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One couple's perfect response to people asking when they're going to have kids.

Choosing to have kids or not have kids is no one else's decision but yours.

Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.

She’s giving birth to a puppy.

"When are you guys going to start having kids?"

Like many couples, Carrie Jansen and her husband Nic had heard this question a million different ways, a million different times.

The pressure really started to mount when the pair, who've been together for eight years, got married three years ago. While Carrie loves kids (she's an elementary school teacher, after all), she and Nic simply aren't interested in having kids of their own. Now or ever.

"It's not what I was meant for," explains Carrie in a Facebook message. "It's like, I love flowers, and everyone loves flowers. But that doesn't mean I want to grow my own. I'm perfectly happy admiring other people's gardens."

Carrie wanted to tell her family that they don't plan on having kids but knew if she did, they'd say something like, "Oh you'll change your mind one day!" and that pesky question would keep rearing its ugly head.

marriage, adults, children, social pressure, pregnancy

Dressed to the nines on their wedding day.

Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

Rather than continue to deflect the question over and over, Carrie decided to do something a little bit different.

Since the couple was adding another mouth to feed to the family, they decided to announce it with a series of maternity-style photos, revealing the twist: The new addition was a puppy named Leelu, not a baby.

pets, viral, moms, dads, maternity, babies

Look at my newborn baby... puppy.

Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.

"My husband and I have been married 3 years and everyone is bugging us about having a baby. Close enough right?" she captioned the photos.

Her pictures went insanely viral, with many of the commenters giving her props for hilariously addressing the dreaded "kids " question.

The adorable pup.

Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

"If you don't want kids, don't have kids. Seriously. Have fun with each other. I had three kids early and it's all about them now," wrote one user. "I wish people would just mind their business raising a kid ain't easy and cheap," wrote another.

"I got my husband a vasectomy for his birthday this year. Best gift ever," chimed in a third.

Carrie was overwhelmed and inspired by the viral response. "Having children is definitely a hot topic, and one that is evolving in this generation like so many other social issues," she says. "It's exciting to find others that feel the same way I do.”

Carrie is hardly alone in not wanting to have kids — in fact, a record number of women are choosing not to have kids today.

In 2014, the U.S. Census Bureau's Current Population Survey found 47.6% of women between age 15 and 44 had never had children, which is the highest percentage on record. Despite the numbers, however, because we still live in a patriarchally-driven society, women regularly face the expectation that they should be mothers, and they often are judged if they decide not to be.

Whether you want to have one kid, five kids, no kids, or a puppy, the choice should be yours and no one else's.

$holidays, gifts, woman\u2019s rights, gender equality,$

The holiday photo in front of the Christmas tree.

Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

No one else has the right to put pressure on you to change your body and life in a drastic way. Thankfully, because of women like Carrie — and partners like Nic — who aren't afraid to bring the subject out in the open, the expectations are slowly but surely changing.

This article originally appeared on 12.19.16

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Humor

Teacher returns from maternity leave to field hilariously sweet questions from her class

Who better to ask where babies come from than a second grade teacher?

Photo by Andrew Seaman on Unsplash

Curious second graders ask questions about pregnancy.

Whoa, baby! Fielding questions about where babies come from can be a full-time job, especially when you’ve got a classroom full of curious kids. Most times, this big question is left to the parents, who sometimes give elaborate answers that they invariably need to correct when the child is older. I’ve heard parents tell kids that babies come from watermelon seeds that get accidentally swallowed or that a stork drops babies off on doorsteps (I’ve yet to hear where the stork gets this unsuspecting child). People can spin some tall tales in an effort to avoid answering the question of where babies come from and how they get out.

In 2022, A K-5 science teacher in North Carolina decided she was going to answer questions from her curious second grade class with age-appropriate truthful answers. Nancy Bullard was preparing for maternity leave with her first child and realized she would need to inform her class that she would be out for a few months so they wouldn’t be concerned.

Bullard told Today Parents, "I didn’t want them to get caught off guard when I stopped coming to school. Plus, I wanted to reassure them that my leave was temporary." Bullard has a rotating group of students that come through her science lab weekly and she decided to turn her expected absence into a lesson she titled “Baby Bonanza.” During the lesson, the kids were able to draw the baby and guess his birthday, weight and time of birth.

