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19 simple therapist insights that instantly transformed people's lives

One piece of advice can change everything.

via SHVETS production/Pexels

A therapist shares some advice with her clients.

A good therapist has the magical ability to take our messiest problems and break them down in a way that makes sense. They have an incredible way of showing us our struggles from a fresh perspective and quite often, the answers were right in front of our faces the whole time. We just needed their help to nudge us in the right direction.

For some, a therapist's simple, sage wisdom can change their lives with just one poignant realization.

Recently, a Redditor named BuildingBridges23 asked people on the subforum to share the priceless bits of wisdom that changed their lives and over 5,300 people responded. The pithy but powerful observations they shared were helpful to many people and more than one called the thread “free therapy.”

Here are 19 of the best responses to the question: “What's something your therapist said that was life-changing?”

1. You can't fix sick

"You're going to put yourself in an early grave trying to make your mother happy. Your mother is sick, trying to make her happy is like trying to fill a bucket that has no bottom, its not going to happen unless she fixes the bucket. You can't fix it for her." — ModerateDude9

2. Other people's feelings

"I asked him, 'How do you process all of the negative feelings that are projected at you?' and he said "They aren't my feelings.'" — Wirestyle22

3. Coping with death

"'The way your parents died will never be the most interesting thing about you. It's not even the most interesting thing about THEM.' My parents died by suicide together and I was worried that it was going to consume me as an individual. I didnt want their deaths or my grief to become my entire identity." — Crazyofo

4. Being brave

"When I broke down because I was so fed up with being scared and anxious all the time, he said something like. 'You can’t be brave without being scared first.' It always stuck with me that fear, no matter how overwhelming, won’t last forever and I try to see it as a chance for me to prove to myself I can fight back and try to get through this." — AnxiousAxolotyl88

5. Change

"Change happens when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change." ؅— SpicyEmmaa

6. Dealing with mental illness

"Just because the mentally ill person screaming at you lives in your home instead of on the streets doesn't mean their opinion is any more true." — UnorignalUse

7. People are like colanders

"Some people are like a colander. It doesn't matter how much time, love and support you pour into them, it will never fill them up enough to make a difference." — Competitive-Watch188

8. Boundaries

"The only people in your life who will be angry because you established boundaries were the people who benefitted from you not having them in the first place." — Imagine_magic

9. Other people's anxiety

"'Be the mirror, not the sponge.' Don’t absorb other people’s stress and anxiety, show it back to them gently. Changed my life." — CariocaInLA

10. Sensitive people

"That being a 'highly sensitive person' is just how I’m built. It’s not something that’s wrong with me or something that I necessarily have to change. I just have to accept it, to learn my boundaries and needs and live accordingly." — stuttering-mime-ta2

11. For people-pleasers

"'You don’t need to please everyone all of the time. People who love you will not leave you because you disagree with them or do something they don’t like.' She nailed a lot of my behaviours back to the fact my biological dad left when I was 9 months old. I cannot cope with perceived abandonment, and will do everything in my power to keep people happy… because they might leave me." — RhiR2020

12. It's not about you

"'You aren’t that interesting.' I would have panic attacks and paranoia that people were out to get me (PTSD, etc) and would think that people were judging me in grocery stores because my toddler was crying or that my hair was messy. And honestly it boiled down to…nobody cares. We’re all trying to survive and get through the day and what someone looks like or does, we observe and move on." — jac_kayyy

13. Judgement

"We judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their actions." — Horny_Rapunzel

14. It's simple

"'The answer is simple. That doesn't mean it's easy, but it's simple.' I was doing what I always do in difficult, scary situations that I don't want to deal with head-on; I was overthinking and over-complicating what I needed to do to be happy again. The answer was actually quite simple: I needed to tell my (now ex-husband) that I wanted a divorce." — RovenshereExpress

15. Realize your unhappiness

"At the third session with our couples counselor, my wife and I had a brief ten-minute private session with our therapist. During my session, the therapist said, 'You need to accept the possibility of a divorce. You are trying to do the right thing and be supportive, but you can't do that alone. Your wife is taking advantage of you. You can't see how unhappy you are. That will change within a year after your divorce.' Yup. She was right. My wife and I agreed to divorce during the 4th session. I am finally happy, and love my life." — BlueCollarBeagle

16. Hurt

"Just because you were hurt when you were younger, doesn't mean randoms have the right to hurt you now." — Paeliens

17. See-saw relationship

"A relationship is like a see-saw. If the other person doesn't want to participate, you can keep going, but you'll get really tired." — SendInYourSkeleton

