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positivity

A woman is complimented on her laugh.

Being the recipient of a great compliment can be really uplifting, especially if it is unexpected and makes you feel great about something you’re insecure about. Whether it’s our looks, personality, or how we handle our jobs, there’s always something we don’t feel right about and when someone gives an honest compliment, it can make you feel like a million bucks.

The great Mark Twain once said: “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

Some compliments, when given by the right person at the right time, can be so powerful that they change the way we see ourselves. A Redditor named Curious-Repair-2606 asked people to share a “compliment you’ll never forget,” and nearly 2,000 people recounted the positive remarks they'll always remember.

The thread is a beautiful reminder to all of us to stop holding back on compliments and give them as freely as possible—that is, of course, if they are genuine.




Here are 17 of the best compliments that people will never forget.

1. "I wish you were my dad"

"Son's girlfriend: 'I wish you were my dad.' Could have cried."

2. "You're cute"

"A drunk girl at a concert told me I was cute. Still holding onto that one 5 years later."

3. A different type of guy

"She told me I was a 'man written by a woman.' Still not sure if it was a blessing or a curse I didn't pick up on the hint."

"As a lady, that usually means you’re doing a lot of things right. You’re a woman’s ideal."

"Definitely sounds like a blessing. Women often write fiction with emotionally competent, kind, passionate, hardworking men as the lead, so I'd say she was complimenting you."

4. "You're so beautiful"

"My fiancée Kayla, a few weeks before I lost her in a car accident, was watching me while I was doing something around our small apartment. She just kept smiling at me, and I asked her, 'Whatca smiling at baby?' She said so sweetly. 'You! You’re so beautiful.' I melted. As a man. I’ve never had such a wonderful compliment. My face turned bright red. She always made me smile."



5. The best dad

"My old boss and best friend were having lunch with a client and the subject of kids because the client was expecting. My boss said 'If you want to know how to be a good parent look at him (me) he's the best father I've ever known.'"

"That's a great compliment."

6. You're calm

"A friend called me calm and collected while I was dealing with social anxiety. They didn't know it, ofc m, but it made me question how I perceive myself compared to how others see me and helped me regain my self-confidence."

7. A princess

"When I was leaving my house for senior prom, a little girl walked by with her dad and said, 'Look, Daddy, a princess!' And i cried all my makeup off."

8. A great conversationalist

"14 years ago, a man sitting next to me on an airplane told me that I was the best conversationalist he'd ever met. He pointed to his headphones and said that he never talks to anyone on flights, but talked to me the whole time because I was so interesting to talk to. He gave me his business card and said he'd give me a sales job right now. It was SUCH a powerful complement that it changed the trajectory of my life and made me a much more confident person. Thanks, Monty, wherever you are now."



9. Radio voice

“'You have a great voice for radio.' Oddly enough I’ve gotten that same compliment a few times. Random for sure but was nice to hear."

"Same. I sometimes respond with 'Thanks. My wife also tells me that I have the face for radio too.'"

10. Great laugh

"Someone once told me my laugh could light up a room and it stuck with me."

11. Word to your mother

"I was 20 years old and working the ticket counter at the Amtrak station and I was chatting with a customer from Germany who was traveling solo around the US. It seemed like a friendly and standard conversation. I helped her with a smile, and she thanked me and walked away. Twenty minutes later she came back to my counter and handed me a small box of chocolate-covered blueberries and said, 'Please tell your mother she did a wonderful job raising you' and headed off to her gate. She didn't know that I had lost my mother to a drug overdose a couple months prior and was absolutely devastated on the inside. That single compliment and interaction has stuck with me for 22 years and I still think about that moment when I'm in a dark place. Wherever you are, friendly German tourist, thank you for giving me the strength to get through all those years ago."

12. Good-looking couple

"My ex and I were at Waffle House, and the waitress said, 'Wow, you two look like a couple out of a soap opera.' She sounded like that was a good thing."



13. A lively compliment

"My best friend got married a few months ago. I traveled to her city and stayed at her house for a week or so to help out and support her. Her sister has a 9-year-old son, and we spent some time together. It was my first time meeting them. After I got home from the wedding, my friend told me that the little boy had said, 'She breathed life into the place.' I just can’t forget what he said.

14. Good vibes

"Someone told me they liked my vibe. I’ll never forget that because it was about my personality and not my looks or style or something in that realm."

15. Great veins

"A nurse once said I’d make a great heroin addict because my veins are very visible."