Bullard also said the students gave her very cute parenting advice and tips on how to be a good mom. Some of this included singing the baby a song to throwing a piece of cheese on its face. The cheese was inspired by a TikTok video, the child admitted, but other gems included feeding and changing the baby, while one child suggested running away if the baby started crying.

When Mrs. B. returned to work after welcoming her first child, Sam, a baby boy, the kids were ready to learn more, and Mrs. B did not disappoint. Bullard told Today Parents, "I wanted to take a few minutes to catch up with students, introduce them to my son, and let them ask questions. When I wrote my lesson plan for this day I planned to spend about five minutes answering questions, but ended up spending nearly 20 minutes doing so."

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The students were filled with curiosity when their teacher returned. One asked “Is it difficult to have a baby?” to which Mrs. B. responded, “Yeah, yeah it is. It’s pretty tough.” Another student asked if the baby slept with his mom and dad, while another wanted to know the big question. You know: Where do babies come from? Without missing a beat, Bullard answered like the science teacher she is, with “They come from an organ called your uterus,” while pointing to her lower belly.

Bullard explained to Today that she taught a lesson earlier in the year about organs and organ function to her kids in K-5. “Regardless of age, all my students understand the basic concept of pregnancy: There was a baby inside me, now that baby is out, and I spent maternity leave taking care of him … Students were interested, curious, and excited to get their questions answered," the new mom said. "As a science teacher, I welcome curiosity and always strive to answer questions factually."

The elementary science teacher shared the video on TikTok and Instagram, “Mrs. B TV,” where the video has racked up more than 7 million views across the two platforms.

May all children be so lucky as to have a Mrs. B. at some point in their school career.

This article originally appeared on 4.5.22

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Mom’s blistering rant on how men are responsible for all unwanted pregnancies is on the nose

“ALL unwanted pregnancies are caused by the irresponsible ejaculations of men. Period. Don't believe me? Let me walk you through it."

Gabrielle Blair/Twitter

Mom has something to say... strongly say.

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, commonly known as Mormons, are a conservative group who aren't known for being vocal about sex. But best selling author, blogger, and mother of six, Gabrielle Blair, has kicked that stereotype to the curb with a pointed thread on reducing unwanted pregnancies. And her sights are set directly at men.

She wrote a Cliff's Notes version of her thread on her blog:

If you want to stop abortion, you need to prevent unwanted pregnancies. And men are 100% responsible for unwanted pregnancies. No for real, they are. Perhaps you are thinking: IT TAKES TWO! And yes, it does take two for _intentional_ pregnancies.

But ALL unwanted pregnancies are caused by the irresponsible ejaculations of men. Period. Don't believe me? Let me walk you through it. Let's start with this: women can only get pregnant about 2 days each month. And that's for a limited number of years.

Here's the whole thread. It's long, but totally worth the read.

\u201cThat makes 24 days a year a women might get pregnant. But men can _cause_ pregnancy 365 days a year. In fact, if you\u2019re a man who ejaculates multiple times a day, you could cause multiple pregnancies daily. In theory a man could cause 1000+ unwanted pregnancies in just one year.\u201d
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876945

But what about birth control? If a woman doesn\u2019t want to risk an unwanted pregnancy, why wouldn\u2019t she just use birth control? If a women can manage to figure out how to get an abortion, surely she can get birth control, right? Great questions.
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876946

\u2026 because of the side effects. And the list of side effects was about 1/3 as long as the known side effects for women's oral contraception.https://ow.ly/Hqdx30lOrKJ
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876947

But good news, Men: Even with the horrible side effects, women are still very willing to use birth control. Unfortunately it\u2019s harder to get than it should be. Birth control options for women require a doctor\u2019s appointment and a prescription. It\u2019s not free, and often not cheap.
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876947

If we\u2019re talking about the pill, it requires consistent daily use and doesn\u2019t leave much room for mistakes, forgetfulness, or unexpected disruptions to daily schedules. And again, the side effects can be brutal. I\u2019M STILL GRATEFUL FOR IT PLEASE DON\u2019T TAKE IT AWAY.
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876948

Men can keep them stocked up just in case, so they\u2019re always prepared. Amazing! They are so much easier than birth control options for women. As a bonus, in general, women love when men use condoms. They keep us from getting STDs, they don\u2019t lessen our pleasure during sex\u2026
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876948

Oh. I remember. Men _don\u2019t_ love condoms. In fact, men frequently pressure women to have sex without a condom. And it\u2019s not unheard of for men to remove the condom during sex, without the women\u2019s permission or knowledge. (Pro-tip: That's assault.)https://ow.ly/UHgP30lOse3
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876949