18. Panic

"Not my therapist, but a friend told me hers said this: 'You do not have enough information to panic about that yet.' Whenever I catch myself spiraling about the unknown, I try to remember that." — Bananaphone1549

19. Heart attacks

"It wasn’t my therapist, it was my doctor, but it was life-changing. I had been 300+ pounds all of my adult life and I was in for a physical and he said to me: 'You know, the first symptom of a heart attack is a heart attack.' It was what caused me to change my life at age 54 and lose 110 pounds in 16 months and I became a runner. I have run a race in all 50 states, 26 Halifax marathons and 2 full marathons, Chicago and Boston. That one thing he said to me kicked off my decision for better health! That was 15 years ago." — BlueJasper27

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16 more extraordinary examples of humanity at its best after Harvey and Irma.

Disaster can bring out the best in humanity.

Hurricanes Harvey and Irma have passed, leaving trails of devastation and destruction in their wake. Recovery from both storms will take months, if not years, but around the world, everyday people are stepping up to help out friends, neighbors, and strangers however they can.

After Harvey, we collected a list of 11 examples of hurricane heroism. Now that both storms have run their course, here's a look at 16 more spectacular gestures of kindness. Each one is a testament to the generosity of the human spirit and a reminder that when bad things happen, there will always be ways we can help.

This photo shows people in Texas after Hurricane Harvey. Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images.

1. A group of Syrian refugees living in Georgia delivered home-cooked meals to Irma evacuees.

They knew what it was like to need the help of others and just wanted to give back.

2. A group of helpful neighbors came to the rescue of one Ormond Beach, Florida, woman, saving her personal belongings from a collapsing house.

3. NBC's Kerry Sanders was reporting from Marco Island when he spotted another man helping two beached baby dolphins.

The dramatic rescue was caught on film.

4. Kimberly Gager of San Antonio put her extreme couponing skills to great use to help people who were hit by Hurricane Harvey.

She began saving coupons she would have ordinarily thrown away, using them to buy diapers, formula, and other baby supplies, which she donated.

5. Florida's Islamorada Beer Company got to work bottling water, raising money, and transporting supplies down to the Florida Keys to help people hit by Irma.

If the beer tastes a little watered down, that's because it is.

6. Mike and Kathy Merrill of Florida Urgent Rescue pulled double duty, helping save dogs displaced by both Harvey and Irma.

7. Blink-182's Mark Hoppus recorded a song called "Not Every Dog Goes to Heaven" for the ASPCA benefit album "Dog Songs."

Profits from the album will help the ASPCA save dogs affected by Hurricane Harvey. Rock on, Mark.

Photo by Gustavo Caballero/Getty Images for Turner Sports.

8. A collection of sailors and cruisers joined up to help islands hit by Irma. They call themselves Sailors Helping.

They're working in conjunction with local government and volunteer groups to facilitate immediate aid. In the long term, they're planning a Rally to Rebuild, in which hundreds of boaters will bring a habitat-for-humanity style armada of boats and volunteers to various islands hit by Hurricane Irma.

Image courtesy of Tory Fine/Sailors Helping.

9. Remember the heartwarming story about a man who gave up the last generator at a Florida store? When one became available later that day, the store's manager gave it to the generous stranger for free.

A good deed is its own reward, but this certainly helps too.

10. As Irma evacuees made their way out of Florida, one Georgia man decided to throw them a cookout.

Chad Harrison of Valdosta, Georgia, was a sight for sore eyes for hungry people fleeing Florida. In total, he was able to help feed around 2,000 evacuees.

11. A billionaire immigrant named Kieu Hoang donated $5 million to Harvey relief efforts, saying, "We are all American."

This might be one of the largest (if not the largest) individual donations anyone's made in response to the recent hurricanes.

12. Millionaire Marc Bell opened up his $30 million, 27,000-square-foot home to 70 foster kids affected by Irma.

Bell says he got a call from SOS Children's Village Florida with a request for help after they'd been kicked out of their shelters. Bell offered up his home.

13. Animal control, along with a few brave neighbors, helped rescue five dogs trapped in fire-ant-infested waters in Lakeland, Florida.

People helping people helping doggos are the best kind of people.

14. Royal Caribbean cruise line sent two of its ships to Caribbean islands hit by Irma to help evacuees, and Norwegian Cruise Line sent a ship to St. Thomas packed with supplies.

After canceling numerous cruises due to the storm, the vacation companies had a bit of free time on their hands.

