One woman wonders if she somehow “missed a whole chapter in mom lessons” for her more laissez faire attitude towards playdates.
In a video posted to her TikTok, Lisa Pontius shared that she doesn’t organize playdates when her daughter has friends over, but instead gives them “free reign” to “do their own thing.”
“You know the rules, you’re almost 10, you’re good, you’re on your own. I’ll make lunch, I’ll make snacks, I’ll help you open things, but I’m not producing the fun,” she said.
After seeing how other families handle playdates, however, Pontius feels that her approach “controversial.”
“When I send my kids to other people’s houses, they’re like, ‘Yeah, we made model robots and we went to the zoo,’” she quipped.
Pontius did add a disclaimer, saying “Don’t get me wrong: I love that for the other moms — you want to bake cookies with my kid with five other kids over? Have a blast.”
But for her, “The playdate’s the activity…I thought the whole point of having another kid over is so that they would just play with their stuff and entertain each other.” And while the kids are entertaining themselves, she’s catching up on chores and laundry.
Pontius then asked viewers to weigh in, saying “When your kids have friends over, do you have pre-set activities that you know that you’re going to bring out for them to do? Or do you just let them be kids and have free rein of the house and their toys?”
“ ... If I’m the only one ... I’m going to start coming up with an itinerary.”
Judging by the comments, Pontius certainly doesn't need to feel alone. Plenty of other parents shared how they too opt for more hands-off playdates.
“The playdate definitely is the activity! Kids need free play. Seriously. I’m a parenting educator.”
“The social connection is the activity. It gives them time to learn to compromise, talk, be creative and just enjoy being themselves.”
“I never prearrange activities. Maybe we’ll go somewhere occasionally, but I don’t figure out activities in our home. I think kids need to learn to entertain themselves as a vital skill!”
“I would plan for maybe up to 3 or 4 years old but not beyond. They need to use their imaginations!”
Mom of three here. They are all grown now but in my playdate era, IALWAYs left them to their own imagination and energy. Occasionally we’d have something available as a special activity but not always.”
"We're supposed to plan something?"
Others countered that sometimes, some structure is beneficial. Necessary even—depending on kids’ ages and personalities.
“Depends on the friends. Some act too feral and trash our house so I have to plan.”
“It always depended on which friends were coming over. Some kids needed a combination of organized and free play.”
“I have a backup activity if they need help getting started because toddlers can be weird and just stare at each other.”
Honestly, these are all valid points. Structured activities and free play both have equally important roles in a kid’s life.
One helps them learn how to follow rules and achieve a goal while the other stimulates their imagination and independence. As with most things, balance is key.
And for many kids already attending school (which, minus recess, is a pretty much all structured activities), maybe a playdate where they set the pace is exactly what’s needed to achieve said balance.
Point being, every kid needs a little something different. So whether parents are team #plannedactivity or #freeplayFTW, there’s no reason to feel like they’re doing parenting wrong somehow.