So\u2026 there are men willing to risk getting a woman pregnant \u2014 which means literally risking her life, her health, her social status, her relationships, and her career, so that they can experience a few minutes of _slightly_ more pleasure? Is that for real? Yes. Yes it is.
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876949

So it\u2019s not like sex with a condom is _not_ pleasurable, it\u2019s just not _as_ pleasurable. An 8 instead of a 10. Let me emphasize that again: Men regularly choose to put women at massive risk by having non-condom sex, in order to experience a few minutes of slightly more pleasure.
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876950

So surely, we can expect men who aren\u2019t wearing a condom to at least pull out every time they have sex, right? \n\nNope. \n\nAnd why not?
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876950

It\u2019s mind-boggling and disturbing when you realize that\u2019s the choice men are making. And honestly, I\u2019m not as mad as I should be about this, because we\u2019ve trained men from birth that their pleasure is of utmost importance in the world. (And to dis-associate sex and pregnancy.)
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876951

So surely, we can expect men who aren\u2019t wearing a condom to at least pull out every time they have sex, right? \n\nNope. \n\nAnd why not?
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876950

It\u2019s mind-boggling and disturbing when you realize that\u2019s the choice men are making. And honestly, I\u2019m not as mad as I should be about this, because we\u2019ve trained men from birth that their pleasure is of utmost importance in the world. (And to dis-associate sex and pregnancy.)
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536876951

But did you further know that men CAN get a woman pregnant without HER feeling any pleasure at all? In fact, it\u2019s totally possible for a man to impregnate a woman even while causing her excruciating pain, trauma or horror.
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536877031

No matter how many orgasms she has, they won\u2019t make her pregnant. Pregnancies can only happen when men have an orgasm. Unwanted pregnancies can only happen when men orgasm irresponsibly.
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536877057

Let\u2019s talk more about responsibility. Men often don\u2019t know, and don\u2019t ask, and don\u2019t think to ask, if they\u2019ve caused a pregnancy. They may never think of it, or associate sex with making babies at all. Why? Because there are 0 consequences for men who cause unwanted pregnancies.
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536877098

If the woman decides to have an abortion, the man may never know he caused an unwanted pregnancy with his irresponsible ejaculation.
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1536877110

Blair's controversial tweet storm have been liked hundreds of thousands of time, with the original tweet earning nearly 200,000 likes since it was posted on Thursday, September, 13.

The reactions have earned her both praise and scorn.

Most of the scorn was from men.

Men AND women both need to take responsibility for their own actions. I've said that many times. To say otherwise just isn't being realistic.
— CitizenPatriot (@CitizenPatriot) 1537102869

But Blair wouldn't budge.

You are incorrect. A woman having an orgasm while with a man risks nothing and hurts no one. A man having an orgasm while with a woman risks her life. A dick without a condim is a dangerous thing and has killed more people in human history than any war or weapon.
— Gabrielle Blair (@Gabrielle Blair) 1537085191

For other men, the tweet thread was a real eye-opener.

I just want you to know from a guy that your entire line of argument on this thread is 100% accurate. Thanks for taking the time to put this out there. Every adult in this country SHOULD read this.
— Jarrod Broussard (@Jarrod Broussard) 1537235101

Women everywhere applauded Blair's bold thread.

Thank God for this. I have had so many arguments with men over the years about their part of responsibility for pregnancy. The phrase "she got pregnant" sends me to the moon! Blessings to you Gabrielle!
— What else is possible? (@What else is possible?) 1537204198

This article originally appeared on 02.22.19

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Woman shares 6 reasons why she's lying to her family about her baby's gender

Sometimes it's better not to know.

via Kelly Sikkema/Unsplash

A couple holding up a photo of their baby.

Is it ever acceptable for someone pregnant to lie to their family about the baby’s gender? A woman on Reddit who is 11 weeks pregnant made the case for why she was going to tell her parents and her in-laws that she is about to have a baby boy, even though NIPT testing revealed she was having a girl.

The woman already has 2 boys, ages 2 and 4.

The woman laid out 6 reasons why she and her husband want to tell their parents they are having a boy. Many of them revolve around the fact that her mother-in-law has been pressuring them to have a girl—which is ridiculous because it’s not something the couple can choose.