15. When Irma left a group of manatees stranded near Whitfield, Florida, a group of locals helped move the majestic sea cows back into the water.

Right on.

16. After taking home first place at the DreamHack Montreal Street Fighter V tournament, professional gamer Du Dang donated his $10,000 in winnings to Irma relief efforts.

Originally from Tampa, he wanted to give back to his hometown during its time of need.

It's easy to think of Hurricanes Harvey and Irma as being disasters that are now behind us, but the truth is that the real work is just beginning.

As the above examples demonstrate, there are a lot of really unique and creative ways to help out in the storms' aftermath. If you're looking for a way to get involved in the relief efforts, here's a great place to get started.

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10 things that made us smile this week - Upworthy ›

Joan Each Rowan has no idea how many people her salons have helped throughout the years.

The evidence, however, quietly speaks for itself.

You can see it in the disappearing "how to get help" brochures off the counter. You'll spot it on tab flyers that hang on a wall or bulletin board — the ones where you tear off a strip with a number to call.

"Those need to be replaced — and often," says Rowan, who owns the two Everything's Relative salons on Chicago's south side.

Photo via Everything's Relative Salon, used with permission.

For the past 20 years, Rowan has been pushing for her salon to be a place where people get help with more than just their hair. With assistance from advocates committed to ending domestic violence, she's been teaching her stylists what to do (and what not to do) if they suspect or know a client is being abused at home.She also places resources, like the brochures, in discreet areas of her businesses, such as the bathroom, for clients to take with them if they need help.

Now, the stylists at Everything's Relative Salons have become unlikely warriors in the fight against domestic abuse. Soon, every other stylist in Illinois will be too.

Illinois just became the first state to require that all licensed beauty professionals take an hour-long course on how to spot domestic abuse.

Starting on Jan. 1, 2017, new cosmetologists will have to take the course in order to obtain their license, as the Chicago Tribune reported. The training will also be folded into continuing education requirements stylists must complete every two years to renew their credentials.

Although Rowan wasn't the first or only salon professional to implement her own training without a law telling her to do so, Everything's Relative has been at the forefront of the issue for decades, having realized the important connection between the seriousness of domestic abuse and the simplicity of getting a haircut.

Domestic abuse is an issue that no doubt affects many clients who walk through the doors at Everything's Relative — about 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men in the U.S. experience violence at the hands of a partner at some point in their lifetime, according to nonprofit Chicago Says No More.

The thinking behind the new law — which was brought before legislators by Chicago Says No More — is both obvious and clever.

"[Clients] tell you a lot," says Rowan, who's worked in the industry for 42 years. "People talk to their hairdressers."

When clients talk, proponents of the law say, it only makes sense that cosmetologists should be prepared to listen and respond accordingly, if a red flag should arise.

The law — an amendment to the Barber, Cosmetology, Esthetics, Hair Braiding, and Nail Technology Act of 1985 — wasput in motion by Illinois Rep. Fran Hurley and State Senator Bill Cunningham, who said his wife's experience as a stylist years ago inspired him to act.

“She told me stories about her clients providing details about terrible incidents,” he explained to the New York Times. “She offered a sympathetic ear. She was young at the time and did not know how to get them help.”

The law aims to leave no stylist feeling like Cunningham's wife had — helpless and with few resources to provide a client in need.

The training will help stylists feel empowered about speaking up — without crossing a line, according to Rowan.

First and foremost, stylists are not required to report incidents of violence and won't be held liable in any case involving a client — an important aspect of the law meant to protect beauty professionals.

The training will, however, teach them how to spot signs of abuse and suggest resources clients can access (such as nearby safe havens or numbers to call) while making sure to carry a judgement-free and caring demeanor.

A Paul Mitchell cosmetology school in McLean, Virginia. Photo by Brendan Smialowski/AFP/Getty Images.

The course also outlines what stylists shouldn't do — like follow-up with their client on the suspected abuse the next time they visit the salon or try to counsel clients on their specific situations.

"We are not psychologists. We're not the cops," Rowan says. "But the sensitivity training will give the cosmetologists the confidence to be able to say, 'There's information in the bathroom over there if you need a hand,' or, 'You really don't need to put up with that.'"

"It's very, very important," Rowan says of the new law. "And I don't think it should stop with cosmetologists."

Similarly to how many workers are educated on sexual harassment or how to handle instances of discrimination in the workplace, it wouldn't be such a bad idea for other positions requiring a state license to get domestic abuse training too, she notes.

