for their souls."

Images courtesy of carter.cifelli/Instagram (with permission)

Assisted living residents get special visit from foster puppies.

The transition into an assisted living home can be hard and lonely. Adjusting to new routines and environments in nursing homes can be scary and unfamiliar to residents.

So, what could be better to bring some joy and comfort to nursing homes than snuggling foster puppies? It's a sweet operation that Carter Cifelli, a puppy foster care provider and advocate in Raleigh, North Carolina, and So Fetch K9, a puppy socialization business in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, are on a mission to provide.


"I’ve been doing this for over 3 years with my foster puppies and have taken almost every litter of puppies I’ve fostered there since I started," Cifelli tells Upworthy. "I love these visits! I go to the same assisted living facility every time so I see the same familiar faces and they know me."

Cifelli and So Fetch K9 bring smiles to nursing home residents—many who struggle with memory loss. "It’s so special to see them waiting with excitement to get to snuggle a rescue pup! And beyond magical to see the sweet puppies relax into their laps and arms," Cifelli adds.

In the videos, residents at the assisted living facility can be seen holding pups in their laps and giving them lots of cuddles and yummy treats. Many pups are so relaxed and happy, they can be seen falling fast asleep.

"The pups I foster have been saved from rural shelters across North Carolina, to go from being discarded and unwanted to bringing so much joy to the seniors is inspiring! Every single person involved gets so much happiness out of it," Cifelli says.

In another post, So Fetch K9 explained that the visits benefits the puppies in a number of ways. "The 7-10 week age frame is the best window to do this type of socialization," they explained. "At this age, their little brains are eager to take in information. When it’s filled with safety, fun, and love, the pups go about the rest of their lives feeling excited about new experiences, not scared of them."

They also added that, "The socialization puppies receive in the critical socialization period is crucial to the ease of their success later in life. While the residents love nothing more than our puppy visits, they are helping the pups more than they know. 💕"

The visits help assisted living residents as well. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, simply petting dogs has been proven reduce stress and also increases levels oxytocin, the "feel-good" bonding hormone.

The precious videos of residents with puppies pulled on the heartstrings of viewers. "This is the absolute perfect place to bring these puppies !!! This is so good for these residents !!! I’m sure this absolutely made their day❤️❤️❤️❤️," one wrote. Another commented, "This is AWESOME! Makes my heart smile!🥰" Another viewer added, "The best therapy ever!! For the pups and these beautiful folks. ❤️"

The foster puppies that have visited assisted living homes throughout the years are available for adoption through Hope Animal Rescue and Saving Grace Animal Adoption.

A young mom with her kids in the ER.

In the fall of 2023, young mother Sage Pasch’s unique family situation attracted a ton of online attention after the 20-something shared a six-second video on TikTok. The video has now been viewed over 48 million times and rests pinned at the top of Pasch's page because it shows how hard it can be for young moms to be taken seriously.

In the video, the young-looking Pasch (young-looking because she is indeed in her early twenties) took her teenaged son Nick to the ER after he injured his leg at school. But when the family got to the hospital, the doctor couldn’t believe Pasch was his mother. “POV, we’re at the ER, and the doctor didn’t believe I was the parent,” she captioned the post.


Pasch and her fiancé, Luke Faircloth, adopted the teen in 2022 after his parents tragically died two years apart. “Nick was already spending so much time with us, so it made sense that we would continue raising him,” Pasch told Today.

At the time the video was posted, the couple had Nick and 17-month-old baby Laith, who they lovingly call Bub.

@coffee4lifesage

He really thought i was lying😭

They now have their third child, a baby boy named Luca, making them a big happy family of five.

@coffee4lifesage

Mother’s Day fit check #momof3 #momsoftiktok #boymom #momlife #sunday #mothersday #boys #ootdinspo #family

After experiencing the ER doctor's confusion, Pasch said that people are often taken aback by her family when they are out in public. "Everybody gets a little confused because my fiancé and I are definitely younger to have a teenager," she said. "It can be very frustrating."

It may be hard for the young parents to be taken seriously, but their story has made a lot of people in a similar situation feel seen.

"Omg, I feel this. I took my son to the ER, and they asked for the guardian. Yes, hi, that's me," one mom wrote in the comments.