Here are the 6 reasons the couple want to conceal the truth about the child they are expecting:

1. Mother-in-law’s pressure

“My MIL literally yelled “NOOOOOOOOO” when we told her the gender of our second boy (having kept the first a secret). She has also told me multiple times I need to give her a granddaughter,” the woman wrote.

2. Her boys may get jealous

“MIL will start sending clothes (she lives in a different country to us) as soon as she finds out, and we are conscious of how our two boys will feel about things arriving for the new baby and not them,” the woman wrote.

babies, pregnant woman, reddit A couple holding a pregnany woman's belly.via John Looey/Unsplash

3. No favoritism

“I want to avoid the drama and upset of MIL treats unborn baby girl more favourably than she did my boys (she already shows extreme favouritism to her favourite niece over other girls and boys in the family and sees nothing wrong with it,” the woman wrote.

4. Don’t want mother-in-law to fly out

“We want to avoid MIL coming to our country for the birth (she came a few months later for our boys) as we want to get settled and think if it’s a girl, she will want to come ASAP,” she wrote.

5. Birth pressure

“Our eldest was born ‘code blue’ and required resuscitation, and before him, we had a miscarriage, and I’m worried about the added pressure on me to birth the first granddaughter from our parents,” she wrote.

6. Surprise!

“We think it would be really exciting once born if she’s a big surprise for both sides as she will be the first granddaughter on both sides,” she wrote.

The woman concluded her post by asking if she and her husband would be in the wrong for lying to their family. “We are worried, though, that by telling our parents she’s a boy when she isn’t, they will buy gendered clothing or that they will be mad at us for lying for six months. Is this going to backfire on us?” the woman asked.

babies, pregnancy, family A pregnant woman sitting on a chair.via Jefferson Santu/Unsplash

An overwhelming number of commenters thought that the woman and her husband would be wrong if they lied to their family about the baby’s gender.

"It's bad juju to start your little girl's life by lying about her. Just tell everyone their sh**y behavior means everyone is on an information diet. It'll drive them crazy, so you'll get your revenge that way. The previous behavior makes them ***holes, but if you lie, you will be as well. Congratulations, but don't lie,” Secretly_S41ty wrote.

"I read the whole post and still don't understand why you think lying is the right call. Not telling them gender would work. Telling them the gender but establishing boundaries (you're not visiting us until __, do not send more than __ articles of clothing) would work. Lying to them is...well, disrespectful. It sounds like MIL is over the top, but I don't think a lie is the solution,” FacetiuosTomato added.

A few supporters thought the story’s real villain was the mother-in-law, but they still didn’t like the idea of lying.

"You are just trying to avoid craziness and favoritism. That's understandable. I think the other persons suggested not saying the gender at all, and being surprised at the end is best. If this is what you want to keep the baby's gender secret, this neutral response is best,” AgateCatCreations076 wrote.

“I'd simply just tell everyone you are waiting until the baby is born to find out the sex and request that nobody buy anything as you already have plenty of things from the boys. If she assumes it's another boy from that comment, then so be it,” Dazzling-Landscape41 added.

After reading the comments, the couple changed their minds and decided against lying to their parents. Instead, they’ve chosen to keep their gender a secret and enforce strict boundaries with their family.

“We will be saying we don’t know and addressing any hopes for a girl with a request to stop pressuring us to have a girl and that we better not witness any gender disappointment if it’s a boy, and if it’s a girl, we better not see a different reaction or treatment than to the boys, ever,” the woman wrote.

Ultimately, it’s unfortunate that some women have to deal with pressure from their families about childbirth, especially when it’s something out of their control, such as gender. But it’s nice that the woman and her husband received some sound advice from people on Reddit who didn’t think it was right to stoop to their mother-in-law’s level by lying. They also made a great point about not bringing their child into this world around a lie.

Sometimes, when things get heated with family, it’s easy to miss the forest from the trees. The good news is that some thoughtful folks online helped the couple navigate a tricky situation.

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Joy

Couple shares emotional moment they learned they were pregnant and people can't stop crying

"I don’t even want kids and I’m crying at my desk right now."

Courtesy of Saffron

Couple shares emotional moment they discovered they were pregnant

Trying to conceive can be a long journey for some people while for others it seems like the easiest thing in the world. If you fall into the group that has difficulty getting pregnant you know it can take months, years and sometimes expensive fertility treatments. There are months of anxiety, tears and confusion that can come along with the process.