While Rowan can't guarantee everyone in the cosmetology industry will be on board with the new law — some have argued, for example, that the law puts unnecessary pressure on stylists to be crime-stoppers — she has no reason to think it won't be widely accepted: "I have not talked to a salon owner who has thought it was a bad idea."

"This is going to be great for everyone," Rowan says. "We live in a violent city. But violence begins at home."

Family

A friend's cry for help is tough to see. Instagram's new feature is here to help.

It's a scary feeling to see a loved one's cry for help. Oftentimes, we're left feeling powerless and questioning if, or how, we should act.

Many of us, unfortunately, know what that gut-wrenching moment feels like. Especially in the age of social media. You're scrolling through your feed — past the baby pics and food photos — and you spot it: a post from a friend that doesn't feel ... right. Your stomach churns, your heart begins to beat faster, and you ask yourself: Is my friend about to hurt themselves?

Should I call him? No, I don't want to offend. Should I tell her mom about this? Probably not. It's none of my business anyway...

Photo via iStock.

We live in a world where posts from friends concerning self-harm, depression, and suicide aren't all that rare. The good news is that Instagram recognizes this, and it's doing something about it.

As part of its #PerfectlyMe initiative celebrating the strength of support networks, the photo-sharing app is rolling out new features to help users anonymously report a friend they're worried about if they see one of those scary posts or messages.

After the post is reported, that friend will get a message from Instagram that notes, "Someone saw one of your posts and thinks you might be going through a difficult time. If you need support, we'd like to help."

The feature will then offer your friend a few options, like the ability to contact a help line directly or read tips on getting support and accessing help.

Photos via Instagram.

Instagram is also aware that what a person seeks out through its hashtag search — such as #ImNotOK — can say a lot about what's on their mind. To address this, the app has a new feature that will send a message to a user if they search for a hashtag that's associated with self-harm.

Photo via Instagram.

Instagram worked with experts from groups like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and the National Eating Disorders Association to make sure the language being used in the feature was appropriate and helpful.

"We listen to mental health experts when they tell us that outreach from a loved one can make a real difference for those who may be in distress," Marne Levine, Instagram's chief operating officer, told Seventeen magazine. "At the same time, we understand friends and family often want to offer support but don't know how best to reach out."

Photo by Ed Jones/AFP/Getty Images.

Instagram's new feature is social media at its finest: connecting people around the world and giving them tools to help one another.

Social apps like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram can get a bad rap. Sometimes, they provide a platform for bullies. Other times, they're used to spread hate and bigotry by those with the wrong ideas.

But these same platforms also connect long-lost friends, unite marginalized groups in solidarity, and, yes, allow us to make sure we're looking out for our friends and family.

"These tools," Levine explained, "are designed to let you know that you are surrounded by a community that cares about you at a moment when you might most need that reminder."

Watch Andy Grammer's new music video here first, filmed on Skid Row.

Andy Grammer gave makeovers to folks who are homeless in his new music video, and it was awesome.

Andy Grammer is a pretty famous singer-songwriter.

You've probably heard some of his hit songs: "Fine by Me," "Keep Your Head Up," and "Honey, I’m Good."

Now he’s back with a new single and an inspiring video, too.

Grammer at the 2015 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Awards. Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.

His new love song, "Fresh Eyes," digs deep into the hearts of listeners to open their eyes to the pain and struggles of folks who are homeless in Los Angeles.

Grammer explained why he turned his love song into an opportunity to close the divide between society and the homeless: "I was a street performer in Santa Monica," he said. "I’d talk to homeless people a lot. I’d eat pizza with them … it wasn’t us and them anymore. It was just us."

All photos by Ryan Bradley/Rubrik House.

Grammer wanted to change people’s perceptions of folks who are homeless, so he decided to focus his new music video on their lives.

He teamed up with Union Rescue Mission of Los Angeles and went to Skid Row to give the folks who lived there the attention, love, and care they desperately needed.

Union Rescue Mission works hard to care for the over 45,000 people who are homeless on the streets of Los Angeles. With Grammer’s help, the organization gave people makeovers and lifted their spirits for a day.

"I was trying to get to know them … make them smile and make them laugh," Grammer said. He said he had the chance to speak with a man named Michael about how he felt after his makeover. Michael told him, "I feel human ... for a change."

Grammer hopes this video will inspire others to see the homeless folks in their neighborhoods with "fresh eyes."

"If you want to have the best day you’ve ever had, go there [Skid Row] and give something away," he said.

Check out his new music video, premiering exclusively on Upworthy:

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After 20 years in and out of prison, a guard told her she’d be back. She proved him wrong.