16. Any hair will do

"My ex’s mom said 'I’ve seen you with long hair, a short bob, a long bob, and now a pixie, and you look absolutely beautiful with any hairstyle you choose.' I will never forget this compliment. I hated my ex, but her mom was such a sweetheart."

17. Never letting go

"That it took me 41 years to find you and I’m never letting go of you. That’s what my partner said to me the day we decided that we were more than friends and since then, our lives are just full of love and mutual respect."

via Sitwithit / Instagram

Validation and Hope vs. Toxic Positivity

A Helpful Chart to Explain the Difference Between Support and 'Toxic Positivity" was originally published on The Mighty.

There's no denying that positivity can be powerful. I know when I'm struggling with anxiety and negative thoughts, if I can hold onto an ounce of hope — that I'll make it through, that I'm not defined by my thoughts, that I'm not as bad as my brain is making me out to be — I can cope a little better.

The positivity we hold within ourselves, when we can manage it, makes it a little easier to get by.


That being said, perhaps counterintuitively, positivity isn't always the best way to help others. You can't make someone be positive. You can't sprinkle positivity dust on them and make their problems go away. And honestly, when people are seeking help and support, they're usually not looking for straight-up, inspirational poster positivity. More often, they're looking for validation that their negative feelings are OK.

I've always kind of known this but didn't think about it in a tangible way until I saw a graphic made by Whitney Hawkins Goodman, LMFT, owner of The Collaborative Counseling Center. She runs the Instagram account @sitwithwhit, and after she posted an image explaining "Toxic Positivity," I started seeing it all over social media.

friendship, mental health, validation

The full graphic showing the difference between the positivity and the not so positive.

via Sitwithit / Instagram

The graphic shows the difference between supporting someone with validation and hope, and trying to support them with "toxic positivity." According to Whitney, it's the difference between, "This is hard… I believe in you," and, "Just be happy!" If you could never pinpoint why simple "inspiring" quotes didn't sit well with you, this could be the explanation.

It reminds me of a popular animated video about empathy, which uses the words of Brené Brown. If sympathy is shouting down at someone while they're stuck in a hole, empathy is getting into the hole with them. If "toxic positivity" is telling someone to just "look at the bright side," support is putting yourself in someone's shoes, and accepting their feelings for what they are.

Of course, when we throw around phrases like, "Think positive," or, "Stop being so negative," we're probably coming from a good place. You're spreading these messages because you want people to be happier, damn it! So what's wrong with reminding people to be positive?

The hard-to-face truth is, supporting people isn't about being "positive." In fact, when you force positivity down someone's throat, it can actually have the opposite effect. "Toxic positivity" can make people feel unsafe expressing their negativity, and negativity thrives in isolation. It can make people think there's something wrong with them for not simply "choosing" happiness, and shame is negativity's enabling best friend.

When we're supporting someone who's hurting, we need to leave room for positivity to grow. And you don't yell at a flower to "just" grow — you water it. In this case, you water it with listening, with validation, and with unconditional support. It's OK to experience negative emotions, and with support, we can help people who are stuck in negativity find their own way out. Simply telling them to "be positive" doesn't cut it.

Thanks to Whitney for making this informative graphic! You can follow her on Instagram here.


This article originally appeared on 2.12.19

Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

We all need reminders of the beauty of humanity.

Looking around at the current state of affairs in the world can quickly lead to feelings of sadness or despair, especially when news media primarily focuses on the worst of humanity.

While we can't pretend that the serious problems we face don't exist, we also need to balance our perspective with reminders that people are more good than not, and that human atrocity is the exception, not the rule. We have countless examples of human beings being wonderful to one another in ways large and small, but those stories rarely make the headlines.

Part of our mission at Upworthy is to show that people are a force for good, and what better way to do that than to share people's stories of kindness, hope and faith in one another?


For all of its pitfalls, social media can be a great place to find those kinds of real-life stories, so we asked our Instagram audience to share a moment that restored their faith in humanity and people generously delivered. Here are some responses that might just restore your faith in humanity as well.