But when the test finally comes up positive, the joy is palpable and oftentimes contagious. One couple recorded the months of disappointment leading up to their positive pregnancy test and their video has caused viewers to fall into shambles. Saffron and Dimeji uploaded the video compilation to social media and people are struggling to hold back their tears.

The video shows Saffron reading the results of a pregnancy test with her partner right next to her. Their disappointment can be felt though they both attempt to make it seem like they're okay. This process repeats multiple times throughout the video with each disappointment being more palpable than the last.

This same scene plays out about sixth times making the viewer anticipate more sad results, but when they look on the seventh time, their eyes go wide and an audible gasp is heard from both. Happy tears, hugs and several "oh my gods" later, the positive test is turned to the screen for everyone to see the family is growing. Saffron explains to Upworthy "we’d been trying for 6 months before we got pregnant this time," before sharing "it’s our second pregnancy."

The pair already have a older child and while the couple doesn't meet the 12 month threshold to classify their journey as secondary infertility, it is a fairly common condition. Secondary infertility affects 11% of couples in the United States and can be caused by many of the same things can cause primary infertility, PCOS, endometriosis, uterine disorders, low ovarian reserve and more.

Saffron's video has been seen 59 million times on Instagram and has even made it's way to Reddit where more than 3k people commented on the emotional video. Many people had trouble seeing through all the tears they were crying for the sweet couple.

- YouTubeyoutube.com

"His face when it didn’t come up as positive had me legit crying," one woman says feeling the disappointment from the screen before the positive result came up.

"This is why you don’t go on your phone in work…..I’ve just burst into tears," another person cries.

"It is so beautiful to see two people who truly love each other and truly care and truly respect one another, as there is just love I see in him and I see it in you, and in this world of so much deception it is beautiful to see the hugs and the joy you both have and it is inspirational and love overcome always," one commenter shares.

Under the video shared on Reddit, people were equally as emotionally wrecked watching the progression of the video with one person writing, "the second-to-last clip, where the wife is in a tan robe, he really looked like he was going to burst into tears. It broke my heart. I feel like maybe he’d made up his mind it wasn’t ever going to happen, and so in the next clip he was not prepared."

"I don’t even want kids and I’m crying at my desk right now. The joy and shock, his face, the way she’s shaking and crying, it all just makes me so happy," another says.

Sharing such a private moment with the world was probably not the easiest decision in the world, but they likely made several struggling couples feel a little less alone in their own fertility journey. Congratulations to the little growing family!

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9 astounding photos this mom took to keep herself calm while giving birth.

Birth is intense. It's also beautiful.

Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

New baby and a happy dad.

When San Francisco photographer Lisa Robinson was about to have her second child, she was both excited and nervous.

Sure, those are the feelings most moms-to-be experience before giving birth, but Lisa's nerves were tied to something different.

She and her husband already had a 9-year-old son but desperately wanted another baby. They spent years trying to get pregnant again, but after countless failed attempts and two miscarriages, they decided to stop trying.

Of course, that's when Lisa ended up becoming pregnant with her daughter, Anora. Since it was such a miraculous pregnancy, Lisa wanted to do something special to commemorate her daughter's birth.

So she turned to her craft — photography — as a way to both commemorate the special day, and keep herself calm and focused throughout the birthing process.

Normally, Lisa takes portraits and does wedding photography, so she knew the logistics of being her own birth photographer would be a somewhat precarious new adventure — to say the least.

She initially suggested the idea to her husband Alec as a joke.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

"After some thought," she says, "I figured I would try it out and that it could capture some amazing memories for us and our daughter."

In the end, she says, Alec was supportive and thought it would be great if she could pull it off. Her doctors and nurses were all for Lisa taking pictures, too, especially because it really seemed to help her manage the pain and stress.

In the hospital, she realized it was a lot harder to hold her camera steady than she initially thought it would be.

She had labor shakes but would periodically take pictures between contractions.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

"Eventually when it was time to push and I was able to take the photos as I was pushing, I focused on my daughter and my husband and not so much the camera," she says.

"I didn't know if I was in focus or capturing everything but it was amazing to do.”

The shots she ended up getting speak for themselves:

husbands and wives, intimacy, hospital rooms,

Lisa's husband Alec.

Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

Hello Doc.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

Warm and encouraging smiles from the nurse.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

Hello, baby Anora!

Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

An overcome father.

Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

experiment, images, capture, document, record

Newborn Anora's first experience with breastfeeding.

Photo by Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

"Everybody was supportive and kind of surprised that I was able to capture things throughout. I even remember laughing along with them at one point as I was pushing," Lisa recalled.

In the end, Lisa was so glad she went through with her experiment. She got incredible pictures — and it actually did make her labor easier.

Would she recommend every mom-to-be document their birth in this way? Absolutely not. What works for one person may not work at all for another.

However, if you do have a hobby that relaxes you, figuring out how to incorporate it into one of the most stressful moments in your life is a pretty good way to keep yourself calm and focused.

Expecting and love the idea of documenting your own birthing process?

Take some advice from Lisa: "Don't put pressure on yourself to get 'the shot'" she says, "and enjoy the moment as much as you can.”

Lisa's mom took this last one.

Mom and daughter earned the rest.

Photo via Lisa Robinson/Lisa Robinson Photography.

This article originally appeared on 06.30.16

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Health

5 things I didn't want to hear when I was grieving and 1 thing that helped

Here are my top five things not to say to a grieving parent — and the thing I love to hear instead.

In 2013, I found out I was pregnant with triplets.

Image via iStock.

My husband and I were in shock but thrilled at the news after dealing with infertility for years. And it didn't take long for the comments to begin. When people found out, the usual remarks followed: "Triplets?! What are you going to do? Three kids at once?! Glad it's not me!"

After mastering my response (and an evil look reserved for the rudest comments), I figured that was the worst of it. But little did I know I would be facing far worse comments after two of my triplets passed away.

On June 23, 2013, I gave birth to my triplets, more than four months premature.

My daughter, Abigail, passed away that same day; my son, Parker, died just shy of 2 months old. Before then, I didn't know much about child loss; it was uncharted territory. Like most people, I wouldn't know how to respond or what to say if a friend's child passed away.

Image via iStock.

But two years later, I have found that some things are better left unsaid. These comments come from a good place, and I know people mean well, but they sure do sting.

Here are my top five things not to say to a grieving parent — and the thing I love to hear instead.

1. "Everything happens for a reason."

It's a cringeworthy comment for those of us who have lost a child. Sometimes, there is no rhyme or reason for why things happen in life. A parent should not outlive their child. I don't know why my body couldn't handle my pregnancy or why I went into labor at 22 weeks.

This phrase goes along with another I often hear: "God only gives us what we can handle." I remember talking with my childhood rabbi the night before my son passed away, and I asked her, "Why me?" Her response is something I now live by every single day. She said, "God doesn't give us only what we can handle. He helps us handle what we've been given."

2. "They are in a better place."

Instead of comforting, this is a phrase that makes me feel down in the dumps. I longed to be a parent for so many years. And children are meant to be in the loving arms of their parents.

I think I speak for every grieving mother and father when I say, we would give anything to hold our babies again.

3. "At least you have one survivor. Count your blessings."

I like to think of myself as a positive person. But even two years later, my heart still aches for Parker and Abby. And on the most difficult, dark days of grief, it's hard to "count my blessings."

Yes, I am blessed. I have a gorgeous miracle child who is the light of my life. But Peyton should be playing with her brother and sister in our home, not just waving to their pictures and blowing kisses to heaven.

4. "You are still young. You can have more children."

It doesn't matter whether or not our biological clock is ticking. Many people have no idea what couples go through to have a child: Some can't have children of their own; others may face years of infertility or miscarriages. And for people like me, trying for more children may be something too scary to even think about. I came close to death after delivering my children — that's enough to scar me for life.

5. "I don't know how you do it. I couldn't imagine losing two children."

Some days I don't know how I do it either. But we learn how to live with it. We learn a "new normal," and in those tough moments, we celebrate that we survived the day. This comment is a difficult reminder of our grief and the children who were sent to heaven.

So, what should you say to a grieving parent?

Image via iStock.

There are no words to take the pain away, of course, but simply letting that person know you are there for them is more than enough.

For me, the best thing someone can do is to talk about my angels. Say Parker and Abby by name, and don't be afraid to ask questions about them.

While they were only here for a short time, they left a huge imprint on this world. I love talking about my angels, and simply hearing someone else mention them by name is enough to wipe away the grief and warm my heart for days.

This article was written by Stacey Skrysak and originally appeared on 7.15.16

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