"Meee with my teenager at a parent-teacher conference. They think I’m her older sister and say we need to talk with your parents," another added.

Though the confusion is frustrating, it's not slowing Pasch and her family down. In a recent post, Pasch shared that she and her family had welcomed a fourth baby and were taking their followers on a trip to shop for the nursery.

@coffee4lifesage

Meet mousey #momof3 #momsoftiktok #boymom #momlife #funny #hubby #parents #pet #family


After a couple seconds, Pasch admits the new baby they're shopping for is actually their new hamster named Mousey. Judging by some of Pasch's other videos, though, they're trying for a fourth human baby and Pasch is hoping for a girl!

@coffee4lifesage

Happy 🐪 day #momof3 #momsoftiktok #boymom #momlife #parent #lifestyle #routine #wednesday #vlog #school



This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Humor

A guy revealed the 12 simple things that make men happy and it's 100% accurate

If it's not a dog, a buddy, a beer, and a cool stick, we don't want it.

Nolan Reid / TikTok
A guy definitively listed the 12 things that make men happy and it's 100% accurate

Minimalism is on the rise, not just in design and architecture, but in the way people live their lives. Having fewer things, sporting simpler styles, and enjoying the fundamental good things in life is cool now. Regular people who aren't influencers post fewer updates to social media. The world is just so loud and chaotic, more people are getting satisfaction out of just... chilling out and existing.

There's an old joke/meme that goes something like this: "Guys literally only want one thing and it's disgusting." Its used to imply, obviously, that men are shallow and crude creatures. TikTok creator and simple-life advocate Nolan Reid, however, has a different idea of what men really want.


Nolan recently made a video about "Little things in life that make men happy."

The hilarious list includes:

  • A fridge full of beer.
  • Drinking said beer in the garage. With your dog. And a good buddy.
  • Finding a cool stick.
  • Kicking a rock.
  • Staring at water.
  • Dropping rocks into said water.

As a fellow man, I would say: Yeah. That pretty much covers it.

It really doesn't take much! Watch Nolan's full video to see the rest, and just appreciate how much joy and satisfaction he gets from these simple things.


@nolanreid7

It’s that simple #beer #mustache #muzzymade



People loved Nolan's list—so much so that they began adding their own ideas of "simple things men love." The video racked up hundreds of thousands of views across TikTok and Instagram.

One commenter wrote, "He just described my whole personality." Another added, "This guy gets it."

Others chimed in with their own additions to the list, like staring at a fire for hours or just peace and quiet.

But most of the nearly 200 comments were just people chiming in to say one thing:

"Hell yeah."

Finally, someone who understands us! The video was such a hit that Reid put out two sequels where he added things like skipping rocks, throwing a thumbs up in a photo, or making something from scratch. "A dog" seems to make an appearance in every single video, and for good reason: Dogs make guys happy!

Nolan's ultra-relaxed vision of "masculinity" is honestly so refreshing.

@nolanreid7

And many more #littlethings #muzzymade

Men on social media are usually bombarded with the Andrew Tates and Jordan Petersons of the world—influencers who constantly berate us to make more money, lose weight and add muscle, sleep with more women, take charge, and relentlessly self-improve.

I like Nolan's much chiller idea of masculinity. It reminds me of being a kid: taking pleasure in the simple things, not racing to be anywhere, not trying to impress anyone or prove anything. And I love that all the things listed are timeless. They were enjoyed by men, and all people, in the 50s, in the 90s, and they'll be enjoyed by people 50 years from now, too.

Nolan's entire account is a breath of fresh air, an antidote to hustle culture. His videos find joy in:

  • Breaking down cardboard boxes
  • Driving at sunset
  • Going fishing
  • Throwing a frisbee
  • Wearing t-shirts

A daily visit to his page is almost like a meditation. I highly recommend giving him a follow to add a little counterprogramming to your social media feed.

Nolan says in another recent video that he started making TikToks and Instagram reels just for fun, but discovered along the way that he was really passionate about the message.

@nolanreid7

And many more #littlethings #men #happy #muzzymade

"I never thought that my simple living and love for little things would resonate with so many of you."

He said he hopes to inspire people to "take a step back and enjoy the good simple things in life." And now, I suddenly have the urge to go chuck a rock into a river, so I would say: Mission Accomplished!

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.