"Stuck in Thailand during the 2006 coup with my wife and our two-year-old in a carrying backpack, airline would not accept credit card to purchase last flight out of the country, ATMs were not working to get cash, after 30 minutes a random Indian man and his family stepped forward and handed us an envelope full of all the cash we needed to purchase two airline tickets from Thailand to Singapore. He did not want or expect a payback (we eventually did)." – joshinsd

"We awoke to a 5.7 earthquake in 2020 in our old historic Victorian home. The earthquake blew out our foundation. Everyone on our street was affected. My husband and I had retired. We ended up rebuilding which took almost two years with Covid and supply chain issues. Two houses down we have a lovely family with two young boys. They came up with an idea on their own to empty out their savings and insisted in giving it to us to help us. While we did not need the money, it was the gesture of sacrificing their hard earned money at such a young age, 8 and 10 that touched us deeply. With young people in our world with hearts such as this, we will see great things happening." – gmholm

"My boy wanted to play with a stick that an older girl had. She was so kind & gave him the stick. He took it, then went back to her, broke it half, & gave her half. I watched it all from the side & held back tears. Look to the children - they will show you pure kindness 🤍" – ripottsy

"I recently took my daycare littles on a library outing. One of my two year olds was looking for a Paw Patrol book. A sweet little girl (about 5 years old) overhead and dug into her book bag and gave it to the two year old. In return he offered her one of his books❤️. Such a simple, yet meaningful, act of such pure sweet innocence!" – richelleamyd

"I was wrangling my kids into their car seats for a trip to the grocery store one day. I put my wallet on the bumper of my car as I was walking from one side of my car so the other trying to get them buckled. I got in my car and left my house, totally forgetting to grab my wallet. I realized my mistake when I got to the grocery store. I retraced my route, but had no luck finding my wallet. It had cash, credit cards, gift cards, and my family’s social security cards. I basically kept all my important things in there (it was a big zip up day planner kind of wallet). I went home and just cried and cried. I was on the computer trying to figure out how to order replacement social security cards when there was a knock on my door. A very sweet man who didn’t speak English very well was standing there with my wallet. I immediately embraced him and said, “oh THANK YOU!” He was a bit taken aback and said, “oh…you sad?” I will forever be grateful that that man took time out of his day to do the honest thing. It would have been so easy for him to either ignore my wallet, or take it. I try to remember him when I see an opportunity to be honest." – julieletner

"My grandma passed, and at her funeral, I was telling a friend of hers how hard it would be to return to her home after her interment. For as long as I could remember, Grandma had waited on the front porch for me whenever I came to visit. Later that afternoon, when we did return to Grandma’s, her friend was standing on the porch waiting, just as Grandma always had. 'I didn’t want you to have to return to an empty porch after laying her to rest,' he kindly explained. His thoughtful gesture makes me tear up whenever I remember it. – lynnecook77

"I had just lost my little sister to suicide. i was in deep grief and had not eaten for a few days. i was craving a burger so i went to The Counter. sat there. cried the entire time and tried to get that burger down. apparently Two men in UPS uniforms were on their lunch break and when i asked for the bill. my server told me that those ups guys bought my lunch. i never even saw them there. it was the first time i didn’t feel completely alone during the darkest days of my grief. 💕" – clarkaosb

"I was 20+, sitting in a church and crying very hard. A very elderly woman came up, sat next to me, said it was going to be ok. She just sat there holding my hand, in silence. I could see her looking at me and well up. A moment full of love, tolerance and empathy for a total stranger. It changed me." – atirufo

"We had pizza delivered once and my 3 year old son wanted to give the delivery guy the tip. He handed it to the guy and he asked if he had a piggy bank and then he gave my son a $1 back to put in his bank ❤️" – kgwhit_

"I was sitting with my friend at Balboa Park and one of the vendors just walked over and handed us each a large slice of watermelon. It was a hot day and it was just so generous and kind." – lorimitchellart

"A man stopped his car in the middle of a very busy intersection, to get out and help a family of geese get across the street. It was a sight that my description does no justice." – christollbertson

"A few years ago I was at the vet’s office with my dog. I overheard a guy telling the vet that he couldn’t afford his dog’s surgery. The vet told him that he was not going to let his dog die and that he would perform the surgery even if he couldn’t pay him back." – norms1111

"I work at a grocery store as a cashier and one time the food stamp card system was down in NYS. People were having issues all day and everybody was getting understandably frustrated. This man was trying to pay but of course it wasn’t working. I asked him if he had another way to pay and he said no. The lady behind him handed him some cash and told him not to worry about it. She bought a week’s worth of his groceries, no big fuss made about it. Almost made me cry on a very tricky day❤️ – paytonncotter

"When we lived in Iran, we would escape to a green city (no fly zone) when the war would get really active. During one of these times, we had to drive over the mountain in the snow and fog (dead of winter) and with my Mum sick with bronchitis. When we got to the other side, my father and uncle decided to rent a hotel so Mum could rest, but we were in a random town and didn’t know what was around. Eventually, around 2.30 am, we came across what looked like a motel and went inside.