True

When her 5-year-old son was killed, Susan Burton lost her way.

He was playing outside and ran into the street, where a car hit him. In the blink of an eye, Susan's life as she knew it was over.

She unraveled, and his death led her down a dark spiral. Susan turned to drugs and alcohol to medicate her grief, which resulted in a number of arrests. The life she’d envisioned and worked toward had ended abruptly, and she began a cycle of being in and out of prison over 20 years.

Watch Susan's story:

When Susan was released from prison for the last time, the guard said, "You’ll be back. We’ll have a bed waiting for you."

Susan vowed that wouldn't be the case. But she knew firsthand how hard it can be to reenter society after incarceration.

The reality is that the prison system in America is deeply flawed. The majority of prisoners who leave jail wind up behind bars again within a few years after their release. According to a 2014 report by the U.S. Department of Justice, "67.8% of the the 404,638 state prisoners released in 2005 in 30 states were arrested within 3 years of release, and 76.6% were arrested within 5 years of release." Things in 2016 aren’t much different.

All images via Starbucks, used with permission.

It took years, but with the help of her community, Susan was finally able to break her cycle.

Susan had tried repeatedly to get back on track, but because of her record, she couldn’t find a job or treatment programs for her addictions. When she finally found support within her community, Susan became sober, found a steady job, and, most importantly, began to heal.

She wasn’t content just to keep herself out of jail; she wanted to help others, too. "I knew hundreds of women that just needed a few months of support to just be able to stand on their feet and not return to prison," she said.

Susan worked hard, saved her money, and purchased a house. She then turned her new house into a reentry home.

What started as an individual effort quickly grew. A New Way of Life Reentry Project was born.

Today, she’s helped over 1,000 women to get a new lease on life.

Because no matter how they wound up in prison, so many of their stories are the same. These are women who grew up with big dreams like so many of us do but who wandered down the wrong path and couldn’t find their way back around.

A New Way of Life offers them a supportive community where they can face their biggest fears associated with reentry and tackle the systemic barriers that stand in their way. Because it isn’t easy to get a job when you’ve been incarcerated. And it’s not easy to qualify for student loans to return to school. Finding a permanent home is another huge hurdle, and there are so many more. The best way for these women to face those challenges without feeling hopeless and overwhelmed is together.

A New Way of Life is tackling America’s incarceration crisis head-on, and the work it's doing is undeniable.

Last year, the project had a recidivism rate of 13%. Compared to the national average, that’s a huge success rate and a strong indication that what they're doing is working.

Susan said, "It’s a vicious cycle to return to the environment that led to your incarceration, and it happens over and over again. That is the cycle that I’m trying to break. That is the cycle that we must break."

'The wonderful fans there made us feel completely at home.'

Taylor Swift is one of the millions of Americans watching with a heavy heart as floods devastate regions of the Deep South.

By some measures, the recent flooding in Louisiana has simply been unprecedented.

Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images.

That's why, on Aug. 16, Swift stepped up to the plate to do her part in helping those down South who need it most.

Swift gave a hefty donation toward flood relief efforts in the Pelican State totaling $1 million, The Associated Press reported.

"The fact that so many people in Louisiana have been forced out of their own homes this week is heartbreaking," Swift said in a statement.

Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for GLAAD.

"We began The 1989 World Tour in Louisiana," the singer explained of her donation. "And the wonderful fans there made us feel completely at home."

Swift's gift will go toward a worthy cause, seeing as the damage and despair has been almost surreal.

Roughly 30,000 people had been rescued from the dangerous rising waters brought on by heavy rains, according to state officials. At least 11 people have lost their lives.

The exact number of missing persons is still unknown, Gov. John Bel Edwards told The New York Times, and the state is very much still in a state of emergency.

Photo by Brendan Smialowski/AFP/Getty Images.

"It’s like a hurricane," Louisianan Kathryn Morgan told The New York Times. "But without any warning."

One encouraging bit of news under such dark circumstances is the fact that Swift is not alone in her quest to make a difference.

Volunteers from across the country — from South Carolina and Florida to Michigan and California — have flocked to the devastated regions to lend a helping hand as aid groups aim to pour millions in funding toward recovery efforts.

Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images.

"We're not built to handle these kinds of situations by ourselves," Bill Haynes, a Red Cross volunteer and retiree from South Carolina told WYFF News 4.

It's a sentiment shared by Swift.

"I encourage those who can to help out and send your love and prayers their way during this devastating time," the singer noted.

Done and done, Taylor.

Here are a few ways you can help out those who need it most in Louisiana.