"There was one man there. He gave us a dingy, tiny room to share, looked at my Mum a couple of times, then quietly told my father to take her to hospital (this is all relayed by my Mum. I remember bits and pieces only). My uncle and dad decided to take her while my three-year-old sister and I stayed back. Once they got to hospital, doctors pulled my mum aside and asked first if she had been abused or was in danger (because of how sick she was, they thought she might have been drugged or beaten and had internal bleeding), then once she confirmed she was safe, they took her inside and started treating her. While they were there, the man sat with my sister and me and told us to go to sleep. My sister fell asleep straight away, but I couldn’t, so he sat with me and reassured me everything would be okay. He asked about school, what my favourite subject was. Normal talk during scary times.

"I fell asleep at some point, and when I woke up, my father and uncle were bringing Mum back into the room. The motel owner made a pot of hot tea and brought bread, butter, jam and cheese for us to eat. For those who don’t know, most of us could only shop with vouchers and coupons during the war (rations), so this man was literally sharing his food with us during a time when food was scarce to begin with. Around 5.00 the next evening, we went to pay that man, and he put his hand to his heart and said he couldn’t accept our payment. No matter how much my family insisted, this man refused and said he was honoured to have helped us and to please be safe on our way to the green zone. I am an Atheist, but truly believe this man to be an angel on earth. Kindness is a currency you can never forget." – lucid_nomad

If you enjoyed these stories, you'll love Upworthy's upcoming book, "GOOD PEOPLE: Stories from the Best of Humanity," which includes 101 stories of human decency, kindness and compassion. Pre-order now on Amazon.

GOOD PEOPLE book cover

GOOD PEOPLE: Stores From the Best of Humanity

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Pop Culture

What is in its 'golden age' but not enough people know about it?

There's so much good out there if you know where to look.

Canva

From astronomy to knitting, some fields of human endeavor are having a heyday.

When you peruse the news headlines or dive into discussions on current events on social media, it's pretty easy to feel despondent. Doom and gloom sells, unfortunately, and our natural negativity bias that's meant to protect us can be overworked by a 24/7 bombardment of humanity's challenges.

There is an anecdote to all of that, though: Curating and cultivating the good. Sometimes it's just knowing where to look to find examples of problems being solved, discoveries being made, innovation taking huge leaps and other evidence that humans are moving our collective life forward in incredible ways.

Someone on Reddit asked, "What is currently in its 'Golden age,' but not enough people know about it?" and thousands of people responded. Reading through the answers is an enlightening and uplifting glimpse of things we might not personally be involved with but are happy to see having a heyday. Like, who wouldn't like to know that we're in a golden age of astronomy and paleontology. Space and dinosaurs? It's like realizing our 5-year-old selves' ideal future.


Here are some of the top things that are experiencing a "golden age":

Astronomy

The amount that scientists have learned about the final frontier in recent decades is mind-blowing.

"Astronomy is currently experiencing a golden age. It has changed radically in the last 30ish years. Think on this, if you are 30 + years old, you were born into a world that wasn't sure if planetary systems were rare or common. We now know that nearly all stars are likely to have planets. We know of 5000+ exoplanets. Mars was not considered a place we could find signs of life by most. The generation of spacecraft exploring Mars since the year 2000 changed that. Now some argue that discovering signs of past life on Mars is a matter of when, not if. We found multiple worlds in our solar system with liquid water oceans. This is just scratching the surface. New technologies like JWST promise to keep the momentum for the foreseeable future." – Slimjerry

"A hundred years ago, we were debating if the Milky Way was the entire universe. It’s crazy to think about how far astronomy and cosmology have come. And it’s not just huge existential topics either. Galaxy evolution has been completely reversed in the past 20 years. Elliptical aka 'early type' galaxies are the end result of mergers of spiral and irregular aka 'late types.'" – snoogans235

"42 year old, you're not even doing the scope justice. When I was a little kid, it's not that we didn't know if planetary systems were rare or common, it's that we didn't know if there were other planetary systems! It was just an assumption we extrapolated from the fact that THIS star had them, a statistical contrivance! It could have just as easily proven true that our sun was profoundly weird, the only one this happened with. Think about that next time you're watching some classic B sci fi flick about going to another planet; that was a MUCH bigger leap in logic when that film was made than it is now." –Of_Mice_And_Meese

Knitting and Crocheting

The fiber arts have been around a lonnnng time, but it's never been a better time to be a knitter.

"Knitting. First, we're in the golden age of yarns. There are hundreds of indie dyers putting amazing colors on a truly mind-boggling range of yarn bases (both fiber content and weight). Even "cheap" yarn is better quality, and comes in a wider range of colors and bases, than ever before. There's an abundance of wool yarn soft enough to wear next to your skin (although you can get scratchy yarn if that's your jam).

Then there are the patterns. Thousands of them, many of them free online. Think of what you want to make, and there's a pattern out there.

Tools, too. How do you like your needles - wood, bamboo, steel, aluminum, plastic, casein? Circular with 15 sizes of interchangeable tips, straight, long short? They're out there.

If you're a knitting nerd, it's a great time to be alive."

cwthree

"I believe it's both crochet and knitting!! i might be a lil biased as i crochet and not knit but all the points you made apply to crochet!"

QUEERVEE

Paleontology

DINOSAURRRRRS!!! Who knew?

"Paleontology! So much tech bringing new stuff to light."

foolishfoolsgold

"And archaeology. LiDAR's power to identify probably human-made structures under layers of jungle canopy is just incredible."

ModusPwnins

"And completely overhauling existing knowledge. DNA studies have changed to much in paleontology that there are joke papers published about it.

A lot of people's life work has been proven incorrect because of a few DNA studies despite those folks using the best methodologies available to them at the time."

guynamedjames

Cooking

So many recipes. So many documentaries. "The Great British Baking Show." All at our fingertips.

"Cooking! I'm 30 now and it's so easy to find amazing recipes, good cooking supplies, and with so much information I can save money on food in so many ways. Literally youtube is teaching me to make so many great things."

BootsRubberClumsy

"Yup, and this influx of easy information has created a nexus of global cuisines in almost all major cities. the blending of ingredients and techniques from Asia, Europe, latin America, etc is creating some really incredible stuff. I worked at a three Michelin when I was younger that had a classically trained French chef who focused on Japanese ingredients, it was really quite something."

ThewFflegyy

"Dietary options. No matter what issue you have, there's a pantry full of food that will meet that restriction AND taste good."

deathbrusher

Board Games

This one might be surprising, considering the internet and digital entertainment and screen usage. Perhaps board games are having a great run because of, not in spite of, those things?

"Board games have been having a great run for the past 10 years, tons of amazing games coming out every year."

jraff_dot_net

"The combination of the internet and the inability to copyright rules have opened a floodgate of innovation in board games." – SuperPants73

"Here are some great modern games that are considered gateway games. I would definitely call them favorites also. (Edited for formatting)

Ticket to Ride
Carcassonne
Pandemic
Dominion
Splendor
Azul

King of Tokyo"

HabeLinkin

Music Production Equipment

Excellent news for creatives with little $$$.

"Playing guitar and recording music. You can buy a quality guitar online for crazy cheap now and some pro recording software out there is free." – leatherwolf89

"Seriously! 'Starter' instruments these days are so far ahead of the starters of the 90's/00's- it's insane how much quality you can get these days for much, much less." – Fortune090

"Keyboards, both synthesizers and mechanical.

It's possible to get a synth that sounds identical to a $5000 Minimoog for $200 and a decent mechanical keyboard for less than that." – the_slanted_slope

"To add to that, DAWs (sound/song editing software, like photoshop for music) are amazing these days!

Some have plug-ins that can mimic orchestras so accurately that you can tell them which way a violin bow's stroke is moving and configure valve sounds into saxes. Some digital flautists come with breath sounds! Like it'll blow a long riff, then a sound like the musician is lightly inhaling.

Off key? Add a little auto-tune. Drummer's all 'not quite my temp' on you? Align it to a digital metronome. Now your drum tracks sound like they're made by an app? Add a little random error into the mix to "humanize" it.

That shit used to cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. Now $5k gets you a moderately professional studio rig. (But the price for top-end stuff will always be 'how much ya got?')" – hendergle

Home Television Sets

For real. We've all experienced the opposite of inflation with home TVs and it's been a glorious thing.

"Home TVs. The sort of hardware you can get for even $300 is absolutely absurd compared to what the 1980s through 2000s knew." – NotAnotherEmpire

"32-inch, 2006 from Best Buy for $1,700.

I can’t come to terms with the fact that only 18 years later I’m watching a TV twice as big that cost 40% less and carries a picture quality that’s so good it gives me chills sometimes." – frawgster

"Accurate. Just got a 55" Samsung LCD for $350. Hard to beat that value." – Pac_Eddy